2. Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
3. Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or... I'll end up like my mom.
4. Phoebe: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'!
5. Rachel: Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch-spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
6. Monica: You know, it's a really funny story how this happened.
Fireman No. 3: It's all right. It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.
Fireman No. 1: You're our third call tonight.
Rachel: Really?
Fireman No. 2: Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year.
7. Joey: Uh... uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns?
Chandler: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
Joey: You got a better idea?
Chandler: All right, call it in the air.
Joey: Heads.
Chandler: Heads it is.
Joey: Yes! Whew!
Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Right. Okay, okay, uh... ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?
8. Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
9. Joey: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
Chandler: Oooo-ooh!
Joey: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.
11. Phoebe: God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with us?! They don't know that we know they know we know!
Joey, you can't say anything!
Joey: I couldn't even if I wanted too..
12. Joey: Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!
13. Monica: Fine! Judge all you want to but, (points to Ross) married a lesbian, (points to Rachel) left a man at the altar, (points to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (points to Joey) threw a girl�s wooden leg in a fire, (points to Chandler) livin� in a box!!
Joey: That�s �help� spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Huh. What�s doofus spelled backwards?
14. Phoebe: Well, y�know I may have relatives in France who would know. My grandmother said she got the recipe from her grandmother, Nesele Tolouse.
Monica: What was her name?
Phoebe: Nesele Toulouse.
Monica: Nestle Tollhouse?!
Phoebe: Oh, you Americans always butcher the French language.
15. Rachel: What did you just say?
Chandler: (panicked) ahem... um... Crystal duck.
Rachel: No, no, no.... the, um, the... 'love' part?
Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....
16. Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman
17. Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Father's Day, there's Mother's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day!
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day!
18. Rachel: Exactly! Unisex!
Joey: Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.
Rachel: No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex.
Joey: Well, I ain't gonna say no to that.
19. Rachel: Hey, Chandler...Monica just broke my seashell lamp!
Chandler: Neat! I'm gonna die alone.
Rachel: ...OK...you win.
20. Chandler: Ok kids, I gotta go to work. If I don't put in those numbers...doesn't make much of a difference.
21. Ross to Monica: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater!
22. Phoebe: Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say. It could say "Ross Geller, Good at Marriage!" Y'know? Mine's gonna say "Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive.
23. Joey to Chandler: Okay, man, I didn't want to bring this up, but Chandler is the stupidest name I've ever heard in my whole life! It's not even a name! It's barely even a word. It's kind of like chandelier...but it's not. It's a stupid, stupid, non-name.
24. Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars.
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.
25. Rachel: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?
Monica: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked'.
Rachel: Since when?
Joey: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.
Chandler: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-wearing alcoholics and complaining about them to you'.
Phoebe: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.