Personal Labels In D/s

Personal Labels In D/s

There are times when I think language, and labels, should appear on a BDSM checklist. A BDSM checklist is accepted to be a series of unique, personal interests in activities. And while language or labels may not be activities per se, they certainly fall into the same category of being uniquely personal.

Ask ten people what "Master" means and Y/you'll get ten different answers. The same is true about "submissive", "slave", and "Dominant". The meanings and feelings attached to these words will differ from person to person because it is personal and unique. Some call every Dominant "Master". Some feel that "Master" is a Dominant with a collared submissive. For others "Master" is a Dominant with sufficient experience to have the title bestowed upon Them. Some feel that "slaves" are a higher form of submission. Some see "slaves" as doormats. There are those that deny the mere existence of true "slaves" in this day and age.

For each term, I could go through the same exercise and legitmately find sizeable portions of the D/s community that define it differently. What's the point of all this, then? Why have different terms if they mean different things to different people?

Simple answer. Because they help define OURSELVES for OURSELVES. W/we apply the terms to O/ourselves that W/we feel best describe U/us, what is in O/our hearts, and what gives U/us the most pleasure and personal affirmation. Two people that are exactly the same in every way (if there were such a thing) could easily affix different labels to T/themselves because personally, T/they derive greater personal pleasure from one or the other label.

I'm sure W/we A/all know of Dominants that label Themselves "Masters" that W/we think are far from it. Yet, that's what They feel about Themselves. Why is that an acceptable notion when it seems unacceptable to think that a "slave" is anything but? Just a little D/s double standard, I suppose. And yet, what does it matter to U/us what they label themselves? Y/you might naturally ask what harm can come of it.

The only possibly credible answer to that question is for the benefit of newcomers to the lifestyle. And yet, with time and experience, they will develop their O/own personal definitions of the terms and apply their O/own label to themselves anyway. So is it even productive to question someone's personal definition of themselves and the label they apply?

Rather than applying O/our O/own personal definitions upon O/others, it is more telling to learn what that person's definition is. Just like reading their unique BDSM checklist, their personal label defines what they enjoy. It's neither right or wrong, just right for themselves. Some enjoy being called Master, or slave, or whatever. If they enjoyed being called Mickey Mouse, would it matter? Wouldn't necessarily make them Mickey Mouse, but it's something they enjoy being called.

Personal labels teach U/us about that individual. They tell U/us how they see themselves. They tell U/us something about their ego, their lifestyle philosophy, their compatibility with U/us and O/others. They are like big signs hanging around O/our necks. But unlike most labels in society, they are labels of O/our O/own choosing and in most lifestyle environments, W/we wear them openly and proudly.

I'm leery of those that affix qualitative terms to their personal labels. Terms like "better", "deeper", "more". Being a "slave" may be better by your personal definition. It may be a deeper form of submission for you. It may be more of a commitment personally. But when someone begins to proclaim themselves as "more", "better" and "deeper" than someone else because of a label, well, I begin to wonder why. Why let words and labels make a difference, rather than demonstrated actions? Same is true with Dominants that seem to love to declare Their "Mastery" or "179 years RL experience" or "I've been a Master since I exited the womb".

My usual conclusion as to why submissives and Dominants alike are prone to such need for public declarations is one of My favorite terms. "Self-masturbatory adulation". They're not getting their ego stroked enough by O/others, so they're doing it themselves.

In conclusion I want to reiterate that W/we should A/all apply a label to O/ourselves that W/we find personally fulfilling. If it's simply fantasy, so be it. O/others will recognize it for that. But don't fall into the trap of applying Y/your definitions for those labels upon O/others, or developing a heirarchy of "better" or "best". It's not only wrong, but Y/you'll look silly for doing so.

Rover

Copyright 2001

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws