Title: Sanguine

Author: Anne Rose

Email: anne3rose@yahoo.com

URL: http://annerose.cjb.net/btvs
http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=47579 

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Seasons 6 & 7

Summary: S/B, It's the obligatory "Spike's Return", what's up with the
soul, and btw I hated Seeing Red, story.

Archive: Yes. I would be honored if you want to archive it. Please let
me know where so I can visit it. 

Author's Note: Thanks to Caffey and Spiletta for asking me annoying
questions so I could fix things. Thanks to Rabid/Raeann and Hubby for
betaing. (c) November 19, 2002

More Author's Notes: My beta readers asked me a bunch of questions, and
rather than sending the plot exposition fairy to drop anvils on you,
I'm writing long, boring author's notes. You can skip ahead if you
promise not to whinge later.

1) First of all, I adore Joss, but nobody is right all the time. I'm in
the "that wasn't attempted rape" camp. I think Joss made a huge error
in using that term - but as a male writer/executive producer in our
society he probably felt he needed to in order to avoid millions of
angry letters and pickets. When Buffy was constantly beating up Spike,
there was no labeling of it as battery or her as an abuser. That's a
classic double-standard. IMHBCO

PSA - Unquestionably "no" should mean "no", and "Seeing Red" is an
object lesson in why you should not keep saying no when you mean yes.
(Listen to the dialog during the balcony scene in "Dead Things".)

2) I don't think everything in life has to be incredibly complicated.
Sometimes you can just wake up and smell the coffee, the light bulb
comes on. (Insert cliché of choice here if that didn't work for you.)

3) To whinge is to whine in England or Australia. It's not a bloody
typo! I offer http://m-w.com as a reference if you still doubt me.

4) PSA stands for Public Service Announcement. 

5) IMHBCO stands for In My Humble But Correct Opinion.

Disclaimer: Joss and Mutant Enemy, etc... own BtVS. No infringement
intended. Any resemblance to people living, dead, or undead, or to real
life events is all in your mind, is downright scary, and means you
seriously need to get a life.

 
~*~*~
Part 4
~*~*~
 
"Spike," Buffy called out as she walked down the stairs. She didn't
want to startle him. She needed him as sane as possible for this to
have a chance to work.
 
She found him curled up on the cot, facing the wall. Setting the cups
down on the washer, she walked over to him. "Spike, I need to talk to
you."
 
"I shouldn't be here," he mumbled.
 
"Spike, please sit up. I can't talk to you like that." She ignored his
comment. There was no point in debating with him in his present state.
 
He slowly rolled over and sat up, putting his feet on the ground.
 
"That's much better." She smiled at him. "You know I need your help to
protect Dawn, right?"
 
Spike nodded.
 
"I need you strong. Strong enough to protect Dawn. You understand?"
Simple statements and simple ideas, she told herself.
 
He nodded again.
 
"Ok, then," Buffy said, holding out a cup, "I need you to drink all of
this. It will make you strong so you can help me." 
 
Spike took the cup without comment and began to drain it.
 
Buffy smiled her encouragement. This was going to work.
 
Suddenly Spike stopped drinking and looked up at her. He thrust the cup
at her. "It's not right. This is not for me. Not right!"
 
Buffy backed just out of reach and refused the cup. "If you let it go
to waste, I will be very unhappy, Spike. Dawn will be unhappy. You need
to help her." Buffy felt bad manipulating him like this, but she told
herself it was for his own good.
 
Spike hesitated. He looked from the cup to her arm and back.
 
"Hurry, Spike. There isn't much time. Dawn could be in danger now."
 
Spike lifted the cup and drank the rest of the blood. Buffy handed him
the second cup before he had a chance to think about it and possibly
reconsider. She breathed a sigh of relief when he'd finished it all.
 
"That's much better. Thank you, Spike."
 
Spike's head came up as he heard her. His eyes cleared and he seemed to
be looking at her for the first time since his return. He cocked his
head in that curious way that she remembered. "Slayer?" He stood up
slowly. "Where am I?" When Buffy didn't reply, he looked around for a
moment. "Slayer, why am I in your basement?"
 
"You were living in the basement of the new high school. It was driving
you... more crazy. I brought you here so you would be safe while you
were getting better." She was excited at how lucid he sounded, and a
little nervous.
 
He walked around the room as if he was looking for something. "There
were a lot of voices, very loud. Now it's... quiet." He turned back to
her, and closed the distance between them. "How did you make them be
quiet?"
 
Buffy looked at him with confusion. "You don't remember? What's the
last thing you remember?"
 
Spike ran his hand through his hair. "I'm not sure." He sighed and then
took in a deep breath. Suddenly his gaze landed on the cups. He picked
it up and smelled it -- Slayer's blood. He looked back at her arm. She
could see the wheels turning as he pieced it together. "You fed me? I
thought it was another hallucination - might still be. It's all so
jumbled. Can't tell what's real."
 
He sat heavily on the cot, lost in thought. Buffy was worried this was
the end of his lucid moment, but after a little bit he looked up again.
His eyes searched hers, hoping to find an answer. Finally he asked,
"Why?"
 
Buffy had anticipated this question, and she still didn't have an
answer. "I don't know exactly. Partly because I feel responsible for
what happened to you."
 
Spike snorted and turned away. He didn't want her pity or guilt.
 
She reached out and took his arm gently, pulling him back around to
face her. "I said that was part of it. You're back and we have a chance
to start over. To wipe the slate clean. I've thought about this a lot,
and whatever happens, I want to do things right this time. That starts
with honesty."
 
Spike raised an eyebrow. He decided to play along. "So, what was the
other part?"
 
"Hunh?"
 
"You said that was part of it. What's the rest?"
 
"Oh, right. Well, I did a lot of thinking over the summer. I didn't get
to tell you because you caught me by surprise and then you were all
insane and babbly." She looked away and chided herself for stalling.
She took a deep breath and looked back, meeting his gaze. "I missed
you. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I wanted you to get well
so I could find out." She hesitated as he stared at her. "I figured I
owed us both at least that much."
 
Spike considered that while she turned and started to root through a
box. Spike was beginning to wonder if the insanity had rubbed off on
her. "Aha," she exclaimed as she pulled something out of a box and held
it up triumphantly. Spike took a step backward. "It won't bite," she
chided. "Come on."
 
She held up his duster and he slid his arms into it. He shrugged it
into place and adjusted the collar. "I figured you'd burn it," he said
quietly.
 
"I won't say I didn't think about it. I was really mad right after you
left. Not just because of the fight we had, but because you left and I
needed your help."
 
Spike looked confused. This didn't sound like the Slayer he had known,
fought, and loved for all these years. By now she should have broken
his nose, or at least insulted him a few times.
 
As if she read his mind she said, "I'm not going to hit you, Spike. I
had a lot of time to think this summer and I maybe I even grew up a
little. Even if all we are is friends and "co-workers" as you put it,
there needs to be a foundation of mutual trust and respect." Buffy was
pacing around as the said the last and waving her arms to emphasize her
points. She sounded a bit like she was reciting from her psych books,
but at least she'd gotten in out.
 
Spike caught her arms as she walked by him again. "We'll never be
friends."
 
She nodded. She knew that was true.
 
"And how exactly is this trust and respect supposed to happen - between
us?" he asked.
 
"I don't know." She paused to think. "All I know is that it has to
happen, or one day we'll kill each other. Those are the only possible
ways this can end."
 
She was right, and he knew it. He realized she hadn't even tried to
pull her arms away from him. She'd taken the first steps, now it was up
to him. "Fair enough." He let go of her arms and stepped back. "What
happens next?"
 
"I have no idea." They stood and stared at each other until Buffy broke
the silence. "How are you feeling?"
 
"I feel a lot like I did before." He stretched a bit and enjoyed the
feeling of the slayer's blood coursing through him. "Now that the
voices have quieted down, I think I'm starting to feel some of that
guilt Angel was always whingeing about. But I feel a hell of a lot
better than I did before you..." He tilted his head and looked at her
with depth of emotion that took her breath away. "Thanks. Never could
have asked you to do that, and I can't hope to repay you."
 
"Shhh," she stopped him from saying any more. For the first time in
months, she felt some hope that things were on the right track. She
reached out her arms tentatively and waited to see what he would do.
Spike looked at her for a moment, and then stepped forward. Buffy
pulled him into her arms. She'd been wanting to hug and comfort him
ever since she found him at the school. It was like a missing piece of
the puzzle came together. 
 
She patted his back as they stood together. "Spike, we can only go
forward if we let go of the past." She realized she was crying when she
felt him wipe a tear from her cheek.
 
"That sounded very wise. Where did that come from?" He smiled at her as
he dried the rest of her tears.
 
"Giles said it to me. I can't remember the occasion, but it stuck with
me."
 
Spike smiled and pulled her against him again. She heard him sniffle
and looked up, surprised to see tears in his eyes. 
 
Spike refused to be embarrassed as he wiped them away. "I've been to
Africa and back, got a soul, never thought you'd speak to me again,
much less let me hold you again - I think I'm entitled to be a little
emotional."
 
"Ya, I guess we both are," she agreed.
 
They stood for a long time just comforting each other and accepting
comfort. It was the start of forgiveness. 
 
Finally, Spike heard footsteps approaching the basement door. He let go
of Buffy. "You're friends have come to check on us." He tilted his head
at the stairs. "Here." He reached out and brushed her hair back, and
then checked to make sure there were no signs of the emotional
outburst. She did the same for him.
 
By the time Xander and Giles opened the door, Buffy and Spike were
halfway up the stairs. Buffy walked past them and over to the couch.
Spike followed, his duster swirling behind him. The effect on Xander
and Giles was striking. Spike was back. His walk, the way he carried
himself, it all spoke of the old Spike complete with his cocky
self-confidence. When he turned and sat next to Buffy, they saw the one
difference. It was in his eyes. They were softer somehow - the contempt
was gone.
 
"You seem to be feeling better," Giles began.
 
"Much better, thanks for your concern, Rupert."
 
"I'm sure we'll all agree that's good news." Giles looked at Xander.
 
"Sure, whatever." Xander scowled. 
 
Giles frowned. "Xander, I need to get some information from Spike. Why
don't you take Dawn to the library or to get some ice cream?" 
 
Xander started to protest, but both Giles and Buffy glared at him.
"Fine! Dawn, get your coat. We're going out for dinner."
 
Dawn rushed downstairs and saw Spike sitting on the couch. She went
over to him and bent down to look in his eyes. She waved a hand back
and forth in front of his face. 
 
Spike caught her hand. "Nibblet, a tasty morsel like you should be more
careful - not go waving your hands in any demon's face."
 
"Spike!" She exclaimed. "Spike, you're back!" She lunged at him and
gave him a bear hug. "I was so worried," she sobbed. Then she let go
and hit him on the shoulder. "You should have said good-bye! I was
worried sick!"
 
"Dawn," Buffy interrupted. "There will be no more hitting each other."
 
"Oh, sorry," Dawn murmured. Then she brightened again. "So that means
you've made up?"
 
Spike looked at Buffy to see what she would say. Buffy was surprised
but recovered quickly. "Yes, we've decided to leave the past in the
past. We still have some things to work out, so," she pointed a warning
finger at her sister, "don't get carried away."
 
Dawn nodded and said good-bye. She bounced out of the house dragging a
very annoyed Xander with her.
 
~*~*~
 
TBC...