| Quotes from the Summer Nanny. Samantha, age 7 "There were ten thousand and eighty-five hundred <insert random item here>s in there. I counted." Sam: "Why did that guy look at you like that?" Me: "Uhh...like what?" Sam: "He looked like he was in L-O-V-E with you." "What does 'precarious' mean?" (Upon spying lettuce leaves with ranch dressing in the serving bowl) Me: "Samantha, did you put your salad back in the bowl?" Sam: "No." Me: "There is dressing on this lettuce. How did it get there?" Sam: "I didn't do it." Me: "Did Zach do it?" Sam: "No." Me: *sigh* "Samantha, please tell me the truth." Sam: "I am telling the truth! I'm honest." Me: "Don't lie to me." Sam: "I'm not! I'm honest. I didn't do it! I'm honest!" Me: "What are you getting out of the fridge?" Sam: "Daisy's wet food." Me: "She gets that every day?" Sam: "Yes, every day, but only at lunch." Me: "But we never gave her any until yesterday." Sam: "I know, but she gets it every day." Me: "All right, I'll ask your mom about it when she gets home, and then I'll know if that's true or not." (Pause) Sam: "Actually, I think I'll wait till tomorrow to do it, I don't want her to get fat." "Andrea, why do you laugh after everything you say?" "But nothing's fun if you're not doing it!" (After piggy-back ride #3) Me: "Samantha, how much do you weigh?" Sam: "50 pounds." Me: "No way." Sam: "Uh-huh!" Me: "Let's go see in the bathroom." (Walks to the bathroom, stands on the scale, which reads 75 lbs.) Sam: "Ok, but this scale is wrong. I actually weigh 69 pounds." Me: "Mm-hmm." Sam: "Why do you care, anyway?" Me: "I just want to know how strong I am." (After piggy-back ride #20) Sam: "After you take a rest, can you give me just 5 more piggy-backs?" Me: "No. My back is sore." Sam: "All right, then I will call you Evil." Sam: "I took Latin at school." Me: "Oh really?" Sam: "Yeah." Me: "So what does 'sanctus' mean?" Sam: "...Oh, that's easy...do you know what it means?" Me: "Yeah." (Pause) Me: "So what does it mean?" (Pause) Sam: "Don't you know how many words I've forgotten? I took that class two years ago. I was only 4 years old. I mean 5." Me: "Samantha, weren't you still learning English when you were 4 years old?" Sam: "No." "If I could catch one of those bullfrogs I would be delighted." Sam: "You know something funny about me?" Me: "What?" Sam: "I don't care if anyone sees me naked. Not even strangers." Me: "Hmm." "Women don't have beards. Only if they smoke." "Some people think Jesus was born before the dinosaurs. But he wasn't. He was born way, way, waaaaaaaay later, billions and billions of years later...God had to get a wife." (Talking about Sunday School) "We read stories about God, and Jesus and Zeus and all those guys." (Talking about her late grandmother) "She had to stay in bed for about 20 years, and she called everyone Polly." "I'm a pretty sly fox." Sam: "Those are called soaraniums." Me: "Why are they called that?" Sam: "Because they kind of soar around in your mouth when you eat them." (Playing with a frisbee) Me: *bad throw* "My bad." Sam: *bad throw* "My big." "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is not a dream." "The reason it's waterproof is that they put water in the ingredients with sunscreen mixed in." "I think Daisy's both-handed." Sam: "I'm not Mennonite, I'm something else that starts with a J." Zach: "She's a lesbian." "I have spider veins." Sam: "If a deer would stand still, I could pick it up with my bare hands." Me: "You want to arm-wrestle me sometime?" Sam: "Bring it on." Sam: "I have a best friend. Actually, I have two best friends. You know who they are?" Me: "Who?" Sam: "My mom and dad." Me: "Aww, that's great." Sam: "Actually, I have three best friends. Actually, four. No, five. I have five best friends." Me: "Who are they?" Sam: "Mom, Dad, Zach, Daisy, and you." "To your surprise, ...<insert random 'impressive' statement here>" Sam: "You know, whoever made carbohydrates didn't have such a bright idea." Me: "Why is that?" Sam: "'Cause they're really fat." Sam: "Knock knock." Me: "Who's there?" Sam: "I'm." Me: "I'm who?" Sam: "I'm cooler." (After I burped) "You should enter a contest to be a guy." Sam: "You shouldn't judge people, except your parents." Me: "Where did you learn that?" Sam: "The Holy Bible." (Picks a daisy and hands it to me) "Here. A perfect flower for a perfect babysitter." "Most of the people in our neighborhood are like us--they don't get any money." "It just had its 400th birthday. So it was built in the 1990's." Sam: "You're not a lady." Me: "Then what am I?" Sam: "You're a drunk college kid." (Talking about car accidents) "God was just doing his morning chores and forgot to watch." Me: "You're very smart. You know that?" Sam: "Yep. That's what most people say." Zachary, age 10 "Do you know approximately how many diseases you would get from licking the highway?" "I just need to do a quick little wash, I got my hands in some pretty unorthodox stuff." "I don't laugh like a lunatic, I laugh like a mad crazy person that escaped from a psychiatric hospital." "I am honest. Cross my heart and swear." "My dad's been in more crashes, 'cause he has a more negative attitude, and that helps him get more stressed out after a day at work." Sam: "I don't like to drink Kool-Aid, because it doesn't have much in it that's good for you." Zach: "The only thing good about most drinks today is that they quench your thirst." (Trying to think of a scary story) "What about the ghouls that pop out of the toilet and eat your Captain Crunch?" |
| living (v) = throwing your head back and laughing till your gut cramps and you're crying so hard your knees buckle and you collapse in a spasmodic heap on the ground. |