Why else would a 38 year old out-of shape man go out and buy a brand spanking new dirt bike (after not having ridden for 5 years), and attempt to show em’ how a middle-aged guy can wear himself out in 5 minutes! And you know what, that statement "thank god it’s a slow 4 stroke" does not apply anymore. Several of the newer 4-stroke bikes rip!!!

My adventure begins the day my son was born 8 years ago. The first time I held him in my arms I whispered into his ear "I love you, …..do you want a dirt bike?". I didn’t get my first dirt bike until I was 13 (after driving my Dad nuts). Therefore, I promised my son he would have his much earlier in life. Dirt bike riding has always been for me a way to relieve stress, vent frustration, and see new places. I have owned twelve dirt bikes during my life and enjoyed everyone of them. And then the 13^th happened! A few months ago my son and I picked out a 2000 XR70, took it home, and within 2 minutes he was all over the backyard having a blast. What took him 5 minutes to learn took me months. When the day was over, he asked, "When are you going to get a bike so we can ride together"? Well, my wife heard the question, and that is why it was her idea. To this day I know I heard her say "you need a dirt bike also Daddy"!

The research began. If you ever need someone to research anything for you, I am your man. After 2-3 weeks, I limited my search to a KTM 400/EXC. I had been an XR man all my life, but nearly every shoot-out article I read listed the KTM as the way to go. I’m not a motocross kinda of guy. I’m not an enduro kinda guy. I’m just a "ride whenever, whenever kinda guy". Off to the dealer I went only to find out that I had to get my name on a 2001 model waiting list. And, by the way, wouldn’t you spend an extra $250 for an additional 120 cubic centimeters of displacement if you knew the bike weight did not increase, and it had an electric starter? Yep, I may not be a rocket scientist, but I know that more displacement equates to more ponies, which equates to butt-tearing quickness. Plus, my wife agreed that bigger is always better (ya right). So my name went down as the first for a 2001 KTM 520 E/XC. Nearly 6 weeks, 3 days and 10 hours later, the "beast" arrived. I was shaking the first time I rode her, and I haven’t quit shaking since. Now I know what 54 ponies on a dirt bike means! Why does KTM provide a 6-speed tranny when all you can do is barely get into 3rd gear? This bike rips big time! She will pull the front up in all gears just with a flick of the wrist. And that’s with 235 lbs flopping on the seat, or fender depending on how capable the rider is of applying throttle. Well, you should be getting the picture.

My first RDR club ride was at Monroe Off-Road Track located in Monroe, Georgia. Worst part about it is that my son decided to go to a birthday party rather than tail along with Dad (after Mom convinced him the party would be more fun). So the XR 70 stayed home. I just knew I was not going to have any fun! The Monroe Off -Road Center offers 3 courses: mini, super-cross, and a 1-mile motocross. Since I calculated that the "beast" could make it around the mini in .5 seconds, I decided I needed to stay off of the mini course. It was a hard decision because I still think I could have beaten that 4-year-old on his little 50cc mini bike.

So off to the motto-cross course I went. Thanks to another KTM rider named "Mark", I was shown how to enter the course without killing anyone. "What are those metal things sticking up?" I asked myself. Later on I figured out they were starting gates (I have never been on a motocross track in my life). Needless to say, Mark took me around the track at a pace that was very appealing to me. However, when the second lap started, I realized Mark had been very conservative on the first lap. He passed me, flying through the air downhill! It had rained for several days; thus the course had some real gnarly mud sections. This is where I found KTM Mark a few moments later. It appeared that his bike decided it wanted to become a pig, thus dumping Mark and all in the slop. I passed him with a big grin on my face that folks had to be able to see through my face guard and all! To this day, I bet Mark meant to crash just so I could have the thrill of passing someone. By mid afternoon the slop sections dried up to be 2-foot deep ruts that could take any bike any direction. The other neat thing about the motto-cross course is how it varies. You have up hills, down hills, turns, curves, straightaways, whoops, more whoops, and even a few more whoops. I wouldn’t be able to determine if the course was any better than the other local courses. All I know is that I had a blast.

However, the fun began to deteriorate rather quickly. Have you ever experienced ARM PUMP? What about LEG PUMP, FINGER PUMP, STOMACH PUMP, WRIST PUMP, EYEBALL PUMP, and even HAIR PUMP? If not, I hope you get to because it is really bothersome. Needless to say, everything began to PUMP, so I ended up having to take a rest (5 minutes into the ride). Hmmm, I wonder if this will get me back into shape? But the "beast" did not rest. KTM Mark took her for a spin. He stated he wouldn’t jump her, I replied "do what ever you feel comfortable doing". Mark amateur races his 2000 KTM 2-stroke so I felt comfortable handing him the reins. Within 30 seconds on the motocross course, I saw Mark flying through the air like a Delta 747. Mark came back with a facial expression that combined amazement, fear, and death warmed over. He too was only able to get the "beast" into 3^rd. His exact words were "2 stroke power with 4-stroke torque, I need one of these"! I was feeling pretty good. Then it was RDR’s own Suzuki Dave’s turn for a spin on the super-cross course. Now Dave had just sold his RM250 several days ago and had a 2001 RM250 on order. Thus, Dave showed up without a bike. He was itching to ride "ANYTHING". I think at one point I saw him on an XR 70. I handed the "beast" to Dave and said "show me how the big boys do it". Well, Dave must have ridden her 30 minutes (I was wondering if I would ever get her back). And ride her he did. I even think I saw a halfway attempt at a nac-nac. It’s cool watching someone take your bike through paces you only dream about doing. Thanks for the show Mark and Dave!

After watching Mark and Dave, I proceeded to tame the "beast" on the super-cross course. Better yet, the beast tamed me. I began to settle down and learn the bike. Who cares how fast I was going? All I know is that I did not pass anyone all day long (other than KTM Mark and his "pig", and, oh yes, a 8 year old on his mini 50). I ended up riding for another 30-40 minutes before I called it a day. All in all, 25 miles were put on the bike. Not bad for the first day out at a motocross track. I loaded her into the trailer and headed home, only to begin realizing I was 38 years old, not 17. The aches and pains started, and they lasted for 5 days. Pains that I have not felt for years. Aches that ached like no other aches. Muscles that appeared out of areas of my body that I have forgotten about over the years (hair cubicles being one). Of course, since it was my wife’s idea for me to buy the bike, it was her job to baby me back to health. Massages and southern cooking work wonders. I can’t wait for the next RDR ride!