When you land, after having taken off, (these things tend to occur in a set pattern), pause for a moment, (but not too long, else you may end up wrapped around a tree), to think about the ant you have just orphaned, having smeared its' parents to the tread of your rear tyre. Not, I'm sure, that you care, as, I expect, nor would the ant.
However, it is not usually the ants that are the riding problem from the animal world. It tends to be the larger members of the animal kingdom who pose an inconvienence to our two wheeled joy. Apart, of course, from the frustratingly common gnats, whose frequent itchy bites have been known to turn grown men (myself included) into snivelling wimps, frantically trying to scratch every known part of their bodies at the same time.
Now I'm sure that most dog owners will be pleased to tell you how completely wonderfully well behaved their dog is. Yet their opinion is often up against a challenge when I see their fully grown German Shepherd, with evidently rather large canines, bearing down on me, yapping excitedly, (as i start braking, or pedalling wildly, depending on the situation). Of course, as this is happening its' owner is happily exclaiming "it's ok, he's really very friendly really, he just wants to get to know you!"
Well excuse me for saying this, but MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOUR FUCKING DOG!! Jesus, haven't you people ever heard of a lead. I mean, if i came hurtling with avengance straight towards your little bundle of fluff, I'm sure you'd have a few choice words to hurl at me!
And now onto my pet hate, horse riders. Well, that's a bit of a wide view to be taking; I mean those horse riders who appear buried so far into their rectums that they can just about see daylight out of their own nipples.
I think one of my most hated 'horse riders myth' is that bikes cause far more erosion that horses and that is why we shouldn't be allowed to ride certain places, yet they should. Excuse me.....but have you ever seen a public track so cut up by bike treads that it is impossible to walk on?! I thought not, yet I have sunk up to my ankles in a mixture of churned up hoof prints and horse shit many a time.
One more thing, as for claiming that our bikes scare the horses, ok, I will try and sympathise with them, but, and if there are any horse riders reading this please take note, will you please go and give the ferrari drivers, who think it's fun to roar down country lanes, a bollocking before you let loose at me!
