| #3 - The List Of Expectations |
A "list of expectations" is list of what Y/you expect from a relationship and a partner. What Y/you need to be happy and healthy. As with every other aspect of this highly personalized lifestyle W/we call D/s, Y/your list will be unique to Y/you.
To prepare a list of expectations takes some time. Don�t feel as though Y/you�ll complete this in a day or week, or even a month. Y/you may be finding things to add to Y/your list many months down the road. And it�s important to review it periodically, to add those things that Y/you�ve newly discovered about Y/yourself.
The first step in preparing a list of expectations is in understanding the difference between a "need" and a "want" or desire. A need is something Y/you can not do without. A want or desire is something that Y/you may enjoy a lot, but could live without if Y/you had to. In order to illustrate, let�s use the analogy of buying a car, something most of U/us has done.
When you buy a car, Y/you have a list of certain things that car must have. An engine, tires, a windshield. Those things are needs. They�re non-negotiable. Without them, Y/you will not buy that car. Now that may seem pretty cut and dry on the surface. But take a moment and think of the next level of options.
Is air conditioning a need? If Y/you live in Texas or Florida or Arizona it is. But for those in North Dakota or Maine, it may be a want. Something that can be negotiated, something they can do without. How about bucket seats? If Y/you have a bad back they�re a necessity, a need. Y/you see, needs are very personal. What is a need for Y/you may not be a need for Me and vice versa.
The exercise here, then, is to find and list Y/your needs and wants in two areas. In a person that would be Y/your partner, and in a relationship. Use the chart Y/you develop as a kind of checklist as Y/you get to know a potential partner. I don�t suggest sharing this list with a partner while Y/you are learning about O/one A/another, as some have a tendency to "become" or project what Y/you are looking for. That may not show Y/you their true nature.
Use the list to ask questions that reveal whether or not Y/your potential partner meets Y/your needs. And above all else, be true to them. A need that is left unmet by a partner or in a relationship is a recipe for disaster, and sure failure. Even one need that remains unfulfilled will doom a relationship, because a need is a necessity. Sure, Y/you may be able to ignore it for a while. But in the end, Y/you can�t do without it.
The divorce rate in America tops 50 % precisely because people ignore needs in favor of a pretty face or robust bank account. If more people took the time to inventory their needs, and stay true to them, there would be a lot more smiles going around.
A Sample List of Expectations Form
Set your list of expectations up as a "t-chart". Down one side list your needs in a partner. Down the other side, your wants. Those needs are your non-negotiable things you seek in a partner. The wants are things you may really like, but can do without.
Non-Negotiable Needs In A Partner
Negotiable Wants In A Partner
| Non-Negotiable Needs In A Partner | Negotiable Wants In A Partner | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
Prepare a second "t-chart" in exactly the same manner. Down one side will be your non-negotiable needs in a relationship. The other side will be your negotiable wants.
Non-Negotiable Needs In A Relationship
Negotiable Wants In A Relationship
| Non-Negotiable Needs In A Relationship | Negotiable Wants In A Relationship | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
Rover
Copyright 2001
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