my personal favorite^^
^_^
great memory
Today was an alright day I guess. Started out crappy. Took a test in meteorology. I didn't do well. I was tired and didn't think it through very well. Later then I also took a math test. I didn't nearly have the time I needed. I didn't even get to finish the whole thing. I was pissed. It's a short class. It's only 50 minutes, and the test was huge! I probably did really bad on it. It was really discouraging. Mandy worked today in the cafeteria and I went to see her. She cheered me up a bit, and I went on to do some laundry for a while. When she was done at work she messaged me asking "can I come over and play?" I don't think I could turn that down regardless of whatever was going on around me. The world could be ending, but if she asked that, I'd be all like "time-out!" "of course Mandy, come on over!^^" "time-in!" -destruction proceeds-
So she came over and we had a great time. We played Halo for a bit, watched Naruto, and had a mini-water fight.^^ My bed got wet though... grrrrrrrrrr... Oh well, I'll live. She's such a sweet heart though. She brought me strawberry cheese cake!^^ It was really good too. Strawberry's like my favorite. She started to get a stomach ache a little later on though while she was over, so I let her lay down, and I rubbed her back for a bit. I always enjoy giving massages. It's fun. :) I just want to do whatever I can to make her feel good/better. After a little while of just bumming around the room it got late and I walked her back to her place. Then I came back here and crashed. The end.
I didn't have class today until 11:50.^^ I slept in until 11:30 when Mandy came and woke me up. That was definately a very nice way to wake up. She stopped by for a little while, sat with me while I woke up slightly on my bed, "can I have a hug?", got said hug (of course, who's gonna say no to that?), and then went on her way to her own class. I went to core, did my corely duties, and came back. I lounged around the room all day doing nothing. It was relaxing but kind of boring. I got a virus a few days ago. It's been lightly kicking my ass for a little while. Many hidden folders and what not... -_- Mandy's been keeping me extremely happy though lately. The cheese cake she brought me the other day, her coming to wake me up, little things like that just keep me overjoyed. I'm not exactly used to feeling like some one else was really thinking about me while I'm not right there in front of them. That's definately one thing that I didn't feel in my last relationship and it bugged me. I know she thinks about me now, but it's too late. To feel thought about even in your absence is a great feeling. I hope she feels the same b/c she's in mine all the time. I do whatever I can to show her that. I had written her a poem for Valentine's Day. It's corny and I think kind of crappy as far as poems go, but it was heart felt and I think it was good in that it meant something to me while writing it. I told Mandy that I love her. I haven't used the word love yet. I find it a very strong word, and I reserve it for those that I find VERY special to me. I usually only use it for family. Mandy's family has been so nice to me that I almost feel like my family has doubled in size these last few months. It truely is great. Mandy's cat isn't doing so well though. She's really worried about Splash, so that's why I went ahead and put the poem in her journal's page for her. I'm pretty sure she read it, but not positive... All I know is that I have battled in my mind for a little while now on weather or not what I feel for this remarkable girl actually is love, or just some young crush. I have most definately decided it's love. I love Amanda Blaylock. She means the world to me, and she knows it too. I only hope I can give her everything she wants, and protect her from the things she doesn't. I'm praying real hard for her cat right now. She loves Splash very deeply and I don't want her to have to deal with any complications with him. Things seem slightly optimistic right now with feeding him, so I'm glad. I'm still praying Amanda. I'm still praying...
I'm totally supposed to be writing my paper for core right now like I told Mandy I would do, but I needed to express myself. She totally told me she loved me today. She's real good at making it real smooth too. Told me I better get going to write my paper, because I take forever to do that. I just looked at her kinda funny, then she's all like "but I still love ya anyways."
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Oh yeah, on top of all that the other day I found orange hostess cupcakes at the Union! Totally w00tness!! So yeah, life is good, nothing can get me down right now. (except for a cupcake theif... that would piss me off real bad... *grumble grumble* damn cupcake theives... *grumble grumble*)
Some time later that day...
Yeah, so I worked on my paper, finished it, and Mandy came over.^^ We watched the end of the movie Dave had on, then played some Halo. All in all a good time. Then I walked her back to her room, came back here, and just puttered around until going to bed. The important part though is that I read Mandy's journal entry to me. She said how she wasn't exactly comfortable using the word love and she doesn't just toss it around. I can totally relate to this. I really reserve myself with that, but with Mandy, I don't know, for some reason I wanted to just tell her how much I loved her like as soon as we came back from her mother's wedding weekend. I don't know why really. I usually keep all that lovey dovey stuff kind of deep. This girl just brings it out of me. I didn't know how she'd take it, but I couldn't surpress it anymore. Maybe it was a little overly zealous on my part, maybe I shouldn't b/c it made her feel uncomfortable. Regardless though, weather or not I've said it, or she's responded to it doesn't matter. It's there. It's been there for a little while now. I can easily see myself being with her for a long long time. Ever since we started going out she's just seemed so easily compatible with me. When I'm with her I feel happy, comfortable, and well cared for. What more could some one ask for? I couldn't imagine. All I know is I hope I didn't do anything to screw that up by telling her how I love her. At this moment it doesn't seem that I did, so I'm glad. I think I'm definately going to keep the love stuff to a minimum perhaps for a while though. The last thing I want to do is scare her off by coming on too strong. She's the girl, she should set the pace for the relationship. That doesn't seem like it could go wrong. Who knows, what am I talking about. It's not like I know what I'm doing...^^' I'm over complicating all this in my head. On a much simpler note though, I totally used the word "stanky" in my core paper...^_^
Tuesday
2-8-05
Feeling: Like I'm boring... -_-
Listening to: Green Day - Warning
Yeah, so today went by pretty uneventfully as far as classes go. There wasn't much work. I don't have any real homework to speak of. So that's always a plus. I finally got Mandy's pictures scanned and saved on my computer. I played a good deal of Halo today again. Mandy came over after she was done at work, but there's never really anything to do besides Halo. It's a lot of fun and all, but I need a little variety. Not just from Halo, but from video games in general from time to time. I mean I really like video games and all, but every now and again, I need to come up for air or else they'll sufficate me. I'm glad that Valentine's Day and the DDR tournament and all this stuff is coming up soon. It'll give me plenty of things to do and a good variety. I just feel so bland. Well I just hope Mandy enjoys herself.^^ That's my only real concern. When she came over after she was done at work we put in the movie Kiss of the Dragon and I fell asleep laying on her. ^^' That's just how it goes. She's so incredibly comfortable... I feel bad though. I don't like falling asleep on her b/c I don't want her to get the impression that I'm bored or that she's not doing anything worth keeping me awake or anything like that. I doubt she does at all. She doesn't seem to worry about sensless things like that.^^ Just another reason why I'm so lucky. She's so rational. Definitly a good trait. Laying next to/on her and looking up at her now and again while half sleeping, I could've sworn she was an angel. She just always, ALWAYS looks so great. She had just gotten done working in the cafeteria, but still managed to look just as great as always. (another reason I'm looking forward to the dance) That just reminds me of how gorgeous she looked for her mom's wedding. The picture I got of me and her in the chapel right after the wedding is definitely a treasure.^^
my personal favorite^^
^_^
great memory
Not much has really gone on in the last two days. Just got word today from my dad that I might be able to go to the auto show! I asked if Mandy can come too and started discussing dates for going. He stopped talking about it when all the info I got out of him was that we might go friday of next week, and didn't even get for sure if there's a ticket for Mandy. I highly doubt there wouldn't be. My dad takes care of us all well. So now I've got a DDR tournament this Saturday, Valentine's Day on Monday, me and Mandy's two month on Tuesday, a possible auto show on Friday, and then me and Mandy's dance on Saturday. I'm going to have a really good time this next week.^^ On another note Mandy's been taking good care of me. We role played again today. That's always a lot of fun.
THOUGHTS
While role playing Brandon (Carnie) extended the invite for me to room with him next year first floor of Berg. That's like the best housing on campus unless you're in a fraternaty. I'm definately thinking it over, but I don't know if I'd wanna do that to Dave. I really like Dave and having him as my room mate, and I'm not so sure how I would like living with Carnie. He seems like a good friend, and we have a lot of common interests, but something about him just seems that it would annoy me after extended periods. Dave does too, but I think Carnie would a little more. I don't know why, I can't really put my finger on it, I definately like the guy a lot, but not sure I'd want to live with him. Now I'm in a perdiciment though. I either decline Brandon, or Dave. I don't want to have to decline EITHER. In either case one of them will know that I don't want to live with them. At this moment it's looking like I'm still going to live with Dave, but without a doubt I'm thinking it over.
END THOUGHTS
I'm really looking forward to Valentine's Day.^^ Should be a good time. I hope Mandy likes what I've got planned...
Sunday
2-13-05
Feeling: Pulled in several directions
Listening to: Green Day - The Grouch
So the other day Dave here busts my internet connection to the wall. I was moderately pissed. The day before that he wouldn't let me in the room that evening either. I had to go to Mandy's room to hang out. It turned out to be a pretty good time though. Dave's made up for it since then though. He's a good guy. He just pisses me off from time to time, but then again, that's just the way of things. I fixed my internet connection on my own and was immediately used for my xbox live. It's fun now and again having the guys in here to play Halo, but now it's not a day that goes by when they're all in here playing. I don't like feeling taken advantage of. I know it's not intentional and they're all good friends. It's just that I get the feeling from time to time that the things I do, own, and give are just taken for granted. I've pondered this many times. I think I dig my own graves. I'm extremely generous with just about everything. I pay for people at restaurants when I can, I lend my stuff out a lot, and I let people stay in my room to play video games even when I'm not here. Now it's like people even start to expect my generousity and don't recognize it as such, they just notice when it's not there. This is my problem, and it has been for years. I don't see how I can fix it. Mandy did really good in the DDR tournament the other night.^^ I was really proud of her. She made me feel so happy during that. She would go play, do a kick ass job, come over and find me, give me a kiss on the cheek, and go talk to some friends, and then go do a kick ass job again and continue the cycle. She's so much fun. ^_^ I personally sucked real bad that night. I got out after playing one game. I did bad in the qualifier, and then even worse in the actual competition. I was feeling pretty crappy about that, but Mandy's success cheered me up.
window minimized
...5 hours pass
*cough cough* totally lost whatever train of thought I was following... It's three in the morning now, and I'm tired, so I'm going to sum up whatever it was I was talking about earlier. I need to chose a room mate for next year. Pretty sure it Dave. Worried about friendship problems with Carnie and how I'm going to tell him I won't be rooming with him. Brother wants me to go on vacation with him. I want to go. I can't afford to go. I need to tell him that I can't go. He will be dissapointed, but understand. I however really want to go but can't. Mandy makes me happy. Valentine's Day should be fun. I had dinner reservations. I canceled them when they told me how much it would cost. I bought some food and I'm going to cook her dinner at home. I don't know what else we'll do. Shauna (Dave's girlfriend) called for him today and in the midst of just saying how she was looking for him mentioned how Hitch was really good movie. I wanted to see it. I thought it looked funny, and since she said she liked it I have the fullest confidence in it's hilarity. That's about it.
*snore snore snore*
Monday
2-14-05
Feeling: Like I've given everything I have to offer and it was perfect
Listening to: the movie Unbreakable
I just had the best day of my life. Alright, so I sleep in and miss my first class, always a good way to start the day, but I accidentally sleep past when normally I meet Mandy for lunch, so I feel bad about telling her it's too late and not worth meeting before class. She actually found it quite enjoyable having lunch to herself for just today, relaxing in her room reading manga, and eating a lunchable. I did good. Then I had my classes, and between them found the time to stealthily place a teddy bear, personally made valentine made out of starburst wrappers and a poem I wrote, and a heart shaped box of chocolates outside her room for all her friends to see until she claimed it. Who doesn't like having her friends jealous of them?^^ So I win again, she's already having a great day. Then after class my parents came over and gave me a car to use for the rest of the day because I asked if I could. I gave my mom a huge hug and thanked her and invite Mandy over. She brought me a card she had made for me. It was really really well done. It looked like something you would buy. She definitely has some real talent. She also got me a Nintendo shirt I had seen before that I had always wanted. It's the one that says rehabilitation clinic on it and the first step is knowing you have a problem or whatever. It's great.^^ Inside the card it said "Just because I'm yours." I've never had a sweeter card given to me. Ever... I took Mandy back to my house where I made her the best meal I've ever made. I haven't ever had a better meal outside of my own mom or grandma making it. I was really proud of it. I made two filet mignon steaks wrapped in bacon, steamed green beans, cheesey scalloped potatoes, and served it on fine china with roses on the table and two lit candles in a dimmed room. We watched Aladin while we ate.^^ Then we went out afterwards to see Hitch, which was a great movie. After the movie walking to the car the moon was just rising and I stopped her and kissed her for a little bit around the corner of the movie theater before getting into the car. Then we drove back and I walked her to her building, and got the "can I have a kiss goodnight?" As if there was any question. Then we kissed there until a couple of people walked by, then we stopped and I reminded her about the whole holding still and closing your eyes invisibility trick. She still didn't buy it... She said good night and went inside. I walked towards my car, but instead of just leaving I leaned against the handicaped parking sign and just starred at her window until I saw her light turn on. I couldn't move. I just felt this wonderful peace and I couldn't help but smile to myself. The day was beautiful. It was the best day of my life. I love Mandy. She's fantastic.
Saturday
2-19-05
Feeling: Tired and perfectly content
Listening to: Audioslave - What You Are
So the last few days before Friday have basically just been suspense building up for the car show for me. I was looking forward to going with the family and Mandy all week. It was SOOOOOOO much fun! Mandy has the greatest taste in cars. We got to see all the cool trucks and sports cars. :) The food places closed earlier than I would've liked leaving us starving for a while searching for food. That definitly wasn't fun. I was feeling dizzy from it even. It got that bad. It wasn't enough to even DAMPEN the awesomeness of the evening though. I found my Nissan Titan V8... I love that truck and I don't even know why. I just like the way it looks, and it's a decent strength, nothing special, but it's a V8, and it looks really nice. At least I think so. Well that was a long and enjoyable night. Today I had work from 10 - 3. After work I went to Barnes and Noble where I saw Denise and bought her books, which look really good. I'm excited to read them. I also found volume 4 of spectacular spider-man. I didn't even know there was a volume 3 out. They didn't have it then so I got 4 and I'll look up 3 later. Then I went back to my room and rushedly got dressed for the dance. I then took off to Wal-Mart where I found some really nice looking flowers for Mandy and went to her room straight from there to be RIGHT on time to picking her up for the dance. I couldn't have timed it better. We went to the dance and I had the best time I've ever EVER had at a dance. I never liked dances in high school, but this was REALLY fun. I had such a great time I can't describe the feeling of actually dancing like a complete goof ball, having no one tell you "stop, you're embarassing me" and everyone just having such a great time. Getting kissed on the cheek in front of your friends is definitely the best feeling in the world. Mandy's soooooooo nice to me. They played Cotton Eyed Joe for her.^^ I KNEW that's what she requested when she went up there. Unfortunately by that time I was so pooped I couldn't dance anymore. I would've fallen on my ass. I burnt out sooner than I would've liked. I didn't feel like I was holding her back from having as much fun as she wanted though. I'm glad she instantly seemed to get along so well with the other girls we grouped with. There was Jen Bara, Karissa, Jessica, Kat, Caitlin, Megan, and I feel really bad, but it's late and I can't remember who else was there with all of us. It was a pretty big group. There was their dates including Sam from next door, and Justin from the other next door too. So there were a few guys to talk to also. We left about an hour or so before it was officially over because she was also getting kinda tired by then (or maybe she was just saying that because she knew I was...), but in either case we left and went to go to my room since it was cold outside and less of a walk from my brother's house. I came back to find Dave and his girlfriend lying in bed... The room stunk like sex, and it was dark and hot in there... It was gross. I kept Mandy outside and went in to drop off a thing or two, and Dave said I looked nice, which was kind of him, but then he called in Mandy to see her, and complimented her, which was nice of him also except for the offensiveness of the room and him being in bed with Shauna. I found that to be a really awkward situation. I could've done without that over all. Dave definitely is nice though. I hold nothing against him. He has a girl that he loves, he lives as clean(or not) as I do, and is one of the friendliest guys I've met here. Well we then went to Mandy's room b/c ours was busy. We didn't get there because we saw Mandy's room mate and some friends in there and Mandy had left a note about room conditions. It would've been weird and probably hazardous. We just hung out in the lobby for a while. We stayed there for a long while... Mandy really didn't want to go back to her room. I've seen and heard all about the problems she's been having with her room mate. I feel really bad about it all. Without showing any bias at all to the fact that I'm insanely twitterpated with My Mandy... I STILL would think Kristen is way out of line. If my room mate made their half of the room THAT much of a mess (when mine wasn't :P) and just LEFT to sleep elsewhere for nearly a month?!??!?! That's definitely out of line. Just that alone would get me furious. Mandy's kept her head about it. On top of all that though her room mate pops in randomly and leaves behind a disgusting smell. Rotting rice in a rice cooker for three whole days on one occasion even... Besides food/garbage odors, there's the personal smells... Don't think she washes much... From what I've seen of her, I don't think she does. I really can't be sure though. It's not my place to say. She just has an offensive smell most of the time. I would've flipped out long ago. I have a very strong respect for anyone at all who's had to go through serious room mate problems on campus. It's just gotta be really tough. I feel lucky to have Dave as a room mate and I don't think I want to gamble on another room mate if I can avoid it. I KNOW Dave's habits already, and they don't bother me much at all. I joke with him about little things a lot, but all it takes is for me to tease him about something for a little while before he picks up on it and fixes whatever POTENTIAL problem there might've been. He's really good like that. I just hope I'm not the cause of any problems he's facing. The only feeling worse than having a trouble room mate is BEING the trouble room mate and NOT knowing it.
Bottom Line:
I had an UNBELIEVABLY great weekend with Mandy. I feel blessed to have Dave as a room mate. I wish I could help Mandy with her room mate troubles.
Tuesday
2-22-05
Feeling: Mixed about Spring Break
Listening to: Only the many many voices no one else seems to hear...
So I've decided to go on vacation with my brother and sister. I'm expecting it to be decently fun. I won't be working over spring break then. That has me a little upset. I was just about to ask for more hours, but now instead, I'm taking three weekends off. It just doesn't make sense for me to go, but they all really want me to go. It's not that I don't want to, its that I know I probably shouldn't. The way they made it sound was like they would maybe even scrape the entire vacation if I didn't go. It's like they pushed it on me with a guilt trip. So I know I'm going to enjoy myself on this trip, it's going to be fun, but I feel like I'm not taking responsibility for my job and finances. At the same time I'm not going to get to see Kitty for like 2 full weeks. I don't think it was even a full 2 weeks over christmas break between us visiting each other. I'm going to miss her. I was also hoping to maybe visit her over spring break so we could hang out with all of her friends. I really like them, they're really nice. I liked hanging out with Pyro and C-Girl. They talked to me the most at least while I was there. They all seem really nice and I would like to hang out with them more. I'm sure I will when ACEN finally comes. I'm SOOOOOOOO looking forward to that, but I need to get my damn check book from home so I can send in my money order. Yeah, but that's pretty much all I've been faced with this week so far. That and I did really good on a math test and my BLAW test. My MET test is tomorrow and I'm going to study for it tonight and go to a special study session. I hope I do better on this one than I did on the last one. It wasn't a pretty sight... -_- Well I'm off! *dramatic flight music plays*
...*music suddenly stops*
*walks away from computer slowly...*
Saturday
2-26-05
Feeling: Mixed about Spring Break
Listening to: Trigun Episodes LOVE AND PEACE!!!^^
So the vacation hath begun. We left this morning at 6. Tom drove while I continued to sleep in the car until around 10:30. After I woke up, I drove until around 2. By that time we were in Seward Nebraska. (Look it up if you're actually interested) It's where a few of our church friends go to college. We had lunch with a former middle school class mate of my brother and a family friend. His name's Jarvis, he's really nice. I think somehow along the lines we've found some sort of tie between his family and ours. I don't remember how it worked, but it was through a few marriages and what not, but he might be like our 15th cousin or something, I don't know, the guys cool. We had pizza at this place near his campus. Then we hit the road again and finally stopped here in North Pike? Nebraska. We decided we're about 7 or 8 hours from Denver, Colorodo I think, and we'll be there tomorrow. That's our goal for tomorrow. Tom's college dealy is there for Monday, so Sunday is open for us to do whatever we like in Denver. The hotel we're staying at tonight has wireless internet.^^ So I get to stay up late on my computer still! Yipee!!! Mandy's not online though... That's what I was really hoping for. Well it's only 9 right now, so I'll stay up a little later and see if I get lucky. It's not like she's expecting me online anyways. Just sitting in the car all day today made me miss her so much already. I played some Kingdom Hearts: CoM while not driving, and it just made me think of her. When I'm not with her everything reminds me of her... *sigh* I'll be home soon enough. So far the trips been totally bogus, but I have high hopes for Texas. This leg of the trip is mostly business for Tom. Once we get to Texas it'll be camping and hiking and family and maybe even Six Flags over Texas.^^ That'll definitely liven things up a bit. Well I'm thinking of you a lot Kitty. I miss you already, and I can't wait to see you when I get back. Besides I've still got a loss to you in Halo hanging over my head for two whole weeks now that I'm just ITCHING to fix! Dave didn't even carry you much, that one was all you. � � I'll get you next time! JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE!!!