�I�m sorry about the inconvenience man.� AJ sighed as he climbed onto Nick�s tour bus, a loaded duffle bag over his shoulder. �I would�ve stowed away with someone else, but Kevin and Brian�s kids all have the flu and Howie is planning a romantic night with Aidan.�
�It�s cool man.� Nick said as he relaxed onto the couch. �Someone�s bus always breaks down on tour. It�s just been too long since the group�s toured so you�ve forgotten some of the down side.�
�You mean there�s an upside?� AJ said only half-joking. He was fighting to keep some kind of conversation going, saddened by how difficult it was after being in the group with Nick for twenty years.
Nick looked up at him seriously. �Yeah, there is. I get the feeling you haven�t seen it though.�
�It�s not your problem Nick.� AJ said, trying hard to keep the pain out of his voice. �You made it clear five years ago your only interest in me was the group.�
�It wasn�t so simple and you know it.� Nick said not even fighting to hide his anguish. �Things were totally fucked up then. You�d fallen off the wagon and you were so close to killing yourself with alcohol. I spent almost a year taking care of Sara and you when you bothered to come home. I took all the abuse you threw at me and never complained. I even covered for you with your mom and Kevin. I put my life on hold, my solo career on hold, and you never even noticed.�
�I fucked up! Is that what you want to hear?� AJ managed to control himself enough not to scream out the words, the emotions behind them were clear though.
�I don�t expect to hear anything AJ.� Nick said, the pain still oozing from his voice. �I did it because you�re one of my best friends and I love you. I was willing to do anything to help, but the last night was just too much for me. I had to get out or you would�ve dragged me down with you.�
�I lost everything in one night.� AJ said all the anger gone from his voice.
�No, you didn�t.� Nick challenged. �You gained yourself back and nothing could be more valuable.�
�I lost you and Sara. In my world it was everything.� A resigned expression crossed AJ�s face, evidence this was still painful even after five years.
�You never lost me AJ and you know you didn�t lose Sara. Yes, your marriage ended, but it was over long before and you know it. The two of you are much better as friends then you ever were as lovers.� Nick said, moving to sit beside AJ, knowing it was long past time they dealt with what had happened. �I admit I didn�t handle what happened well and I�m sorry for it. I should�ve told you how sorry I was a long time ago, I just wasn�t sure you could ever forgive me.�
�Forgive you?� Looking shocked, AJ stared at Nick. �Nick, I hit you. I put you in the hospital cause you refused to give me the keys to my car. You probably saved my life and I repaid you by giving you a concussion and broken ribs. It�s me who needs to ask you for forgiveness.�
�It was the alcohol and I knew it.� Nick said, glancing away so he could finish. �I�ve thought about it a lot since then and I think I pushed you on purpose. It wasn�t like it was the first time you tried to get your keys and I�d always dealt with it better. I just . . . I knew I needed a push to leave and if I pushed you hard enough you�d give me the excuse. I couldn�t handle watching you slowly kill yourself anymore. I couldn�t watch you with Sara anymore.�
�Nick. I don�t know what to say.� AJ said taking Nick�s hand in his own, expecting to have the move rebuffed and happy when Nick�s hand squeezed his instead. �I�m sorry you had to go through all of it. Not just the last night, but all the nights before it. I�m sorry I let life get to me again and took the easy way out with the alcohol. Most of all, I�m sorry my actions caused me to lose your friendship for so long. All I can do now is beg for your forgiveness and promise you I�ll do better in the future. Ask you to give me one more try to show you how much you mean to me, how much I love you.�
�I�d like that.� Nick smiled slightly. �I�ve missed you so much Alex.�
�Wow!� AJ looked shocked. �That�s the first time in six years you�ve called me Alex. I didn�t realize how much I missed it.�
Looking up with a shy grin, Nick leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips over AJ�s. He pulled back slightly and whispered, �I�ve missed you.�
�Nick. Don�t do this if you don�t mean it. I can�t wake up tomorrow without your smile, without your arms, not if I don�t want to break down.� AJ warned.
�I mean it. Forever if you want it.� Nick said, kissing AJ again.
�Thank you Nick.� AJ said softly against the younger man�s lips.
�For what?� Nick asked.
�For giving me a second chance to love you right.� AJ whispered one last time before they went quiet, content in each other�s arms.
"Like A Child"
If I could right the wrongs that made you cry
Girl, would you promise not to say goodbye, oh
Cuz I'm holding on
With a love so strong
And I can't take the day without you by my side
Girl if I could change
If I could change your mind
Maybe you could help me wipe these tears from my eyes
Girl don't stop (don't stop)
The sun from shining down on me (ooh shining down on me, yeah)
Cuz I can't face another day without your smile (your smile)
And if you take away the loving arms that surround me
Then I might break down and cry just like a child
Girl I can't belong and I won't be free
If I fail to bring your lovin' back to me (oh back to me)
So I'm pressin' on
I hope you understand
That there's a broken heart that lies within your hands
So if I can change (so if I can change)
And it won't hurt your pride (it won't your pride)
Baby you can help stop these tears from my cries
Girl don't stop
The sun from shining down on me (shining down on me)
Cuz I can't face another day without your smile (your pretty smile, your pretty smile)
And if you take away the loving arms that surround me
Then I might break down and cry just like a child
Like a child
Just like a child
With the spirits running free
She trapped me wild
Oh she did
Like a child (oh baby)
Just like a child Think of what our love could be
If our hearts could set us free
Like a child, yeah