You see last week, the Spring, she come
And everything is on the bum
Da walls, da floors, and windows too
It's dirt like hell, Sacre Mon Dieu.

My wife, she's very clean and neat
So she buy paint for toilet seat
And one whole week we watch with eye
But gowdam paint, she no can dry.

Now, my wife ain't tall, she's kinda fat
And now you can see just where she sat
She got big ring around complete
Where she sat down on toilet seat

I say to her "It serve you right"
"You try to be so Gawdam tight
That ten cent paint, she ain't no good
She won't dry on no damn wood".

My daughter too get ring around
When on the seat she sit down.
Forone whole week, by gosh we wait,
And now we all get constipate.

My wife's got sister, her name Marie,
She live all time on house with me.
Last night I look where she sat down
By gosh, she too got ring around.

I try to wipe with turpintine.
She howl like wolf, she lose her mind.
I'm scared like hell for half a day.
The skin come off, the paint she stay.

I live long time and never see
A man what get so damn dam as me.
And when I think about the paint
I get so mad I almost faint.

So, Mr. Woolworth. I ask you.
What the hell we gonna do?
How can house be nice and neat,
When the paint don't dry on toilet seat.

April 1, 1946   Los Angeles, California