Title: Blue Balls – Interlude Article 182 
AUTHORS: Salustra and Myst
E-MAILS: Salustra- goddess_salustra@juno.com . and Myst-
greeneyeddevilmyst@hotmail.com . 
Pairing: Spike/Xander 
Rating: NC-17 
Summary: Second in our series of Blue Balls fics- What happens to the
characters when fic writers take a break.
DISTRIBUTION: Various lists and Wierd Romance RP- BtVS/Ats RP
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WierdRomance . And our website, 
http://www.geocities.com/sireandchilde/home.html . Anyplace else is fine,
just let us know where it is going. 
Spoilers: Season 6 BtVS: None. 
Warnings: Slash content (duh), humor.
Disclaimer: All hail the almighty Joss and ME. We claim no ownership over
the wonderful characters and universe he and the other writers and the
actors created. We’re just having a little fun with it. 
Feedback: We *love* feedback, good or bad. 
 
We join our fic, already in progress... 
Spike's cock rubbing against his ass makes his breath catch in his
throat. Still tender from their first time together, Xander gently pushes
back, trying to relax as he had done before. His skin pricks with
electricity from Spike's continued suckling at his neck, that one spot
becoming central to his pleasure. To his mind it affects him more than
Spike's hand on his cock. 
Spike pushes harder, sliding into Xander bit by bit and moaning against
his neck.
Suddenly Spike stops and looks up. "Bloody 'ell, they've stopped for the
night. They always do this...stop just before we get t'the good part." 
Xander sighs, letting his head fall forward and closing his eyes. "Oh
thank god." He wiggles, and tries to slide over a little. "Ok. Move." 
Spike purr-growls and starts pushing in further. "That's more like it.
Mmmm. 'ate stoppin' in the middle." 
Xander grabs at the bed, and pulls *away*. "Hey...hey...um and with the
HEY. You horny..." Grunting and finally getting himself off the perverted
blonde. "I meant move away. Get off."
"Wha?" Spike asks. "You don't like it, luv?" He sits up, still hard,
looking confused. 
Xander rolls over and glares at Spike. "Spike...you may have vampy
recovery whatever the hell....but well me...regular human. And I'm
SORE..." Scrambling out of the bed, wincing as his ass hits the mattress
on his way out. "So unless you are a bag of ice suddenly...you are *not*
going there." He grumbles on his way to the icebox.
Spike chuckles. "You know you're fictional, right? Fictional characters
never 'ave recovery time. And they're never sore, except in a sexy,
just-been-fucked way." 
Xander turns around and glares at Spike. "NO...you are never sore, and
recovery time...well that's only while they're writing isn't it?" He
glowers. "And ....and...your writer doesn't believe in aftermath. MINE
does.." He whimpers, and continues his shuffle to the fridge.
Spike sighs and gets up, going to the fridge. "Here, luv, I'll make you
an icepack. Anything to take the soreness away. 'ow long will that take?
Twenty minutes or so?" He asks hopefully. 
Xander glares daggers at Spike. Well not daggers...sharp things though.
Umm... well maybe pins, but they're sharp pins. "Spike. I am SORE. No I'm
not. MY ASS is. My ass is sore. Inside my body. It's sore. So...twenty
minutes.. No. Don't think so." Crossing his arms with a very distinct
pout.
"Inside your body? Well, I could push some ice up there. Probably work
quicker that way," Spike says in a perfectly reasonable tone. "And you're
bloody adorable when you pout." 
Xander blinks...pauses and blinks again. "Shove. Shove ice...up
...there." Xander tries desperately to make sense of this perfectly,
unreasonable little solution. Quickly deciding, "Umm, no.. no ice...no
ice in ass...no. Bad Spike." Xander says definitively if not steadily.
"And...m'not cute." Pout in full effect now, poochy lip, arms crossed and
all.
"Aww, can't bloody stand it." Spike moves forward, wrapping his arms
around Xander's neck and kissing him, nibbling on the poochy lip. "Can't
resist the pout." 
"Umm...well...ahh..." Xander murmurs between kisses. Then eyes wide, he
shoves Spike off him. "Do you actually ever stop? I mean...you're
fictional too buddy...you know as in your libido isn't really a mile wide
and ten inches long..." Xander says, putting on his most indignant glare,
and then whimpering off toward the fridge again. "Even though if frikkin'
feels like it is..." He mutters under his breath at the dull ache in his
ass.
Spike chuckles. "Ohhh, m'boy, you do say the nicest things. But no,
really, I don't ever stop. Anything else I can do t'make you feel better?
Nice backrub maybe?" He asks in a honey-sweet voice. "I promise no funny
business." 
Xander gets his ice pack, and looks warily at Spike. "No funny business?"
He hedges, not stupid enough to believe sex on two legs. Gesturing with
his pink wobbly little bunny foo-foo ice bag. "You mean it?" 
Spike looks hurt. "You don't believe me?" He pouts very prettily. 
Xander groans and rolls his eyes, stalking back to the bed. "You know
pouting and looking cute only works for people who don't know you're the
devil." He grumbles, as he climbs back in on his belly, slinging the ice
bag on his ass, and laying down flat in a whump.
Spike sighs and crawls into the bed next to Xander. "You can really 'urt
a bloke's feelings, you know that? I just want you t'feel better." His
voice is soft and apologetic. His hand moves up and starts stroking very
gently on Xander's back. 
Xander flinches at Spike’s touch. Then white knight groaning, "M'sorry. I
didn't mean..." Sighs. "Spike...I'm sore. I'm tired and while the writers
are off sleeping...or..." Cupping one hand over his brow and peering into
the lights behind the controls. "Or umm...oh god.." He blushes a
completely adorable shade of red. "Umm...while they're busy, since my
writer leaves me thoroughly fucked, and yours leaves you fresh as a
daisy. I'd just like to recover." Lying down again, with a whimper as the
ice shifts. 
Spike huffs in frustration and pulls back. "Awright. Guess it's Rosy Palm
and the Five Fingers for me." He moves over to get the lube. Then a
bright idea occurs to him. He picks up the phone and starts dialing. 
Xander turns his head, then raises up brow quirked. "Umm, what... who are
you calling?" He asks, eyeing the tube with deer in the head lights look
firmly in place. 
Spike grins. "Angel. 'e's not gettin' any action this fic. Figured 'e
might be up for a little fun." 
"Oh fine.." Xander mumbles turning his head, and flopping down into the
pillow. "Make my ass sore and go call tall dark and broody....fine." He
mutters to the dust bunnies in the corner. 
"I'm a shameless little beast, what c'n I say?" Spike says. "Besides, the
writers never can make up their mind who they want me with. Got me with
you in one fic, Wesley in another, Angel in another. Just keep cyclin' me
out. And then I 'ave a soul, then I don't, got a chip in this one, next
one maybe not. Bloody exhausting, actually." 
Xander props up on one elbow. "Poor Spike." He says, a wry smile under
dark heavy boyish lashes. "Ever-changing scenery. All the sex a mob of
Viagra-chugging male nymphomaniacs could choke on. And writers who make
you a blonde god..." Xander looks sympathetic. "Yeah...poor Spike."
Xander shakes his head, and falls back into his pillow, his impossibly
pink bunny ice bag slipping further between relaxed cheeks.
Spike hangs up the phone. "Ah, well, 'e's not answerin' anyway." He leans
down, not touching Xander, but getting as close as he can without
actually touching. He leans over and whispers low in his ear. "You know
you're dead sexy when you're bein' sarcastic." 
Xander whimpers. "You know the sex god voice could do with a tune up." He
tries sounding scathing, but comes out sounding ....well...interested.
Adjusting his position, the ice bag slipping off his butt. "Awww.." He
groans, trying to turn and finding he's just under Adonis-wanna-be. 
Spike chuckles and reaches down to grab the ice bag, slipping it under
Xander's body. He steals a quick kiss. "Fancy meetin' you 'ere." 
Xander yelps at the ice being put in a very un-ice friendly place.
"HEY.." Groans, "Spike!" Bucking up against Spike.
Spike grinds a bit against Xander but picks up the ice. "Sorry, luv. Was
tryin' t'help." He chuckles again. 
"Help chill my balls. Thanks." Xander said looking completely unamused,
but the grind against him is doing a pretty good job at making that look
melt a little. 
Spike sighs and puts the ice pack on his ass, moving a little off him. "I
know. I'm bloody devious. I should just leave you alone," kisses his
shoulder, "and let you recover," kisses his other shoulder, "and wank
like a considerate boyfriend," kisses the back of his neck. 
Xander seems to relax, closing his eyes. That's right. Go on, let me
*recover*, Xander thinks, a pressed smile. His foot twitches, considerate
boyfriend. Boyfriend? Xander wonders. We're...we're fictional, that's a
story. They ...Umm. They made us up right? Then his leg does the annoyed
but refusing to show it shake, and well then he turns on his side and
looks at Spike. "Wank?" He asks, a look of oh so thin concern in those
dark eyes. 
"You know, shake 'ands with the bishop. Choke the chicken. Take the
one-eyed snake for a walk. Masturbate." Spike grins. 
Xander groans, and lets his head fall down in the pillow again. "Spike."
He mutters to the fluff gods. Yeah he's a boyfriend. Of the first order.
He turns his head to the side, and looks at the blonde beast. "Spike....I
do know what wank means. The writers love that shit. So think I've caught
on to English umm...well...English.." He says, shrugging. "Oh just forget
it...go wank, or choke whatever you want..." His head down, he raises it
again, and glares at him. "Feel free to include yourself in that little
list too." Flopping down again, making his ice pack shake with his
three-year-old-sized pout.
"Wot? Thought you didn't wanna? Thought you needed to ice your sore ass?"
Spike asks. 
"I do." Xander howls into his pillow, and refuses to look at Spike,
shifting his ass making the ice bag giggle as a punctuation. 
"Then wot?" Spike is a picture of confusion now. 
"Don' want you to...mmwammk.." He mutters under the pillow... Still not
raising his head, the little pink ears on the ice bag flopping between
the cheeks of his ass. 
Spike can't help it. He laughs. "Xander, your bunny ice pack is doing
obscene things down there. And why don't you want me to wank?" 
Xander peeks out from under his pillow, "Cause you're my boyfriend?" He
tries, almost flinching at saying that out loud. Did I just say that?
Well he said it first, he thinks hmmph...so there. Resolve made, he
whimpers very unconvincingly. Quickly hiding his head again. "Never
mwind." He mumbles, the fluffy pillow gods distorting his voice. His pink
bunny looking out over his buttcrack, like he is a very happy little
ass-muncher. 
Spike tries not to laugh at the obscene little bunny again. He leans over
and kisses the back of Xander's neck again. "What d'you want me t'do
then, boyfriend?" He asks, his voice caressing the last word. 
Xander blinks and moves the pillow out of his eyes. Blinking again, to
get the damn fuzz off his eyes. "Boyfriend? You're...umm...you're my
boyfriend?" Xander says, his face looking a little brighter, and not
soooo ..welll... broody...taking after another tall dark and taking
themselves much too seriously character. 
Spike cups his face and kisses Xander. "Yeah, luv. M'your boyfriend. You
really are adorable." 
"WOo HOooo.." Xander howls, sitting up and effectively smothering Mr.
I-love-ass-bunny, between his cheeks. "Ahhemm...umm...I'm not
adorable...not..." He says, remembering he is not a six-year-old girl,
and damn...blushing. He groans, laying his head on Spike's shoulder. 
Spike turns his head and licks the hot skin. He's just about to speak
when the door opens and Andrew walks in. "Xander, I see that you are
naked with Spike the vam-pyre and some sort of pink sex toy. You two are
helpless against my evil plan." He pulls out something that looks like a
ray gun and points it at them. 
Xander groans and rolls his eyes. "Andrew. What the fuck??" Taking the
bunny out of his ass, and tossing it at Andrew, hitting him in the
forehead it bounces off and lands at his feet. "That is not a damn sex
toy. And we are...well we're busy.. Go bother Buffy...or Giles...or oh
just get the hell out of here.."
Andrew yelps as the ice bag hits him in the head. "Ewww. You *hit* me
with your nasty sex toy." Then he looks down at it. "A bunny? That’s just
perverted." Then he pouts. "I *never* get to have any fun. Besides, I
wanna use the sex ray on somebody I might actually want to have sex
with." 
"Then go find Jonathan, or Warren...or hell I dunno...Wesley..." Xander
growls, honest to goodness growls... Laying back and throwing his arm
over his eyes. Oh please make it go away...oh please...make it go
away...he starts chanting in his head..
"Who's Wesley?" Andrew asks, his eyes bright and curious. 
Spike seizes on it. "A really hot watcher in L.A. who works with Angel.
Why don't you go use the sex ray on them?" 
Andrew grins. "Thanks, guys. But if he's not really hot I'm coming back
for you two." He turns and goes out of the room, shutting the door behind
him. 
Xander grins as the door closes. "That is one strange and very lonely
little twerp." Leaning up on his elbows he gives Spike the soft little
puppy eyes. "Give 'im Wes and Angel?" He almost has to choke to keep from
laughing, trying very hard to keep a straight face, his bottom lip
quivering.
Spike leans down. "Well, yeah, m'boy. Keep 'em busy, maybe I'll get you
to m'self for a couple of fics. What the writers don't know..." 
"Umm, Spike. The writers ..they write the fics...So umm, they're gonna
notice.." Xander offers, but only about halfheartedly as those sweet
brown eyes look up at him through dark lush lashes. 
"Well then I'll just 'ave to convince 'em. I can be pretty persuasive."
Spike kisses Xander fiercely, rubbing a hand down his back. 
Xander giggles in spite of himself. "Yeah well, I can see that." Looking
a little shy, "Umm, Spike.." He stammers, "Umm...my ass...umm it's
not-sore-anymore." He finally stumbles over. 
Spike waggles his eyebrows and picks up the lube. "Well then..." He looks
up. "Oh, bloody 'ell, they're coming back. Quick, positions!" Spike moves
behind Xander and pulls him to him, lining up behind him. He leans
forward and whispers in his ear. "I am gonna talk to 'em about letting us
have some more fics together, though." 
Xander eases himself back onto Spike with a little hiss, nodding. "You
better he whispers." His cold chilled cheeks finally pressed against
Spike's body.
The lights from behind the monitors and keyboards flash, and the click of
keys can be heard again, over the giggle of two very naughty little
girls. The Scene continues, and the rest is just fictional history....