A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the
restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport,
when in walked a Marine staff sergeant,
dressed in his dress blues.
The little boy turned to the Marine and said,
�Wow! Are you a Marine?�
The Marine replied, �Why, yes I am, young man.
Would you like to wear my hat?�
�Boy, would I!,� said the little boy.
He took the hat and placed it on his head and
turned to admire himself in the mirror.
As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man�
he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.
The little boy turned and went over to the soldier.
As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at
the soldier�s chest full of medals and combat ribbons.
He tried to speak, but he couldn�t.
Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say,
�Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?�
The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice,
�Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?�
The little boy smiled, and said,
�Oh, no sir!! I�m not a Marine. I�m just wearing his hat!�
�Imagine son,� the father says, �exactly 31 years ago the great �New York Twin Towers� stood proudly in this area�.
Intrigued by the comment, the son asks �What were the Twin Towers, dad?�
To which the father replies �They were two of the largest buildings in the world and they housed many thousands of offices.... but on SEP 11 2001, they were destroyed by terrorists�
The son pauses for a while and then asks �What are terrorists, dad?�
On one hot summer day on Smoke Bomb Hill, the General was talking and talking until a young buck sergeant dozed off. �Sergeant-Major�, yelled the General, �There�s a sergeant sleeping in the front row�.
The SGM ran to the front of the theater and reached out to shake the sergeant awake, but General Yarborough ordered. �No Sergeant-Major, let him sleep. As long as he�s asleep, he�s a sergeant. When he wakes up he�ll be a corporal�.
While talking to a potential recruit, the military recruiter said,
�Exactly what kind of job are you looking
for in the military?�
The high school kid said, �I�m looking for something
with an enlistment bonus of about $20,000, where I won�t have to work too hard, and won�t have to deploy overseas.
The recruiter said, �Well, what if I could hook you up with a skill
that allowed you to come straight in as an E-7,
where you�ll only work weekdays, and you can have the base of your choice and stay there as long as you want?�
The young recruit sat up straight and said,
�Wow! Are you kidding?�
The recruiter replied, �Yeah, but you started it.�
got into an argument about which service is
�The Best.� The arguing became so heated,
that they eventually ended up killing each other.
Soon, they found themselves at the Pearly Gates
of Heaven. Soon they meet St Peter and decide
that only he would be the ultimate source of truth
and honesty so they ask him:
�St Peter, which branch of the American Armed Forces
is the best?�
St. Peter instantly replies: �I can�t answer that.
But, I will ask God what he thinks the next time
I see him.�
Some time later the three see St. Peter again and
remind him of the question and ask if he was able to
find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove
lands on St. Peter�s shoulder. In the dove�s beak is
a note with glistening gold dust.
St. Peter says to the four men, �Your answer from the
Boss. Let�s see what he says.� St Peter opens the note,
trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps
play crescendos and St Peter begins to read it aloud to
the four young men:
MEMORANDUM TO SOLDIERS, SEAMEN, MARINES, AND AIRMEN
SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is The Best?
�Gentlemen, all the Branches of the Armed Services
are Honorable and Noble. Each of you served your
country well and with distinction. Being a member
of the American Armed Forces represents a special
calling warranting special respect, tribute, and
dedication. Be proud of that.�
Very Respectfully,
GOD, SF, USA (Ret.)
She said, �Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?�
�No,� the gunny said, �just serious by nature.�The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, �It looks like you have seen a lot of action.� The gunny�s short reply was, �Yes, a lot of action.�
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, �You know, you should lighten up a little - relax and enjoy yourself.�
The gunny just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, �You know, I hope you don�t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had any?� The gunny looked at her and replied,�1955.�
She said, �Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously,I mean, nothing since 1955, isn�t that a
little extreme?�
The Gunny, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,�Oh, I don�t know .........it�s only 2130 now!�
"Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.
" Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.""I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly sayingpolite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and seta good example.Nothing worked.
He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and thebird just got more angry and became even more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was quiet -- not a sound for half a minute. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I
believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I willendeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."
David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued:
"May I ask what the chicken did?"
him and whacked him on the head with a rolled up magazine.
"Ouch!! What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary
Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of
the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a
good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up
and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which
knocked him out cold.
When he came too, he asked, "Now what was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called".
