One Act in A Tragedy

Part 6

Author: Ruby-Flame Jedi Queen

Rating: PG (so far)

Feedback: The more feedback, the faster I'll work to finish! :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so, with the glow of wedded bliss being replaced by the division of war, the tragedy began...

***

�Amidala, what would happen if the republic stopped serving its same principles of democracy?�

�Then they are fools.�

Amidala was awakened from her dream, which echoed a previous conversation with her handmaiden Eirtae, by a shift in her surroundings, and when she finally managed to open her eyes, she saw that Ani was no longer in bed.

It took Amidala a few moments to shake off the haze of her dream, but when she did she remembered that Anakin had never been in bed to begin with�she was here, at their lush apartment on Coruscant, and he was still somewhere on the outer rim fighting the war with other Jedi.

That monster of a war. Amidala sighed. She would forever be a pacifist after experiencing the Nubian War eleven years ago. She had fought so diligently for the continuation of peaceful negotiation in order to prevent the current war, but events had spun out of control so quickly after the discovery of the clone army and the attack by the Separatists.

Amidala felt the heat from the Coruscant �summer� like a wave pressing down on her, and she desperately wished for a breeze. In fact, a picture of the Naboo Lake Retreat flashed through her mind at that moment. Yes, the senate could provide her with lovely interior design and architecture, but the luxury of the apartment was no match for the natural exterior beauty of Naboo. The cool summer breezes, the emerald green hillsides, the warmth of Anakin�s breath against her cheek as he inhaled and exhaled in the slow rhythm of sleep, a sleep she was able to share beside her love for the first time�

That fond memory brought a smile to Amidala�s lips even with the tinge of worry that it also allowed to resurface. Anakin was so far away and constantly in harm�s way. He had only been gone for two weeks now, but every day felt like an eternity. And the meetings in the senate sure didn�t speed time up any. They were long and often left Amidala feeling as though very little had been achieved. And Palpatine was still in office, despite Amidala�s qualms on the subject. Something was not right, but Amidala couldn�t quite put her finger on it yet. The Senate was changing, but the exact nature of the change was still intangible.

And with so much on her mind, and no one to talk to, Amidala felt very alone indeed. Sometimes she spoke aloud to herself, and sometimes she put the droids through her ranting and raving. Occasionally, she was able to speak with Sola and the rest of her family and even with her beloved handmaidens, but mostly Amidala kept to herself, pining for the completion she felt in Anakin�s presence. Even though they had just begun to learn the intricacies of each other�s characters, Amidala already felt as if no one could understand her the way Ani did. He was such a good listener; he had always treasured her every word.

*Yes, I hear your thoughts. You mean you're not even TRYING to send them to me?*

Amidala had a sudden flashback to the day after the first assassination attempt on her life. She had shared a mental connection with Anakin then�but it had only lasted a few short moments. Perhaps that accounted for the mutual understanding that they both had now. Amidala only wished that she could hear Anakin�s thoughts now. If she could only make sure that he was all right��

Amidala brooded a little longer, but then the weight of her thoughts slowly dispersed as a need for rest overtook her mind�

Amidala was shackled against a wall that towered higher than her vision could distinguish in the dim light. Amidala tried to scream, but whoever had done this to her had gagged her as well, and it came out muffled, contorted. Her eyes scanned over the unfamiliar place searching for any tool that might be of use to her escape. All the while, she tried to think back, wondering what or who might have brought her here. Palpatine. The word flashed in the back of her mind, and even as she thought it, she knew it must be true. Something about him seemed like it mocked her- his position in relation to hers, perhaps�and in those mocking eyes she saw a taunting chant, �I know something you don�t know�� Palpatine. There he stood, a shadow in one of the dark corners, watching her futile efforts to escape. Wordlessly, he approached her, until he stood only a few feet in front of her. Amidala thrashed and tugged on the shackles, trying to get them to reach him, hit him, hurt him, anything... but his hood was pulled up , and Amidala puzzled over this. Was he under the hood? Why did he try and hide himself so? There was something dark about him, if only she could figure it out! Suddenly a triumphant cry escaped her lips as she freed a hand and quickly, swiftly moved to pull down the hood...

Amidala awoke with the cry still on her lips. She had already had this nightmare many times. It was the first of the frightful series that began a long time ago and was perhaps the most disturbing, for this nightmare contained a name. She thought of the Palpatine, in his high position for far too long, and shuddered. This had to be more than a dream. Now she had had it again, and the first few times had already been too vivid for her liking.

Had Anakin dreamt of this as well? Amidala wondered, for when the dreams first began, Anakin had experienced them too.

And why these dreams? Amidala had always felt uneasy around Palpatine, but why had her mind chosen him as this strange manipulative kidnapper?

Amidala suddenly had a disturbing thought. Anakin had not mentioned the dreams since they last spoke via the �mind�, and since then, he had spent more and more time around Palpatine. In fact, Anakin greatly respected the man. But then�

Now Amidala began to second-guess herself. Perhaps she had judged Palpatine too hastily, perhaps�

ZZZZRRRRIIIIINNNGGGG. The sudden noise caused Amidala to jump out of her bed, the �fight-or-flight� adrenaline quickly taking effect. But it was a premature reaction; that was only the sound indicating an incoming transmission. Anakin Amidala�s heart leapt.

Amidala entered the code to allow the transmission to come in. It appeared, a small hologram, before her.

�Padme!� Anakin�s relief was clear the moment he saw her.

�Anakin, are you all right?� Amidala gushed, a bit worried at the confusion and anxiety that seemed etched into her husband�s face.

�I just�I wanted to make sure that you were safe,� he replied; a shifty response that put Amidala on edge.

�Why wouldn�t I be safe, Ani; it�s you I�m worried about!� Amidala responded, searching for the truth in his hologram.

Anakin shifted his stance and looked down for a moment. �Well�I��

Amidala cut him off, suddenly remembering her dream. �Anakin�do you remember those dreams we used to have?�

Even on the hologram, Anakin�s face paled visibly. �W-w-hat about those dreams?�

�I had one tonight Ani�� Amidala began, and for some reason this attracted all of Anakin�s attention at once.

�I did too, so you know�� Anakin began, but Amidala was anxious to continue.

��it was the same as my very first one, and Palpatine was in it.�

��that�� Anakin suddenly stopped talking and looked confused. �Palpatine?�

Amidala nodded intently. �You must have felt it too; his intentions were��

Anakin, still taken aback, interrupted, ��Amidala, don�t you think you�re judging Palpatine a bit harshly? We�re out here doing our duty to win the war, and he is doing his. He�s doing an admirable job, if you ask me��

Amidala could tell that this was a discussion Anakin had had before, and though she was aware that it seemed to bother him, she couldn�t help but remember those mocking eyes, �But Anakin, didn�t you feel his��

�Listen, Padme; I just needed to make sure you were all right. I�m not really supposed to make these transmissions; they could put both of us in danger. I-I just had to know. I�ll try to get back as quickly as I can. Don�t worry about me, my angel. I love you.�

And as quickly as he had appeared, Anakin was gone.

Amidala was left not feeling at all relieved or reassured. In fact, she felt more alone and confused than before. She stared at the console, lost in her thoughts, for the rest of the night.

***

Her brief contact with Anakin played over and over in her mind throughout the course of the next day as well. In one sense, Amidala was relieved to have heard from him. That meant that Ani was still alive, and other than his weary appearance, he was unharmed. Yet Amidala was bothered by how quickly he had dismissed her notions about Palpatine.

After reporting for duty, Amidala declined Bail�s invitation for a get-together with Mon Mothma and some other senators with the excuse that she wasn�t feeling well. This was, in fact, the truth�Amidala�s head felt a little light and her stomach was feeling a bit queasy.

Once Amidala returned to her apartment, she decided to go to the place that soothed her the most. An outdoor �balcony� of sorts that overlooked Coruscant. And while it wasn�t her special glass-windowed garden in the palace on Naboo, it did contain one treasure that made Amidala smile every time she looked at it. The beautiful Nubian-themed water fountain that Anakin had sculpted for her as a gift a little over a year ago. How things had changed since then! Amidala grinned as she remembered her futile efforts to convince everyone that Ani was �just a friend.� She couldn�t have denied her love for him forever even if she had kept trying. But, oh, how blissful surrendering her emotions had been even though it had been laced with the knowledge of impending death. Amidala could never forget the look on Anakin�s face when she finally expressed her emotions. �You love me?�

At times, Amidala felt like her heart was going to burst from containing such a powerful secret. A secret marriage. Not even her parents knew. Amidala hated to keep anything from her family, but she knew that if anyone found out about her marriage, then that information could fall into the wrong hands and be used against her. Amidala had dealt with living in fear for her life not so long ago (even with Anakin as her �protector�), and she refused to willingly put herself in that position again. No, her secret had to remain just that until the war ended.

As Amidala continued to watch the soothing way the water flowed out of the fountain into the surrounding basin, she suddenly felt her stomach turn and found herself running toward the bathroom, knowing that she would soon be retching her stomach�s contents.

After heaving until their was nothing left to heave, Amidala groaned and sank to the floor, feeling incredibly weak and lightheaded. Somewhere in between lying on the floor and thinking about how lightheaded she felt, Amidala slipped into the unconscious. She was no longer lying on her bathroom floor on Coruscant, but instead, she saw herself enter a small Nubian home resting on a hillside, overlooking a lake. Amidala watched herself enter the house and glide, as if a ghost, across the tiled floor until she came to the side of a small bed, upon which rested a little girl. My daughter, Amidala realized. The girl�s short brown hair was curled in ringlets around her peaceful face; she seemed surreal, like an angel�

A droning mechanical voice broke through Amidala�s dream-like state and called her mind back to the present. Amidala�s eyes blinked open, slowly, where the ceiling of her bathroom returned to her view. Then, a blur of gold replaced the sight of the ceiling, and after a few seconds, Amidala realized she was looking upon C3PO�s face.

�Miss Padme? Miss Padme! Oh thank heavens! Are you quite all right?� the droid was saying.

But Amidala didn�t acknowledge him. She may have still felt lightheaded and groggy, but as soon as she was aware that she was no longer in a dream, Amidala sat up with a start. Her head protested, spinning slightly, and the sound of �Miss Padme� was still droning in the background. But Amidala simply stared straight ahead at the toilet before her�no, past the toilet, for her mind was in an altogether different place; a state of shock.

�Miss Padme? Can you hear me? Miss Padme?�

Amidala�s jaw dropped, slightly, and she continued to stare directly in front of her�one thought tensing her entire body.

�I�m pregnant,� she mouthed, in disbelief.

***

�Sabe, I need you right now more than I�ve ever needed you before. Is there a way that you could come to my apartment in Coruscant?�

Amidala could keep a secret. But now, to carry this secret on her shoulders on top of her secret marriage�she just had to speak with a real human being. To find comfort in someone. And since Anakin was off fighting the war, she couldn�t even tell him. Her own husband wouldn�t be the first to hear the news! So Amidala had pondered a great many hours; her mind constantly wandered to that train of thought during political meetings even though she knew she needed to focus at the important diplomatic decisions at hand. But truth be told, the meetings were becoming more and more a platform for multiple speeches by Chancellor Palpatine, so at least her silence did not seem unusual. Even her suspicions had been pushed aside by the constant nag of the question: what am I going to do?

Amidala finally came to the conclusion that she knew one person and dear friend who had been willing to be put in dangerous positions for Amidala�s sake before, and would probably not be associated with Amidala if dangerous situations should even arise: Sabe.

And so Amidala now found herself practically groveling over a holo-screen to her former handmaiden, who was, herself, looking quite plump and radiant with mother-hood as she had just given birth to a baby girl a couple weeks ago.

�Amidala, my husband is often away and my baby needs me. Could I not help you now, over the holo-screen?�

Amidala simply shook her head, tears threatening at the thought of having to continue to bear this new secret alone. She opened her mouth to speak, but found her throat constricted as well.

Suddenly angry at herself for being so emotional, Amidala took a deep breath and found enough voice to make a final plea, �Sabe, you can bring your daughter with you. If only for a few days. I really need you. Your husband will understand.�

The sight of Amidala in such desperation must have melted Sabe�s reservations, for she finally nodded, her face filling with worry. �Then if you don�t mind my daughter coming, I�ll be there Amidala. I cannot stay any longer than two days, but I will come.�

Amidala had never been so relieved. �Thank you, Sabe. Thank you.�

***

�You---what?!� Sabe�s jaw hung open farther than Amidala�s had when she had come to the realization.

�I�m pregnant,� Amidala repeated.

The words spoke multitudes, for although Sabe did not know of Amidala�s secret marriage, she was quite aware that Amidala�s term in the Senate would end abruptly if anyone else discovered her pregnancy. And Sabe knew how fiercely Amidala was dedicated to her ideas of negotiation, especially during a time of war, so she knew that Amidala would not leave the Senate without a fight. Amidala felt needed now more than ever.

Sabe took a few minutes to consider the weight of Amidala�s two-word declaration. Amidala felt the minutes pass by like hours even though she attempted to distract herself by tracing the contours of little Livianne�s face. The baby was barely two months old. Amidala could only image what it would feel like to one day trace the contours of her own baby�s face. But how could she ever feel at ease bringing a baby into a life of danger�into the middle of a war? Into a secret that already held so much at stake?

Finally, Sabe spoke, �A baby can be a blessing in disguise.�

Amidala�s eyes met Sabe�s, and she could read the question behind them. Amidala took a deep breath, and her hands nervously ran over the smooth fabric of the plain chartreuse gown she had donned for the day. �Sabe, you know that you have always been my best friend. Any information I have withheld from you was simply for your own protection, do you understand?�

Sabe lowered her eyes to the bassinette in which her daughter lay, cloaked in slumber. An expression of serenity replaced the doubt that Amidala had sensed in her face, and finally Sabe looked up and nodded. Amidala scanned her eyes for accusation and found none. Amidala almost did not know how to proceed.

�Are you married, Padme?� Sabe asked in a hushed tone, her perception never lacking. Amidala�s silence confirmed the fact, and suddenly Sabe�s eyes widened as the puzzle pieces fell into place.

�Anakin. You married Anakin.� Sabe stated without any hint of a questioning tone. �Now I understand��

Amidala suddenly felt the tingle of tears well up in her eyes, and a powerful emotion overwhelmed her. �Sabe, I don�t know what to do. Anakin�s off somewhere in the outer rim, so I can�t even tell him the news. I need your help.�

It was then that the tears announced their presence, with a ferocity that left Amidala shaking. Sabe pulled Amidala into a firm embrace, and once the flow of tears had ebbed, she motioned for Amidala to observe Livianne�s tranquil face. Amidala felt her fears ease as she took in the baby�s small button nose, her chubby cheeks, tinted a light shade of pink, and the spaghetti strands of light brown hair that matted the baby�s forehead.

�This was a child conceived out of love and born into love. No matter what the danger, no matter what the future may bring, that knowledge has always been enough for me. Anakin has loved you since the day I met him as nine-year-old boy, and I�m sure his love runs just as deeply now. Am I wrong?�

Amidala, still transfixed by the soothing aura of the child, shook her head slowly. The memory of Anakin as a child, asking her if she was an angel, suddenly brought her back to reality. �No, you�re right. But this secret is going to become impossible to keep�and, well, Sabe, you remember when they thought that I was mentally unstable after the attack. Already, my confidence and sense of security had been shaken. Sometimes, my fear would become so acute that I would believe I had gone mad. I�ve had to live in fear of my own life and I often still do. I�m afraid that this child will be smothered with anxiety and worry instead of love.�

Amidala searched Sabe�s face for some comfort, and found both of mix of regret and the hint of a smile of her friend�s visage. Once Sabe�s eyes locked onto Amidala�s, however, they projected nothing but confidence, �Padme, I�ve seen you set all of your fears aside to do what was just and necessary for you people in Naboo as the Queen. I see you fight for justice with a firm resolve as a senator. I do not expect any less of you in the face of a child you already love more than you can understand.�

Amidala felt another emotion overwhelm her, but this time she welcomed it. She let her head rest against her friend�s shoulder and felt Sabe�s hand envelope her own. �Thank you, Sabe.�

***

***

Sabe�s departure left me feeling more alone than ever before. I remember that at times my only comfort was the memory of her daughter�s serene face, and the hope that one day I would have the privilege to gaze upon my own child�s face. My loneliness soon became the least of my problems, for shortly after Sabe returned home, the war arrived in Coruscant. I remember living so many moments in fear; fear for my safety and the safety of Anakin�s child, fear that I would never see my husband again, fear for my life and that of my family members and friends�so much fear. When the Chancellor was taken captive, I found solace in Mon Mothma�s home because I even feared for the safety of my home. If a political figure as powerful and protected as Palpatine could be kidnapped, what was to keep my child out of harm�s way? I was haunted by this thought, and by that horrible dream, which resurfaced several times. Later, Mon Mothma would tell me that she often heard me cry out in my sleep. During these attacks and the time of tumult on Coruscant, I received terrible and then wonderful news.

�Padme,� A firm, insistent voice roused the Senator from a much-needed nap. Padme woke with a start and found Mon Mothma�s face before hers. Her faced seemed passive, but Amidala knew enough about Mon to know that behind that mask of complacency, her wide eyes relayed a certain amount of sorrow and fear.

�What is it? What�s wrong?� Amidala asked fearfully, her questions curt and direct as she tried to harden her heart for the next blow.

�It�s Sabe,� Mon Mothma began, and Amidala suddenly felt her whole body chill beneath the weight of those words.

�Sabe�� Amidala began, but her words, her breath, her thoughts seemed to drain out of her with the mention of the name.

A silence ensued until Mon Mothma finally continued, deciding that Amidala�s direct approach would probably be the best way to break the news, �Sabe and her daughter were both killed in a recent raid in their district of Coruscant. Explosives went off in the apartments. They wouldn�t have had time to suffer.�

Amidala felt numb with disbelief. Her best friend and all of her best friend�s hopes and dreams�all eliminated, destroyed by explosives. Suddenly Sabe�s words rang in her mind, This was a child conceived out of love and born into love. No matter what the danger, no matter what the future may bring, that knowledge has always been enough for me.

Amidala thought of Sabe�s daughter, her face so serene. Little Livianne Leia Elsberre. If I have a daughter, I will name her Leia, Amidala thought to herself.

And then the tears overwhelmed her.

***

�Did you hear about the Jedi?� A man in a dark brown oversized trench coat asked his Bith friend who replied in a language that Amidala did not understand. The pair began walking at a faster pace, and Amidala increased her speed to keep up with them. Mothma glanced questioningly at Amidala�s change of pace, and Amidala gave her a look that conveyed nervousness. Mothma bought the lie, and Amidala strained to hear the man�s next words.

�Hmmm. Interesting. I�ve always wanted to be a Jedi myself, but I always assumed they were immortal. What about Kenobi and the young Jedi with him?�

Amidala�s breathing quickened as her heart clenched with fear. Please let him be all right. I�ve already lost my best friend�not my husband as well. Please please please�

The Bith responded briefly and the man stopped in his tracks. �No. I don�t believe it. Killed? Couldn�t be. Kenobi and Skywalker are legends! Impossible.�

Amidala did not even realize that she had stopped in her tracks as well until Mothma touched her arm. �Padme? We cannot make targets of ourselves! Hurry, Bail will be expecting us.�

The Bith is wrong. He�s wrong, he�s wrong, he�s wrong, Amidala repeated in her mind. She acquiesced to Mothma�s please and resumed her pace, but her legs felt as heavy as lead. She had heard rumors before, but her worry was reaching an intolerable level after Sabe�s death. To quiet her fears, Amidala conjured a tender moment in her mind�s eye�

Anakin�s eyes met Amidala�s and his hand slid gently from her hand, up her arm, and then tenderly cupped her chin and kissed her lightly on the lips.

Yet she was very aware of his body lying over hers. She was very aware of every touch on her skin. She was very aware of his hands caressing almost every inch of her body and yet only coming close to the most sensitive areas; he teased her and only made her yearning mount with every touch as he purposefully delayed the gratification she desired. And then, with their clothes spread about them, and the stars smiling above them, Amidala and Anakin felt every ounce of desire that they had repressed for so long surge forth as they made love for the first time.

This memory was like a secret treasure that Amidala knew nothing could take away from her. With the beauty of this night still fresh in her mind, she was able to make it another day away from her husband. Another day without her best friend. Another day keeping the secret of the life that was growing in her womb. And another day. And another.

***

((03.10.07--Here is the latest short installment of Act 6. The next installment will be up by March 19th.)))

The conference room swelled with conversation, and Amidala, having hardly slept the night before, strained to piece together the phrases that she caught despite the way her head was throbbing. She had thrown up profusely again this morning; thankfully, no one had been around to witness this act. Paranoia seemed to nip at the back of her mind, and Amidala tried with all her might to repress it. She could recall the last time she had felt its incessant buzz�after the assassination attempt on her life. In fact, there were so few moments during which Amidala hadn�t felt as though some danger loomed in the background. Her nightmares were tributes to that fact.

��Rescue attempt on the Chancellor...�

��Jedi assigned to the mission?...�

��Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker��

At the sound of her husband�s name, Amidala�s heart stopped in her chest. Fear constricted her breathing as she strained to pick out that particular conversation among the many voices chattering in the Senate room. The voice came from Senator Agreiva, a plump Senator with greedy brown eyes and slicked back muddy brown hair.

��Rumor has it that they were assigned to the mission. No other Jedi were considered as capable, but there has been no word from them since yesterday, and in such a mission, one day�s time is plenty of time for something to have gone wrong��

Amidala�s mind reeled and without thinking she slid one hand over her belly as if to guard the life that lay within from any peril that her husband might face.

�Order! Order!� Bail�s voice rang from the center of the domed room, and the boom of the acoustics swelled and slowly extinguished all chatter. Amidala awaited his words anxiously. Meanwhile, her mind sought solace in playful images. If it�s a girl, she will have light brown hair that hangs to the middle of her back, and I will braid it as my mother did to me, and she will have a trill little girl�s laugh that will be light and melodious enough to dispel any shadows�

�We have just received a message that Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker have successfully rescued the Chancellor and are being escorted to��

At that point Amidala stopped listening. She let herself stand with the other Senators and fall into step alongside them. Her body was on auto-pilot. Her mind was overwhelmed with joy at seeing her husband again. And then she suddenly realized that he knew nothing of the baby.

Amidala froze.

�Padme?� The pressure from a concerned hand on her shoulder brought Amidala�s gaze up to that of Mon Mothma�s, and Amidala felt embarrassed that she was making the wrong moves in front of this Senator again. In times like these, Amidala no longer felt safe enough to confide in anyone save her husband. Sabe had been the only other female she truly trusted, and when Sabe had died, that trust had died along with her.

�I�m fine,� Padme lied, and put on her most reassuring smile. In fact, it wasn�t too much of a lie to forge this smile�all Amidala had to do was think of his blue eyes, his intense gaze, the way she felt in his arms�

Mothma looked dubious, but nodded and continued on. Amidala breathed a sigh of relief and fell back into step, trying not to obsess over what Anakin would think. He was back safely, and this, in itself, was enough to keep Amidala padding forward. She tried not to become too giddy as she thought of being mere seconds away from his embrace.

Placing herself conveniently behind one of the large marble pillars of the Senate building, Amidala watched as the entourage of politicians hardly noticed her slip away. She watched�and waited. Anxiously, she began chewing on the skin above her thumb, and then she heard the familiar determined tenor sound of her husband�s voice. She watched, as if in a dream, as he walked past her, but she didn�t fret; she could feel his presence and knew from the way his gait grew slower and preoccupied that he had sensed her presence as well. The air around them seemed to teem with their mingled emotions of relief and joy.

When he turned around, Amidala couldn�t help herself�even her heavy skirts didn�t stop her from running to him. And then his arms were around her, and Amidala let all of her worries slip away.