| r e t u r n t o m e |
| "return to me." it's what i call into the darkness "come back... find me agian... speak to me... know thyself." it's what i shout to myself through the shadowed valleys through the howling wind down that winding road i search for that spot that exact location where it happened. the seizure of my heart the flood of my tears where the storm swept me away that place where i ran where i fled for my life my very existence. i am kept on this watch this unflagging vigil haunted with the memories etched in every fold i hear the cries in the night and i am afraid of the demons lurking within fearing that there is no lamp to light my way waiting for the sun to rise longing for this performance to end but it keeps me drawn to it entrapped in it bound and gagged unable to move unable to breathe unable to change. i am encased in this frame of mind your extended hand in the distance comparable to the distance between two stars climb into my hole my inner nothing see the slide show of the nightmares sprawled cryptically across the wall. "return to me." i say it often but i don't seem to acknowledge my own presence corrupted in myself collapsing with every breath i can't seem to pull myself through. my muscles ache losing the strength losing the pull losing the battle while i'm losing my faith my uncertainty a familiar apparition indicated by the haunting meloday of my emotions jumbled up together like a shepherd's pie cutting me tearing me apart. i know the angst i know the confusion for i am the unloved the unwanted the unneeded. so here i am clinging to anything i can grapple onto here i am hanging on the edge here i am crying and searching searching for myself for who i am. so here i am shouting "return to me." 2/26/01 |