As I try to take a look back at my life, seems like it was so long ago and other times it seems like yesterday. It is strange how life�s lessons can bring you to a crossroad and the choices we make can either make you or break you.
I hope in hearing what I have to say, will not only bring you to a point of understanding who I am but also help you in making a wise choice in your life today.
I am from the Chicagoland and I lived there most of my Life. Don�t ask where I live today because most likely it will change.
I was raised ethnically Jewish in a typical middle class suburb prominently non- Jewish residents.
My parents married young and had children immediately. I am the 3rd of 4 children; I have a sister 5 years older, a brother 2 years older and a sister 5 years younger.
I grew up in a very angry home with my parents constantly arguing.
Both my parents were addicts; my mom abused alcohol and my dad drugs. Most of the fights were about my parents cheating, mostly my mother�s affairs.
By the time I was 15 my mom and dad finally gave in to divorce and because my incompatibility with my mom, I moved in with my brother and dad.
6 months later and 5 days before my 16th birthday my mother and father�s divorce was not granted by the court. My mom was upset and went to a bar with her girlfriend and there at that bar in the parking lot, my mother�s girlfriend and possessive boyfriend got into a gun struggle and a stray bullet killed my mother.
This was not the beginning of my drug usage but it was the start of my deep involvement in the use of harder drugs.
Life was not very satisfying for me and I was looking for love and approval from many different avenues like drugs, alcohol and many empty relationships. Also at this time I developed an eating disorder that had become one of my longest battles to fight.
I had moved to California to get control of my life and that failed so I moved to Illinois back in with my father. This did not last very long, before you know it my dad and I got into an argument and he left me at a grocery store. He told me I was a loser and would never amount to anything and drove off.
I then moved in with my boyfriend Jim (my husband) of 8 months. He was everything my father hated. He was the biker type with long hair, tattoos and a musician to top it off. We had the most turbulent relationship.
I also at this time became very suicidal and my eating disorder was at it�s worst.
After a few years of living with Jim, I decided to marry him.
1990 became one of the most eventful years of my life!
I married Jim June 21st, 1990. Marriage was not what I thought it would be and I was very unhappy.
I was going to college to get educated just in case I had to leave and make it on my own.
Jim was very busy working, drinking and jamming and I was working full time and going to school.
My life was very unfulfilled and though I had quit drinking and smoking and was going to school, I knew there was still something missing.
September 27th, 1990 I woke up to Jim telling me some really exciting news. He told me he had asked Jesus to be leader in his life the night before.
That was about all I could take; now I was sure I had to get out of this relationship.
I was involved in Amway and was attending a meeting one night 2 months after Jim�s great change and explaining to some friends about Jim�s new life.
I was telling them it would not be so bad if Jim were nicer about it. Matter of fact, I would believe Jesus is real if Jim were nice at all.
That night I said a silent prayer and said to Him, Jesus, if you are real make Jim loving.
Believe it or not I came home from my meeting and Jim was very pleasant. It actually got better and more pleasing for the days to come.
We were actually able to spend quite a bit time together and enjoyed each other�s company.
One night after watching what I wanted, Jim asked to watch something he had not seen in a while. Having such a good time with him I agreed and he turned on some church guy talking about God. This at first ruined my night but the more I listened to this man Charles Stanley, the more he was making sense and seemed as what he was saying directed to me.
He was talking about being empty, and working so hard to have a life that has meaning and yet I had none. He talked about sin in my life and how this sin kept me away from God and in the end would lead me to going to hell. He asked me if this is what I wanted for my life? I thought, �NO WAY!� He told me it did not have to be this way, and that if I asked Jesus to be a part of my life and asked him in my heart that I would be sure to have a home with Him in Heaven. All I had to do was ACKNOWLEDGE I was sinner to God and admit there was nothing I could do to save myself, TO KNOW Christ is the Son of God and only He could save me, BELIEVE His dying on the cross was for my sins and his death was on my behalf and TO GIVE my life to Him and ask Him to be Lord and Savior and I would be written in a book of life forever.
I wanted this so badly, I was so tired of being empty and I knew that the hole needed to be filled and Jesus was the perfect for doing this.
It was nice and comforting to know that regardless of who and what I was, Jesus accepted me just as I am. No if ands or buts!
This was more than I had ever gotten from anyone.
This was November 3rd, 1990.
After this grand day in my life, I made many choices that I never thought I would ever make.
Since then my life has not been perfect. I have had many ups and downs. I have 3 children and they are not always perfect and still have turbulent times with my husband but one thing I know for sure is through all this Jesus has never left my side, not once.
If you are interested in a deep and personal relationship with Jesus, please have a look at some of these personal links I found to be helpful in my search to have a closer relationship with Him.
God bless you and Praise Him always!
Now Arise
By Elton Smith, Steve Israel and Larry Holder
Arise and come to Jesus
He calls to you today
To follow where He leads you
Into a better Way.
He gave his all with love untold
To bring you safe into the fold.
With arms outstretched
To welcome you home...
(Chorus)
Now arise ---
As He calls to your soul.
Now arise ---
Let His love take control.
Yes, arise ---
He is all you need to know.
He will meet you where you are
As you arise.
(Verse 2)
Arise and come to Jesus,
Creator, Lord, and King.
Though we can give him nothing,
He gives us everything.
He paid the price to set us free,
To become all we are meant to be,
To know the peace, the joy,
The victory!
(Repeat Chorus)
Now arise ---
As He calls to your soul.
Now arise ---
Let His love take control.
Yes, arise ---
He is all you need to know.
He will meet you where you are
As you arise.
(Bridge)
Don't wait until tomorrow
For tomorrow may never come...
(Repeat Chorus)
So arise ---
As He calls to your soul.
Now arise ---
Let His love take control.
Yes, arise ---
He is all you need to know.
He will meet you where you are
As you arise.
(Repeat Chorus)
Now arise ---
As He calls to your soul.
Now arise ---
Let His love take control.
Yes, arise ---
He is all you need to know.
He will meet you where you are
As you arise.
(Ending)
He will meet you where you are
As you arise.
He will meet you where you are
As you arise.
