| The Baskin Robbins Theory |
Over the years I�ve often described what I call the Baskin Robbins Theory to teach about the freedom and diversity of D/s relationships and BDSM activities. And to promote the tolerance of that myriad diversity. It�s a simple concept that I present for Y/you here, in hopes that it helps Y/you discover the true freedom of creating Y/your unique and most pleasing and personally fulfilling version of the lifestyle, while allowing O/others that same independence and free choice.
How many of Y/you have been to a Baskin Robbins ice cream store? Y/you know the one, home of the 31 flavors. What a great place to exercise O/our individual and personal tastes. So many flavors to choose from; chocolate, vanilla, pistachio, rocky road, and on and on and on. Available in so many different ways; cone, cup, banana split, milkshake, and dozens more. And then there are the extras; sprinkles, dips, nuts, cherries, whipped cream, etc. The potential number of combinations is in the thousands.
When Y/you walk into an ice cream parlor the server asks Y/you what Y/you want, and how Y/you want it. Y/you�re asked what flavor Y/you desire, how Y/you want it served, and what extras Y/you want on it. The choice is entirely Y/yours, because the server couldn�t possibly know what Y/your personal tastes are. And even if Y/you were to go to that ice cream parlor daily, chances are that Y/your tastes will change from day to day.
Now, have Y/you ever been to a munch, Dungeon, D/s chat room, or any other RL or online lifestyle gathering? If so Y/you may have learned that the lifestyle has only three rules: Safe, Sane and Consensual. It�s short and simple, similar to most ice cream parlors with two rules, No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service. Beyond that, what Y/you make of the lifestyle is supposed to be to Y/your personal tastes. Tastes and preferences that only Y/you can know. Just like Y/your personal tastes in ordering ice cream.
A D/s relationship, and BDSM activities, are very similar to a trip to Baskin Robbins. The choices are extensive, and what Y/you choose is personal to Y/your unique and individual tastes and preferences. Some may choose whips, chains and knives, while O/others choose humiliation, orgasm control and age play. So long as it is Safe, Sane and Consensual, what Y/you choose merely reflects what makes Y/you enjoy. No O/one can know what Y/your tastes and preferences are except Y/you. No O/one can MAKE Y/you like pistachio ice cream, or a crop, if Y/you don�t like it.
Perhaps Y/you�ve also noticed that despite the three rules of Safe, Sane and Consensual, there seems to be an undercurrent of pressure to �enjoy� some of the more popular D/s or BDSM menu items or act in some "accetpable" manner, and to �avoid� some of the less popular items. That despite the fact D/s is supposed to be something Y/you create to Y/your unique, personal tastes, there is often peer pressure that �steers� people towards the most popular chocolate and vanilla cones.
This unspoken peer pressure extends to the very essence of who W/we are. All too often submissives are told they are �not submissive enough� as an example. The people that express those opinions are doing a great disservice to the recipients of such advice. In point of fact, all they are expressing is their personal preferences in a submissive, which has nothing to do with the personal preferences of A/anyone else. It is similar to telling someone that their chocolate ice cream tastes awful, that the vanilla is better. It may be just right for O/one, and not for A/another. That�s the point of personal tastes. They are personal and unique to U/us A/all.
In the example above, one Dominant may enjoy the chocolate ice cream while another does not. Similarly, one Dominant may find a submissive �not submissive enough� while the next Dominant may cherish his/her behavior just the way it is. Try to keep in mind that both are simply expressing their personal tastes and preferences. The submissive simply needs to find a Dominant that enjoys his/her version of chocolate ice cream, or, in other words, his/her version of submission.
Consider that when a Dominant and submissive form a relationship, it is analogous to deciding to eat out of the same bowl. Two spoons, one bowl of ice cream. They share. So it�s essential that both enjoy the same ice cream, the same flavor, the same extras on it. In submitting to a Dominant, a submissive can not change what he/she likes and dislikes, nor can a Dominant force that upon him/her. No matter how hard Y/you try, no O/one can be forced to enjoy ice cream that they do not enjoy. Nor can O/one be made, or make themselves, enjoy a version of D/s or BDSM activities that they do not.
A few helpful hints to keep in mind during Y/your personal journey in D/s, and Y/your search for a partner to walk with Y/you along Y/your way.
Never force Y/your personal tastes or preferences upon O/others. Avoid statements like �you�re not submissive enough�. That submissive may not be submissive enough for You, but is perfect for Someone else. Remember that the statement could just as easily be turned around to say that You�re �not Dominant enough�.
Be confident and comfortable in Y/your own personal tastes and preferences.
Be yourself, not what Y/you think O/others expect of Y/you.
Only Y/you can know what it is that Y/you like. No O/one can tell Y/you what Y/you like, or force it upon Y/you.
When Y/you invite someone to share Y/your bowl ice cream (Y/your version of D/s and BDSM), make sure that Y/you both enjoy the same flavors, made the same way.
As Y/you explore the lifestyle, keep the Baskin Robbins Theory in mind. Know what it is that Y/you enjoy in the lifestyle and seek a mate that enjoys the same. After all, Y/you�ll both be eating out of the same bowl of ice cream for a long time.
Rover
Copyright 2002
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