Well, I did get out a little late. Due to getting caught up in some activity at home, I didn't leave the house until 5:30 today. But it's OK. I got my hair cut (though they did a CRAPPY job, what I get for getting there so late -- 15 min. before they closed). Then I went to ChopIt, the new eatery where the Adidas store used to be. The place that has a free wireless access point. Schweet. Unfortunately, I didn't really get a whole lot done while there. Instead, I talked to Adam, who eventually swung by. I hadn't seen him in ages, so it was good to talk with him. He had his digital camera, and had me take some pictures of him, while he took some pictures of me, with an aim toward making me look good, unlike my roommate who insists on taking pictures of me in my "natural" state (i.e., in the most embarrassing poses he can catch me in). Here's one of them. I find it too exhausting and tedious to crop/resize pictures, so there's just the one for now. In my hand is a mixture of coffee and green tea, which is surprisingly reminiscent of Thai Iced tea.
Henry is playing over and over this sappy, pretty little piano thing. It just reminded me of the Far Side cartoon, with the Bird trapped behind the glass door of a soundproof room, screaming in agony, while the devil at the controls is making selections of New Age music.
Just when I'm thinking positive thoughts, Henry demands to tell me something about Won. Evidently he told someone I liked her. Don't think that will necessarily have an impact on my life, but I hadn't decided whether to reestablish contact with her, so this could affect whether it will be feasible, or in any case diminish my options for approaches to take. And anyway, he goes into his whole thing about how she has been using me all along. Too bad I didn't get a chance to ask my sisters for their advice on that whole situation. Probably needed more advice there than I needed on my DC girl.
Wow, it's rare that a trip to a food place can be such a total disaster. Went to Chesapeake Bagel Factory or whatever it's called. Just couldn't find a coupon that matched what I wanted -- whatever that was. I now wish I had abandoned the idea of using a coupon; all the breakfast items had coffee -- who needs that? Well, I don't, anyway, when I can get it for free at the end of the 10-minute drive to work. Well, I get some breakfast special for $3.29, which looks like it has more than one food component (it doesn't), and comes with a "medium" coffee. She starts pouring the coffee, and the cup is big enough to hold the amount of coffee that I drink from Monday to Wednesday. The total comes to $3.49, and I make a comment that that difference seems like a lot for just 5% tax (I haven't actually done the math yet). All the while I'm wondering how I'll deal with getting that cup of coffee to work. I give her a 5, and she gives me back a 10 as change. Should have kept it, though if I had, I'd probably be thinking all the shit that happened since then was my due for not being honest.
Wanted to cream/sugar up there, but the only sugar was in packets, and it would have taken at least 10 packets to get that vat of coffee to where I wanted it. No place to pour out half the coffee (should have just asked the lady to do it). And, backing up a bit, my indecisiveness about what to get made me let three people (first one person, fine, then a pair, which I really couldn't do anything about) go ahead of me.
I still haven't gotten a new car, so my car still doesn't have a receptacle for holding drinks, so I had to stick it between my legs and degrade my sperm. And, yes, it leaked, and I got a brown stain between my legs. When I finally got into work (having to also lug in the goods for the Band party tonight, so they wouldn't sit in the car and get hot and spoil (which they would, if this were yesterday)), it was too late to blot up the coffee in my crotch. I poured half the coffee out (actually a little more than I wish I had), and creamed and sugared up. And finally I got to the computer and settled down -- at nearly 11 AM -- for my breakfast. My bagel has cheese! I'm ruined.
Oh, I guess both of you will be wondering what I finally decided about those things I was agonizing about. FEMA is an acronym, which has nothing to do with this; I just wanted to try out the acronym feature. So... we didn't manage to find the Chinese folks before the concert, so that was pretty much the best possible scenario. Found them at intermission, talked to them, but it wasn't the best of conversations. Just too many people from too different groups. And when it was time to go back, there didn't seem to be extra seats, so no possibility to combine our numbers. Which was fine.
I think I fucked up after the concert, when I showed curiosity at what happened to my friends, but then when she suggested we could go back to look for them, and that she thought she saw which way they went, I said no, that's OK. Probably seemed like I didn't care about my friends, or that I was not a follow-through-er, or that I was afraid of something.
I insisted on driving her home. It's sort of like the diamond conundrum. You know she'll at least say that it's OK, she takes the subway all the time, and those might indeed be her feelings. But you can't be sure; she might think you're a lout for leaving her at the deserted CP station to take that long trip home by herself, and I dare not take that risk. Since I don't deal well with negotiation or decision-making, I stuck to my guns and said I'd drive her. Now, this leads to the When Harry Met Sally point, sort of: since I insisted on driving her the first time, am I ever going to be able to get out of that? Because if I say, next time or two times after that, "You know, I thought about it, and I think it is safe for you to take the Metro home by yourself" -- well, that just won't look too good, will it? Me suddenly being unwilling to put forth the same level of effort I was putting forth at the beginning. So, looks like I'm stuck.
Wow, were those the only two decisions? How lucky I was not to have to deal with any more than that.
"Do you need some privacy?"
Well, yes, that would be nice. But....
1) I sort of want to give the impression that I, er, have some friends.
2) I don't want to be too cold to them, since I'd like some more friends, especially among groups that have some single women in their ranks. And especially if Linda, the one I'm interested in, ends up getting me tickets (which I will try to discourage, partly for this reason).
The most important thing, though, is for the date to go well. Point 1 is important, but I guess I've already let her know that I ran into these friends for the first time in a long time, and that they're not the sort of friends I hang out with on a Saturday. Question is, will it perturb her at all to sit with them? It's not like we're going to an unpopular movie so we can really have privacy and make out, or going to a coffee shop so we can discuss whether we're ready to make a commitment. It's a concert. We'll be sitting silently for almost the whole time, except for intermission. Hrhe may occasionally bother me with ignorant questions. He won't really be taking any attention away from her. Intermission is the real question. But back to the concert itself... will she feel ike I'm not giving her the proper attention/respect if I sit with some other people?
If possible, I'd like to avoid giving the impression (to my quasi-friends) that this is my girlfriend, which is certainly true at this point. OTOH, if she were my girlfriend, then privacy wouldn't be such an important issue. This is, without question, a first date; I can't think of a scenario where privacy is more important.
And I feel evil for making plans to meet another woman behind her back -- and for hoping to meet still other women behind this woman's back. Anyway, the plotting goes on.
So we're on for this Saturday. But she wants to call me at 8:30 tonight. I'd really been hoping to avoid talking to her on the phone. I get nervous talking personal on the phone. Henry will prolly be there; I hate talking to chicks on the phone when I'm in the presence of someone I know -- someone who knows how asexual I really am. And Henry disapproves of online dating and that sort of thing, so I'd like to keep it from him as long as possible.
Plus, who knows when I'll be home? Do I really want to make sure I'm there by 8:30 just to get a phone call I sort of don't want to get?
Will probably do it. But I'd better answer soon.
Yesterday at band practice, the nice girl found out I was in her age range (rather than much younger), and blurted "There's hope for me yet!" I could only think of one way to interpret this. Since then, and up to now, at work, I've been obsessing over this, how I think it may be my fate to end up with this woman, and it makes me feel kind of depressed. There's just something I can't put my finger on, which makes me feel life with her would be very unsatisfying, nice as she is. And now I would feel bad if I rejected her and ended up with somebody else -- and I also think I'll be kicking myself five years from now if I'm still alone. And now I'm thinking again of the recently lost one. Trying to analyze what were the qualities that made me like her. And wondering if I was more in love with her than I realized. And I just can't concentrate on work.
