.....Tick...Tick...Tick...Tock.........Tick...Tick...Tick...Tock..........That insufferable
clock..........Tick...Tick...Tick....Tock.....
She was standing, drink in hand, heedless of her opulent surroundings.
....Tick...Tick...Tock...How many times had she heard that? ....Tick...Tock...Tick...
The warm sea breeze floated in, rustling the gauze curtains, but leaving her
unmoved.....Tick...Tick....Tick.....So Hot.....So damned hot....Why was it always so hot?
She took another sip. She wandered from room to toom, touching things as she
went along........Touch......My Piano........Touch......My Books......Touch.....My
Vase......Touch.......MyFigurines......Touch.......Touch.......Touch.....Tock.....Tock.....Tock
......Touch....Tock.... Touch.....Tock......
In her fuzzied mind, she knew that wasn�t quite right. She frowned as she looked at
the glass in her hand. How many had she had? �Not enough,� She whispered to no one.
She drowned herself in the rest of the contents.
�Touch, touch,� she played as her fingers danced over the liquor bottles.
...Touch..... Touch....My Brandy......Touch........My Whiskey.......Touch........My
Rum......NO--no-- That was wrong again. The whiskey was Joe�s....or was it Jack�s....?
Joe....Jack....Joe....Jack.....Touch.....Touch.....Tock.....Tock.....
She poured another shot of---something---she wasn�t quite sure what. Looked at
it askance, thought better of it, and made it a double.
...Double....Double.....Double....Double.....toil and trouble......Trouble....Trouble.....
So hot, she thought. So damn hot. She emptied her glass, and unbuttoned her
dress. She wore nothing underneath. Letting it fall to the ground in a rumpled heap, she
stepped out of it and didn�t bother to pick it up.
Still wandering aimlessly, she continued her game. ....Touch....My
Couch....Touch.....My Pillows.....Touch.....My Mirror....Touch..... She Paused. She
waved hello to the image in the mirror. The image waved back. She turned around. The
image turned around. The image smiled. She didn�t smile.
Her hand reached out and touched the cold, icy surface. She touched her image�s
face, and felt nothing. She touched her image�s neck, and felt nothing. She touched the
image�s arm, and felt nothing. She touched the image�s breasts, and felt nothing.
Who was that girl in the mirror? Why didn�t she recognize herself? When had she
stopped recognizing herself? Why hadn�t she noticed?
�Touch Touch,� She whispered to no one, � Touch....Touch....My---� But she let
the thought trail off into that place where dead thoughts go. She looked again at that
person in the mirror. Who did that girl belong to? Who? Who
....Who....Who....Whoooo...Whooooo.....Whoooooo...Said the wise old owl in the
storybooks.....Whooooo.....Whooooo.....Who? She certainly didnt� belong to herself
anymore; so to whom? �To Everyone,� She whispered to no one, �To Everyone.�
She knew it was true. As if she had been working the corner. And all of them
would go Touch....Touch....Touch....And the clock would go Tock.....Tock....Tock....
But how was that different from now? And she would go Pay....Pay...Pay.... At
least at the corner they were honest about it.
...Pay....Pay....Pay...Touch....Touch...Touch....
....Tick....Tick....Tock...Her head hurt.....Tock....Tick....Tock.... �Why not have a
pill,� No one Whispered, �Time for another Pill.� It was always time for another pill....
She grabbed a handfull off the coffee table, and poured another drink. She wanted
to sleep....sleep...sleep....She needed to Sleep....Sleep which shuts up sorrow�s
eye....Sleep....Sleep....Poppies will put them to sleep....Sleep....Where had she heard that
before?
She laid back on her bed. She gave it an affectionate touch....My
bed...Touch...and popped another pill...
�Eat Me,� Said the White Rabbit.
�Drink Me,� Said the Cheshire Cat.
She raised the glass to her lips. She felt the cold hardness press against her warm
yeilding flesh. �Eat Me, Drink Me,� She whispered to No One, and No One answered
back, �Eat Me, Drink Me.� And so she had a few more.
�One...Two...Tie my shoe...�She whispered to No One. Pills One and Two went
down. Why couldn�t she remember who had taught her to tie her shoes? Who had taken
care to teach her? Who had ever taken care?
�...Three....Four...�She Whispered to no one, �...Shut the door...� No One
answered back. How many doors had she shut? How many had been shut for her? On
her? Did it matter? They were shut now.
�....Five....Six...� She whispered to No One, No One answered, �...Pick up
Sticks....� Sticks...Sticks...Sticks...and...Stones....Sticks and stones will break my
bones...but words will never hurt me....that was a lie...lie...lies...lies...lies...like so many
she had heard...like so many she had been told...The Dragons at the at the gates to her
palatial estate, with flashbulbs had proven that....Sticks...and.... Stones...and....sticks...
and... stones...
�..Seven...Eight...�She Whispered to No One as pills numbered seven and eight
went in, �..Don�t be late...�Answered No One. Don�t be late. It was a plea. A plea to
whom? Don�t be late, my prince....don�t be late....Someday my prince will
come....someday....he came....one day...he came....oh, Joe...He came....He�ll
come....Don�t be late Joe....Don�t be late....
�...Nine....Ten...� She Whispered to No One, No One Answered, �...Do it again...�
Again....Again....Again...Said the Cheshire cat.....Again....Said the White
Rabbit....Again....
�Eat Me,� She whispered to No One. �Drink Me,� No One Answered Back.
.....Tick....Tock....Tick....Tock...Counting the beats....Counting the slow
heartbeats....Counting the bleading to death of time in slow heartbeats....Wakeful she
lies....Waiting for her prince to come....Wakeful she
dies....Tick....Tock....Tick....Tock....Tick......Tock....Tick.....Tock.....Tick.....
And all the papers had to say was that Marilyn was found in the nude.
copyrighted 2001 by Katie Michael
Hospital.
It was morning--humid and orange and beautiful--so my husband, Dan, and I
named our
only child Dawn.
Seventeen years ago we brought Dawn home and introduced her to her
grandparents and her aunt and uncle.
�She�ll be independent, that one,� my mother said.
�She�ll be smart, too,� my mother-in-law said.
�And she�ll be spoiled with love,� my father-in-law said.
Sixteen-and-one-half years ago my sister, Melanie, came to visit. We
took Dawn
to her six-month check-up. Melie was obviously bothered by the young age
of a couple of
moms in the waiting room. As we walked home she informed me she had never
seen so
many teen mothers before in her life. �In fact, we don�t have any
teen-moms in my
community. The suburbs really are wonderful, Janice. You and Dan should
consider
moving out of the city limits now.�
�Dan and I like it here; it�s a great place to raise a family. There are
people of all
ages and back-grounds. I like the culture here.�
�Oh, be serious, Janice! You can�t stay here indefinitely! Why, Dawn
will be
pregnant by her 16th birthday-- and then what will you do? The best
parenting in the
world can�t prevent it. You need the right kind of community.�
My sister had always been out-spoken, so I didn�t say anything. Besides,
Dawn�s
future was up to Dan and I, not up to Melanie. We would have raised Dawn
and any
subsequent children in the city had we had the chance.
Sixteen years ago Dan and I were driving to pick up Dawn at Melie�s house
after
celebrating our anniversary alone the night before. We were only two
suburbs away from
Melie�s when we were forced onto the shoulder by an aggressive driver and
our car
flipped into a ditch. We were both dead before the rescue team could get
us out of the
wreckage.
***********************************************************************
My sister and brother-in-law�s will gave Chuck--my husband--and I custody
of
Dawn. We could never have children of our own. That I was upset by the
accident and
missed Janice and Dan terribly goes without saying; but Dawn has truly
been a blessing for
us.
Chuck and I sold their house and added the money to Dawn�s college fund.
We
couldn�t believe how fast that tiny house sold. Why anyone would want to
live in the city
is beyond me.
Luckily we live in this wonderful suburb miles outside of the city. Our
street is a
wide cul-de-sac. When Dawn was little it was the perfect place for her to
draw with chalk
and learn to ride her bike. I quit my job when Dawn came along--I�m
really glad I did too.
I know it was the best thing for all three of us.
When Dawn entered Kindergarten the bus picked her up right at the corner.
I
went back to work for half-days. I had to be home in the afternoons so I
could drive
Dawn to T-ball practice, dance lessons, violin recitals, sleep-overs,
birthday parties, and all
those other activities kids these days have.
When Dawn reached high school she got a job at the local library.
Frequently
while driving her to and from work I marveled at how independent she had
always been.
And smart, too. Chuck and I have always loved her so much! And her
friends too-such
nice young people!
************************************************************************
I like, don�t remember exactly when I met Dawn, but it was like, junior
high, I
guess. I�m a grade older, but Dawn�s always seemed much older than me.
She�s a sweet
girl. Her aunt and uncle are pretty cool, too. I wish my parents were
that cool.
When I like, got my license it was cool �cause we could go places.
Mostly we just
hung out at each other�s house and played Play Station or watched TV.
Sometimes we�d
go catch a movie or something. We�d hit a party every once in a while
too. Dawn�s not a
big drinker--not like me--she�s a sweet girl. She�d usually have a can of
pop and sip from
my beer. We�re pretty close like that.
I don�t know. Last spring we went to this like, happenin� party at this
girl Jessie�s
house. No parents, lots of beer, and fully stocked bar--good stuff. Dawn
looked sa-weet
in this cute little dress. I mean, like, she was beggin� for attention in
it, right? You know
how girls are. I guess she was bored or something, because she asked me
to get her her
own can of beer.
My friend Tony had hooked me up with some R-pills a few months earlier. I
wanted to use them on Samantha, but I never got the chance and then we
broke up. I had
kind of wondered if they were still good- like if they had a long
shelf-life like a Twinkie.
So I slipped a couple into Dawn�s beer and we went upstairs to play some
Nintendo.
She�d drunk maybe a third of her beer when she started to feel dizzy. I
told her
that was just the alcohol buzz and if she kept going it would go away.
Maybe it was just
the alcohol buzz. I mean, she like, hardly ever drank. She�d almost
finished the can when
she passed out and fell back.
I locked the door, but I left my game on pause. I dumped the rest of the
beer
down the sink. Dawn looked so sexy lying there on the bed--like, real
grown up. I could
almost see her underwear. She had been practically beggin� for me to make
a move all
night. I just like, pulled her underwear off and threw it somewhere on
the floor.
I had a condom in my like wallet, but I like decided not to use it. I
swear we like
learned in like health class that drinking alcohol makes you, uh, like,
uh--omnipotent, or
uh--impotent! Yeah, so and besides, it was my first time and I was pretty
sure nothing
serious could happen if it was the guy�s first time. And I knew nothing
could happen if it
was the girl�s first time and I was pretty like sure it was like Dawn�s
first time too.
So I like, ya know, did my thing and put her underwear back on. I was
gentle
think- I didn�t want to like, hurt her. I covered her with a blanket too,
so she�d be warm,
and I rolled her onto her side in case she like, puked. After I finished
my game I went
back downstairs for like, two or three hours.
I guess Jessie found her or something and freaked because she was
unconscious
and Jessie knew she wasn�t really a drinker. We waited a couple of hours
and then I
called 911. Jessie was too upset and everyone else practically had left.
So, like, that was
last spring.
************************************************************************
Three months ago I came out of a four-and-a-half month coma. I would
have been
a junior this year, but Aunt Melie thinks I may be able to catch-up over
the summer and go
back for my senior year. I don�t know if I really want to though. I�m
seven-and-a-half
months pregnant with twins. The doctors think I had too much alcohol and
that it reacted
with my _______ medication and that�s what put me in a coma. They say
some guy at the
party must have raped me after I passed out. It was probably some
ass-hole I don�t even
know. I bet there were a lot of creeps at that party.
I�m so overwhelmed. I feel like this is my fault; but I�m a nice girl
and I�m not a
slut or anything! My friend Nick always tells me I�m a sweet girl. I
can�t believe I would
have drunk as much as they said, but I can�t remember anything from that
night. And now
I�m having twins. I�ll keep them, I guess. My life used to be a fairy
tale, but now it�s
horrible! I didn�t ask for any of this.
Most of my friends haven�t come to visit me since I woke up. I guess
they�re busy
with SAT�s and school and stuff. Only Nick comes to see me, and nearly
every day too.
Nick told me he feels bad. He thinks he didn�t protect me. He�s so
sweet. A true friend,
ya know? I guess he�s my Prince Charming in a way.