| Tea, a bath, and a wetshave, the bachelor's way to heaven. This is true. Any single man, feeling depressed and mired with the filth of society should go home and follow the following recipe precisely: Run a hot bath, the sort of temperature that feels just too hot when you first get in. While the bath is running, run a basin of hot water. Make sure you are in possession of a sharp razor, proper shaving soap and a badger-hair brush. Apply the shaving soap thickly, with the badger-hair brush, (obviously), and then, taking the razor, scrape off the thick soap, until all stubble has disappeared. Rinse the brush and the razor, and run a fresh basin of hot water. Immerse head until all traces of shaving soap are washed from cheeks. Then, making sure there is a thick soft towel by the bath, (which should preferably be of the cast iron type with lion's feet), immerse body in bath. Wash hair thoroughly, and then wash body all over. Climb out of bath, dry with soft fluffy towel, put on soft fluffy dressing gown. Go to the kettle. Fill the kettle with water, and boil. While the kettle is boiling, get proper tea leaves, preferably of the Lapsang Souchong or Earl Grey type, and place in teapot, (or in metal tea thing in teapot, to prevent leaves in tea). Get a mug, preferably a more elegant one than not, put in full fat unhomogenised milk, to taste. When kettle boils, pour hot water into teapot. Let the tea brew. When brewed, pour into mug, find somewhere to sit down, and drink. (This recipe is also suitable for women, with slight alterations.) |