TheDerekPage

The Derek Page...

The Writings of Derek Smith...

To Vanessa " I love you so much. Never has one person meant so much to me"- Derek Smith

To Vanessa and Derek " you guys are my friends untill it all ends, and I thank ya'll for everything that you guys have done"- Me, Robert Huerta

"The Decloration of Soul " by Derek Smith

Not much here lately, but its all good, more soon...

Index

Westwood

New pic coming Soon



	What is friendship? Having a friend? No, a true friendship lies much deeper than skin and bone. It is in our life, our soul, our heart. A true friend will stand by you through the worse of times; a friend is someone who offers his or her hand, when no help is needed. Friendship is a sacred gift, though it can be forged, it shall be of a poor quality. A true friendship is something that bonds two people together, common goals and interests may assist in the hold, but a true friendship is built before any of us come into the world. It is built up high in the stars, controlling our future, our life, our destiny. A true friend is meant to be, and should be fought to keep, even if it means sacrificing something dear to you. Sorrow. Can sorrow truly be explained in words? No one is immune to its awful force, its undying will to destroy the simple joys and pleasures of a simple-minded soul. It lays in wait, biding it is time, waiting for the perfect moment to inflict its horrible force. One cannot run away from it, nor manipulate it for their own good. It never truly leaves a person; it only lays dormant, waiting to infect their good-natured soul, causing chaos to spread to those close to the diseased. Once it strikes, you are swallowed, never to be the same again. Love. Though it usually thought of as a happy, joyous thing, in personal experiences, these occasions are just a mask for its true identity. Underneath the mask of love, an object many long and strive for, lays sorrow, pity, and depression. Love is a never-ending force, on the surface is spreading love, joy, and happiness; but in its wake lays countless unsuspecting souls, expecting the magical side of love, and finding its lethal underbelly. It brings out the worst in some people, causing hatred, and breaking the one thing that binds our fragile society together, friendship. If friendship falls, then humanity�s hope for survival is fallen as well. Love is double-edged sword. Is it worth the risk to tempt the most awesome force known as love? Happiness. Happiness is a whim, easily blown away in the slightest breeze. This may be the most simple of emotions to have, but one of the most difficult to experience. Happiness is usually worn as a mask, to cover ones true feelings and thoughts. Remove the mask, for all can see through your shallow disguise. Remove your mask and unveil your true thoughts, your true feelings to me and to the world. The truth is, happiness is a mask, and only a mask, created to cover ones �blemishes�. Hate, anger, sorrow, depression, guilt, deceit, and loneliness. Only one thing can truly cover these true faces, a friend. Someone who understands that you are not perfect, and loves you anyway. Anyone fooled by this mask is as shallow as the mask that they wear as well. Look for a friend, and happiness may find its way back into your spiraling life. Hope. Hope is the last chance for the forgotten. He clings to this with all of his might, but deep in his soul, knows his resistance is useless. He will fall into the same void that all others fall into. In some cases, the gleam of hope is so bright; it blinds one from facing reality. No one wants to face their grim reality, but if you can pull yourself away from all the distractions, a glimmer of true hope may show itself. We all fill ourselves with false hope, finding love at first sight, having a love to share all precious moments with, but the false hope only steers you away from the direction you need to fight for. Hope is visible, and within our reach, but can you find it within yourself to fight off the false hopes of society and struggle endlessly for a chance of hope? Lust: Many consider lust a sin, but many of these people are hypocrites. What many call love is nothing more than lust. In some cases, it may be a passionate lust, but is still lust and contains its characteristics. Love, if found in its entirety, is a great and enlightening event. It soothes the soul and binds a friendship even tighter, decreasing its chance to dissolve. Lust (or the common love), does in fact the opposite. It destroys ones soul, for it shows no compassion for human life and the delicate balance of human order that is humanity. It is a parasite, slowly decomposing ones soul until it is pushed to the breaking point, plunging the person into chaos. Once one soul has snapped, it spreads its depression on to those around them, multiplying lust every time it strikes. Many have fallen to lust, are you showing true and pure love, or are you destroying the fragile soul of another human being? Passion: Passion is the most lethal weapon one can wield. If used improperly, its force is damaging to those who it used against, but crippling against the one who wields it. Showing compassion can be a great boost to a relationship, but when you are in the vulnerable state of pouring your very heart and soul into something, that is when rejection is most painful. Before you attempt to use this double-sided dagger, is it worth the risk to receive the reward? Hate: Hate is the evil in all of our souls rearing its ugly head. Hate is a disease, spreading from the one who begins it, to all those that are exposed to it. Hate consumes us, filling us with anger, and clouding our vision, which is the only way to lead us to true happiness. Though others may notice your state, this too will be clouded, distorting what others say to you. If hate has control of you, will your vision be clear enough to resist? Luck: Luck is a two-sided coin. On one side, it can bring untold fortunes to one, fulfilling his every hope and desire. On the other side, it can ruin you, condemning you to a lifetime of sorrow and pain. Luck is simply unreliable, striking when needed at its least. Will you take charge of your life, or let luck determine your future? Integrity: Integrity has one simple purpose in the great scheme of things; to mask the sorrow and pain that lie within. It conceals the scars others have left on your soul, leaving them open to other woes. Though you may think concealing is the best way to deal with things, it covers the wounds, keeping anyone who tries to heal you away. Is it worth having a false pride just to impress others, or is what you need another�s gentle touch? Doubt: Doubt is parasite, sent upon ones soul by another, hoping to destroy his fragile happiness just to ease his own jealousy. It causes one to second-guess himself and those around him. It often destroys what is meant to be by causing one to not take that final step forward, and destroys things already built. Once doubt has been injected into you, nothing can forever rid you of its presence. While doubt scars the soul, it can also cause a slight hesitation, allowing time to observe your surroundings, perhaps keeping you from missing the love of your life, or from plunging off a cliff. Is it better to rush into things before doubt sets in, or wait to be sure it is meant to be? Betrayal: Betrayal is a predator, wounding all who come in its way. It hides in the shadows, studying you, watching and searching for the perfect time to strike. It knows all your weaknesses, and exploits them to its fullest. Betrayal�s aim is true, and always hits his mark. It always strikes swiftly and unexpected. Once hit, the poison infects you, slowly killing off that which enables you to love and care. Betrayal is hidden in a mask of trust, so if you confide in someone, be sure betrayal is nowhere to be found. Depression: Depression is a constant state. No one can escape it, nor control it. It causes the pain and suffering of humanity, yet provides the drive to get things done. It causes jealousy, hatred, anger, and sorrow. Yet, without it, love struggles. It gives one the means to achieve a goal and build a future. Though many consider it a woeful thing, it provides one with a new look on life. He realizes the sorrow and pain that can come with every decision. It allows one to fully be able to weigh the rewards and the risks that will follow. Without depression, one plunges into a false state of happiness, but is also without the ability to see all sides of a situation. Will you be able to use your depression to its fullest, or will you let it consume you until you must escape? If depression is not handled properly, it will drive one to the edge, and make them take that final plunge. Once it has control, few escape. It is only when a tremendous source of happiness comes, can you fathom escaping. However, if your desire is strong and you have someone on the outside to assist, escape is possible. Depression comes to an end for everyone, but will you escape or be pulled away from the outreached arms of those who love you? Rage: Rage is a powerful, destructive force derived from a buildup of anger, sorrow, and jealousy. Rage consumes you, blinding you off all things. Once consumed, no one can stop its awesome power. It is as a whirlwind, sucking in and destroying all that it touches. When engulfed by rage, your true emotions reveal themselves to the world around you. When the storm has past, all you have done is destroy that which you have worked so hard to build. A friendship & love: A friendship is one of the most important bonds humanity has. No evil can break it if neither wants it so. Though how is a friendship to be measured? Is there any sum of money you would rather have? Moreover, if compared to other friendships, is there one you would choose over another? There is only one danger I fear can harm a friendship; love. Separate, these are great, wondrous ideals, but if mixed, the results vary. In some cases, love adds to a friendship, making it even stronger than before. In other cases, it may destroy a friendship and forever leave a scar, reminding them of what occurred. There is one great question to ask yourself before you attempt to combine love with any friendship. Would you be willing to sacrifice the friendship in order to have a chance at love? If the friendship you have is as close and trusting that you consider willing and able to mix it with love, consider what more you can get from it by risking it all? If your friendship is grand enough to begin mixing love with it, why take the risk? Yet if it not worried about failure, why add love to it? Is it worth risking a true friendship that may last forever, to try to have a love that may not last? In many cases, you may need a close friend to be there for you, but if love turns sour, will they stay? It�s easy to maintain a friendship, but not a love. At the same time, it is near impossible to rebuild love or a friendship mixed with love. Is finding love worth losing a friend? Love: �A love made public will not last�. You may feel a great deal for someone you love, but if you have yet to make it public, no one will know but you. If you think about your true feelings for someone, doubt may begin to form, and the love may be lost forever. One may overanalyze their feelings for someone making love not what it is, love is not meant to be analyzed. It is meant to be free to strike wherever it sees fit. Though if you follow love blindly, disaster will strike. Many times, what people view as love is lust. Love is like a leader, leading his followers, but it too needs a guide to show it the way. If you think about love too much, it changes or fades to something else. At the same time, an unprocessed love will you leave array and cause chaos. Will you be able to find the balance needed to make love clear? Lust/Manipulation: These are cousins of love, similar in appearance, but opposites within. They hide from sight, making one think love is present, but when the time is right, strike a fatal blow. It destroys what has been built over time within a few seconds. Will you be able to sort love from lust in time to save your relationship? Rejection: Rejection is something we all must endure. Anyone who says they have never suffered from rejection is either lying or has blocked it from memory. For a while, it shuts a body down, keeping them from feeling little other than heartbreak and sorrow. But when the initial impact fades, it opens ones eyes to show them where they went wrong. If one is able to survive the initial shock, it will show them where they went wrong. Are you one of the people who prevent showing their true emotions in order to avoid rejection? Self-Image: This is simply someone�s view of themselves. Though many let others rule and control their life, everyone is in charge of their own life, making their own decisions. They should rely on others to keep them on the correct path, but for little more. You should not outwardly try to ignore people, but do not mold yourself to meet others expectations. Fear: It is fear that keeps us from doing. Sometimes, fear is to protect you from rejection or pain. Others, fear is able to keep us from risking more that should be risked. It enables us to try to realize all aspects that come with each choice. Every life should have enough fear to protect, but not so much as to rule. Are you letting fear guide you, or is it controlling you? Desire: Desire is the driving for of a person�s soul. It motivates one to reach for what they believe, love, and cherish. Though it can be useful, desire is easily misused. If one desires something too much, it can lead them down the road of pain and sorrow. As one wanders down this road, they lose track of first the reality around them, and then hope, and finally, they lose contact with those around them. Desire is one of a few emotions that only affect the one feeling this. The only effect it has on others is negative. If one grasps that which they cannot have, it will cause turmoil between them. This can easily lead to the destruction to any relationship. The only way it can begin to be repaired is if the one mad with desire can be brought back from the dark roads that lie before them. However, once one has journeyed down it, few can be recovered. Desire is a driving force; for it can drive one to great rewards, or drive him to the brink of insanity. Decisions: Decisions happen at every turn of human existence. Many people believe they choose their path, but it has already been laid out before them. The only choices one can make are how to go along that path. Some choose to take their time, and enjoy the sights, but these people never reap the rewards at the end. Others decide to concentrate only on a means to the end, but fail to see the beauty that lies before them. One needs to decide which is more important to them, reaching the end, or enjoying the road. Many people�s decisions on this path are influenced by others around them. One may feel strongly about another, but is afraid to show their desire for he fears what it may bring. This hesitation may cost him his one chance at true happiness. One cannot go through life making decisions based on how others may perceive it. Though a person should make their own decisions in life, he needs to rely on those around him to guide him if he shall falter. Everyone is free to make his or her own decisions, but beware what these may lead too. A choice to further a relationship with one person may weaken a relationship with another. Though companions are used as guides, in the end, it is your decision what turns to take in your life. Self-containment: Many times, though one deeply desires something, there is something within them, containing them from their desire. He may say that he will do anything to fulfill his desires, but never knows the only thing holding him back is he. No matter what others say, he is convinced that his problem is external, and he goes to such great lengths to locate and deal with this phantom, he wounds those around him, hurting those offering their hand in need. And it is only then, as he looks back at his wake of destruction that he realizes the demon is within. By then, all hope has been lost. Loss: Loss is something no one should have to bear, yet everyone must suffer through this at one point in his or her life. However, as one is able to overcome the rush of pain and shock, they emerge stronger than ever. Although the end is reachable, the journey there is not simple, and is rarely met in full. To fully move on, one needs a strong leg to stand on in their times of need. They may need to have a shoulder to be there for them, and however inconvenient it may be to those helping, any human with a heart will continuously offer their hand for them, until the goal is reached. Are you one that says you will help, but abandons someone in his or her time of need to pleasure your own life, or would you make the sacrifice and help someone heal and fully recover? Friendship: A friendship is one of the most sacred bonds that man has ever had. These bonds able us to get through our toughest times, and enjoy the easy ones. Though there is few that can truly destroy a friendship, a little thing may appear to have doomed it, thereby bringing a premature end to a great thing. Think about how much your friendships are worth, so when compared to the trials that lay ahead, the right choice is made. Words: The most important things are those hardest things to say. They are the things you are ashamed of. Words limit things that seemed limitless to no more than living size when they are brought out. The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret is buried, a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cause people to look at you in a funny, not understanding what you have said or why you thought it was so important. The worst is when the secret stays locked within, not because no one is there to listen, but you will not speak. Moving On: No matter the heartbreak one suffers, no matter how alone and betrayed one may feel, they must always carry on. Every event has a bright side, but if you stay in your state of sorrow, you may never find it. As long as a strong friend base is present, any circumstance can be overcome. Friends are needed to pull you from the void, trying to bring you further into a world of despair. As you are overcome with a wave of emotion, feeling that the one person you cherish more than anything, the person you would trust with your life, and the one you�d give your life for, tells you news that may seem unbearable at first, could end up being for the best. As emotion overcomes, your judgment is impaired, and without friends to guide you, it is easy to become lost. However much it may hurt to move on; the sooner you do, the sooner a new door is opened for you. Emotions: Everyone is overcome with an overwhelming feeling of pain, desire, passion, fear, anger, and depression. Though it is possible to hide it within, as it lies there, it grows more powerful, slowly destroying you from within. It engulfs you, blinding you, leading you astray. These overwhelming feels take complete control, causing agonizing pain the controlled. He suffers through life, and as things seem to start to go his way, life takes another twist, leading him further into a pit of despair. Many feel passionately about something, but never seem to reveal it until it too late. Once tremendous pressure has been added, the emotion becomes unbearable, driving one to the brink of madness. In a sudden wave of passion, he runs to his desire, trying to do anything to have what he so strongly wants; though in his desperate struggle, his heart is broken further, causing him more pain than ever before. Such actions can hamper or even destroy a relationship between the two. As that may be, if the relationship is strong, and you truly do desire them as you say, why do anything that could tear you apart? If there is a person worth the pain, why not do everything possible to preserve time with them? A true friendship should be held together at all costs, for in the end, this can save you from future heartbreak and sorrow. If you are not able to be with your desire, you must learn to adapt with the pain of seeing them in another�s arms, and learn to cherish any time spent with them. Mistakes/Troubles: Everyone has made a mistake or had life take a wrong turn. One can either look back on this and sulk, feeling sorry for themselves, shutting out the world around them, or one can rely on others to help bear the burden. These friends can provide a warm shoulder and open arms for you when life seems unbearable, spinning out of control. If you let your friends nurse your wounds, you will be able to look back at the trouble, and learn from it, being able to avoid it in the future. Loneliness: Loneliness is the beginning of all other states of sorrow. If you feel alone, like you must brave the world without anyone at your side, depression begins to set in. Everyone needs to know that they have someone to guide them, someone to comfort them, and someone to be there for them no matter what. Even if there are people who do care, if the person does not realize it, or it is not revealed, how is it to be known? All anyone needs is someone to be relied on to always be there for him, and is willing to do anything they can to help. Even if you greatly cherish someone, have you expressed it in a visible way? A last resort: When the pain becomes unbearable and you feel defeated, it seems there is only one way out. An overwhelming feeling of loneliness and depression hangs over you, driving you into madness. You feel betrayed, unloved, and alone. You turn to those around you for help, but no one seems to have the time, or maybe they just do not care. As you look to those you trust most in the world, the ones you cherish more than anything seem to only have time for them. That which has bothered you for some time becomes unbearable. Everyone around you seems to turn away at the mere sight of you. The ones you most expect to be there for you are instead lost between themselves. Everywhere you turn, those you love seem to be in the arms of another. If all is against you, there is only one way out. Will they even notice your absence? You may hate to hurt those you care deeply for, but they don�t seem to care for you, so why continue living a lie? It was they who drove you to this state, and now they must live without that which they shunned. Though this act, those who truly cared for you will be unveiled, showing who returned the love you gave to them. Crossing a line: Everyone experiences change. Some may rip away all you cherish, leaving you vulnerable and weak. Others that seem to hinder end up bringing all that you have into new light. It may enable you to spend time with the one you cherish, love to be around, and drive to be near. These overwhelming feelings of grasping your desires may cause render you unable to truly express your emotions. Though there are no words to verify, it is easily known that between you lies is a bond that few can equal, and none can break. Every hour you spend with them ends within seconds. The time spent apart lingers for eternity. No matter you spend time around them, it nourishes your soul, making you feel connected, cared for, and for the first time, feeling as there is someone to return your love. You spend every conceivable moment around them, but when fate intervenes, your dreams compensate for time lost. A single touch brings immeasurable joy. It dawns on you that without her; life is arid, tedious and trite. Every word spoken remains with you forever. You remember all that she says, no matter its importance. Every hug lifts your spirits to nameless heights. It all seems too good, but you know her heart is buried as deeply as yours. However, you could be wrong. Could you be looking too much into the actions between you? Is that hug a window into deeper feelings, or just to a deep friendship? Is failure laying in wait, or is there truly a special bond between you? Would you take a chance at love and risk losing the one you cherish? Or, play it safe, and continue with the way things are, always wondering what may have been? You would do anything for her, and you feel it is mutual. As you embrace in a farewell hug, here lays your chance to reach for all you want. All you want is her near, her compassion, but most of all her happiness. Your mood is a reflection of hers. No matter the sorrow of your day, seeing her happy, upbeat self causes all past woes to be forgotten. No matter what happened to you, to see her upset, causes all to stop until she is consoled. You would give anything to see her smile, have her near, and be her love. You have learned that love must be built from a strong friendship. Your strongest friend is she, but are you bound for the next level? As you sit together, softly speaking, your words ramble. All you can concentrate on is her words, her hair, and her eyes. You�ve not known her long, but tonight you feel as one. You feel as connected as you have with anyone. You are lost in her beauty, struggling to locate the words you seek, those certain words that you long to unleash, but dare not tempt their awesome force. Thoughts and dreams swirl through your mind as the night closes. Overwhelmed by feelings of passion and desire, the urge to commit dawns stronger than ever. You know she is too good to be left alone for long, and if any move is to be made, this is your one chance. As her tender hands slip from your nervous grasp, you manage to utter words you hid from sight for so long. A sickening wave of nausea and panic consume you, leaving you dazed. Then, her tender hands grasp your shaking palms. You stare deeply into her gorgeous eyes, realizing all you have put in jeopardy. Your mind flashes through all you two have been through, hoping there will still be much to come. In her heavenly song, she reveals to you things that leave behind such a feeling of joy, you feel they shall never been undone. This night�s final embrace heals your wounds and allows your heart and mind to rest at ease. Fate: Fate is the giver of hope, and the destroyer of dreams. You are allowed to enjoy life, every day bringing more joy than the previous. All seems to be perfect. In one fail swoop, fate has ruined all plans, destroyed all hopes and dreams. Enjoy each moment, for soon fate shall intervene and steal all pleasure from your grasp. Take every opportunity given to you, for each one may be your last chance at happiness. If a decision is to be made, base it off one thing, would you rather attempt to possess that which you desire, or would you rather wait and have it ripped away? Uncertainty has ruled over you for far too long. If you let doubt set it, all that you strive for will be lost. If not every opportunity is pursued to its fullest, life is wasted. What good is life spent cowering in fear of the unknown? Reach for all that you desire, in doing so you either possess it, or know it is not meant to be before the chance is lost forever. Frustration: How is one to get through life when those they cherish turn away when they are most needed? Those you trust with your life shut you out during your time of need. A petty quarrel rips away at the bond you most cherish. How can something that was to enhance the friendship cause such a quake in the foundation? If you had seen the path that lies ahead, you never would have contemplated it. One false move made while blinded with desire causes a great friendship to pass through perhaps lethal waters. Was it worth it? Seeing what you have laid waste to, was it worth it? In one slip of the tongue, you may have destroyed all that you deeply care for. All you wanted was to make it better. Make each emotion ten times that which it already is. You expect great things to greet you, but fate takes you down a road of sorrow. At first, it seems just a poorly timed incident, but as you begin to look deep inside for answers, doubt consumes you. All of the highs reached days before come crashing down. You have great feelings for her, but are the feelings mutual? Could you be trying to make your strongest friend become something not meant to be? Blinded by your longing to be with her, you fail to see how such actions can affect her. This one selfish act causes the relationship to deteriorate before your eyes. The simplest of intentions have brought the world down around you. All you want is to be with her, but now, you may have forever lost her. Was it worth it? You have lost your closest friend for a chance at love. Everyone told you �now�s not the time�, �wait a while, see what happens�. Nevertheless, you were to busy thinking of all the joy that may come from it. You never saw the joy in the time you already spent with her. You never compared what you had to what more you would gain. From your own selfish desires, you have destroyed the relationship with the one you cherish most. Was it worth it? Everyone else seemed to know how it all would end, why did you not listen to those you turned to for help? You were greedy, not being satisfied with a great friendship; you wanted to make it more. In doing so, you lost everything, lost the driving force in your life. Was it worth it? If only you had waited, maybe old wounds would have healed. If only you had waited, but no, you wanted it now. You never considered how she might feel, or what repercussions may follow. You were engulfed by your emotions. You disregarded everything your friends said, just to please your own selfish pleasures. Was it worth it? You have lost all that matters to you, so why continue. Those close to you say that hope still exists, but you know better. You didn�t listen to them before, so why start now? Everything important to you in life has faded. You would have given anything to be with her then, and now you would give anything to be with her now. Was it worth it? All you wanted was to be near her, and you had it. This should have been enough. No. You wanted more. Looking back, you see that this was all you needed, and was much more than you deserved. You wanted more, and lost everything. Was it worth it? Without her, you see no reason for continuing. Will it be worth it? Rebuilding: Everyone must take risks at some point. Some risks bring joy of unheard heights; others, while having the same intentions, seem to bring nothing but sorrow and regret. You feel like you have ruined everything. All you worked so hard to build is destroyed. In your quest to improve your relationship, you have obliterated it. However, as the sun sets, it rises too. With each new day comes a new day to brave. You continue on, expecting the worse, but as you brace for that fatal blow, you are greeted with open arms. The one you feared you were detached from comforts you, telling you it is all going to be ok. All you feared was gone is holding you in their arms, all you truly want are still there. No matter the troubles between or around you, she stands by you. You were sure one of you would turn and run, but it is as if nothing had ever happened. Things are just as you hoped. Who cares if it did not work out the way you had wanted? You learned to be satisfied with what you have. You had wished for a second chance to regain contact with the one you desire, and it has been granted. Why do anything to change what is already so great? Everyone longs for a second chance, you have been given one. All you regretted is gone; all you said you would do different can still be done so. You have learned the true value of your relationship, and it means more to you than any other. Why did you ever take that chance? Blinded by desire, you lost what you had and saw only what you wanted (which you later learned were near the same). You do not care where you will be in ten years, live for the present, for the present dictates the future. No matter the feelings other show to you, yours remain the same. All you feared you had hindered has found its way. Those who seemed lost greeted you with open arms. Everything is great, for all you care about is still near you. Greed: It is human nature to want more. Everyone wants something. Sometimes, our greed blinds us from what we have. All you can think about is how perfect it would be to have it, but is it any better than what you already have? Moreover, nothing in life is free, so what will be sacrificed in order to try to possess this? Would you be willing to forfeit it, or do you even know what it takes? Look long and hard at what you have, because it may be better than that which you desire. Even if you decide not to pursue it, you will always long for it. Never act on sudden impulses, for the unchecked emotion is unstoppable. If you never reach for the unknown, life is unfulfilling, but if you do, failure is imminent. Endurance: In order to achieve great things, some pain must be endured. In some cases, more suffering is needed to reach your desire. To others, the pain you endure should not be. No one realizes how she makes you feel when she is near. Those around you try to save you from this, but they cannot begin to understand the joy it brings. All they see is the aftermath. All they see is what happens as she leaves. They tell you all the wrongs they see, but are unable to see what happens as you are in her arms. How are they supposed to realize this when you even have trouble comprehending what she does to you? It is true that what they say may have some truth, but every word spoken condemns your feelings towards her. All they want is to help you in your time of need, but they fail to realize that you would give anything to have her in your arms. They say she is leading you on, but things are perfect the way they are. Though the aftermath may cause you grief and sorrow, that moment of time when you are with her, holding her near makes any amount of pain worth it. No matter how she feels about you, you will always care for her, and be there for her. All you truly want is her near, and no matter what she may be thinking, her being near is all that matters. You cannot imagine things being any better, and though many people you care about disagree, things are perfect as they are, and you would give anything to keep them that way. However, as she slips away, you feel your heart break. Even so, one single embrace is enough to heal your wounds until she again leaves you. No one realizes the simple joy you get from being near her, or just hearing her speak. You feel more for her than you have for anyone, and there are some who want you to just forget it all. No one can understand the magnitude of your feelings, and it is therefore treated as nothing but a simple crush. You feel this is the closest you will ever get to love, and if this is the closest you will get to being with her, do everything possible to keep it as it is. Perseverance: One cannot expect that which he desires to come as soon as he desires it. During the time of waiting, your longing for it may increase to levels you never thought possible. However, while you are waiting for this to arrive, have you missed something even better that has come along? Was all this time spent waiting wasted? You wanted this one thing, and it is all you ever thought of getting, but did you miss your chance for something far greater? You know, that the moment you leave, your first desire will arrive, and you will have missed it. How is one supposed to decide if waiting is needed, or if exploring for something greater is the better route? You say you would always wait, but it never seems to arrive. There is just enough there to keep you waiting for the rest to arrive. You are beginning to believe you are being mislead, and that you have been kept waiting by a false item. How long are you willing to wait for this one thing, while you know you may have missed something far greater? Tantalizing: What do you do when that which you desire more than life causes so much grief? You long for it, but you feel nothing is returned. From afar, it seems safe and comforting, but once you cross the line, a dark side emerges. You think of nothing but having her near, though with each glance comes great conflict. Every touch brings you near, mending wounds. Such times bring so much joy, but you fear with reason this is as far as it goes. With each touch comes a release, each embrace is followed by emptiness, every word piercing your soul. That which you desire causes great pain, so why do you pursue it? Pleasure: The simplest touch can bring countless joy to ones life. No matter what others say or think, every moment spent with her heals all wounds and makes life pleasurable. Others may say you are being used, and even if this may be, everyone night spent with her brightens life for many days to come. You want to spend all your time with her, and no matter the reason, any time spent lifts your spirits from the sorrows of reality. Just a mere glimpse of her rekindles past feelings, but looking back, you realize that her friendship means more than you ever thought possible, and would never alter it until she made it clear. You seemed almost trapped in your own world, blocking out all negatives when she is near. Others life�s seem so complex and difficult, if only they indulged in the simple pleasures of life. Alone The road ahead looms dark and gloomy. In the darkness, my grip weakens And I fall, only to rise, and to fall again. All I feel leaves its mark on me. Alone, I continue down the weary and beaten path, Hoping to find comfort from this harsh reality. I know I am not alone, For I hear the voices call to me. Soon however, the soothing essence of their call fades. Being able to only hear what needs to be held drives sanity away. Should I continue searching for a way out, Or let what lies in wait come forth? As the final breath of hope escapes, There is someone offering their hand. As soon as I arise, I find I am alone. All pleasure felt leaves as quickly as it emerges. All I need is a constant companion. Someone to comfort me as I to comfort them. I am haunted by memories of those I have helped, Only to be ignored and again be left alone. The faces of those who used me solely for their personal gain Are permanently etched in my soul, Causing unrest in my once trusting heart. As I remember all those I have past along this road, I wonder if it was they I longed for, Instead of the one lurking in my head. No More I have been used by this world. I try to bear through, but am held back by desires. These desires that I long to possess are the Reason life has become the mess it is. For what seems an eternity, I strived to reach what seems to be my ultimate goal, But no more. No more will this world treat me as nothing. No longer will those around me falsify their feelings to my face. I pleaded for honesty, and got nothing but lies. I longed for a love, and was told it would come if I waited. No more will I wait. No more will I dwell on what has already consumed so much life. No more will I be restrained by the chains. No more will I do their bidding. All that once was solid has fallen. Beliefs I held dear Shattered. No more will I try to pick up the pieces. No more will I live this life. Soon I will escape. No more will I hear their mocking. No more will I suffer upon seeing her. All I desired lies broken behind me, Never to been seen again. No more will I be a source of sorrow and pity. No more will I be. Come and Gone Without you by my side I suffer. Even with you standing near I suffer. The absence of your face Makes me cringe. Just seeing you brings tears to my eyes. I long to hear your voice, But break down with every word. Without you I suffer. Every time we meet My heart sinks, Knowing it will all end soon. I long for your touch For without it is torture. I despise you when you leave, But every time you come around, I cannot stand for long. Soon however, All will be fixed. To be with or to be without, Neither is a choice I desire to make. At least without you near, The suffering can finally cease. You My heart I gave to you. I offered all I had to you, And expected nothing from you. You seemed all I ever wanted, All I could ever ask for. As you pushed away, A feeling of stronger desire came. No matter what you did, By your side I would stay. I thought I would wait forever, But I cannot spend my life, Waiting just for you. No matter what I want, I must pursue what I need. Your company is treasured, But no more is it all I strive for. Inside it still hurts, But all wounds heal with time. No more does my heart long for you. No more does obsession reign supreme. Never did I think such a feeling could be subdued, Let alone driven away. As my heart lie in shambles, I finally see all that was clouded. You caused great strife in me, Caused more pain than I ever felt. And for all you did I thank you. Misled I was told to stray away. To leave and to never return. Everywhere I turned stood an opposition. Everyone told me to let it lie. Get as far away as I could. Overwhelmed by others, Slowly, away I drifted. I became a man I was not meant to. I became indifferent without you. Never having a care about anything. I was told that this is how I need to be, And being the person I am, I began to believe the lies they spun. You reached out to me as a friend, And with the words you spoke, You brought me back to life. I sat there, surrounded by people. People happy with a person that is not I. I realized that I must live as myself, Otherwise, that which people may love will perish. I am whole again, thanks to the one I was pushed away from. They want to protect me from pain, But no pain can be felt in your presence. The one that I was warned to be with Has shown me are who my true friends. You have unknowingly done so much for me, I only wish to repay you in some way. Why were others so persistent to keep me at bay? When a true friend would warn me, but support what I do. No matter what may happen, Our friendship is stronger than ever. You have proven to me that that which is repelled, Always comes back stronger than before. Friends All that I have I cherish. How could I ever desire more? I truly have more than I should, And much more than I deserve. You have been so kind and gentle, Even on your worst of days. No matter how rude I act, All I get back is encouragement. You have always been there for me, As I tried to be there for you. I knew I could count on you to be by my side, Even if you have your own things to deal with. Why is it that I deserve to be blessed by such people? I would give anything to keep you near, Even knowing that you would never leave my side. Words cannot begin to tell the bond that holds us all together. Only society�s absolute failure can begin to weaken smaller bonds. Being in your presence has made me a better person, And I now strive not to only make it through, But to excel at all I do. No matter the turmoil that may occur, Relying on the bonds that bind us, Or the help of others, None can bring us down. I am blessed to know you, And shall never forget you. Together I do not fear the path that lay ahead, As long as I am by your side. Together we can beat any foe, Separately though we may fall. We swore to bear this duel together, And knew the perils that lay ahead. We chose to venture out, And travel �til the end, No matter where it hides. Troubles may have begun at once, But we must not let it discourage. We have already braved so much, Even prior to this journey. We cannot let others bring us down, For only we can truly do harm. I dream of the times of peace that lay ahead, But feel so fortunate to have you near, During this time of deception. The battle lines have been drawn, And we and our allies must stand strong, For the enemy is fading, And striving for peace at last. Soon all will be as it should, And old friends will be so again. Until such a day emerges, We must stand united, Lest we wish to fall. Society is all about the numbers. However, this will truly be their downfall. No more should things be measured in standard units. Many of the things that matter most, cannot be physically measured. Is a date that last five hours, better than that of one hour? Time is nothing more than a reminder, but should not be a concern. People should strive for quality in life, not quantity. Never waste away your days counting them, you should be out making such days count. Support No matter what shall happen, You have our support. No matter what deeds are done, We shall support you. In your faintest of times, We will hold you. When you feel betrayed, We will console you. If you need to be alone, Our support we shall send. No matter who knocks you over, We will pick you up. No matter our own troubles, We always turn to help another. We will brace you for any fall, And always help you recover. Anyone of us would put ourselves in harms way, Just to see you unscathed. We will all do whatever we can, To make any burden lighter. Never fear the road that lies ahead, For you will always have us by your side. Arisen You have all watched me, Seen as I came and went. I left you for a while, Only to be battered and bruised. Watch now as I arise from the rubble, With the help of those adored. I couldn�t notice it then, For I was blinded by another. Now that light has dimmed, And one light stands out among the rest. It was the one closest, Yet the one I never saw. I give thanks that while I was close to another, I was also close to you. Many questions have been arisen, But all of their voices are quiet, Drowned out by sheer desire. All the piece have seemingly fallen in place, What does the final picture unveil? Only I was once connected, Near all those I loved. Now, they have left, Leaving me alone. How do they expect me continue, Without them by my side? As I�ve laid here alone, I have realized why they have left. I have looked back on all my mistakes, Found all of my faults and flaws. Looking back, I am surprised they were ever near. I can barely stand myself, How could others ever tolerate, Let alone care for me? As darkness prepares to make its final pass, A glimmer of hope emerges from the shadow. You caught me as I fell, And brought me back to life. You held me near, With no concern for yourself. When all others left, Only you remained. Only you showed me my strengths, And never mentioned my flaws. Though I had never asked for help, Only you knew my peril. Whenever I was in turmoil, Only you were there to assist. No matter how down I am, It takes only your touch to brighten my day. It takes only your voice, To lift my spirits to the heavens. You are always there in my time of need, Even if you have your own strife. In my darkest hours, You were the only light to guide the way. At my most bleak times, Only you could be trusted to remain. You have done so much for me, I pray that I can only begin to repay you. Your presence is what drew me near, As our eyes first met. I could feel something within, But was lost about what was to come. You brought out a new side of me, And revealed to all who I truly was. You brought out the best in me, But others did not appeal to my change. Others warned me of peril, But my heart could not break away. The joy could overpower any hurt to come, But I felt no pain from you. Me I am open to many, However, impossible to sway. Expect me not to jump, From one to another. For I run straight, Never leaving my track. Never do I compromise, Instead fully change my view. I need a powerful instant to begin the change, But something as innocent as a hug, Is enough to send me away. This may have hurt people in the past, But they have taught me to scan my horizons, And not go from planned stops. I now scan the landscape, Knowing the track will lead to a safe haven. I cannot grow tired of these stops, However, I strive to see the world, Even though I have found much, I know they are safe from harm, Allowing me to explore the riches elsewhere. Two no more You extend your arms to me, But you are too far to reach. I can feel the connection between us, But cannot nourish it alone. Some think we should be, But distance keeps us separate. Realizing you are out of reach, I turn to find another. Although always by my side, I cannot find what lies beneath. There is something between us as well, But a lacking of desire hinders it. Why must life torture me like this? Giving me one who tries, But is too far gone, And one who says they will never leave me, But cannot return my feelings. I cannot go on like this, Being destroyed by reaching for the impossible. I must find one near, But one also is willing to return my feelings. My heart still reaches for what it is accustomed, But I realize the futility in this. No matter the outcome, Nothing can hurt me as much as this, As much as the two of you. For years I wished to have you, And was honored to be near you. Now we have the chance the bloom, Or the chance to ruin all we have. I feel grateful for this opportunity, For this chance to be your love. Now that I have you in my arms, I feel all is right with the world. We seem so happy together, And that nothing could split us. They say time heals all wounds, But time has soured my heart. Too long has this gone on, The repetition driving me mad. At first it seemed like bliss, Nourishing my heart and soul. But now it repels me, Pushing my heart away from you. It causes a great divide, For I cannot decide where to go. I�ve long for this too long To let it go on what may be a whim, But I cannot go on Suffering at your side. What more can I do To keep you by my side However, keep my sanity as well? I�ve never been as high as now. Never have I soared so grand.. I feel on top of the world, And hope I never fall. In times of turmoil, All I long for is you. You can always make me happy, As if no wrong had ever been done. You do so much for me, I could never begin to give thanks. All I can do is pray, Pray that I can begin to return your love. Being with you makes life bright, And all that is evil vanishes from sight. I feel invincible when I hold you in my arms, And I hate to see you leave. But at least I know That you will always return to me, For we possess a truly unrivaled love, That can conquer any foe. I feel honored to have you near, And would give anything to keep it that way. I�ve loved you since I met you, And will love you forever. This all seems to perfect to be true, But even if this is all a dream, I hope I never wake. -Written for Vanessa What does one do when what should isn't, and what is shouldn't? One who takes on the problems of others will be strong, but never at peace. How is one supposed to gather the truth when all they are given is lies? When you experience suffering, one can either view it as a reason to quit, or a motivation to propel them to the end. As you fall, whom do you reach for when one seems out of reach, and the other has their back to you? Always reach for what you desire, before it slips away. There is no greater relief than that of knowing those you care about care for you too. Take risks, but be prepared for any outcome. Live for the present, for the present is the result of the past and it dictates the future. Relationships are like towers. if friendship is based off of love, when love falls, so does the friendship, but if love is based on friendship, if love falls, friendship still stands, shaken but still intact. Relying on others is dangerous, but it is the only way to reach the top. That which does not destroy, will cause the bond to be greater than before. Place your faith in many, for in the end, at least one shall remain. How do you expect someone to stay, when you yourself are running away? All it takes is one day, one event, to change your life forever. Once you feel pain, you have reached the limit and can either turn back or endure further suffering. It is best to take risks when the opportunity arises, for you may lose your chance soon. Though nothing will forever overcome the test of time, enjoy what you have before you lose it. All the relationships you will have will end at some point, so why be conservative and not try to harness its full potential? A force that it takes to bring two people together is nothing compared to force it takes to break them apart. Those richest in life are those who discover treasure where others see nothing. Any good day is a good reason to smile, and any good thing makes a day livable. Every good moment should be cherished, for all is fleeting, though every once and a while you will find something so great, you will do everything you can to make it last. Enjoy every moment, because you never know when it all may fade, and be all but a memory. It is always easy to meet someone, but so hard to let them go. Focus on the time you spend with people, instead of time missed. Always make the most of time spent with those close to you and those whom you just met, because even though they may not show it, it may mean the world to them. Is it worth the risk to reach the reward? Never prepare to fail, but be ready to stand strong in case you do. Don�t always look on the bright side; you might miss something in the shadows. What would you do if you wanted something that was in your reach, but possessing such could bring about unheard repercussions? If love is such a joyous thing, why does it cause the heartache that it does? All I want is her near, her compassion, but most of all her happiness. My mood is a reflection of hers. No matter the sorrow of my day, seeing her happy, upbeat self causes all past woes to be forgotten. No matter what happens to me, to see her upset, causes all to stop until she is consoled. I would give anything to see her smile, have her near, and be her love. What pain is worth no longer living?

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