d e a d   a w a y
so this is what it's like
to be rotting dead away
the flesh of a corpse
within a young living body
my mind fluxuates
with corrupted pretenses
fluent with my sorrow
my pain
my lack on enlightenment.
don't let the world bring you down
the world doesn't know you exist.
h e y . . .
where's the warmth?
the sunshine?
the cool dark night
solemn in its ways
makes me fall dead away
down further
f a s t e r
into the thicker masses
into the grey rushing river
i don't get it.
why i wear this disguise
set up this scapegoat
paint on this happy face
with clown makeup and costume jewelry
l o o k . . .
the happiness wasn't there.
i could blame it on them
the condemned of betrayal
matadors waving their red capes
and i am their bull.
but perhaps i am lost by my own disillusionment
and lack of vision
'cause i ripped up the road map
maybe i'm rushing dead away
by my own blunders
maybe i made myself this way.
if i could rip myself apart
and start over
the deformities wouldn't change
'cause as the hurricane whistle sounds
the pieces of me
would blow away in the wind
and the world wouldn't feel it
'cause the world doesn't know i exist.

3/24/01
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