Last night's episode was worse than I had imagined it could be. I knew before it started that the show would suck, but I just didn't realize how bad it would turn out. This episode was like some metaphorical asshole that points to a non-existent stain on our collective shirts and, when we look down at the imagined mess, then tweaks our noses while laughing wildly. We fall for it every time and never learn a damn thing; thus you understand why I continue to suffer through this show, week after week.
I think I need an intervention.
Okay, I'll break it down as much as possible, but it won't be pretty. Quite possibly it will be painful, but you signed up for this as much as I did. Like MLK Jr., we shall overcome. Here are some low-lights:
1. Chino & Oliver shake hands and come out swinging. Yeah, this show is so fucking clownshoes that I honestly thought, when Oliver held out his hand for Chino to shake, that there would be a joy buzzer in his palm. Set to the "execution" setting just because Oliver is so fucking CRAZY!! I hate everyone who worked on this scene. Everyone.
2. The entire show: I really think that I haven't heard dialogue this bad since watching reruns of "My Two Dads." And you know what I'm talking about...that latently gay repartee between two men. Yum.
3. The character that most made me want to kill myself: "Danny," Summer's new boyfriend. I drank a tablespoon of rat poison mixed into my whiskey and survived just because I rock. This character made me kick a cat down my front stairs and smash a nest of baby birds.
The One Highlight From Last Night:
1. Luke telling Chino that he'd fight Oliver, if needed. Exact Quote: "Give me the word and I will drop the GREAT GATSBY on him." Fuck, I don't even know what that analogy means, but I will remember/love it forever. People, I'm telling you now: Luke (aka Surfboards) will single-handedly save this fucking show.
I wish I had a stalker to keep me occupied so that I wouldn't feel the need to watch this any longer. I just wish I had a stalker, period. And not a 5'3" Japanese one either (you cool people know who I'm referring to.)
We have 3 weeks to detox before the next new episode. Use it wisely.
