s m i t t e n
i'll never find the discernment
the reason i fell so hard
craved your ups and downs
covered myself with the words
you threw out at me
like weighted nets
i'll never understand it
the way my heart convinced me
you were the one
the one that would feel that love
in one gentle embrace
my mind tells me to run
but your voice soothes my harsh prophecies
creating a labyrinth of emotions
all feeling complexifies.
those faded memories
have found painful lodgings
within the folds of my mind
recalling them sickens my thoughts
the shame fills that hollow place
but doesn't satisfy the hunger
or purge the corruption left over
and you've clearly moved on.
yet you've left me in this bubble
frail yet inescapable
you throw it in my face...
your newfound happiness..
you can't deny my anguished face
you can't shrug off the fact
that you KNOW i still feel for you
even when i don't want you at all.
you know it.
the cup's been emptied
and the aftertaste disgusts me
when acknowledgement is all i ask of you
i get no second look
just a step in the other direction
i can't see your face anymore...
your back is in the way.
funny how a warm shoulder
can turn so cold.
funny how you said nothing could come between us
but YOU put up the cement barrier.
so funny...
my smile's faded.
you don't seem to notice that at all.
so i find myself at these crossroads
between letting you know
and letting you go.
simplicity disguised under wraps of pain
the choice should be easy.
but with me...
even every drop of rain that falls
in the morning hours
holds more meaning than it should
things turn sour
when i can't stop my emotions
from dictating my thoughts
after everything
i still think of you
missing the mysetery
but repressing its return
the thinking throbs my brain
the searing of my heart is numbing
and i can't look at you the same
e v e r.

8/15/01
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