Education:
I was born intelligent - education ruined me
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. 
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
On the other hand, you have different fingers. 

Relationship:
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for your falling in love. - Albert Einstein
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. 
Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
The wise never marries. And when they marry they become otherwise.
Save water. Shower with your girl friend.
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
Love doesn't have to have a happy ending, so love doesn't have to end at all.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
Just remember ... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. 
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
The key to successful relationship is sincerity, and if you can fake that you can do anything.

Work: 
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station what more can I say.. 
If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for? 
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk! 
"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours!
The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know So why learn.
When two's company, three's the result!
A day without sunshine is like ... night.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Money:
Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left by those who got there first.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.