| ***THE ALL EVEN MORE NEW*** Frequently asked questions: (Because you really need to know...) |
| Q: My girlfriend recently moved in with me and she took down my Lord of the Rings movie poster without even asking. What should I do? |
| A: If you own a Lord of the Rings poster, you're lucky to even have a girlfriend. Suck it up... |
| Q: Do Sri Lanken Women make good Secretaries? |
| A: I suppose, if you can get them to bathe once and a while and put some shoes on those feet, they are perfectly capable of turning out simplistic production work that requires little thought or skill. The upside is they work for sub-minimum wages and you can trade them with your friends for furniture (or M:TG cards...) |
| Q: Is neck cancer funny? |
| A: In the right circumstances, yes. Yes it is. |
| Q: Hey man, I saw that Geiko commercial with the two squirrels that run the car off the road. That was bitchin man! I totally thought of your stupid web site� |
| Q: Is it possible to dress a squirrel up as a cowboy and tie him to the back of a raccoon? |
| Q: Hi, my name is Lorrie, and I�m 14 years old. Like, my boyfriend is a jerk. I mean he�s totally making out with my sister who�s 16 and can drive. And they�re always sitting in her car, well it�s my grandma�s car, but she�s blind because she has the diabetes and weighs 350 pounds and so she lets my sister (that bitch) drive the car so she can steal my hottie boyfriend� So, anyway, I had to stay in detention yesterday because my crappy sister wouldn�t drive me to school and I was late for gym class and that was my 14th tardy, so I had to make up time in the library, which was OK because Joel, this totally hot senior, was sitting only two tables away from me. I don�t know if it was intentional or not, but if it was, then maybe he likes me� but he didn�t actually talk to me, and then I got home and found my boyfriend sitting in my sister�s car with his tongue down her throat! OHMYGAWD! And so I went upstairs and decided to kill my cat. And that�s what I want to know, Mr. Squirrels, is it OK, I mean if you�re really really really mad, to stab your cat to death with your curling Iron?? A: Yes. |
| A: 18 months of intense stunt training and the tragic accidental loss of Little Fredegar, and this is the only fan mail that I receive. My art suffers�. |
| A: Let's just close our eyes and savor that image for a second... Alright, now, it's a fine idea and all, but raccoons eat squirrels. While you picture a galloping raccoon doing rodeo tricks, in reality it would be more like strapping a pizza to your back. The raccoon would chase itself in circles trying to eat the freaked-out rodent trying to burrow its way out of its restraints... But who knows, maybe that's actually waht you're looking for. |
| Q: Will you train my ostrich? |
| A: Yes, but only if you're sure it's not a llama... |
| Q: Who is currenly on your laminated list? |
| The laminated-list rules limit the list to five celebrity names, plus alternates. However, Runs With Squirrels is far to macho to limit himself thus. In the age of digital data management, it is no longer necesary to limit the love to five firey femme fatales... Mr. Squirrels shall give you a pool, therefore, from which he may draw as the need and mood require. Jennifer Garner Christina Ricci Drew Barrymore Natalie Portman Kirsten Dunst Halle Berry Gwen Stefani Laura Prepon Alyson Hannigan Nicole Kidman Milla Jovovich |
| Q: This crappy web site sucks. All of the material is ripped off from other sites. You try to hard to be funny, and fail misserably. I'd bet that you don't even train squirrels. I'd bet that you're a second rate plaintiff's lawyer from some podunk town like Portland with a crapass car and a very small [member]... And what's with your sick-o obsession with Sri Lanka? Punk-ass. So? What about it? Huh?? Let me guess, you spend too much time drinking beer, watching TV and playing computer games to lead any type of productive rewarding life, Right? Right?? |
| A: uh, no comment... |
| Q: What's better, General Tso's Chicken or Massaman Curry with Beef? |
| A: That is like asking who is the more bad-ass chick character, Sydney Bristow (Alias) or Max (Dark Angel). While Max could definitely destroy Sydney in a fight (drool), Sydney looks better in a coctail dress... Alias is also the show that Dark Angel wanted to be, but that's beside the point... I know, you are asking, "But what about Buffy?" Well, I don't watch Buffy unless forced to by Brenda. As for the food question, find a Thai restaraunt that serves Chinese and order both... |
| Q: Mr. Squirrels, let's say that you die and go to hell, and the devil gives you a choice of two eternal punishments, 1) holding a colony of fire ants in your colon; or 2) watching basketball. What would you choose? |
| A: The ants would have to get tired and settle down eventually, right? |