The Parallel View Author: goolecaptain Rated: PG Summary; A little compare and contrast Timeline; season 3 buff These characters do not belong to me but to Robert Tapert and Renaissance Pictures and Joss Wheldon and Mutant Enemy Inc. This work is solely for free distribution on the Internet and has no profit motive whatsoever. It contains passing sexual references that may be unsuitable for younger children. Goolecaptain@btopenworld.com The Parallel View "Willow, why do you like this show?" "I think it's great. I mean how often do you see two woman doing their own thing without male dominance?" "Cagney and Lacey?" suggested Buffy, "Charlie's Angels?" "Exactly, Charlie's Angels. Besides, they were always being bossed around by Bosley. Cagney and Lacey were good but they got rid of Meg Foster and gave us Sharon Gless, a bimbo for the guys" "Meg Foster?" "You know her, she's in every video you've ever watched. Think of a red-haired actress with high cheekbones and the devil's eyes" They were all silent for a moment. "Oh yeah, she was Evilyn in Masters of the Universe" remembered Cordelia. "Carny?" pondered Buffy. "They Live" suggested Oz. "That one where the babe policewoman goes to work in a high class brothel and starts to like it so much she..." Xander tapered off as he noticed the girls were all staring at him. "You mean Undercover Heat" Oz stated with certainty, seemingly oblivious to the looks the females gave him. Xander began to suspect there was more behind that stoic façade than met the eye. "Well, yes" Willow interjected hurriedly, "In this she plays Hera, queen of the gods". "So you like it because it's got a feminist message? I can dig that" Oz concurred. "Hey" said Xander; " Any show about a gorgeous, buxom woman in a tight leather outfit who rides around beating up men all day before jumping into the bathtub with her 'best girlfriend' gets my vote" Buffy sighed resignedly. "Thank you Xander, once again you managed to boil down the appeal of a complex feminist medium into..." "Are they dykes?" Cordy studied the screen intently. This was the first time Buffy had ever invited her over and she felt more than a little uncomfortable. And it wasn't just Buffy's couch not being designed to hold this many people. Was this really how they spent their evenings? They might as well be watching Hindi movies on Channel 59. Buffy gazed at her despairingly, to which she was entirely oblivious. "Hey, how come she doesn't get a boiling sneer?" protested Xander. "Ah, the boiling sneer" observed Oz, "Those can be really painful" "They never tell you, they just hint a lot" Willow informed her. "You've got to pick up on the signals" "What's important is that they love each other" Oz declared, "If it's physical, cool, if not, still cool" Cordelia gave her 'whatever' shrug. "Well I can see why you'd like it, Buffy, shrink Xena, give her a dye job and she'd be just like you" Buffy laughed, "Yeah sure, and I suppose that make's Willow Gabrielle" "Yeah right" chuckled Xander. "As if" smirked Oz. "Yeah", said Willow in a quiet, strange, voice. "Talking of dye jobs Cordy, why don't you get one then you could be Callisto" Buffy retorted. "That the blonde bitch on the horse?" she received an affirmative nod from Willow. "No, she's more like Harmony when she's missed her Midol" The girls all laughed and Oz smiled. "What's Midol?" asked Xander. "I guess Oz is Orpheus then" Willow ventured, changing the subject quickly. "I can live with that" Oz concurred. "What about Giles?" Buff wondered. "Well, that's the whole point" ascertained Willow. "There is no controlling male patriarchal figure. They don't need one" "You think Giles is controlling?" the thought disturbed Buffy. "So, I guess that makes me Hercules!" declared Xander striking a heroic pose. Everyone laughed. "Well, Autolycus, then" he ran his fingertip along a non-existent moustache with a flourish. "Nope" Buffy looked pained. "No" Cordelia pronounced firmly. "Don't tell me I'm Iolaus" he protested. Willow wondered how she could break this to him gently. "Uh, Xander..." Cordelia spared her the trouble. "You're Joxer!" "WHAT?" "Yeah" "You are" "It's true" Xander crossed his arms and adopted 'huff' mode. "Men!" thought Cordelia, "Always so concerned about their image". She took him in her arms and held her breasts against him. That normally did the trick. They all turned their attention back to the screen and were silent for a long time. "Switching bodies with your worst enemy. As if that would ever happen!" Buffy commented. "That's nothing, they had a musical episode once" Willow informed her. "What a crazy idea!" A new episode started. Cordelia stared at the screen intensely. "Whose Buffus the Baachae Slayer?"