Dominant's Owner's Manual, Part 2

Your Dominant's Owner's Manual, Part 2, Running In The Right Directiion

This is the second part in an ongoing series pertaining to getting the most out of your D/s relationship and learning to maximize the benefit of having a Master/Mistress.

All of U/us have things in O/our lives that give U/us reason to pause, reason for concern, or weigh heavily on O/our minds. That's just part of being human. And just like O/our tastes in ice cream, what bothers U/us as individuals varies widely from person to person. As does the manner in which W/we cope with those concerns.

This article will focus upon the manner in which W/we cope. Particularly, the manner in which submissives cope with problems or concerns and how they can best utilize their Master/Mistress in that coping process. Underutilizing the great source of reassurance and comfort found in your Dominant is the cause for so much unnecessary mental anguish. Learning how to use Master/Mistress to your fullest extent can be the catalyst to a deeper relationship, greater happiness, and peace of mind.

As I mentioned earlier, different people respond and cope differently to problems. Never is that distinction clearer than between Dominant and submissive. Humans are endowed with an evolutionary survival instinct. It's called the "fight or flight" syndrome. When confronted with danger, people either stand and fight it, or flee from it. Dominants for the most part stand and fight. They slay the beasts that torment from within. submissives on the other hand tend to flee. They run from the danger posed by confronting their inner turmoil. They bury it in hopes that they will never have to confront it.

As with most every part of human nature, this is a broad generalization. W/we can all think of exceptions to the rule. But by in large it's an accurate generalization. And the first step to solving any problem is to recognize and admit that it exists.

So what exactly IS the problem with fleeing from problems, doubts, or even feelings? In a word, infection. Just like a foreign organism that invades your body, those problems, doubts and feelings find safe haven within you. They grow, multiply, fester, contaminate and spread. What began as a simple little infection that could be treated with antibiotics can become systemic, with serious implications such as surgery, amputation or death. And the same is true with those problems, doubts, fears and feelings. Left unchecked, they grow all out of their true proportion. Having begun as small problems requiring the simple reassurance of your Dominant, they can potentially grow to the point of overwhelming and destroying Y/your relationship.

Just like a doctor treating an infection, the first step to effective treatment is recognition that a problem exists. Most of U/us don't have the luxury of living with a medical professional that might give U/us regular examinations. Even your family doctor relies upon you for the first step, recognizing that something is wrong. And by in large, that's what We Dominants do as well. Granted, there are times when We can tell by virtue of a submissive's behavior that all is not well. True, We question Our submissives regularly to assess their state of mind. But We're not mind readers. That's why We ask for your journals. That's why We ask you questions on a regular basis about your state of mind. That's why We probe. That's why We give you regular opportunities to share things with Us. For without the recognition that there is a problem early on, We will have to deal with a much more serious problem later.

So the first step in your treatment is to share. Whatever it is that's bothering you. In your journal, in a discussion, in whatever manner you can. Much of this lifestyle revolves around individual responsibility, just as it does with your personal health care. It's your responsibility as a submissive to share these things with your Dominant, to utilize the tools and methods that your Dominant has in place for identifying these protential problems early on, when treatment is most effective. Just get the ball rolling. Find any way possible to indicate that a problem exists, and then let your Dominant guide you from there.

The next step is diagnosis. you may know that all is not well. you may know that something is bothering you. But you may not know what it is. That's ok, it's not necessary to wait until you've diagnosed yourself. you certainly wouldn't do that prior to visiting a doctor, and you shouldn't do that prior to sharing with your Dominant. Let your Dominant ask the questions that assist in diagnosis. Let them do the examination, just as a doctor would. you don't have to have all the answers, you'll find them together with the assistance of your Dominant. That's what you rely upon Them for. They have the need to fill that role in your life in order for Them to feel useful and needed. you would be denying Them the opportunity to truly feel like your Master/Mistress by withholding from Them.

Finally there is treatment. And like a real medical problem, the treatment varies depending upon what the diagnosis is, and how far the problem has progressed. If you've let too much time pass before sharing a problem, and the diagnosis is made too late, you risk the very existence of your relationship. If the problem is one within the relationship, the disease may progress so far that the relationship can not be saved. And what a shame that would be. Similar to losing an arm because of an infection on a finger that went unrecognized and untreated for too long.

So what does this seemingly medical analogy have to do with running and direction, as the title implies? Early on I identified the "fight or flight" syndrome, and a submissive's tendency to flee. It can be an ovewhelming response for self preservation. It can be an integral part of who you are. And in fact, I see so many submissives respond in just this way. To flee the problem. Ignore it's very existence. Avoid discussing it, even with their Dominants. They often isolate themselves from friends and family. Some will even disappear for lengths of time, while they try to wrestle with the problem all by themselves. These are all flight responses. Running.

And to be honest, running is an acceptable response. The question is, in which direction do you run? For most submissives their initial reaction is to run AWAY from their Dominant. That is also running away from the problem. But the proper direction would be to run TOWARDS your Dominant. And that can be running away from the problem as well. Because in running TO your Dominant, you find the comfort, reassurance and peace of mind that They give to you. In running TO your Dominant you can unburden yourself of the problem. In running TO your Dominant you get an early diagnosis, treatment and cure. In running TO your Dominant you are happier, and made whole again.

I find it interesting that submissives know this in their minds. Yet the desire to run away is so powerful. W/we often talk about the strength of submission, and this is one example of the strength required to be a healthy submissive. The strength to do what you know is right. And let's face it, the right thing to do is not always the easy thing to do. Yet, you are made strong in your submission. you are made happy and whole in your submission. And no O/one, including your Dominant, can drag you in the right direction. They can only guide and advise. The bottom line is your own strength, and your own decision made freely.

Ask yourself if you feel stronger with or without your Dominant? Ask yourself if you are better able to cope with life's challenges with or without Master/Mistress? I should hope that the answer is clear, and that you can clearly see that in denying yourself of your Dominant, you are denying yourself of a great deal of your strength. Each day apart making it more and more difficult to find your way back.

A few tips to keep in mind for a healthy relationship:

Find effective ways to share with your Dominant. In whatever manner possible. In your journal, a discussion, anything that works for you.
Never wait when something is bothering you. The earlier it's identified, the easier it is to deal with.
Never attempt to be your own doctor. There's an old saying that "a doctor that attempts to cure himself has a fool for a patient."
No concern is too big or too small to involve your Dominant. Even small matters left unaddressed can become serious problems.
Don't ignore problems. They don't go away on their own.
Don't deny yourself the comfort and reassurance of your Dominant.
Don't deny your Dominant to fulfill the role They most treasure, that of being your Master/Mistress.
And most importantly, be careful of which way you run. Don't run away from your Dominant. Instead, run into the loving embrace of His/Her care.

I hope these tips may help make your experience in O/our lifestyle more pleasurable and fulfilling. They can help deepen your relationship with your One, and allow you to enjoy the full benefit of having One that loves and cares for you.

Rover

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