Title: A Pale Whisper Author: Foxhunt2blue Summary: To love is to risk one's heart, soul, and in some cases what we believe to be existence itself. Spoilers: Major spoilers for 'A Hole in the World' Disclaimer: Our beloved Joss owns them as does ME, Fox, and the actors who bring them to life with an endless passion. I wish I did, but I only pay tribute to their brilliance. Feedback: Please feed the muse since it decided to come out of the closet and work for a change! E-Mail: foxhunter2blue@yahoo.com Author's Note: This one is dedicated to two very talented men who without their passion I would have never been inspired to write this. To Joss Whedon an incredible writer and to Alexis Denisof the deeply passionate actor who breathes life into Wesley Wyndam-Pryce. I admire you both. *~*~*~*~ Death is an odd thing. Even when we hear its steps drawing closer, its breath---not icy as is often described, but feverish warm and damp---at the back of our necks, we try to deny its prescence. As humans we should accept it as a part of existence, yet we fight it. Scream our rage out, deny it with our hearts, and even convince ourselves it can not touch us or those we love. Tonight none of that helped me---or saved you. I had wasted so much time. Denying what my heart whispered everyday for almost three years. I sat back and watched you fall in love with another man---a man who was my friend---then watched as you grew apart. Another tiny voice whispered too. The voice of my father who had always told me I was unworthy of anyone's love. Not his nor yours. To love is to risk one's heart, soul, and in some cases the very fabric of what we believe to be existence itself. After to much time wasted you found me. One kiss---sweet as honeyed tea---and I was lost. I hold you close, whispering to you in a voice that's on the edge of cracking. Begging you to fight with my eyes, my caresses, and kisses that you plead for as you fade before my eyes. Refusing to believe does not make it so. At the end you take a labored breath, your words fierce and yet pleading to whatever unseen dark- ness lurks at the edge of your dying vision. Your body trembles as you tell me you're not afraid, but I can see the fear in your eyes. Dark, tearful eyes that stole first my heart, then my soul. I swallow back the taste that rises in my throat as you shiver, then goes limp in my arms---your once sparkling eyes glazing over---as your soul slips away like a pale whisper of mist on the English moors. My heart stops for just a split second, then I whisper through dust dry lips. Whisper to you, but you're no longer there. "...no...no...please," Pulling you close I begin rocking on the bed as I burrow my tear stained face in your once silky hair. The one thing that I had hoped would remain as it should have been. This can not be happening, I think, you can not be gone. My beautiful bright star. We never even got the chance to make love. That was what I had planned for tonight. The best hotel suite that Wolfram & Hart could afford filled with bouquets of black-eyed susans, black foot daisies, and blue bells. I bet you didn't even know I paid attention when you rambled on about picking wildflowers in Texas when you were a child. Even listening close enough that I knew that you could never decide which of those three were your favorite flowers. Soft cotton sheets, your favorite beer, and God help me all the fish tacos you could eat. Just the thought of fish on tacos made my stomach squirm, but you loved them. Anything you loved I could stand just because it was loved by you. I was about to finally gather the courage to take our relationship one more step. But instead of a step I have tumbled into a chasm of darkness. One that would deny me the touch of your skin against mine, the taste of your essence. A sudden powerful convulsion sends me flying across the room---my head hitting the floor with a thud. Grunting I set up to terrified to move as I listen to the sound of your body thumping on the floor. You were dead, I think, or was I wrong? Suddenly the sounds stop and the silence is eerie in the fading afternoon light. Perhaps the move- ment was an after effect of whatever seeped through your body---cooking your internal organs. Ever the logical scholar, even in the face of this heartbreaking moment. I set there not breathing as I see what can not be---you standing. As you lift your head my eyes widen in disbelief at what is, but it is not you. Your hands move over the body I came to love as much as your brilliant mind and your caring heart. Not like this, I beg the powers that be. Let her rest---please. I bite my lip as hysteria begins to rise as I take in the soft blue streaks that run through what was once your hair. And your eyes---God help me---your beautiful dark eyes are now an icy blue and it's obvious this is not you. Not the woman I loved. Forgive me Fred for failing you. Her gaze settles on my face and she speaks. "This will do." My body trembles in fear and awe. Her voice confirms my worst fears---Angel and Spike were unable to save you---I was unable to save you. This thing is but a pale whisper of you. My bright, beautiful star has been torn away. In your place stands an ancient evil. Illyria---the Old One. I have lost you forever and I feel the darkness begin to close in as my heart crumbles to dust and my soul shrivels in upon itself. I will avenge you---of that there is no doubt. The End...?