| The Safe Introduction Of Toys |
O/our lifestyle has but three rules. Safe, sane and consensual. And the first, safety, is a frequent topic of discussion. Most often the conversation centers on how to meet safely, and to safely begin and nurture a lifestyle relationship. It�s primarily about the big picture.
So I�d like to take a moment and discuss a specific. The safe introduction of toys.
A BDSM scene is generally comprised of a Dominant (or Top if not in a D/s relationship), a submissive (or bottom if not in a D/s relationship), and a toy. Whenever any part of that equation is changed, a new toy in an existing relationship, a new submissive (or bottom), or a new Dominant (or Top), there are certain steps that must be followed in order to ensure the safe use of tangible toys.
Now, that toy can be the mind, as in a scene comprised of orgasm control. Or it can be a more tangible toy, as in the case of a whip, flogger, paddle, ropes, cuffs, restraints, etc. For purposes of this article, I�m going to focus upon the safe introduction of those tangible toys.
The enjoyable use of physical toys is highly individual. While one submissive may enjoy a hard caning, another may only want a soft flogging. I think W/we can A/all agree on that. And I�m sure that W/we can A/all agree that some submissives enjoy using toys on differing parts of their body, and with a wide variety of vigor amongst those parts.
The safe introduction of toys depends upon finding and establishing three things:
1. The kinds of toys a submissive enjoys.
2. The places on her body that they are enjoyed.
3. The degree of vigor that is enjoyed in each of those places.
Knowing the answers to these questions is important any time any part of the Dominant + submissive + toy equation is changed. New Dominant? He/She needs to learn those things about the submissive. New submissive? Even the most experienced Dominant needs to learn these things with a new submissive before a toy can be safely introduced. New toy? Both need to learn the answers to those questions.
The question then becomes, how to accomplish that?
I have several steps that I�ve found to be helpful over the years. They may initially seem to be rather structured and dull, but they are the only steps that I�ve found to safely meet O/our objective of the safe use of toys in BDSM activities.
First, begin by having your submissive stand (typically naked so as not to obstruct the tactile receptors in the skin). Take the toy and rub it all over the submissive�s body. Have the submissive give a number from one to ten depending upon how good it feels in the various places.
Next, use the toy as gently as possible. Again having the submissive offer a number from one to ten indicating the level of pleasure. Use the toy all over the submissive�s body.
Slowly and gently increase the vigor in which the toy is used. Each time asking for a number from one to ten to indicate the level of pleasure.
Note the differences, by number, in the various areas of the submissive�s body as the toy is used. This will separate the areas of pleasure, from the areas to be avoided. Simply avoid those areas that receive low numbers.
Note the changes, by number, as the intensity of the toy is increased. Different places will top out at different levels. As the number begins to decline, the threshold of maximum pleasure has been surpassed. This will clearly indicate how vigorous a toy should be used in each specific area of the body.
This process may initially seem to be a bit dull. But the alternative is to find out by doing some possibly lasting harm during a full-blown scene. Many submissives in a scene will not express their discomfort until well beyond the point of harm. And those in the throes of subspace may be unable to express that discomfort at all.
Using these guidelines, a Dominant may confidently conduct a scene without fear of injuring a submissive. And a submissive may fully enjoy the scene, without concern of the potential for harm.
Rover
Copyright 2002
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