Time Cops: Back to Middle School

Playwright: Emily "Rosy the Cat" Bryant

Characters: 

The Commander- A major officer of the temporal investigations division 
of the Terran Police Force, she has an impressive presence and keeps a 
cool head under fire. She also has a history with the temporal criminal, 
the dreaded Mrs. Vaught. But what is her connection to Rose Moyer, in the 
late twentieth century?

Operator #1- Standard-issue techie/security officer. 

Operator #2- Standard-issue techie/security officer. 

Rose Moyer- In the year 1996 A.D., she is your average timid-as-can-be 
fourteen-year-old. Fortunately for her, she'll get over the timid element, 
at least in part, about half-way through High School. 

Laura- Rose's friend. 

Mrs. Vaught- She is the Wicked Witch of the West. She also is absurdly 
obsessed with tormenting teenagers, and she gets even worse with time. So 
why is her future-self calling the Commander Moyer?

******************

[Scene One: in front of closed curtains; lights dim except glowing buttons 
on desklike control panel. Two nondescript people are sitting in low-backed 
swivel chairs in front of the control panel, and one person, feminine, enters 
from the back of the theater, marches down the isle, mounts the stage, and 
sits in a high-backed Captain Kirk-ish command chair. The commander speaks...]

Commander: "Report!"

Operator #1: "No temporal anomalies so far, Commander."

Commander: "Good to hear it. Keep alert, though; this new prisoner is dangerous, 
unpredictable, and belligerent. If she got out, there's no telling what she would 
do to the timeline!"

Operator #2 (turns in their seat to look at the Commander): "Ma'am? Rumor going 
around is that you specifically requested this assignment. I was wondering...Why?"

[The Commander stares at Operator #2, then relaxes slightly, and says:]

Commander (chuckling): "Let's just say I ran afoul of her once before, and I 
don't want anybody else to suffer the same..."

[The Commander is cut off at the sound of a red-alert klaxon, red lights 
flashing.]

Commander: "What in the name of all that's holy-!"

Operator #1: "Commander! We're getting temporal fluctuations all through 
the base!"

Commander (standing from her chair): "Status on the prisoner's cell?"

Operator #2: "Shields buckling! Commander, at this rate, she'll pull us in 
with her!"

Commander: "Darn! Grab all available weapons and scanning equipment; it looks 
like we're gonna be going hunting!" [Grabs for a blaster and a hand-held scanner 
that was hidden next to the chair on the side away from the audience.] "Any 
idea when we're going?"

[Operator #2 is scrounging to the side for a weapon and scanner, while Operator 
#1 has one already out and answers the Commander.]

Operator #1: "Earth, North American Continent, United States of America, 
California...Oh, my... Ma'am, she's going for a temporal self-shift!"

Commander: "I need a date, here!"

Operator #2 (found what they were looking for, now scanning their panel): "May, 
1996!"

Commander (growling): "Oh no you DON'T...!"

[A giant BOOMing sound, with flashes of light. The Commander and Operators are 
gone. Fade to black, open curtain.]

[Curtain Opening Scene: The stage is set and divided into two sections; the 
first looks like "The Classroom from HECK!", and the other looks like the 
typical classroom, only a sign in the back saying "Saturday School" and 
posters with a scowling teacher's face on them, asking "Why are you here?" 
The classroom from HECK! is lit, with the Saturday School room remaining 
dark. Seated at the assortment of desks are children whose ages range between 
13 and 14. One girl, among the taller of her classmates, leans over and whispers 
to her desk partner.]

Rose: "Psst, Laura! Where's the Wicked Witch of the West?"

Laura (looks confused for a moment, then clears in understanding): "Oh, you 
mean Mrs. Vaught? I dunno; maybe she's sick or something..."

Rose (nervously): "I hope so; I have a bad feeling about today..."

Laura: "If she does show up, what's the worse she can do to you?"

Sound effects: BOOM!!!

Students (scream): "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

[The smoke clears, revealing a scary middle-aged woman with teeth yellowed 
from drinking too much coffee. She has a crazy look to her eyes.]

Rose (phew!): "Oh, it's only Mrs. Vaught!"

Laura (looking around in interest): "Where'd she hide the drum and the dry 
ice?"

Rose: "I know; that was certainly new..."

Mrs. Vaught: "Alright, shaddup, you little maggots! I want your timeline 
projects, and I want them NOW!"

Rose (blink-blink): "That's new."

Laura: "Is she allowed to say that?"

Rose (leans over to Laura): "What project is she talking about, Laura?"

Laura: "We started it while you were sick; most of us turned it in yesterday."

Mrs. Vaught (pointing at Rose, a look of maniacal glee on her face): "Miss 
Moyer! Front and center!"

[Rose looks confused, but obeys, heading up to the front of the room.]

Rose: "Uhh, yes, Mrs. Vaught?"

Mrs. Vaught (grinning evilly in anticipation): "Your project; NOW."

Rose (fidgeting): "Well, umm, I kinda...didn't do the project, Mrs. Vaught."

Mrs. Vaught (practically purring): "And why is that?"

Rose: "Umm...Because I was sick when you assigned it, and I didn't know 
about it?"

Mrs. Vaught (snatching a white half-sheet from her desk behind her triumphantly): 
"You will serve a Saturday School tomorrow, and do your project there!"

Rose (O_O;): "But I...I...!"

Mrs. Vaught (evil smirk): "NEXT!"

[Scene change: Light changes: Fade out for classroom, light fade in on Saturday 
School room. Rose walks in dejectedly, speaks in hushed tones with the Saturday 
School supervisor, and is handed a folder with the materials needed to make the 
timeline project. Rose sits at an unoccupied desk, glances at the bored and 
dejected faces of the other students serving Saturday School, and sets to work.]

[Hiding in the corner of the Saturday School room is the Commander and Operators 
1 and 2. They are hidden from all except the audience by an invisibility shield; 
prop suggestion: Use a tarp.]

Commander: "Well, it looks like things are going the way they should be so far. 
Any further data on when we should expect HER to make her move?"

Operator #1 (scanning): "I'd say Monday afternoon, Ma'am."

Operator #2 (also scanning): "That would be the logical time to make her move."

Commander (sigh!): "Very well." Looks worriedly towards a still-oblivious Rose. 
"Hang in there, kid; it's almost over."

[Scene change: Light changes: Fade out for the Saturday School room, light fade 
in on the classroom. Rose slumps into class, walks to her desk, and plops down 
next to Laura. Mrs. Vaught is nowhere in sight.]

Laura (looking over to her friend, then back to her book): "Hey."

Rose (weakly flopping her arm in a wave): "Hi."

Laura (setting down her book): "So, how was Saturday School?"

Rose: "Annoying. I got the stupid time-line thing done, though. I swear, if 
Mrs. Vaught weren't so dang scary...or a teacher...POW! BAM!"

Laura: "I hear ya."

Sound effects: BOOM!!!

Students (scream): "KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

[The smoke clears, revealing Mrs. Vaught. Today she has an even crazier look 
to her eyes, and she is wearing a metalic-looking jumpsuit that has dorky-
looking rings around the arms and legs.]

Rose (O_o;): "Is it a dress-up day and nobody told me?"

Laura (o_O;): "I'm pretty sure it isn't..."

Mrs. Vaught: "HELLO, AMOEBAS!!!" Mrs. Vaught catches sight of Rose. "You! 
Moyer! Come up here!"

[Rose warily gets up from her seat, takes her timeline project out, and 
heads up to the front of the room.]

Mrs. Vaught (snatches the project, takes one look, and says): "F!!!"

Rose (OoO): "WHAT?!?"

Mrs. Vaught (grins evilly and says): "You did it in reverse order! This part" 
[points up at the top of the timeline] "should be down here," [points down at 
the bottom of the timeline] "and vice versa!" [tears up the timeline] "You 
will need to do it all over again at the next Saturday School!"

Rose (whimpers): "I spent three hours on that..."

[A flash of light, and everybody except Rose and Mrs. Vaught are frozen in 
place. It is as if time has stopped.

[The Commander and the two Operators come charging through the door, blasters 
trained on Mrs. Vaught.]

Commander: "Frieze! You are under arrest for temporal tampering and deliberately 
causing mental anguish to a child!"

[Operator #1 and Operator #2 separate and begin circling around to get behind 
Mrs. Vaught in order to apprehend her. Rose sees this. She doesn't know exactly 
what's going on, but she doesn't want to get in the way. She slowly backs away 
from Mrs. Vaught, towards the counter space in the back of the room.]

Mrs. Vaught (pulling out her own blaster and aiming it at the Commander): "If 
I'm going down, you're coming with me!"

[Operator #1 and Operator #2 dart forward and grab Mrs. Vaught, disarming her 
and pinning her arms behind her back.]

Mrs. Vaught (shouting at the Commander): "You may have gotten me this time, 
Moyer, but you'll always be a looser and a maggot!"

Commander Moyer (indignant snort): "Says the woman going back to a lifetime 
sentence." Looks over at Rose, who is starring at her in both shock and awe. 
Turns to Mrs. Vaught, and says: "By the way, I never got to say this before 
you retired from teaching, which was before I got a backbone: You. Are. A. 
Complete. Idiot. Your breath stinks, your teeth are-" checks Mrs. Vaught's 
mouth "-WERE yellow, and now they're brown, and the most pathetic thing about 
you is that you need to torment children to boost your own self-esteem." 
Gestures to the Operators. "Let's go. The time rift should be opening soon."

Operators #1 and #2: "Yes Ma'am!"

[The people from the future leave, and time starts up again, the students 
wondering if they were going to have a sub. Spotlight on Rose.]

Rose (blink-blink): "That was so COOL!"

[Fade to Black. Close curtains]