One example of the first might be when a person dreams that a person or creature is telling them something they need to know in their real life but can't admit to themselves, such as, oh, a fox tells you your husband is cheating on you. Now granted, this could just be your subconscious putting clues together, however the dream is still a significant dream, rather than a random dream. Another example might be dreams in which a person experiences a real event through another perspective they could not achieve in real life or through the eyes of a true bystander, who may or may not be known to the dreamer. This type of occurence has been documented enough times that even a skeptic must admit that it happens at the very least as a coincidence. For my purposes, and those of Carl Jung, the assumption is that this is not coincidence, and that any dream which appears significant to the dreamer is probably genuinely significant. For that specific example, it would appear that the dreamer's mind is in some fashion sharing the experience of someone else's waking mind.
The fourth and final premise is that under some unspecified set of circumstances certain people may experience or share the same dream, such that if a dreaming person may share the experiences of another mind while waking, it is equally possible and likely to share the experiences of another mind which is dreaming. Granted this is probably the most difficult assumption of all. The best example of this would be when two different people have the same dream at the same time. This is hard to prove unless both people remember their dreams. Frankly, I did not myself believe in dreamwalking until a man I knew described to me over coffee one morning a dream I had dreamt the night before, but from his point of view. I was stunned, to say the least.
From this it should be clear that I am talking about something I believe to happen to regular people in the real world. This is not make-believe, fiction, a role play, a fantasy. This is real folks making interpersonal errors or choices in their dreams which have the potential to alter (read: "mess up") up real relationships in their waking life. If you are a married couple with a long distance relationship, and you love each other so much you dreamwalk to each other, well, you are probably so grateful for the connection that you aren't likely to be asking the questions that would cause you to be reading this. Likewise if you are a parent separated from a dearly loved child, or any other kind of affectionate mutual bond.
From what I've heard and read and experienced, it seems that most often what happens is having dream-sex with someone who is normally off limits, or a dream-wedding, or a dream-conversation in which you say what you REALLY think. With dream-sex, you may or may not be attracted to the person in real life. Don't assume that just because you dream about having sex with someone that it means you are attracted to them, or visa versa. Heck, the dreamwalker person may not even be who they appear to be. More on that below.
Rarely, the two people may be friends in a situation where they cannot explore the boundaries of the friendship to the desired extent, but are on some level unwilling to accept that limit. VERY rarely, they will be good enough friends to admit what is happening (ie. dreamwalking) and talk about it in real life enough to get it under control. Many friendships do not survive dreamwalking, and most situations which lead to dreamwalking do not result in a longterm relationship of any sort. The friendships which do survive dreamwalking may require some additional limit-setting for the bounds and goals of the relationship. Of course, good communication is the key here -- not relying on dreams to say what needs to be said.
Most likely, the person who is receiving the dream visits will eventually find a way to block the other person's visits. This may mean that they quit talking to them altogether in the waking state, or take action to alienate or distance the dreamwalker in some way. Note that this alienation may take the form of an almost oppressive closeness in real life. This is most likely to happen if initial distancing doesn't seem to be effective; or if the person has mixed feelings about what is occurring (perhaps desires a close relationship with the dreamwalker, but not THAT close).
Another common way of blocking the dream visits is to simply get involved with a more appropriate person. If your attention is truly focused on your own real life and the people you truly love in your real world, then it is very difficult for someone else to intrude waking or dreaming. The waking state obviously influences the dream state, even in dreamwalking, and it is possible to block or barricade the person from visiting. If you are the dreamwalker, be sensitive to whether or not you are intruding, and try to be courteous. If you accept the fact the relationship is not and will not be what you are seeking in the dreams, you will usually be able to leave them alone. This requires that you first admit what is happening; second, that it is happening because you want something you can't have in real life; and third, that you need to make some changes in how you are approaching this relationship. By this it usually means give up the fantasy relationship and look for something real, either in a different relationship altogether or focus on what IS real and possible in that relationship. Let go of the dream.
If it is a sequence of dreams, repeating dreams which involve the same person, look at how the two of you are interacting. First, how do you interact with this person in real life? Is the dream interaction internally consistent across dreams? Is it consistent with your typical real world interaction? If the latter, you might be dreamwalking, but it is probably pretty safe if neither of you are doing anything out of the ordinary. Is the dream interaction consistent, but out of sync with your ordinary interaction with the person? In the dream, are you or they consistently turning away from or seeking to escape the dream interaction? This could be a symbolic dream showing that you want to dominate or escape them in real life; OR it could be a dreamwalking dream in which the person turning away or seeking to escape the dream is the recipient of the intrusion, ie. NOT the dreamwalker.
Last but not least, in the dream, do you have the sense that you are trying to get the other person to go away, or that you leave and they keep following you? Or do they seem to be trying to get away from you? This may take the form of their dream-self physically turning their back on you, or they may talk with someone else in the dream and refuse to look at you or talk to you. Pay attention to this -- if they want to be left alone, then for pity's sake, leave them alone. Do some hard thinking about just why you are seeking them out in your dreams, and use some of the exercises below to focus your dreamself in a different direction.
A word to the wise -- just as waking thoughts can influence dreams, dreams can influence the waking world. If you are dreamwalking and pestering someone who doesn't want you there, you may find the same individual, in waking life, becomes increasingly cold and distant. Even if they don't remember the dreams, they may on some level realize that there has been an unwanted intrusion, and that you are responsible. Don't say, "How can they be so rude, when I didn't do anything to them" if you remember dreaming something interesting about them. Do you want to maintain contact with this person? Give them some space, lots and lots of it, try to be relaxed about distance and receptive to any initiatives they take to approach you. Let them be in charge of the level of interaction. If they are someone who seems open to the idea of dreamwalking, you can tentatively try talking about it, but be forewarned, most people will think you are absolutely off your rocker. You kind of have a choice -- losing the person because they think you're nuts, or losing the person because you can't talk about what is really happening, and you can't get it under control without their help. The only other choice is to get a handle on yourself. More suggestions to help with that later.
How can you tell who the other person is in the dream? There are two main ways I know of, and they don't always work, especially if you are not experienced in controlling your own dreams. The best way is to ask them who they are. This is really hard to remember to do in the dream, but it works really well. Usually someone who is "masked" in the dream (ie. appearing as someone familiar who you trust) doesn't want to be unmasked. They are perfectly happy for you to assume they are as they appear, and will respond appropriately if you call them by the other person's name. If you ask them who they are, they may or may not give you a straight answer, or may reply with an alias or a word or phrase that symbolically represents them, making you do more work and digging. Sometimes if you get close, they'll quit coming by, in which case you are fine. Otherwise, if they keep coming by, you keep asking, and sooner or later you'll get to a better answer. The first time you try this and it works, you'll begin to really have a sense of power and control over your dreams. This will work to advantage in the long run. So long as you still doubt the reality of dreamwalking, you can't really defend yourself, get the information you need from the dream, or use the information from the dreams in your waking life.
The second way to tell who the other person is, or that they are not who they appear to be, has to do with your powers of observation in the dream. If the other person seems to shapeshift or morph into someone else, you can be fairly certain that if you had a visitor, it was NOT the first person you thought you saw. If the morphing occurs at moments of high stress or transition in the dream, it is likely that they momentarily lost control of the dream and appeared truly as they are. Pay special attention to this if it happens. The other option with all of these is that this is just a dream. Unfortunately, we have no magic wand that will tell us for sure what is happening. Your concern is over the state of your own mind, and the attempt to do no harm to others.
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Contact info: [email protected] Psych 101 Main Page: http://www.geocities.com/rosefirerising/psych101/ Rosefire's Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/rosefirerising/ Last Updated: May 3, 2001. |