I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.
I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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How can I be so thirsty this morning when I drank so much
last night?
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I'm from the government, I am here to help you.
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Everything in excess!
Moderation is for monks!
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If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
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Dogs believe they are people.
Cats believe they are gods!
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I started out with nothing.
I have most of it left.
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It's too bad that the people that really know how to run the country
are too busy teaching.
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Don't question Authority.
They don't know either!
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Bomb Squad
If you see me running,
try to keep up!
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The boat sank.
Get over it.
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I'm not an alcoholic.
I'm a drunk.
Alcoholics go to meetings.
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Caution! Driver singing.
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You'd look better with duck tape over your mouth.
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Support the Arts
Kiss a Musician
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Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
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I'm only wearing black until they make something darker.
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In the beginning...
there were cats.
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Just because your paranoid doesn't mean they're not out
to get you!
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Cat, the other white meat.
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Beer, helping white guys dance
since 1871.
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I'm so gothic I'm dead.
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Normal people make me nervous
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If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
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I hear voices...
...and they don't like you
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You call me a freak
like it's a bad thing.
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5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions!
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LIFE
It's sexually transmitted and always fatal.
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Why is it called tourist season if you can't shoot
them.
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Beer...
It's what's for dinner.
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Jesus loves you!
The rest of us think you're an asshole.
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If you think that I drive bad, you should see me
putt.
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The National Health Care Plan - Don't get sick!
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You can't scare me
I've got kids!
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Creaks when moved.
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Dogs have owners.
Cats have staff!
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Just be glad
I'm not your kid!
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