Title: Deora Ar Mo Chroi Author: Foxhunt2blue Summary: A man can only suffer so long before he finds comfort in another. Rating: R for m/m slash Pairing: Wesley/Angel Spoilers: Ep 5 "Life of the Party" Season 5 Disclaimer: Joss my hero owns them all. I only borrow them to try and mend their broken hearts...sigh Feedback: Please if you're feeling generous! :-) E-mail: foxhunter2blue@yahoo.com Author's Note: This is a post-ep, but it changes the final scene of "Life of the Party" so I guess you might call it an AU ending. This one is dedicated to KK, Wes, & all the great listies from BNS. Couldn't ask for a nicer bunch. Enjoy ladies & gents. Love, Fox ;-) ~~~ He hadn't wanted this party in the first place, not that anyone seemed to listen to him any longer. There was a part of him that felt lost here and doubtful that this had been the right choice to make. Standing in his office Angel watched as with a sway of hips Eve vanished into the disaster zone that had been a Halloween party. Nothing seemed to make her flinch in her icy assessment of the workings of Wolfram and Hart. Not even the fact that just a mere thirty minutes ago she was writhing beneath him as they fucked in a spell induced stupor. Trick or treat Angel boyo. God his head felt like it was going to explode. He wasn't going to be able to take a shower quick enough. Eve's stench was nauseating, yet at the same time tantalizing. His gaze lifted to see Fred and Knox from the lab setting at a table across the room smiling and talking amidst the debris of the party. "What do you suppose their talking about?" He asked Wesley. No answer came so he glanced up. Wesley was standing there his eyes focused on that same table, but not in curiosity. Angel saw nothing but despair and what remained of a broken heart in their clear blue depths. He started to say more, but Wesley was suddenly walking away his hands clenched into tight fists. For a moment he thought Wes was going to go punch out Knox in a blind rage. Instead he turned to the elevator and disappeared behind sliding doors that mirrored Angel's own face back at him. Sometimes I can be such an idiot, Angel thought. It's not like I'm the only one who's alone and hurting. Heading across the room he walked to the same elevator pressing the button for the floor where Wesley's apartment was located. It was about time he took steps to end this charade once and for all. Fred didn't even know Wesley existed at least not in the way Wesley wished she did. Wesley was her friend, her co-worker, but never just a man wanting what she wasn't willing to give. ~~~ Angel could hear the sounds of anger and frustration before he even got to the door. Broken glass, shattered furniture---his--- pounding heart. Lifting his hand he knocked softly. "Wesley...Wesley it's Angel." The sudden silence was deafening. "Wesley open the door." He could have broke the door with ease, but what good would that have done? He wanted Wes to let him in. Finally he heard the shuffle of footsteps. He waited, listening to the rapid heartbeat---even audible---just beyond the heavy wooden door. "Yes. What is it Angel?" Came the muffled reply from behind the door. "We need to talk Wesley." "Can't this wait it's been quite the tiring night." A soft sigh reached Angel's sensitive ears. "No...it can't Wes." The sound of a deadbolt clicking then the chain sliding open made Angel smile. Just a small crack opened in the door and Angel could see Wes---his eyes red rimmed and wet---peering at him. "What couldn't wait Angel? I am truely exausted." "Let me in...please?" The word was not one Angel used lightly and Wes knew that. The despair was almost a papitable thing to Angel and it made his withered heart weep. He knew this kind of despair, this wanting so strong it could always blind a man. It reminded him of when he first saw Buffy. Peering through the bushes watching a young girl who's life was falling apart around her. A young girl who had just killed her first vampire and was being forced to believe in a destiny that she came to hate. The door opened further and he suddenly realized he could smell blood. Sweet, thick, and freshly spilled. "Are you okay?" His dark gaze met Wesley's. Wes opened the door further and held out his hands. They were cut---from glass Angel would have wagered. "I broke the mirror in my bathroom," Wes simply stated. "It looks like the mirror fought back," Angel quipped as he pushed the door open, forcing Wes to step back further. Stepping into the dark room Angel pushed the door closed behind him as Wesley moved away. "What was so important it couldn't wait." "This." Angel waved around the room at the painful destruction. "Why are you doing this to yourself Wes...why?" Wesley's back stiffened. "I know Wes. I know what you've been going through for the past two years." Slipping his glasses from his face he rubbed at his tired eyes swallowing hard. "I have no idea what you think you know Angel, but I'm fine." His voice was on the verge of cracking. "I know what it's like to love. To want some- thing so bad and not be able to have it." He moved closer to Wes drawn by the his scent--- his raw pain. Turning on Angel his sharp blue eyes flashing he growled through clenched teeth. "Really? And what is it you think I've been wanting?" "Fred." Wesley's eyes dropped to the floor---his shoulders slumping---at her name. "You're wrong." He sighed. "Am I?" Angel stepped closer his hand lifting to cup Wesley's chin. He lifted his face staring into the tear glazed eyes. "She will never feel what you feel Wes." Shaking his head Wesley tried to pull away. "Don't do this to me Angel...please?" His words came out tight, almost a gasp, as Angel pulled him back forcing him to look into his eyes. "Let her go Wes." A sudden burst of hysterical laughter escaped Wes as he twisted away. "You have your nerve! Have you let Buffy go? No, I don't bloody well think so!" "That's different." Angel's eyes narrowed. "How is it different?!" Wes screamed. "Because she loved me...I loved her...we still...," "Does she Angel? What about Spike? Riley?" That was when it all fell apart. Angel back handed Wes in anger something he had never done before. Wesley hit the floor, his eyes wide and filled with fear now instead of pain. "Oh...shit...Wes...," he knelt on the floor horrified when the other man scuttled backwards. "Get out!" Wesley hissed. "I'm sorry Wes...," "Get out!!" Wesley screamed this time. "Just get away from me!" Wesley's body was shaking now and Angel could hear his heart pounding, but not so much in fear as in something else. Something Angel would have never guessed just moments before. "Wes?" His hand reached out cupping a tear streaked face he had thought he knew. "Why didn't you tell me?" "No...," whimpering Wes pushed away his back hitting the sofa. "You're wrong...I want to be with her." Angel leaned in, pulling Wesley into his arms, feeling his stiff body tremble. "I'm not wrong this time." He lifted Wes's face with the tips of his fingers staring into those desperate sapphire eyes. "...no...," it was a bare whisper now, "...I... I love her." "No you don't...," Angel's lips brushed Wesley's gentle and soft, "...you never did." Wesley moaned as Angel deepened the kiss. Drawing back Angel smiled sadly at the flushed man in his arms. "How long? How long have you...," "...wanted you?" Wesley shook his head in denial. "I can't do this...I put it behind me." Angel stood pulling Wes up with him. "Do you think it's fair to Fred if you do win her heart?" "I just want a normal life." Wes wiped at his face. "A bit late for that Wesley. How long?" He demanded again his fingers stroking Wes's soft tousled hair. "Sunnydale," Wes choked out. "The moment I saw you...I'd seen drawings...in the Watcher archives, but...," "What?" Angel brushed his lips across Wes's damp cheek. "You were so beautiful in the flesh. None of the artists could capture you...your soul." Letting his arms drop he grasped Wesley's hand and started to move across the room, heading for the bedroom. "What are you doing?" The fear was back in Wesley's voice as he stumbled after Angel. Angel hushed him with a finger on his lips. ~~~ There are moments in everyone's life when what they've tried to hide a will not stay hidden. Sometimes the truth is the one thing they need to face. That was the thought that passed through Wesley's mind as Angel pushed him back claiming his soul with a kiss that set his entire body on fire. Deeper and sweeter than anything he had ever experienced. His father had hated him---disowned him completely---when he had told him. *I'm gay.* *No son of mine would do this to his family. Look at your mother Wesley...see what you're doing to her! You will do as you're told! If you do not then you may pack your bags and consider yourself no longer a Wyndam-Pryce.* Tears filled his eyes at the memory. He had only been eighteen---no money---what was he supposed to do? "Wes?" He looked up into Angel's dark eyes. "Yes?" "We don't have to do...," "Yes...we do. I'm tired of running...tired of hiding from who and what I am." He reached up cupping Angel's face, pulling him closer and kissing him like he had wanted to for too many years. He was grateful for Angel's patience as he moved his hands over every inch of the body he had needed---wanted. His fingers fumbling at buttons and clasps discovering silken pale skin taunt over muscles that twitched at his touch. He pulled pack looking into Angel's dark eyes glittering in the dim room. "I want you...I need you," he whispered. Angel's hands moved down tugging open his shirt not caring that buttons flew. He caressed the warm skin wondering what it would feel like being burrowed deeply in Wesley's body. The heat. The coolness. Fighting for dominance. Reaching for the waistband of Wesley's slacks he glanced up. There was nothing, but hope left in those crystal eyes now. No fear, no pain, and no desperation. "Make love to me Angel." His words bored into the depths of Angel's cursed soul. And he smiled. ~~~ Hours later he lay staring at the ceiling Wesley wrapped in his arms warm and more real than anything else. He knew Wesley wasn't sleeping from the rhythm of his breathing and his heart, yet he refused to move until he felt it. Warm dampness dripping on his cool skin making his soul ache. "Wes?" "I never thought...I would...that it could feel like this." Wesley's breath moved across his skin mixing with the warm dampness. "Shhh...," Angel's whisper drifted in the silent room. "Deora ar mo chroi." Wes lifted his head looking up into Angel's eyes. "What does that mean?" "Tears...," Angel kissed the top of Wesley's head, "...tears on my heart." The End?