This Tiny Miracle.
He would not have believed it even if he had seen it. He would not have known if what he overheard hadn't told him what he didn't need to know. No--what he /needed/ to know. And ‘told’ was not the right word, either. Overheard was more like it. Overheard /was/ exactly what it was. He knew that he was jumping to conclusions, he knew he should listen to reason first. Hell, there were a whole lot of things that he knew, should have known, and should have acted upon. But then again, he was only human and as far as he was concerned, no known human was perfect.He was, of course, far from it. And should he have seen things that were to happen, should he have possessed the ability to see into the future, then he would not have learnt at all. Some things were better learnt through the hard way. That was his personal opinion, anyway.
As it was, he had just run from one of the very things that he should have toughened himself up to face. Instead, he had chosen to run. He ran like the coward that he knew, deep down inside, that he was. He had never run faster, not even on the court. Emotional motivations are more powerful than recreational ones, it seemed.
And personal for choosing his chosen sport may be, personal for chasing his dream that was surrounded by this one sport , leaving a blazing trail behind, was, if compared to his personal emotions, basketball was nothing. And yet, they were linked, like two chain-links linking one another, steel hard, impossible to separate and even if separated, not without one or both having to be destroyed. Unless of course, he was a magician, which he was not.
What were these feelings that were welling up inside of him? He had felt them before. If so, why do they not hurt any less, if he were to have felt them before? What do all these emotions mean? What do they stand for? The answers eluded him. He didn't understand them.
He didn't understand them at all.
* * *
They think him emotionless, selfish, quiet that is often misread as sly, and motivated only by his single-minded desire and pursuance of his dream--and nothing else. Not like he would stand to correct them, they *were* right, somewhat, so right to a point that he sometimes would start believing them himself, believing that those were all there was to him. So single-minded was what he became, right up from middle high school to senior high school, that he had kept this one thing consistent.
His desire for friends and company, diminished with his other human-related needs and wants, and his dream took charge. It all became so natural to him. Silent, selfish, Rukawa Kaede. He bothered no one, and no one bothered him. No hobbies, no nothing. If not basketball, then it was to sleep to recharge energy for more basketball playing and since he joined the high school team, training.
He had thought he was successful, albeit not entirely consciously. No one bothered or cared about him, and he treating everyone else likewise. This way, he would not be indebted to anyone, nor anyone to him. There was, however, a loophole in his unconscious strategy. Maybe it had been a complete success, so much so that it had reversed, twisted and bent into an ugly sign of failure, for there were two elements that he had somehow let seep into his carefully barricaded core he called emotions.
There was the redheaded fool who called himself a genius basketman. Huh, a basket case was more like it. And every time the fool loudly declared himself as such, he would, without failure, counter it with his own brand of insult; a one-liner, one-worder that did wonders for one with a skull as thick and a brain as pea-sized as one Sakuragi Hanamichi’s. It never ceased to amaze him how every little snide comment he made, no matter how petty or minor, would bother the moron so much, he would return it ten, twenty fold. Something he could admire, really. That guy sure had a fighting spirit that he himself could never, in a million years, come to possess.
Not in the personal sense anyway. Sure, he would not hesitate to beat up whomever who would take it upon himself to disturb him in the physical way. But whenever someone jilted of insulted him, his family, his lineage, etc., he never bothered fighting back. Not like he accepted those insults because if anyone ever got physical with him, rest assured he /would/ get physical right back, but if they were mere challenges, his mind would automatically put them on ignore. He would don a thick skin, if need be, no need to give those assholes any precious time of his day, sleeping it off would have been better.
However, ever since having met this Sakuragi fellow, he felt the need for the thick-skin no more. In fact, he /chose/ to be thin-skinned, letting the snide remarks coming from the redhead’s motor-mouth sink in and then giving in to the urge to fight back, in whatever way possible; physically, verbally, even spiritually if the situation called for it. He would fight him tooth and nail. Most of the time, what he had with Sakuragi would be termed as minor bickering with certain bouts of wrestling and/or pushing each other around and/or bullying one another, but every time, after having a session of it with the moronic fool, he would feel strangely satisfied. Strange how he would never grow tired of it.
He felt something within him was ignited somehow and whether he liked it or not, he had to thank the fellow for it. Within himself, of course. He would sooner let his ass be beaten and used as a rag to wipe the school hallways then to thank the schmuck verbally to his face. And of course it would be a cold day in July before he would let either happen.
There it was again, the new determination that was ignited within him, something that did not directly relate to basketball but more to himself, in the personal sense. He had been looking forward to practices lately not just because he would be playing some serious basketball as a team member, but also because he would get to torment a certain self-proclaimed genius with more of his Rukawa-brand of torment, not that Sakuragi did not have his own brand of insults and petty tricks to hurl right back at him. Ah, the joy of it all.
Then there was this other person. He had first heard of his name on the train-ride towards Ryonan High, his very first match, though a practice one, as an official member of a high school basketball team. After hearing that name and the string of past glories that came along with the mentioning of it, Rukawa found himself somehow hoping that he would be picked as a member of the starting line-up. He had been quite confident that he would make it as one of the first five but after having come across the coach, he became unsure. The man seemed to exude unpredictability in his very aura…and he had to admire Sakuragi for the guts that he had in his general disrespectful treatment of the revered Coach Anzai. And the old man for tolerating it.
He had been picked, anyway, so much for unpredictability, but he refrained from going any further than that for he could still be very wrong. And somehow, he had the gut feeling that he was. And on the court, there were quite a bit of hassle in regards to the tardiness of the opponent’s ‘ace’ player and he thought he could spy a couple of scouts up in the stands, no doubt coming to see Sendoh Akira’s ability on the court that won him the ‘ace’ title. Everyone had been curious, even he had been curious, although he did not show it outwardly…unlike the moron who now wore his initial number.
When he finally did show, Rukawa took his time in sizing the opponent up. He was tall, taller than him and the moron, but not to the point of Akagi’s height. What was most peculiar about him was his hair, which stood up stiff at attention opposing the gravity of the planet, each and every strand. So, that made him look taller than his roughly 1.9 meters.
And the face, what was it with the guy? He looked like something good had just happened to him, like good things always happened to him, for the smile on his face seemed to be the everlasting type. Or was it just plastered on? Rukawa deduced that either way, the smile was a smug one, a challenging one, though, somehow, not all that unpleasant to look at. It looked natural on his face, like it was meant to be there and if he were not smiling, he would still be looking good as well. Overall this guy can be deduced as…
…very…pleasant to the eye…and…
…and what was he thinking???
And Rukawa had shake himself out of his reverie then, taking note that Sendoh’s jersey number was seven, the same as their point guard, Miyagi’s. He had looked a bit more and then psyched himself up for the game, pretending he did not see or hear the moron’s usual antics, though this time the target seemed to be Sendoh. Then the game had begun, and he had settled into the momentum of it as naturally as he was breathing.
And, boy, can the guy named Sendoh play, truly deserving of the title that was bestowed upon him.
* * *
They, as in him and the rest of the Shohoku team, had come rather far since then. Him now belonging to more than one team, having lesser and lesser time for other things, not like there were any other things in his life besides sleeping. And maybe eating, since that was a form of sustenance as well. And annoying the ‘genius’, as well, a task which he found utter joy in doing.
He would have a one-on-one occasionally with no.7 of Ryonan High’s basketball team and their friendship had progressed rather steadily from there. Soon, they were meeting not only for one-on-one matches, but sometimes, Sendoh would have four or five of his other friends there and they would split into two teams among themselves, chucking Rukawa into one of them, and then they would go on to have a half court three-on-three, which Rukawa found that he thoroughly enjoyed. Sometimes, he would play the team Sendoh was in, and sometimes, he would play the team that were opponents to the one Sendoh was in. Either way, he had enjoyed the challenge. Sendoh’s friends were rather able players themselves, and not all of them played basketball seriously in their lives, either. That said something.
And more than those three-on-threes, there were times Sendoh and he would meet up for reasons beyond basketball as well. Sometimes it would be dinner, sometimes it would be dinner and movies, and sometimes, Sendoh even invited him over to his house to watch some professional basketball matches since he had satellite TV. Rukawa had as well, which he seldom used other than during the basketball season when ESPN would be his best friend. But watching them with Sendoh seemed more…fun…somehow...it was not something that he could explain.
He could not even recall when this had become a routine, a ritual in fact, happening almost every other day. He never questioned it because it all just seemed so…natural. He could not recall a time when he actually asked the guy with the hairstyle that reminded him so much of that famed blue hedgehog that was originally from a game but then spurned a TV cartoon as well, out…or did he? Was he the one who started it all? He doubted it because had he been the one, he would remember it for sure, and he would remember why, too. It would have been too deliberate on his part and he always had a reason for his actions, and remember them. Especially so if he had been the one who took the initiative.
And thinking back further, he now could remember that night when this all started. It was not after a one-on-one, but a three-on-three, because it was after everyone else had left, leaving Sendoh and he the only ones on the court, too tired to continue on further into having a one-on-one against each other, and yet each unwilling to make the first moves to leave while the other was still there. All these for some strange, unknown reason.
It was already dark, and the moon was already shining high and bright. The only illumination was from the rather weak court lights, which, there were only two, the dim streetlights and the moonlight. It would have seemed romantic if not for the two sweating males, breathing hard at the side of the concrete court. Both were just sitting on the ground, their legs stretched out before them, wiping perspiration from their faces with towels that they brought with them, just lazily catching their breaths.
“Good game, huh?”
Rukawa shrugged. “I guess.”
Sendoh studied his companion’s profile for a bit with twinkling eyes before chuckling amiably, which unnerved Rukawa the Defense Mechanism Incarnate somehow.
“What’s so funny?”
“Who, you mean. ‘Cause I think you are,” Sendoh said before continuing to chuckle further.
Rukawa just sat there, confused and staring at Sendoh. He was not sure whether or not he should be offended at the remark.
“What do you mean by that?”
Sendoh smiled but could not help but shiver a little at the cold animosity in the voice. “Now, now, don’t be getting hostile, Rukawa-kun. It won’t do good for your social life and image to be so hostile.”
Rukawa was now thoroughly perplexed. “*What* social life and image?”
This time Sendoh ceased all chuckling and smiles, staring at Rukawa with genuine shock on his face. He remained that way a moment before bursting into laughter.
“W-what’s so funny? Is there something on my face?”
Sendoh seemed to be having a hard time controlling his mirth.
“Fine, then I’m leaving.” As Rukawa made to stand, Sendoh ceased his laughing a bit to grab onto Rukawa’s wrist.
“No, heh, heh…come on, don’t be like that. Don’t leave just yet.”
And for reasons beyond Rukawa’s interpretation, he just nodded and sat back down. He stayed, just like that. No other questions asked. He had not even questioned himself at the time.
“Then tell me why you were laughing.”
It was not a question, it was a statement. Not a request but a demand. Rukawa rarely ever requested for anything. Nor did he ever demand much but he supposed he would choose the latter over the previous, suppose he was given a choice, that is.
“Wow, you really don’t know yourself, huh?”
“…”
“OK, OK, but I really don’t know how to put this into words…not without telling you a whole grandfather’s story to get my point across…”
“I’m sure you can try.”
Sendoh paused to study the younger stoic teen’s profile for a while more, then sighed deeply.
“You know my mother always told me not to sigh too much, for reason or no reason.”
“What does that have to do with…”
“Let me finish, will ya?” Sendoh cocked his eyebrow playfully at Rukawa and to Rukawa somehow it came out like a gentle reprimand from an older sibling to a younger one. What was this feeling he was having? It felt warm…
“Anyway, she, as in my mother, always said that sighing is a way of expressing ill fortune and for somebody who aren’t struck by ill fortune, it’s considered disrespectful for those who are. And to those who are, they are the hopeful ones. And if I even dare think of things such as having a bad day as ill fortune, I can’t even begin to understand what the real meaning and concept is behind the word 'misfortune'.
“She told me that in life there are many degrees of misfortunes. And there is no end to it, there is no deepest part. It’s infinite, you may say. And it also depends on interpretation. Some may view death as the ultimate misfortune but whose to say it is ? I guess that’s why so many people out there fear death. But then again it’s easy to just say, ‘let us not fear death’ for those who do not really believe that death isn’t the ultimate misfortune to befall on a person.
“Because there are others who are, say, drowning in misfortune, whatever the misfortune may be, and for them, death is the only way out. It’s their ultimate ‘fortune’ to their dim lives and to these people. Not even if their situation is to be reversed suddenly, would they consider good fortune. It may be that they are already too emotionally broken.
“Some consider those who view death being the only way out as cowards. They say that they are only running away. They call themselves survivors but it really isn’t all that simple to even understand a bit of the psyche of those who really want to die, knocking on death’s door, even. Not even if you went through the same thing they did, because every individual is different, and whatever conclusion one ultimately choose for himself or herself, there is bound to be a reason, no matter how incomprehensible, because to the person who decides his or her own fate, no reason is illogical. None is unacceptable, because they already believed it. And to die, no matter how badly you want it, it still takes courage.
“For even if they choose to die or to go on living, there is no small amount of hope on either. For the previous, they choose to die for maybe, in the oblivion of the fiery pits of hell they may end up in after death, it’s still something else, something better than what they are going through, had been through, and even for that, you need to hope, and to not lose faith. And for them to believe that whatever lies await for them in the afterlife could be better than now, shows that it’s a small amount of optimism. They hold faith in Death.
"And I don’t think I need to explain about those who choose to go on with their lives, no matter how wretched. Stemmed from many subconscious beliefs, you know, like life is precious and such. And of course, that is highly admirable, as well. It /is/ the more encouraged, preferred and overrated choice, after all."
Sendoh himself had to grin to that.
“But I still sigh a lot though, it’s become a habit…sure doesn’t stop my mom from reprimanding me every time she catches me doing it, usually in her presence.”
Sendoh chuckled then let silence reign for a couple of minutes before chuckling some more.
“And that was my grandfather’s story. Anyway, did I lose you somewhere back there-“
“Why are you telling me all this? Why are you saying all these to me?”
Sendoh raised his brow in surprise. He honestly had not expected Rukawa to say anything at all, either that or he would just have shrugged it off. Sendoh had hoped Rukawa would have gotten what he meant, but chances were pretty slim that he would have. But now…were those emotions laced in those words?
“What is this supposed to mean to me? How is this supposed to relate to me? W-what you’ve said…what you’ve said just now…”
Sendoh was /really/ surprised now. To the point of being shocked, even. Sendoh could only see him from the back, since he was sitting behind Rukawa all this time. Rukawa’s shoulders were shaking, his body high strung with pent up emotions.
Sendoh’s arm started to reach towards the shoulder of his younger, shaking companion, meant to provide some sort of comfort, “Rukawa…”
“Am I a coward?”
Sendoh’s hand never quite reached its intended destination. It froze halfway as the bitter inquiry was made. Whether it was to him or to himself, Sendoh was not so sure. But he was sure about one thing, and that he was right. Rukawa’s icy façade that he had shown the world all this time was nothing but what it was, a façade. And right now, it was cracking and crumbling. The crumbling down of a façade is a precarious situation, either it will turn out into the best possible way, or the worst. He got where he wanted Rukawa, though he had not really intended for it to actually happen, so he had better do something about it.
“Is that what you think you are?”
Rukawa’s shaking had ceased considerably as he turned to look at Sendoh. And realized something.
Sendoh was not smiling.
“I-I don’t know. I guess-I guess, maybe I am.”
“Why?”
Rukawa looked away, seemingly refusing to answer.
Sendoh reached out for the younger boy again and this time, his hand gently rested on Rukawa’s shoulder in a reassuring manner.
“You know, it’s OK if…”
“I think…I think maybe I’ve been running away.”
The hand was still there. “How come?”
Rukawa had expected a “From what?” not a “How come?”. He was not sure if he knew how to answer this.
“It’s safer like this.”
It was Sendoh’s turn to be surprised, but he did not say anything, did not ask for the definition of 'safer', preferring to wait and listen instead.
“I don’t have to expect anything of anyone, and no one has to expect anything of me.”
Somehow, Sendoh knew that this was not about basketball. Far from it.
“I can’t handle it. I can’t handle it if someone’s nice to me and I’d have to return the favour. I don’t like obligations, so I avoid them.”
/Like the plague./ But Sendoh did not want to jinx or worsen the situation by voicing it out. There had to be a reason but he knew that Rukawa will not say everything tonight. Cannot was probably the better word. These things were best taken slowly.
“So…you avoid them by…running away?”
“…the same…”
“Pardon me?”
“They’re the same. Avoiding, running away.”
And Sendoh knew that Rukawa had been consciously doing it all this while. He had tried and tested the method knowingly and seeing that it worked best, he kept it up. Then that would mean, there was really a different Rukawa Kaede underneath the foxy exterior and icy demeanour. And as much as basketball was a big part of Rukawa’s life, he could see that the younger boy truly loved the sport, it was also as much as a distraction as anything.
But, distraction...from what? What was it in Rukawa’s not-so-distant past that made the boy turn out to be the way he was?
“I…”
Sendoh tensed inwardly as he waited for the boy to say something more. If there was another side to Rukawa, a somewhat happier, friendlier, smilier one, he swore that he would find it someday.
“I…I think it’s getting late.”
Someday, but not today.
Sendoh sagged inwardly and outwardly. But he reminded himself that these kind of things were best taken slow. Like his sudden unexplainable urge to know more about his younger friend, and to shield him. He could not deny his growing concern for the boy and he was not going to. And if there was one thing Sendoh Akira would never do, it was to never lie to himself. He liked the boy. As more than a friend. He already sorted out his emotions long ago, because he was always honest to himself and as much as he was a brain-user, he followed his heart when it was needed as well. He had confessed to himself that he liked Rukawa Kaede, wanted him. It was an admittance. No buts.
He wanted Rukawa. He wanted the boy to be happy, too. And he had no idea how to go about doing that.
Rukawa Kaede was everything but approachable. And somehow, he, Sendoh Akira, had managed to get closer to him. Somewhat. He liked to consider that he did. He made sure that he made the extra effort to. And it was paying off, little by little. Best to take things slow. But then again, maybe it's time to venture a little.
“You…don’t have anywhere that you need to be later? Anything to do?”
It took several seconds of contemplation before Rukawa shook his head, not making any eye contact while he was doing it. He was still feeling a little bit awkward after all that has been said.
“Then…would you mind if I take you somewhere?”
That earned a puzzled look from Rukawa. Eye contact at last, but the boy said nothing in his confusion.
“Let me rephrase that, I’m famished now and I think you are, too. Would you mind dining together?”
Somehow that still came out right…to Sendoh but he had also the feeling that it came out not quite right to Rukawa, should the boy manage to process the question and its hidden meaning properly. He somehow had no doubts that the hidden meaning would still be safely unnoticed. Not necessarily a good thing, though.
“I mean, let’s just go grab something to eat. Since we’re here and all.”
If Sendoh’s eyes had not deceived him, was that suspicion in Rukawa’s eyes that he had seen just now? But it was fleeting and replaced with the ‘inexpression’ that usually dominated the younger boy’s facial features.
Rukawa shrugged.
Sendoh took that as an affirmative. People have been telling him that he was an optimistic one. He found no reason to disbelieve them now. He stood up and dusted off the back of his jeans, prompting Rukawa to follow suit.
“Then, let’s go.”
* * *
The rest of the night had been nice, albeit impromptu. Especially the movie session that came with it later. Sendoh made for a peaceful company. Rukawa felt at ease whenever he was with the older player, and though he would usually try to question the whys and wherefores of situations such as this, he strangely felt uncompelled to analyze it tonight. It all seemed quite natural, more than when he was alone. And somehow, the strange talk they had earlier served to make all of these more so. He felt that, though it was not by much, he had opened up a small part of himself and he had not met any painful retaliation like he had expected. Instead, he was offered a strange sense of comfort.
Was it…was it Sendoh’s effect on him? And, he had not felt threatened by it, like the older boy had not expected anything back from him.
They ate, and chatted a little and he had been noticing, if Sendoh’s grin through that night was to be any wider, or brighter, his head would explode. What was the man so joyful about? But Rukawa had to admit though, this whole thing was rather feel-good, and it was rubbing off on him. He could feel himself loosening up without having to consciously do so, not like he could do it even if he was conscious of it.
After dinner, Sendoh had mentioned something about not wanting to return to an empty house since his family was out doing some family-affair type thing that he could not make it back in time for, and suggested that they both go for a movie instead. Rukawa had protested, saying that he wanted to go home to take a bath but Sendoh convinced him out of it, saying their bodies were already cooled down by the air conditioning in the restaurant. Rukawa had asked if he did not feel disgusted, after sweating all afternoon and then to prolong their sticky condition, even though all the sweat have already dried off prior to dinner, but still, a bath was still very much needed, to which Sendoh casually replied that they could do that /after/ the movie.
Rukawa gave up then and simply followed the older player to a nearby Cineplex to decide what they were going to watch. Sendoh had a tough time getting Rukawa to say what he wanted to watch besides replying ‘anything’ to whatever Sendoh had suggested. Finally, the younger boy relented and said vaguely, ‘something contemporary’ and Sendoh had to be satisfied with the answer and do the rest by himself.
They finally settled for a contemporary French movie that in Sendoh’s opinion by the end of it, was ‘contemplative and experimental as hell’ while the younger boy had just been amused. They both were, really, since none of them actually got the movie but at least, they were entertained for a full hour and half, almost two.
“I think it’s time I head off for home.”
“Yeah, now would be as good a time as any to take a shower and head for bed, ne, Rukawa-kun?”
Awkward silence ensued for a few moments.
“So…you’re taking the train home today? Since you didn’t ride your bike today.”
Rukawa nodded silently.
“Ah, so you had better hurry before you miss the last train back to your district which would be arriving in, hmm….,” Sendoh paused to check his watch, “less than twenty minutes.”
/Idiiiioooot! You just had to do something like that, don’t you! You just had to hurry him on home when you can spend another precious few minutes with him!/
/But then again…how was he to get home otherwise…walk?/
/Idiiioooot! There’s always /your/ place!!/
/Oh yeah, hey, good idea! But the chances of him agreeing are pretty slim…/
/Idiiiioooot! You’ll never know by not trying!!! And you can always persist a little, it’s not like he had been unrelenting all throughout the evening. In fact, if I didn’t remember wrongly, he was pretty agreeable…/
/You know, that just came out sooo sneaky…/
/…you like him, don’t you?/
/…course I do. I did a long time ago./
/...wouldn’t this be an opportunity to get to know him better?/
/…/
/Yes, you're right I’ll certainly give it a try./
“Try what?”
Sendoh was shocked out of his inner conversation with himself by Rukawa’s quiet inquiry. What? Had he said the last part out loud??
“Errr…n-nothing, I was just psyching myself up for an upcoming exam, that’s all, hahaha…”
“I see…good luck, then.”
“Huh?”
“I said good luck. You know, for your exams.”
“A-ah, yeah, thanks!! I’ll be needing it…”
Another moment of silence passed as Rukawa and Sendoh gazed at each other.
It was Rukawa who first broke the gaze.
“I’ll be heading home, now.”
“Yeah-hey want me to walk you to the station?” /So much for trying.../
This time, there was an unmistakable raise of eyebrows in Rukawa’s part. And Sendoh sagged visibly as his head shook in negative in the next instance.
“I can get there myself. I know the way.”
Sendoh nodded as Rukawa turned to walk at the direction of the Ryonan station. Sendoh realized that he still needed to ask something and called out to Rukawa.
“Same time tomorrow?”
Rukawa looked back quizzically. “Don’t you have exams?”
“A-ah, no-I mean, yes!! Yes, I have exams, it’s just a pop-quiz thingy that lasts all of one day. Nothing to worry about, heh, heh, so…same time tomorrow?”
Sendoh desperately hoped he did not come off as being /too/ hopeful as to garner suspicion from the younger boy.
Rukawa raised his brow in amusement. “If you wish.”
Then he turned and left.
Sendoh had a hard time falling asleep that night. And so did Rukawa. It was the first time in years for the latter.
* * *
And those pseudo-dates had naturally evolved into real ones, a silent acceptance by both parties of their feelings towards each other. It had not needed to be voiced then. But as time went by they can delude themselves no longer and the need for official acknowledgement before the next step in their relationship can be broached became, well, mandatory.
He had meant to be the first to voice it out, those three words, and he had come all the way to Sendoh’s school and had been on his way to see him to somehow ‘arrange’ for a way to do so (he had become more ‘positively manipulative’, another one of Sendoh’s creative jargons, after having spent so much time with him…he had learnt from the best after all, Sendoh had gloated shamelessly right after creating that phrase). He had heard that his partner was in the guy’s changing room. He was right outside the door when he heard it.
“Damn, that girl with Sendoh today was hot!”
“Girl? But I’m almost positive that sempai is going out with-“
“Yeah, and they were all huggy and kissy and stuff, too! Well, she was the one doing all the hugging and smooching, but wow, the way he hugged her back, the intensity of it! And her legs...*whistles*”
“Huh? No way, Sendoh sempai’s already got--”
“Hikoichi, what are you trying to say? Are you jealous ‘cos you’re short and you talk funny? It wouldn’t be a surprise, ne, to have girls falling all over Sendoh’s feet. His got the height, looks, brains, personality /and/ cash!”
“Yea--hey! I /don't/ talk funny! It's just the dialect of where I come from! And I still think you’ve all mistak-“
“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, kiddo, /and/ I believe what my eyes saw. They were pretty passionate with each other, their silhouette have ‘lurve’ written all over them!!”
By then Rukawa had heard enough.
* * *
“Now, you’re just exaggerating…”
“Ah, he’s so lucky, and she was hot, too. Those legs...my God...*drools*…”
“ALL OF YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!!”
“…………………”
“You guy /are/ aware of Sendoh-san’s inclination, right? Though he’d kept it well-hidden all this time.”
“Yeah, yeah, he’s gay, blah, blah, what are you trying to say anyway?”
“I’m saying that he’s already involved with somebody, you dimwits! Why would he be turning to girls all of a sudden and besides--”
“Well every guy has a ‘straight’ cell in him…sigh…I guess I was just trying to tease the guy a little….”
“Teasing who? Me?”
Sendoh was looking at his teammates, smiley face intact, toweling off his sweat. He had just come in to see his teammates jovially gossiping about him.
“Yeah, who /was/ that girl you were with today anyway, Sendoh?”
“You were spying on me, Koshino? Why, I didn’t know you had that big of a crush on me. Well, I understand, my charms are hard for anybody, men or women, to resist…”
Koshino blushed and sputtered at the statement. “H-hey! I already have a
girlfriend! You’ve met her yourself…”
“And that substantiates to…?”
“And that substantiates to you and Rukawa as well! Aren’t you two an item as well??”
“Hehe, good point.” Sendoh was blushing bashfully at this point.
“He’s got it bad….”
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“We were only kidding around about the girl, we all know that you have the libido of a rock when it comes to one. It’s all been tried and tested…so how come you’ve never come on to us, hey?” “Shut up, we all know that Sendoh’s a one-woman man, or in his case, one-man man.” Chuckles and snickers ensued at Sendoh’s expense whom, by this time, had turn a very visibly red in color. “Well, I’ve had some past relationships with others and true as it may be that I prefer to love then to lust, you guys just don’t have the appeal, so naturally, I never bothered.” “And /we/ all know the appeal that one Rukawa Kaede has with or without the ice.” An exchange of playful nudges. “Well said.” Sendoh said this with self-confident smirk. “Hey, I resent that past comment!” “Which one? The part which I said you guys lack appeal, or the part which I said you guys lack appeal?” “Man, you’ve got one hell of a laser-edged tongue, Sendoh. You sure know how to kill a guy’s self esteem…” Everyone unanimously groaned in agreement. “Ha, ha, whatever guys, I’ve got to go shower now. I’ve got a date to go to later, unlike you poor saps.” “Hey, c’mon, there’s only so much a guy can take!” Sendoh laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I was just kidding. /Kidding/.” “Hey, you still haven’t told us about the girl!” Someone shouted after Sendoh. Sendoh smirked. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” Everyone looked at Hikoichi. “What?” was all the Osaka-born journalist wannabe can utter. “Oooh, are you cheating on Rukawa-kun, you two-timing little weasel?” Sendoh turned to his teammates, his expression serious. All traces of his usual smile gone like it was never there. “Promise me one thing. If you guys ever catch me really doing that, just plunge a knife in me and twist it hard, OK? 'Cos if I ever do that, I’d be that much of a bastard to ever deserve Kaede.” Everyone went silent with shock as those words sunk in. And with that, Sendoh left for the showers. ~*~ |
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Strange, it was not like Rukawa to be late. What was keeping him? Sendoh shivered in the cold wind in front of the restaurant where they had agreed to meet and dine. He shivered for another hour before worry started to eat at him. Another hour of shivering passed and he decided that Rukawa was not going to show up because something had happened to him. But then, maybe he could not make it. But if he could not have made it, wouldn't he have called first? He had never thought of this since there was never once that Rukawa could not have made it. Or was late. He had always shown up on time, consistently so. So much so that it was easy for Sendoh to take things for granted, though he had seriously tried to make a conscious effort not to do that. Rukawa had been an agreeable and pliant mate once they got together. He had been relenting and…and…quietly loving. He had realized that, and had been grateful for this gift that Rukawa had given him. Had been hell grateful to Whoever it was up there that the younger boy shared and returned his feelings at all. He had not dared ask for more. Usually, he himself would be the one to call and cancel dates whenever something that absolutely could not be postponed comes up but he tried to make that happen as little as possible. The time he had been spending with Rukawa was very important to him. So he ran home to check with his mother just in case someone did call but his mother had just shook her head and with a knowing smile had said that no, the call that he would deem as relevant never did arrive. By then, Sendoh was beside himself with worry and ran and took a train to where Rukawa was staying. From the train station, he ran all the way to the place where Rukawa stayed. He ran as fast as he could, as with every passing minute, he began conjuring up worse and worse possible things in his head that he thought might have happened to Rukawa. By the time he reached the Rukawa residence, he was out of breath. The inside of the house looked dark, and despite it being nighttime, not a shard of light can be seen emanating from within the house like it usually could be seen. Sendoh ran up to the doorstep and began pounding on the door. “Kaede, are you in there? Let me in, please!” When he received no answer from the other side, his panic went up several notches and he began pounding away even more frantically. “Kaede!! Oh God, can you hear me? Are you OK in there? Please answer me!!” The hand that touched his back almost made him jump a foot into the air as he turned his head and… “Akira…w-what are you doing? You’ll wake the neighbors at this rate…with this rack--” Rukawa never got to finish his sentence for he was swept into the tightest hug, so tight that he could not even breathe. “God, you’re OK…you’re OK…” was all the silent chant that can be heard from the older boy. “A-Akira, I can’t breathe…” Sendoh widened his eyes and released Rukawa but he did not relent his grip on the younger boy’s shoulders. Rukawa had a soft albeit sad smile playing on his lips. He felt warmed inside that Sendoh could come to care this much about him. “Kaede, I was so worried when you didn’t show yourself tonight. Have you forgotten…” Sendoh was shocked to see Rukawa turn his head away, the street lamp above them illuminating the pained look on his features. “Kaede, what’s--” “Come inside. We’ll talk in there.” Silently, the two figures entered the house. Rukawa switched on the hallway light and made his way to the living room, switching on the lights there as well, Sendoh following close behind. All the lights in Rukawa’s home were a soft orange tone in color. The house was very comfortably decorated. Simple, but not lacking in good taste. The living room had overstuffed cushions, and a cushy set of sofa and armchairs that were extremely comfy to lounge on. Artfully placed rugs, a glass coffee table matching in design with the sofa set and a stylishly plainly designed cabinet on where the television set, VCR, DVD player and all the other audio/visual things were put completed the set. A vase of fresh daisies were set carefully on the coffee table. Soft paintings of sceneries and flowers can be found hanging on the walls, strategically placed. The Rukawa home was a beautiful and homely haven and it was such a shame that the parents were rarely ever home to spend time in it with their son. And how Rukawa had kept everything need and tidy for them whenever they felt the need to return was beyond him. Sendoh removed his jacket and Rukawa silently took it from him and hung it up on the standing coat hanger by the corner. “Would you like something to drink?” “No…thank you, I just came here to see you…and to talk…” Rukawa nodded and gestured to the sofa. Sendoh went towards where the sofa was while Rukawa turned on the heater and made the necessary adjustments. The night was freezing. “So…” Sendoh started as he sat down on one side of the sofa. Usually it was on this side of the sofa that he would settle and lean back comfortably into the stuffed cushions on, after dinner, whenever they dined in, and pulling Rukawa with him to settle down against him as they snuggled up together, just enjoying the company and warmth of each other, and softly chatting. This time however, Rukawa seemed nervous as he sat down uneasily on the other side of the sofa leaving a gap of one seat between them. It was a wide gap, but not as wide as the one that Sendoh was suddenly feeling in his heart. “You…you’ve been acting all out of character tonight, Akira. Usually you’re all laidback and cool…and logical. The way you are tonight…this is the first time I’ve ever seen you like this…I think.” “And you’re the only one so far. But I don’t understand. Why are you talking like this? You didn’t come to our rendezvous, that was the first time ever. I thought you would’ve called if you couldn’t make it. You had me so worried. Where did you go just now?” Rukawa swallowed. “I…I’ve been out walking…and thinking…if I called, I wouldn’t know what reason to give cause that’s all I’ve been doing.” “Walking…and thinking? Mind if I ask what about?” Somehow, Sendoh had a bad feeling in his stomach as he waited for Rukawa to form an answer. “I was thinking about this relationship that we have…can I call it that? A relationship?” The question was meant for him to answer, as Sendoh quickly realized by the expectant look Rukawa was giving him. “What else would you call it? Of course, it’s a relationship! Aren’t we together?” Rukawa felt a smile tugging at his lips at those words. Well, there he had it. An official acknowledgement. A necessary verbal confirmation of sorts communicated between the two parties involved. “I…wasn’t sure…since…it wasn’t actively interacted and agreed upon…verbally…as much as we understand what each other was thinking, I…I still thought…I may have been deluding myself…” And Rukawa paused there, trying to gather the courage to say what he needed to say. He hoped that Sendoh would not say anything lest he lost his nerve. /Deluding him...no way! Was that what’s he’s been thinking? Oh Christ…/ But Sendoh could see that there was something else that Rukawa needed to say and he was having a hard time getting it out. Nevertheless, he kept quiet and decided to listen. Rukawa had always listened quietly and attentively whenever he had something he needed to say, giving him quiet supportive looks and touches whenever it was something he had a hard time conveying. He would like a relationship based on communication and understanding on both ends. Sendoh could hear Rukawa audibly taking a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “Akira, I just wanted to ask you about…you know…about what you think about girls…” Sendoh almost did a double take. Of all the things he had expected the quiet contemplative boy to say, he seriously had not expected this. “I mean, it’s not that I saw one that I like, because I know I have never liked girls in…that way…but I mean, if you saw one that you, uh, really like, then I just want to say that I won’t stop you because…because it’s natural and I have no right to stop you or be jealous and--” Sendoh could not stop himself as he reached over, bridging the gap between them, and brought Rukawa close to him, his hands were firm but gentle grips on the upper arms of the younger boy. Rukawa’s head was bowed as he refused to meet the other’s eyes. “Kaede, whoa there. What do you mean by that? I have not seen anybody else, boy or girl, man or woman, that I like. I *have* found someone I more than like, however, and that person is /you/, Kaede. What brought about this?” Rukawa finally looked up looked into Sendoh’s eyes and could see that the older boy was genuinely shocked. Then his head dropped again. Or was it really…it had to be…had it really? “I…want to believe you, Akira. I don’t want to not trust you. I think…I think maybe I have been a little hasty back there. But I just need to know…” Sendoh felt something dripping onto his forearm and his eyes widened in realization as to what it was. “Kaede…” Sendoh muttered as he released one arm to gently tip Rukawa’s face up by the chin. “I overheard something that maybe I shouldn’t have overheard…about you…and a girl…I only could hear that she had nice legs, and you two were…I don’t even know if this is true…or where or how…I was so stupid…but still…the hurt…that I felt, eventhough I /knew/…I...I can’t help it...I can't help but to feel it…” Sendoh was in a state of post realization-shock…he had had too many for one night. And the whole thing finally dawned on him and what he should do about it. He had assumed too much. They were still in the early stages, as far as relationships go, and what they had was more fragile than he realized. They were right exactly at the precariously balanced stage where everything could just tip backwards and fall into pieces and tip forwards and fall into pieces as well. This situation was made all the more complicated based on something emotionally painful that had probably happened sometime in Rukawa’s past, that his younger companion still had yet to divulge him about, and it was now up to Sendoh to reach out a hand to carefully steady the invisible scale to maintain the equal balance or somewhere near to that perfection. Fueled with renewed determination, now that things have become much clearer to him, Sendoh looked into Rukawa’s eyes and began to speak as he used the thumb of the hand that was holding onto Rukawa’s chin, tipping his head up, to gently rub away the few droplets of tears below the right eye. “Firstly, I owe you an explanation, the girl they saw me kissing and hugging…well, kissing and hugging /me/, was actually an ex-girlfriend of mine, before I, er, realized where my inclinations really lay and ‘came out’. She had understood, and entirely supported me because I had a hard time dealing with the fact that I was gay. Funny, I had a hard time and her, who had been with me, and she had really loved me, was the one comforting me. She told me, to her, what matters most was my happiness. And I guess, I did learn from the best. “Her name is Nadeishiko, and she’s older than me by four years. She had come back from France for a few weeks for an annual family reunion. She’s an apprentice designer there. We have been conversing with each other through letters and e-mail, and I had told her that I have finally found someone but wasn’t sure if that someone liked me back. And it’s hard because then, he’d have to be gay, too. Either that or bi, at least. I had described you to her and she had been giving me some useful advise and supporting me, us…I guess I owe some of what we have now to her…and yesterday when she got back, the hug was intentional, cause I really did love her in a sisterly way, and I really did miss her, so when she came and see me and hugged me, I was overcome with affections and I guess, I had hugged her back. “But the kiss was truly unintentional and there weren’t any romantic meanings behind it, I swear, Kaede. It was just a fleeting one, those guys in the locker room were exaggerating it. It was a custom to kiss fleetingly on the lips in Europe, in places like France and Italy, as a greeting and Nadeishiko was so used to it that she did it to me, too. I was awfully shocked, and only then she realized that she wasn’t in France anymore but back here in Japan where the culture is more conservative and a kiss would usually mean something more than what she had meant. We had a good laugh about it after that. Sendoh stopped there and let fate handle the rest as Rukawa pondered and assessed the situation that had been laid out before him. Finally, he nodded. “I believe you…Akira.” Right then and there, he wanted to kiss Rukawa but there was still something he needed to say, that he needed Rukawa to know. “Kaede there’s still something I want to tell you. It’s something that I have noticed all these months when we were together. And another thing that I’m ready to draw to a conclusion.” Rukawa was curious. The last part was rather cryptic. “Death is for cowards. To survive is what real heroes do. Or is it, to face death with an open mind and heart is considered courageous, while shying away at the last minute, preferring to live on for the reason of being unable to confront death is cowardly? Though everything comes down to reason, if you looked properly. Death, or choose to continue forward in life, I can’t say that I encourage the previous more than the latter, hypocritical as that may be. Rukawa’s eyes widened as he recalled the talk that he had had with Sendoh all those months ago that started it all. “In fact, I like to believe that I belong to the group that will choose to go on living, believing in the overrated, but it’s hard to say unless I’m pitched at a situation where I’ll seriously be chickening out on life by considering death and then overcome that decision and choose to live on instead…but it’s a good belief to hold on to." "And vice versa, for those who may think they’d choose death, when really faced with the choice, it takes an equal amount of courage to go through with death. And then they’d chicken out and choose to live instead. Cowardice for choosing death, cowardice for choosing life…and yet, viewed from another angle, it could be seen as courage…generated from just about the same concept as viewing the cup as half empty or full but yet ultimately more complex than that. Same difference theory, you understand what I mean? To Sendoh’s surprise, Rukawa, who was still staring up at him with a slight expression of awe, gave a brief nod. “And it goes on…either way, I can’t be making that choice for anyone. But, we’ve been living a pampered life, ne, Kaede-chan? Considerably, I mean.” Sendoh smiled as he saw the younger boy knit his brow, trying to puzzle that out. “I guess that the whole life and death concept thing can be taken from many different angles, and can apply to almost everyone but what I believe is that each application is unique.” “There was something that you have experienced in the past, something that has left you hurt so bad, that you never want to expose yourself in any situation that remotely has the potential to make history repeat itself and thus the icy exterior that you showed the world.” “But then again, you also refused to believe, deep within yourself, that just by your past experience, or experiences, that your future and the rest of your life should be ruled just by it, or them.” Sendoh paused here to gather all his strength and courage. This was it, if he screwed up the next part, this whole balance thing will get shot to hell and Rukawa will leave him faster than a spreading epidemic and stay far away from him like he was the said plague. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was all or nothing. “I like you a lot, Kaede, and you share the same feelings for me. I am that sure of it. But the hardest part was when I decided that upon these strange urges of mine of wanting to shield you, and to make you smile, that these thoughts of your happiness being mine as well and that if you were to suddenly not be a part of my life anymore, I’d be worse than stranded, that I’d be dead, surely to be the first to die of an emotional breakdown, on the spot, without having to physically take steps to end my life, even though logically, I probably wouldn’t, but it sure as hell feels that way whenever I think of it, and that…that I love you, that’s all. Sendoh paused, nervously waiting for a reaction of some sort from the boy in front of him, but expecting none. And that was why he almost missed the softly voiced confession. Rukawa was stupefied, but he did not let it show. He tried to control the smile that was inadvertently pulling at the edges of his lips but was, for once in his life, failing miserably. “I feel the same way about you, too, Akira. I…I love you, too…that’s all.” Sendoh could feel the thunderous relief crashing down on him at those words. Second-guessing and assuming, no matter how sure he was, was nothing compared to an honest verbally communicated confession. And he could only assume that Rukawa had liked him back, he had not dared assume any further than that. And in his actual reaction to Rukawa’s words, he pulled the boy into a fierce hug, burying the younger's face into his chest. And with one hand, the one that was wiping away tears just moments ago, now holding on to the back of it, Sendoh kissed the top of his head. Gladness, happiness, relief, elation and so many other emotions all rolled into one, there was no one word to describe what he was feeling now. As for Rukawa, he had thought, so much for being the first to voice it out. And, yes, of course he felt all those emotions that Sendoh was feeling as well, and then some. Shifting his hands to hold the sides of Rukawa’s face, where his cheeks were, Sendoh decided to give his conclusion in a heartfelt whisper, “So you decided to chance it out with me. Thank you for taking that chance, Kaede. Thank you.” And he slowly descended on those waiting lips, rosy from the mixture of cold and heat, and took his first taste. Gently, he began to plunder those lips, softer than he could ever imagine, after so many nights of envisioning and planning out his first kiss with Rukawa, this was far from what he had had in mind and yet so much better. It was made even better as those lips began to start kissing tentatively back . Slowly, Rukawa began surrendering to the kiss. It invoked within him a feeling that he had never felt before, one that he could never feel without the contact that he was having with Sendoh now. He had tried to imagine how their first kiss would be like but never having kissed or been kissed before, he could never create an effective image in his head to go by. This was, by far, miles and miles beyond what he had imagined, or tried to, all those many sleepless nights trying to sort out his feelings for the boy, no, man kissing him right now. And he knew, though he was not sure how, not like he could be thinking much while his breath was being kissed away, that it could only get better from here. And it did, right at the point where he felt Sendoh’s tongue made its entry into his mouth, he could feel something stirring within him as both their tongues made contact and slowly started sliding against each other, with each other. The kiss was a wet one and despite Rukawa feeling the beginning of lightheadedness from lack of breath, there was not any struggle for it and ended with Sendoh smoothly moving to other territories. How and when the boy had stopped for breath escaped Rukawa as he could only feel himself melting in the sensations that the older boy was creating within him with his fiery, feathery kisses. What…what was he doing now… Sendoh was kissing a trail down the younger boy’s supine neck, the white skin there made abundantly available when he began kissing Rukawa’s jaw line as the latter arched his head back, revealing a smooth expanse of skin on his neck. Slowly, gently, with one hand on the back of his head and the other on his back, lips and skin without breaking contact, Sendoh lowered his soon-to-be young lover onto the sofa. Then he slid one hand to the front and sneaked it under the layers of cloth, trying to find where fabric ended and flesh began. Just how many layers of clothes was this boy underneath him wearing? Then again, he was not wearing very few layers of clothes himself, since this *was* the beginning of winter, after all. Finally, his palm managed to worm its way through the layers of flannel and cotton to make contact with warm, smooth skin. Judging from the smooth, hard muscles he was feeling, he was stroking on Rukawa’s pectorals. While his mouth was busy sucking on one spot on his neck, which had made Rukawa gasped, his hand was making a journey all of its own down his newfound sanctuary. His other hand now rested behind Rukawa’s neck to support the weight there and was already slowly shifting towards the boy’s ear and once there, began to stroke the shell softly with his thumb. Sendoh was drowning in his lust and desire. Never enough. He was never going to get enough of this. /I could spend all night worshipping him like this./ Rukawa was making cute incoherent little whimpering noises as Sendoh's hands and mouth did their magic but finally the wanton boy beneath him felt that he had had enough, his nerves all set on fire, awakening a passion within him that he had never experienced before, and following his instincts, started tugging at Sendoh’s cashmere sweater, as if annoyed by its mere existence. Smiling, Sendoh stopped his ministrations for a while to strip his sweater off. He almost laughed at the annoyed look on Rukawa’s face when he saw that underneath the sweater, was yet another T-shirt. The thick kind that was made of flannel. “Raise your arms, Kaede.” Rukawa obediently and silently did as he was told as Sendoh began to slowly strip his own sweater off of him and discarded it onto the rugged floor, where his own sweater now was, only to find another long-sleeved flannel, though less thick than his, underneath where the other sweater had been. Smiling good naturedly, he began stripping that off, too. “No fair…you haven’t taken off your second one yet…” Sendoh shuddered with anticipation at the breathless quality of Rukawa’s voice. It was very sexy. /So…you *were* actually hiding your appeal all this while, ne, Kaede-chan…?/ “Yeah, but I was only wearing two layers and you were wearing three.” Sendoh never stopped his motions, though, nor did Rukawa stop him either despite the teasing half-hearted protest he had made. By the time those words were out of his mouth, Rukawa was already divested of his second flannel and now only a thin, white cotton T-shirt remained. “So…you or me first, Kaede?” “You…you first…” “Ah…so you want to see, eh?” Sendoh had to chuckle at the mock indignant scowl on Rukawa’s face but he relented and began stripping off the last layer of cloth covering his upper body. That done, he began reaching out to get Rukawa out of his when the boy stopped him with a hand on his forearm. Surprised, Sendoh blinked but smiled when he saw the playfully coy look on Rukawa’s pale features. He watched as Rukawa sat up and divested himself of his shirt, his eyes taking in every inch of the smooth white body in front of him, as inch by inch, the skin of the pale torso was revealed to him. He felt cold hands shyly exploring his body and took one of those hands and placed a delicate kiss on its palm, then the inside of its wrist. While he was doing that, Sendoh took time to admire his mouth-work on the other’s neck, a bruising red had formed at the area where he had sucked, kissed and bitten a little while ago. The hand he was kissing released itself from his hold and with its companion, snaked their arms around him to the back of his neck and he felt soft lips began to shyly kiss his. It was Rukawa who initiated the kiss, but it was Sendoh who led it. At the contact of the other’s lips, Sendoh opened his and began devouring Rukawa’s. Hot breath was exchanged, unable to escape as lips and tongue meshed together. In the midst of being lost in the soul-searing kiss, Sendoh felt himself gently pulled forward by the arms around him. He was falling forward onto Rukawa as the latter fell backwards into the sofa. The contact of skin with skin was electrifying and feeling the other’s erection through his denims, Sendoh began to ground his against Rukawa’s. “Need…to…get…this off…,” Rukawa managed to gasp in between intakes of breath, pulling impatiently at his Levi’s. “Yeah…yeah, so do I…” And they subsequently began undoing each other’s buttons and zips. Sendoh managed to grab a stronger hold onto Rukawa’s jeans first, since he was the one on top and had better leverage, and started to pull it off his companion’s legs. It was not an easy task, seeing that Rukawa’s legs were far, far away from short, their incredible length making him all the more desirable, really. Also, the younger boy’s struggles in trying to get them off were hindering more than helping. “Kaede---you don’t have to move, just lie still…I’ll get them off you in a second.” To which Rukawa laid still for Sendoh to do all the work. Much easier now, he got off of Rukawa and slid the rest of them off the younger boy. Then he reached over and helped Rukawa get his boxers off as well. Rukawa taken care off, he began to strip down to his bare necessities as well. He stood up and began to work on his own pants. His slacks, and his underwear were pulled down all at once and he let them drop in a heap around his ankles before he stepped out of them. He noticed the longing gaze that was looking him up and down from the sofa and he swept his across Rukawa’s. The boy was all skin and muscles, pale beyond belief. It was unusual for a star athlete such as Rukawa to be so pale. It was not as if basketball was a winter spot. And with all those one-on-ones they played all throughout summer in the outdoors, a tan, if not a sunburn, was unavoidable. Sendoh himself had developed a nice shade of tan before that disappeared when autumn came around. But Rukawa had been having the same skin tone all throughout. Very strange, but very enticing as well. The room was considerably warmer now, the doing of the heater and their combined body heat. Sendoh smirked slyly when he realized that it was only going to get hotter from now on, despite the chilly weather that was out there. Presents unwrapped, Sendoh resettled himself on top of Rukawa just as Rukawa reached up with both arms to pull him down. They kissed some more as Sendoh’s right hand began snaking down and found what it was looking for. Holding Rukawa’s erection firmly and gently, he began stroking it. Rukawa’s gasp on the first stroke came out like a hiccup. The pleasure was so, so intense, he had no other way of describing it, only that it was mounting with every second and every stroke. His gasps became louder as the stroking became more intense. Then all of a sudden, it just stopped. “Kaede…just tell me and I’ll stop, OK?” Rukawa looked at Sendoh like he was crazy, but his mouth could not form the words to go with it. He wanted to scold and slap Sendoh silly at the same time. Sendoh only smirked and then he began kissing a trail, blazing and hot down Rukawa’s sensitized skin, all the way down, from the neck, to the chest, to the stomach, to the groin, until he reached the robust erection that was currently proof of Rukawa’s passion. Grinning like a the Cheshire cat , Sendoh then licked the head, teasing. He smiled through his ministrations when he heard the mewling noises Rukawa was making. /Just like a kitsune./ Sendoh took in more and more of Rukawa as the latter’s mewling became more and more consistent. He had not done this before, he had never went this far in past relationships, not one to believe in the concept in casual sex, and though this was far from it, it was his first time as well. But as he was doing it, it came to him naturally as to what to do next. He figured it to be a reaction to the boy he was slowly making love to. Sunk into the cushion, Rukawa had both his hands on Sendoh’s head, holding him there as he thrust into the warm and moist opening that was engulfing him. He almost screamed when he felt himself going deeper and deeper into the warmth. The warm hands on his hips were holding on to him, keeping his thrusting only to a minimum. Finally, when he felt he was about to let go, the warmth left him all of a sudden to be replaced by cold air, his hands gently pried away. Gasping and fighting the irritation of being left on the brink of blissful release, unfulfilled, Rukawa struggled to see what the taller man above him was doing. Dammit, he wanted release *now*. Badly. As he opened his eyes, he saw Sendoh looking lovingly down at him, smiling a soft, genuine smile that reached all the way into his eyes. It was a beautiful smile that had Rukawa mesmerized, his annoyance in his incompletion temporarily forgotten. Sendoh’s hand was gently stroking his bangs, now matted against his forehead with sweat. “Can I make love to you, Kaede?” Softly spoken words that Rukawa almost missed. Fighting tears that were at the edge of his eyes, Rukawa could barely say the words. He closed his eyes and nodded, a heartfelt consent that came from deep inside. Sendoh smiled as he gently stroked his lover’s cheek with the back of his hand. He needed no other encouragements. Sendoh looked around, distracted for a moment. Then he turned and looked earnestly back down at Rukawa. “Kaede, love, do you have anything we can use to make this easier? Something that lubricates…” Rukawa opened his eyes, confused for a moment. Then when the words and their meaning sunk in, he shook his head, strangely hoping that Sendoh would not be disappointed. “I…I really don’t do this often so I have nothing you can use, Akira.” Sendoh almost laughed at the attempt at sarcasm but then frowned at the regretful tone he heard in Rukawa’s voice. /Does he think I’m…that I would be…disappointed? Good God…/ “I’m not disappointed, Kaede, why would you think that I’d be? It’s to make things easier for us, and especially for you. It will hurt less, I’ve been told…and it’s logical, too…especially for your first time…” Rukawa felt warmed at the thoughtfulness. “It’s alright, Akira. Go ahead, I don’t mind. In fact, /please/ go ahead cause I would mind if you stop now.” Sendoh smiled at the thoughtful sacrifice. But then he frowned and strengthened his resolve. /No…I will *not* hurt him./ “I have an idea,” he said as he put his hand on Rukawa’s mouth and began tracing the soft lips. “Open your mouth, Kaede.” Frowning in puzzlement, Rukawa obediently parted his lips anyway. As the fingers slid inside his mouth, understanding dawned on him and he began sucking on the long, slim digits. After a while, Sendoh felt that it should be wet enough and removed his fingers. Rukawa looked so sexy with his lips parted and glistening like this, wanting, willing and desperate. He had to fight off the desire to just plunge into the trembling body then and there. Reigning in his control, Sendoh steeled his resolve once again. No, he would not hurt Rukawa. He reached for Rukawa’s nether regions and passing the testicles, began fondling them playfully for a moment. Hearing the desperate gasp coming from the boy beneath him, Sendoh took pity and went lower to slowly slide one finger into the crinkled orifice there. Rukawa hissed in pain and stiffened as he felt a slim finger enter his body. It went in and out for a few seconds before he felt another one slowly poking in. Steeling himself, he made himself endure, focusing on the soft, comforting reassurances coming from Sendoh instead. When a third finger slid in, Kaede had to gasp as the sudden stretched feeling he was feeling went beyond his endurance. His erection was already flagging from the pain. Sendoh frowned at the boy’s reaction below him. What was he doing wrong? Why could he not find his secret spot, a spot so vital that determines the very direction of sex, able to invert pain into pleasure? Where was it? From the scrunched up look on Rukawa’s face, Sendoh was beginning to worry despite his own obvious desire. Yet, the boy never uttered a word of protest, nor did he ask to stop. |
“Kaede, do you want me to stop? It’s obviously hurting you-“
“No! No…go on…please…don’t stop….”
Stubborn and determined as ever.
“I’m going to take my fingers out now, OK? I’m going to go in…are you fine with that Kaede?”
“Yes, yes, I’m fine with it….just…just do it…”
Sendoh nodded even though Kaede had his eyes closed tight and could not see him, and removed his fingers.
He looked down at his own erect member and touched the liquid that was leaking out. He tested it with his fingers for a moment and then thought to himself, this would have to do.
He kneeled up and began stroking his member to spread out the leaking pre-come evenly. Hurting Rukawa was the last thing he would do. Not if could help it.
Slowly, he raised Rukawa’s person up a little, then he spread the younger boy’s thighs, and rested himself comfortably between them, getting into position.
“Are you ready, Kaede? I want you to get as comfortable as possible, OK? This is going to hurt at first.” /I hope I can find it, please, let me find it./
A breathily whispered, ‘yes’.
Slowly, gently, Sendoh eased pass the enclosure into the tight passageway, gaining entry into the heaven within. He groaned in ecstasy as the tight constricting heat enclosed around him and squeezed him in, holding him there. He moved in some more, inch by inch, taking it slow so as the body beneath him can adjust itself to the intrusion.
Rukawa bit back a pained gasp as he was penetrated by something extremely thick but was unwilling to ask to stop. Instead, he steeled his determination and closed his thighs around Sendoh, trapping the body above him between them, and placing both hand on Sendoh’s shoulders, he squeezed, encouraging him to go on. One thing was for sure though, Sendoh *was* huge.
Sendoh got the message and, after burying himself deep enough, and controlling himself, gently began moving in and out. Then came a sudden pleasure filled gasp from beneath him and the sudden squeezing at his shoulders, hard enough to hurt. The heat around him contracted and Sendoh gasped, his eyes rolling back into his head with mind-numbing pleasure. He knew, then, he had found Rukawa’s pleasure spot.
With a sudden burst of renewed determination, Sendoh began to move faster and harder into the body, making sure he drove again and again into the exact spot that had made Rukawa gasp with unmasked pleasure. With every moan and cry of pleasure coming from beneath him, Sendoh began to thrust harder and wilder, seeking his own pleasure from the body beneath him while at the same time giving pleasure to it, rocking it deep into the cushions.
Rukawa, in turn, began thrusting back, all thoughts abandoning him as his body automatically followed the rhythm of the one that was above him, like it was sent through their joining. Every stroke delivered seemed to send spikes of pleasure all throughout him, his body reverberating with the sweet, addictive sensation.
The two beings danced the forbidden dance, moving together in unison, melting into each other. Somewhere during their fevered lovemaking, Rukawa had wound his arms around Sendoh’s neck, bringing in the older boy closer to himself. Gasps and moans of each other’s names were exchanged as their movements became more and more frantic.
Finally, Rukawa felt that he could no longer hold it in and before he realized what was happening, he came with a shout, his release spattering between himself and the body that was moving above him, still moving and thrusting into him hard. Fulfilled, Rukawa leaned back a little at let pleasure be taken from his body.
Sendoh’s body was strung tied with unreleased passion. After another minute or so of frantic thrusting, Rukawa could feel Sendoh’s body stiffened, his tension about to be relieved, reaching its peak. Then he could feel himself being filled as Sendoh came again and again. Rukawa closed his eyes, letting himself be washed away by the blissful sensation.
Sendoh collapsed onto him after the powerful ejaculation, a multi one at that, so all strength had left him. He was unable to even lift an arm. A strange and deep happiness began forming inside him as his body, now more than satisfied, cooled down from the high it had been brought to several moments ago. Collecting his strength, he withdrew carefully from the body beneath him, and checked. He sighed with relief when he saw that there was no blood, which was amazing, considering how hard he had been literally pounding himself deep into his lover.. He had not torn his lover in his pleasure-seeking abandon. It surprised him just how resilient Rukawa really was, in every way.
Sendoh snuggled into Rukawa a bit then got off of the younger boy and the sofa altogether and sat on the floor, leaning against the cushions, his body covered by a sheen of sweat.
“That was wonderful, Akira, thank you.”
Sendoh could feel arms wind around his neck from behind as those words were whispered from beside his ear. He could feel Rukawa’s breath blowing softly against it and it sent tingles of pleasure down his spine.
“No, thank /you/.You were wonderful. Did I hurt you too bad?”
“No, you didn’t hurt me at all. I’d like to do that again sometime.”
Sendoh turned to look back in surprise. Does that mean…?
Rukawa smiled warmly at Sendoh’s surprised expression.
“What? You don’t want to?”
Warm smile. That was a real warm smile coming from his beloved Rukawa. He could die a happy man now, knowing that he had seen this side of his lover and that the younger boy had wholeheartedly accepted him.
“I don’t—I want…of course I want to! But only when you do, too, OK, Kaede?”
“Sure…” Rukawa rested his head on Sendoh’s shoulder after the man turned back, and leaned his head against his lover’s, snuggling into the crook between head and shoulders. He felt drowsy and sluggish, and a ghost of a warm but lazy smile was playing on his lips.
The smile again. Sendoh was going to melt. That had looked *so* good on the normally stoic boy’s face.
“Kaede…”
“Hmmm?” The inquiry sounded tired and sleepy.
“I…I love you…”
Silence except for steady breathing.
After another few minutes of, Sendoh turned his head to look curiously at the weight on his shoulder.
And smiled.
Rukawa was already sleeping soundlessly on his shoulder, a serene expression on his youthful visage, painting a pretty, albeit pale, portrait.
The boy was worn out. He had worn him out. Sendoh had to grin at that thought.
/Well, Kaede-chan here turned out to be quite a demanding lover himself, I’m pretty worn out myself, too./
Carefully, Sendoh adjusted himself to stand up, making as little movement as possible while supporting Rukawa’s sleeping weight. Once up, he gently lifted the sleeping boy into his arms and walked towards the direction of the bedroom. Once in, he kicked the door close behind him and put his precious burden onto the double bed there gently so as to not jostle and wake him.
/Hmm…/ Sendoh looked around in the darkness, his eyes already adjusted to it. He never thought Rukawa had such lavish indulgence such as a soft cushy double bed.
Then he proceeded to bring a wet cloth from the bathroom and rubbed off the proof of their night’s passion and sweat from Rukawa’s sleeping body. Then he rinsed it again in the bathroom and proceeded to clean himself off before going out into the bedroom again.
Sendoh went out and switched off all the other lights in the house, leaving only the heater and the entrance light on, creating a soft illumination throughout the house. Then he went back into the bedroom where his lover was sound asleep.
Slowly removing the covers from beneath the sleeping deadweight, Sendoh brought it up again to cover Rukawa. Then, he went over to the other side and slid in, pulling the covers over himself. He wanted to wake up with Rukawa the next day.
He reached for the sleeping body next to his and pulled Rukawa towards himself slowly, wrapping a possessive arm over the other’s waist and breathed in the fresh raspberry smell of the younger boy’s hair. /Ah, so he had taken a bath before he went for the walk earlier./ The boy had a nice, fresh scent to himself that was entirely natural. It smelled like sandalwood. Sendoh can truly get used to this. He chuckled when Rukawa snuggled up against him, making himself comfortable, and murmuring something incoherent before falling into silent, deep sleep again.
“How cute. Just like a kitsune. I take it you don’t mind my staying over for the night, then. Good night, my little kitsune-chan.”
Sendoh then yawned and snuggled his cheek into the soft hair, lulled into sleep by the scent of raspberries and sandalwood.
* * *
“This is great. I didn’t know you could cook breakfast, Akira.” It had been great waking up with Akira next to him, and seeing his smile, a different one from his usual one, this one seemed to come from within his heart, first thing in the morning. His day was already made, just like that. Kaede felt like frolicking in a field of daisies, he was that happy, but he squelched the thought at once when he realized how ridiculous it was.
Akira smiled as he cut into a sausage. He had prepared a full course continental breakfast that morning. He was surprised to find all the ingredients he would need. But then again, it was probably Kaede’s mother who put them there. It must have been very recent, too, since everything was still so fresh.
“Thanks. I’m glad you like it. By the way, I didn’t know that you were the type to go for cushy double canopy beds.” Akira had to smile crookedly at that.
Kaede looked at him like he’d suddenly grown a third head, frozen in mid-munch. An endearing sight, indeed.
“I’m not. My bed’s single.”
Akira cocked his eyebrows at that.
“Where’s your room, then?”
Kaede gestured to a doorway that was most definitely not the doorway that led to the room they slept in yesterday night.
Kaede did not need to follow Akira’s gaze to know where he was looking and know what the unasked question was.
“That’s my parents’ room.” And he continued eating nonchalantly. Then he looked up while chewing on a piece of ham.
Kaede raised a brow at the stricken look on Akira’s face and had to struggle to not choke on his food with laughter.
“Why do you look so shocked? It’s nothing compared to what we did on the living room sofa, where everybody sits on.”
“Your…parents are not home much at all, aren’t they?”
“I thought I told you before.” Kaede shrugged as he continued eating. “They’re rarely home. Right now they should be in, hmm….Beijing, I reckon.”
Akira kept silent as he watched the boy in front of him casually eat as he spoke.
/I’m glad that at least I can be here for him from now on./That was his unvoiced thought and silently made resolution.
“I see…well, it’s Sunday today…that means our first time together was on a Saturday night. How romantic…and, hey Kaede?”
Kaede looked at Akira questioningly as he sipped his orange juice.
“Does that mean we’re an official couple now?” Akira put on his best puppy-dog hopeful look.
Kaede considered himself lucky that he did not spit out his orange juice nor choke on it.
“You ask the weirdest questions at the most inopportune of times, you know that?”
Akira shrugged but kept his gaze on Kaede.
Kaede sighed, then smiled shyly and blushed. “I suppose. I’d like that very much.”
Akira beamed at the favourable answer. “Me, too. I want to be your boyfriend and…lover…”
Kaede felt his cheeks warmed furiously at this.
Akira chuckled. “What about your parents? Would they mind when they find out?”
When, not if. He wanted to make this a permanent thing.
“I suppose it’ll be OK. They know I’m not the straightest kid there is out there. They may not be here much but they’re pretty open minded people and my dad has told me before that as long as I’m happy, he’s happy…’cept for the not being here much thing since they have to work and all…
“But it’s OK, ‘cos I’m used to being independent…”
There was a hint of sadness in his eyes as Kaede said this. Akira then knew that this was a boy who loved his parents very much despite his lonely and cold nature. It was a sad thing that they were not ever around much to experience it. Mr. and Mrs. Rukawa had raised their son up well. Too bad he would be a little lonely since they were the one-child type of couple. They rarely even had time for this one child of theirs, though Sendoh was eternally grateful to them for ever having brought Rukawa Kaede into this world, and subsequently into his life, at all. There was a gap inside him that only Kaede could fill, a sort of happiness in him that only Kaede could provide.
Kaede had a lot of love inside him but it was a fact that even he himself had not known. Was it that every time he gave, it was thrust, unwanted like a dishrag, right back at him? Who could refuse something so precious and priceless? Whoever it was, he or she was a fool who was completely blind to the wonderful things life can provide sometimes. He felt sorry for him. Or her. More so, he felt sorry for Kaede, for caring and then having the whole thing just blow up in his face. He would be damned if he would let something like that happen again.
However, Kaede’s social skills sure still needed some work…quite a lot of it, actually. /Well then, that’s what *I’m* here for./
“Not anymore, Kaede, not as long as I’m here, I’m gonna make sure that you at least depend on me some, and I, you.”
Kaede kept silent at that.
“I know you said that you don’t want to be expecting anything of anyone and that they don’t in return but this is different. You can start expecting from me and I’ll still let you be, I won’t expect anything if you don’t want me to. Believe me, I am going to try my damnedest not to--”
“I understand, Akira. I understand now that we are at this stage where…where we have confessed our feelings for each other. Not like before when I kept everyone at a distance, including you. I don’t mind if you expect something too, Akira…I don’t want the both of us turning into hypocrites.
Akira had to smile at that. Kaede can be very perceptive when he wanted to be. Perceptive /and/ a receptive lover. What more can a man ask for?
“I won’t be expecting something that you cannot give, Kaede.”
Kaede looked up into Akira’s eyes, seeing the love and sincerity there, and smiled.
“And I thank you for that, Akira.”
Akira smiled, stood up and leaned over table and kissed Kaede on his forehead. Then, he pulled back, still smiling.
“Well, let’s clear up the table now, shall we not? And then we can go out. It’s a beautiful day out there today…care for a little walk together later, Kaede?”
Kaede looked up and nodded. Akira had his hair down and un-spiked today, since there wasn’t any hair stiffening gel available in his house. It looked good, with his bangs and fringe flopping over his eyes and ears. Kaede was amazed at how handsome his lover really was. Said lover was also wearing back the clothes he was wearing yesterday.
Kaede followed his gaze.
“But before that, we go back to my place first so I can take a bath and change, you know, look decent for my boyfriend.” He said that with a wink.
Kaede stood up and began to help collecting the dishes.
“But I think I prefer your hair down. Makes you look less like Sonic the Hedgehog,”
“You dare mock me?” Akira pretended to be hurt and pouted playfully. “Hmph! I resent that.”
Kaede chuckled as he went towards the kitchen, with Akira trailing close behind, chatting away happily.
* * *
“Told you it was a beautiful day today! Mmm…the air’s very fresh, ne!”
“It’s rather cold, if you haven’t noticed.”
Kaede put his already-gloved hands deeper into the pockets of his long jacket, his voice muffled by the knitted-scarf that was half covering his face.
“Spoil sport. Hmm…such a contrast from yesterday…you’re all covered up now, in so many layer of clothes, too. Mou…”
Kaede chuckled and hit Akira playfully.
“Ouchy!” Akira feigned a betrayed look. Kaede just rolled his eyes.
“Well, now shall we?” Akira held a hand out, an invitation for Kaede to take it.
Kaede hesitated for just a second, gazing at the happy being before him framed by the blue, slightly cloudy sky, where there were some birds that were flying south. Despite it being the beginning of winter, the sun was up and it had stopped snowing for a bit.
He felt contented. It was safe to say that he was happy with his life right now.
The hand was still held out for him, and a smile beckoning him to come over to take it.
Kaede smiled, and accepted it.
The End