Captured

Nina's Pov

I stared down at my watch, Benji's show ended about an hour ago but he'd probably hadn't left yet. I'd missed a couple of them these past weeks, unintentionally of course. I had really wanted to be there for every single one but it’s hard when you have to work. Trying make ends meet for once. I think that’s why Benji's been acting all weird. He hasn’t properly looked at me all week. Barely talks either. It’s been eating me alive, him not being able to relax around me. I just wanted to be there, so much for him and I couldn’t always manage it. I missed this one as well so I decided to leave an hour earlier from work tonight in an attempt to make up for it. I would have to make up the time elsewhere but right now I wanted to see Benji.

Running as fast as I could, so I wouldn't miss him. My feet tapping along the sidewalk as I ran through the streets. Light from the street lamps hitting me in pools of light. When I eventually got there Joel was at the door, shocked to see me. He practically let his jaw drop in surprise. But why? I knew I hadn’t been making many shows and stuff but it didn’t mean I still wouldn’t try. Benji meant a lot to me and I didn’t really want to let it all go because I couldn’t always find the time for him. And it wasn’t like I did it on purpose either.
"Hey" I said, wondering what was going on. I looked inquisitively at him as he tried to lean casually against the walk but failing. "Hi, what are you doing here?" Joel said surprised. His voice slipping away into the nights gloom. "The same reason why I'm always here, where’s Benji?" I looked at him strangely. "He, he, he’s in the back room, you can't go in!" he practically screamed at me as I reached for the door. "Uh... why?" I was ALWAYS allowed in the back room. I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t. "ummm he’s kinda sick, you shouldn't go in there. It might not be pleasant" he looked at me straight in the eye. What the hell was going on? I suspected that he was covering for something. Being Benji’s twin why wouldn’t he? "Ya, I’m going." he grabbed my arms. His eyes; pleading with me. "-You can't go in, just don’t go" I looked at him shocked, there was something going on, why was he acting this way? Even if Benji wasn’t well I should still go into comfort him. "Let go!" I escaped his grasp and ran to the back room, I heard Joel say stop, running after me, but it was to late.... I opened the door, letting it swing open into the room. My heart jumped to my throat and the pit of my stomach dropped away leaving me in shock. God how I wish I hadn't opened that door, I was almost shaking at what I saw. I gave out a big scream as I saw Benji kissing this half naked girl, his kisses tracing down her neck as he gently licked wherever he had left a kiss. Her moans were loud and she giggles. Making no attempt to be quiet and just playing with Benji’s hair. I wanted to kill her. I didn't know what to do, Benji just looked up at me like he didn't know what was going on, he didn't know where he was. His eyes begging me not tog o that he could explain. Explain what? That he was there letting another girl, just. I wanted to get away as far as possible. How could he do this to me? The nights we spent together, the kisses we had shared? The seconds we had spent so perfect with the other. It was like a cruel joke repeating itself over and over again.

As I turned to run Benji tore himself away from the girl, calling for me to stop, that he could explain, explain what? What he was doing, I knew exactly what he was doing. To tell me it was all a mistake? If it were why'd he start it? I couldn’t stay near him when he had betrayed our trust so much. As I ran to the door, Joel grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him.
"Don’t go, your making a mistake." Joel stared at me, tears running down my face I replied. "Let go, I can't stay here, he doesn't need me here, he’s got all he needs" I pulled his hand off my arm and ran, unsure where I was going I just left the building feeling alone and dejected. I didn't run that far until I fell. I cried like a child who missed their mom on there first day of school, letting it all pour out. Why had he done this to me? I kept asking myself. Was I not good enough? Was I doing something wrong? I could hear her moans repeating over and over again in my head. Saw his feather kisses bruising her skin as she squealed in pleasure.

I just sat there crying, crying so much. My heart bleeding as sharp pains ran through my chest. Suddenly I felt two warm hands around my waist trying to help me up, they felt so warm and comforting. I looked like sh.it all wet and covered in mud. But it was so cold out that I didn't deny those hands. I looked up at he’s warm soft face. Tears flooded my eyes. I just feel softly into his warm embrace.
"Why?" "I don’t know... you’re so perfect, he must be crazy not to want you." I hugged him, he was warm and it felt so right. The way he was gently running circles along my back. I cried as he told me it was all going to be all right, I let his touch and words comfort me and I flooded his shirt with tears. I took my head off he’s strong welcoming shoulders and looked into he’s warm eyes. Being sucked into their warm, loving, tender gaze. I just simply let my feelings rule and placed my lips onto his soft ones. "Its not ok anymore..." Joel admitted putting his warm lips upon mine again, letting the kiss be soft and loving. Not furious and passionate as they had been with Benji. More comfortable and filled with love. He’s tongue felt so gentle as it entered my mouth. His hand so soft as it touched my hair, running fingers through the soft strands. I didn't want it to end. I knew this was Joel, and I knew it was right. Simply because here I was safe.
Joel was pulled away with a strong force. Leaving my arms empty and unsure.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" Benji grabbed hiss brother, pulling him away. "Let him go!" I cried pulling Joel from Benji's reach, holding onto Joel not wanting him to get hurt. "You don't want me, but he does, I care about him and always have, I just couldn’t see it before cos I always had you there. Leave him alone Benj, I don’t think we’re ever going to be ok again but when I was with Joel he made me think that I would be." "What’s wrong with you Nina? You know I love you, you know I didn't mean what I was doing with that girl. I thought you knew despite every thing I could and would always care for you." His eyes were brimming full of pain and jealousy. "And that’s why you where doing it, right Benji?" Joel furiously spoke, staring at his brother. “That’s why I was trying to save you’re ass outside, "This has nothing to do with you Joel. Just go pi.ss off elsewhere.” Benji glared at Joel and pushed him away slightly. “Nina you don't mean what you’re saying. You know I’m sorry, now come on lets go." His eyes begging me but his tone, self-sure. I pushed him away as he aimed he’s hands onto my waist. Pulling me to him. "Don’t touch me, I’m not going anywhere with you" I cried, I had never said this to Benji but now I did with pain in my voice, every work quivering in the stark, cold of night. I used to feel so safe with his arms around me, but when I saw he’s arms around her, they felt like a strangers sick and twisted hands. I no longer wanted to be near him. Not when I had seen him act like that with someone who wasn’t me.

He just looked at me, his eyes burning with hate, and walked away. The hate I felt for him that moment was strong, just as undoubtedly his was for me. But I knew I was right this time. We would never be the same even if Joel hadn’t had showed me how much he really cared, made me feel loved. I was scared. I loved Benji so much, least I had believed I did, and it came down to hate for him, that’s it. He broke our trust and it wasn’t something I could go back on. I took a deep breath and cried as I fell to my knees once more. Joel placed he’s arms around me as a cried my heart out, begging for things to be right and perfect again.

I looked up a Joel’s eyes. Staring at them, a hint of ice in my eyes. Unsure of what I’ve done but sure it was wrong. "This isn't right. I can't do this to him Joel, I just can’t. I care about him too much; we’ve shared so much together. I can't just leave him for you. I do care about you, I always have. I know what he did was wrong too, but I need to talk to him about it. I just can’t let go without knowing." Joel didn't say anything but looked at me in an understanding way, his eyes, although hurt, bore a sort of comfort and knowing glint. My feelings for both of them were totally different. Was I with Joel just to make me feel ok, comforted, needed, jealousy? Or maybe I really did care for him. Both of the twins held something special in my heart. The depth of my love for each of them was great. If I was just doing this in anything other than true love for Joel well, then I couldn't be doing this to both of them anymore. "I got to go find him." I said pulling away from Joel, leaving his arms empty, I felt cold and I desperately wanted to be held by him. I wanted his firm loving arms to be wrapped round my waist tightly. He didn't say anything, just placed his lips briefly up to my cheek leaving a burning mark as I walked off to find Benji and sort my emotions out.

I ran up the street that I last saw Benji walk off up. I prayed silently, muttering under my breath, he hadn't gone that far. As I run up one more block, near to giving up, I noticed Benji sitting on a bench at the park; his head bent forward and a glint of light showing his face hurt. As I approached I noticed a tear run down his face, beading down his cheek. Had I meant that much to him? Or maybe it was just self-pity that I had run to Joel for comfort. He slowly wiped away the tear as he shot up to greet me. Seeing me standing here alone and cold, my thin top soaking wet. "Where’s Joel?" not a very good greeting. It came from his lips cold and accusing. "The last place you saw him." I tried to add the same icy tone to my reply as his greeting. "The last place I saw him was around your waist" he retorted cruelly. "Look Benji, we've got to talk. Don’t make this harder than it already is or was.” He stared up at me. His deep brown eyes identical to Joel’s "I want to know why" by this time I was crying. Any attempts to be harsh back abandoned. "I don’t know.” I heard a small gasp for air as tears rolled down his soft cheeks. "Do you love me?" I said this breath bated. I didn't want to hear his answer, I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to hear. Not after what I had seen. "More then anything in this world." did he really mean it? I thought sceptically. "Do you want to be with me?” I didn't want to ask these questions. My voice choking as I spat everyone of them out. "More then you think." His reply simple and heart felt. "What about her?" I still didn't know who she was, where she came from, even what the hell she was doing with my boyfriend. "Do you love her?" There was no answer "Benj.... Do you love her? " I was breaking down as I said this. "-I don’t know." There was a long silence, something that never went on while we were together before. We just look away from each other. Both our hearts broken of trust. "What about Joel?" he looked straight into my eyes, searching them deeply for the truth. I felt the pain he had against the kiss I shared with his twin, his body telling me that he had wanted to drag me away from it all.. I didn't know what to say to him, my words unable to form. I hugged him longingly but also reluctantly, thinking about where they had been previously "I only want to be with you." I whispered, a lie...

Benji took me by the hand, his touch warm and comforting, and headed to my apartment. I couldn't stop thinking about my lie, especially knowing what was coming soon. He just pulled me into the apartment, his hand never leaving mine as his soft touch gripped onto mine. Standing in the front room I just stare into his eyes. The warm brown eyes, so familiar and tender, only bore pain to remind that this should be Joel as I let the events of the night begin. He gently brought his hand up to caress my cheek as he lent in for a kiss, bringing my lips against his moist ones. Closing my eyes I let the kiss suck me in and let slip my feelings. Only needing comfort right now, in any form. I slowly parted my mouth and let his tongue enter it as he pulled my head closer in. I lazily played with his tongue in my mouth as I applied pressure to the kiss, running my hand through his hair. The kiss soon ended and I didn’t fight the urge to pull him in for another. A wave of passion rose through my body as I pulled his head down to mine. Sucking on his lips I teased him till he let out a groan and entered my mouth again. With his lip ring tickling mine it was my turn to let slip a moan from the depths of my throat.

I moved my hand from his head to play with the hem of his shirt, trying to lift it from him. He stroked every curve of my body as our kisses became more heated and furious. I tore away from the kiss, reluctant to let go but wanting to feel his skin against mine. I pulled his shirt over his head and instantly felt the hands round my waist pull me closer to him again. Aching to feel his touch he just played around before lifting my arms to remove my tank top, letting his touch set my skin alight I arched into him as he let my bra fall and circled my breasts with his hand. As his hands caressed the tips of them I just let my hands play with his belt. They knowingly and deftly tore open the clasp and his pants instantly fell lower on his hips. Breathily I whispered in his ear. “Maybe we should take this into my room” he nodded to my suggestive tone and lifted me up to carry me into my room, dropping me softly onto my bed. Gazing up I dragged him down on top of me. Flipping him over I dragged his pants and boxers off at the same time. Smiling he grabbed my waist and did the same so I was under him. Gently toying with my underwear him made me breathe heavily as I burned with his touch and desire. Only when I felt him move to take them off did I allow myself to drag him into another heated kiss. Stroking my hands over his chest going lower, he just began to do the same to me making me speed up. Unable to keep this up anymore I panted to him to stop fooling around. Letting out a laugh he kissed my neck and entered me making my back arch into him in wanton need. Letting him move slowly I just kissed him hard on his neck continually playing with his chest till he sped up. Screaming out we both collapsed into the other as we both rode out the others orgasm.

I woke to find but another note on the pillow next to mine, it’s messy handwriting scrawled over the page. I didn’t even need to look at it. The 3rd of this week. Benji was never like this. He had always been there when I had awoken after the night we had spent together, we never left the other knowing the loneliness that followed always hurt. I didn't, wouldn't make myself think of where he was. But today I’d had enough. I wanted to be with him when I woke, I hated the way he kept abandoning me.

I got out of bed, put on a pair of jeans and a black top, letting the shirt hug my body. Heading to the kitchen I picked up my phone and called Benji on his cell. Not wanting to really know the truth, anxiously with every ring.
"Hello?" a soft light voice answered the phone, was it her? I didn't dare to ask, my whole body shaking with the one word. I wanted to, I needed to. I was so scared, shocked. Outraged that he could so guiltlessly do this to me. I hung up. Just staring at the phone and wishing I hadn’t bothered, I never really wanted to find it out this way. I felt my heart stop as I heard it ring. It’s shrill pitch ringing out through the silence of the room. I hesitated at the phone. My body still shaking at the shock.
"Hello?" my voice wavered as I spoke. "Hey, it’s me. Did you just call?" his tone was carefree, as if he didn’t know what I knew. "uh, ya, where are you? I thought we were going to spend some time together today. You’ve been spending a lot of time with others this past week." I tried to keep my tone light and fluffy, playing along to his belief when I wanted to rip him to shreds. I heard a moan in the background, it’s sound familiar. The same moan I had told myself I wouldn't hear again. ".... I’ll be around later. I promise." His voice preoccupied and he abruptly hung up. I knew it was happening again. How could I have been so stupid, so naïve and trusting?

I waited for him impatient and aware of my surroundings. It approached 11 pm. he hadn't shown up. I knew where he was. I knew exactly who he was with and damn well exactly what he was doing. I grabbed my hoodie and headed to the park, my heart beating erratically as I fled the building. It was the same park we shared our first kiss, so soft and nervous. The same park we'd had fights in, the vicious screams and tantrums. The same park that we made up in every time, his touch melting me every single time. It held every memory of our relationship, each one meaningful.

I sat on the bench feeling scarily alone; I grabbed on to my knees and pulled them up to my chest as I huddled up and cried. The tears stinging my tired eyes. I knew this time it wouldn't be the same again, it wouldn’t have the same climatic, happy ending. I heard footsteps coming up behind me, steadily beating on the path. I hoped to god it wasn't him; I couldn’t bear to see his face. I knew this time I couldn't forgive him; I couldn't look him straight in the face and lie, to him and to myself. Instead I felt a heated hand grasp mine. They were the same un-denying warm hands that were placed on my waist the same night I interrupted Benji and he’s love making with someone that wasn't me. The ones I knew so well and yet not at all. The ones that truly comforted me that hectic and erratic night.

I knew exactly who it was and this time I wouldn't run from him. This time I’d stay. I’d stay there while he wrapped his arms around my waist. Wanting that touch more than anything.
"He’s with her,” I cried. Admitting this allowed just made the tears fall harder and uncontrollably. "I know” the two soft words just making me cry harder. “This time he doesn't deserve you to forgive him for what he’s done wrong. He knew exactly what he was doing.” I didn't want to admit it but he was right, each and every syllable truthful from the start, unlike someone else I knew. I hugged him, not wanting to let go and whispered in his ear "I love you Joel, and this time I won't run." Looking up to meet the warm chocolate brown eyes I let them capture my attention and hesitantly I saw him lean in. Licking my lips, I tilted my head to his and let the tender touch engulf my mind.

Benji’s POV

I woke to the smell of Nina’s soft gentle hair, it smelt so clean and a mixture of the strawberry shampoo she used. I longed to leave my arm around her waist and sleep by her skin, letting her perfect skin grace my hard and calloused one. I never wanted to leave her side, just to lay with her eternally in this moment of peace. I got up to write her one of my stupid excuses, saying some crap about how I had to go or an even shorter one saying nothing at all. I hated to leave her just as I knew she hated to wake alone. I knew what I was doing was wrong, that I should get out now while I still had Nina but I’d become addicted. Like when a man takes his first smoke he knows he wont be able to stop and he knows its wrong, but the taste of the nicotine invades his body never letting him go. It never makes it right though. I jot down some simple but horrible words. My hand scrawling them regretfully. Hey babe I’ll be back later xxx Benji It’s the third of this week, only this time Nina might have a clue what’s going on. I put on my sweater and left heavy heartedly, feeling like I was doing this out of duty. Well maybe I was. I begged god this was my last time, but I knew to myself it wasn't true, I would always want more. As I reach Christina’s door I looked down at my hand, feeling a wave of pathetic self hate and pity, the night before Nina had written in permant marker that she loved me. I loved her too, more than I could ever show her. Or feel for anyone else. I turned my body around in direction to go back to her place. To put my arms around her. Wanting to hold her so tight till she burst. Just to spend the whole day like we used to fooling around on her bed. Never leaving the other’s sight for more than an all too long second. "Hey hot stuff, where you going? Back to her, you know I can give you more then she gives you." The female voice had a touch of desire and lust wrapped round it. "That’s not true, I love her Christina." I said this confidently and sadly as my cell rang. Christina grabbed it from my pocket brushing against me as she did this on purpose and with her addictive voice she answered "Hello?" I guess no one answered because she repeatedly herself, smiling vindictively. "Hello, who is this?" by now I knew that it had to be Nina and that she knew what was going on. I so wanted to be there than here, at least I wouldn’t have to explain this afterwards. "Give me the phone" I grabbed at it pulling Christina slightly as I did. "I guess she was to scared to say something." Christina laughed at this. "Hey, did you just call?" I said I didn't want to sound like I was with Christina, trying to keep my voice level and normal, but I knew she knew. "uhh... ya... where are you? I thought we where going to spend some time together?" I wanted to tell her that I wanted to spend all my time with her but I knew right now words would be futile, her fake happy voice said it all. "I’ll be around later, I promise!" I had to deal with Christina and tell her it was over first I thought as I hung up the phone. Staring at it for a few seconds I swallowed hard and looked up. "What do you mean you'll be around later, you'll be here later.” She said it coldly and harshly, I was getting used to these sudden mood swings. "No Christina, I won't, from now on its over. I love Nina too much to do with to us. I want her to me mine forever." as I said these words I knew this time I meant it. Nothing would change this and anyway it would take I had to prove this to Nina.

I wanted Nina and I needed her right now, I wanted to feel the way she made my skin heat up with every touch. The way I felt just being in her presence, so loved. But I had to think things over. I left Christina without looking back. I never wanted her see her face again. I heard her annoyed squeal and the door slam and I didn’t care for one bit.

I spent the day walking around just thinking about what I would say to Nina, how to make it up and hsow her I was serious in every way. I passed by the Jewelry store and I saw the most beautiful ring. It reminded me in every way of Nina. It was the most delicate diamond ever, shaped in a heart and set deeply into a simple silver band with the smallest net of silver incasing it. Its gem shone out, tinkling in the store window, just like Nina’s gray eyes did. I entered the store and bought it with no regrets knowing that every cent spent on it was worth it, although it would never match Nina’s worth. I went around town thinking of how I would ask her, tell her, sort everything out. I had every word, ever reply for every reaction. I looked down at my watch and gasped to see the time. Fu.ck it was already 11:30 pm. God how I wish I hadn't done. She really will think I have spent all this time in Christina’s arms when all I’ve done is wished that I were in hers.

I ran to her apartment in a panic, my heart fluttering every step of the way but no one was there. I was all alone on her doorstep, my head pressed against the door. I thought of the one place she would be and ran relentlessly to the park. The first time I kissed her was in that park. I remember shivers down my spine when I first placed my lips against hers, the way she was just was nervous as I was as her quivering lips pressed against mine for more. How I wish that moment had never ended and that I was still caught up in it. I reached the park and ran through the interlocking paths to find her. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, my eyes in shock over the sight. Joel’s arms around the woman I loved so much, his hands caressing her waist. His lips against her sweet mouth, delving in and out of kisses as their tongues met. I felt so sad and rejected just watching from afar. I put my hand into the pocket I had put the ring in. With one touch I knew I couldn't let this happen. And stepped forward to intervene

Joel’s POV

I watched her run off after my brother, me standing here alone again. I’m such a fool, but there was something in her eye when I held her, and the way she kissed me that made me think that she could love me. I stared down at the ground as I heard her footsteps drown into nothing. Sighing I turned to kick the curb, angry I had let her go back to him. I had been bottling up my feelings for her ever since Benji had come home, energetic as he spoke of this perfect girl, at the time I have just laughed at his enthusiasm. Doubting the words he said till the second I saw her graceful glide across the room, a smile that lit up the room. But by then she was Benji’s so I hid the longing glances I gave her and the overwhelming desire I had. When I saw her tears cascading down her cheek for the first time that night it broke my heart to see her in such intense pain. Her bright smile wiped from her elegant face.

Sighing I felt an urge to chase after her and persuade her she had made a mistake. That she was chasing after the wrong twin, but I knew it was something she needed to discover herself. Not me tell her. I shuddered at the memory of kissing her, tasting the sweetness of her mouth. Her kiss tender and heated at once. Feeling the start of a bruise on my arm I rubbed it. Benji had every and no right pulling me away like that he was the one that broke her heart not me. But then as a brother, I had no right doing that to him; I should have left it to them to sort it out, like I was doing now. I was just so sick of covering up for him. Always the responsible one yet never the one girls found deserving of their love.

Feeling alone again I walked off into the night back home, not wanting to wait round here. Not after the scene that had just been played out. I silently remember the last kiss I had placed on her kiss and prayed that she would remember it too when she finds Benji. I let out a groan of rage as my mind conflict against whether I should have let her go or not. Rubbing my temple I decided the best thing I could do was to just go home and to bed and pray that Benji came home as well. Slipping my key in the door I only stopped to pull off my trainers and pants before falling asleep, restlessly with my last thoughts of what she was doing now.

I woke early that morning, my eyes hurting with the glare of sunlight down on my face from the window. Turning over I looked at Benji’s bed only to see it empty and untouched from yesterday. Cursing I got up falling over my trainers from the night before. “Sh.it” clambering up I went to the shower and stood under the hot beating water as it ripped down on my body. I just stood under it till the combination of steam and heat from the shower became too much and I had to get out letting the steam out with it. Pulling the towel with me I scuttled to the kitchen, easing myself down onto the chair nearest to the kitchen counter. Putting my hands in my head I just let out a small sob, as I knew I had lost my only chance with her. If Benji didn’t screw this time up again then they would stay together. And as much as I wanted her to be happy I knew that the real place she belonged was with me. Crying into my arms I stayed here till I could bear it no more and I got dressed to fine Nina.

I left the house, needing to search for Nina, I knew what Benji was like and I knew he would run back to Christina if he could. And I wanted to be there when Nina needed someone to cry to. Trailing down the streets to her apartment I knew she wouldn’t be there, thinking back I tried to remember the places she would visit when upset and as my feet led me they could have only led me to once place the park. Seeing her alone and upset, curled up on the bench I just walked to her and placed my hands in hers. She instantly felt for them. “He’s with her” and I wiped her uncontrollable tears away.

Nina’s POV

As I kissed him I desperately needed his touch, I needed to feel more of him, to feel the not so brief longing kisses. That touch his twin had always gave me, which I continued with a moan. Gasping into his mouth as our lips continually crashed in the heat of the moment, his tongue dipping in and out of my mouth. Searching it in a heated fury. As I pulled away from this kiss I looked over his shoulder, my eyes flicking through the dark. Joel’s cheek against my head, making my heart skip fast. I saw Benji at that moment with the look upon his face, his eyes furlong and crashing. His mouth in a tiny o shape, his cheeks heated red. I knew he wasn't with her, just the way his eyes spoke to me through the night’s pale sky, the way his face was twisted in agony. Joel by now had turned around, his eyes following mine to his brother, his eyes shook and his face swiped clean of any happiness. I grabbed his arm as he stood up from the bench leaving my arms empty on the bench. "Joel.... stop" all he did was stare at me, in confusion, his eyes wide and broken. I headed over to Benji each step faster, my heart speeding with it, my hands shaking through everything I had been through. I grabbed him, as if I was holding onto my life, my hands never letting go of him. He whispered in my eye "I wasn't with her" and for the first time in awhile I’d believed him, I knew that there was no way he loved her, that there was no way he had spent this morning with her. He reached into his pocket, I’m still holding on for dear life, my eyes blinking erratically. "Marry me Nina,” he whispered this with his soft gentle lips so close to my ear that they tickled them, his tongue almost touching them. No one could hear except me, and I knew he wanted it that way. I looked at him. He meant it, I could see that breathe of truth in his voice and the way he held me that showed me he meant every single letter. I stare at him and he pulls my mouth up to his, he slowly touches my lips, hardly touching them. Slowly I felt his caress them as his lip ring touch my warm lips, I let his hands explore my body as I reached my hands up and played with his hair; pulling his lips harder against mine, letting his tongue roam freely in my mouth. I then realized what I had done, I inwardly kick myself as I pull away from Benji’s loving grasp. I turned to see no Joel, just am empty park bar us. I knew I had broken his heart but it was to late to change my mind, with this kiss I had blown any future possible with Joel.

I awoke finally with Benji's hands around my waist, their calloused touch spending shivers down my spine. The night we had spent together so passionate. So loving, so different from the nights we had before, it was more than a night of lust. I spun round so I straddled his waist, leaning over his bare chest my hair fell forward and he leant up for a kiss. Letting his lips touch mine I opened his mouth to exploration. Breaking it apart I licked along his lips and played with his lip ring. His hands started to traced up from my waist to brush my hair from my eyes and move down to circle my breast. Slowly kissing down his neck I inched my way down stopping at his waistband and I left him on the bed groaning at me. Smiling back I slipped on a pair of shorts and a black tank top as he muttered tease to my back. I headed to the kitchen, my bare feet padding across the cold floor. Playing with my ring I could still remember the face Joel had on when I told him to stop, the anguish played across it. Did I make the right decision? I didn't think of it anymore, just letting the feeling of Benji combing my long dark brown hair with his fingers take over. "What am I going to say to Joel" I sat at the table, staring down at the pale surface of it. I couldn't look Benji straight in the face, I wasn't sure on my decision yet. This last two days have been so crazy that my emotions hadn’t had time to calm down. "You think we should go tell him together?" Benji spoke hesitantly and I stared briefly at him. I didn't think I was up to it but I still agreed, nodding silently to his words.

We walked down the street hand and hand, my hand gripping so tight I was surprised Benji didn’t gasp in pain. We were quite close to one another, different then usually, a quiet comfort was between us as we walked. Even being so close to him I didn't feel safe anymore. Why was I feeling this way? As we reached the door I felt apprehensive, I wanted to turn around. Not able to confront Joel after the broken look I had seen the night before. He opened the door. Just looking at his face I thrived for his touch, his hands tight around my waist like they were last night. The passion in one simple touch. He looked at me in disgust, pain, and jealousy. But I could see, through this all that he wanted my touch as much as I craved for his, uncontrollably loving one. "Hey" Benji broke the silence, clearing his throat. "Joel, we came here to tell you that we're engaged" he said this holding my hand with the ring placed on it. Joel stared straight at me pleading from his eyes that I’d say it wasn't true, that I wasn’t doing this to him again. "Are you alright with it" Joel knew by now that I wouldn't speak. He just stared into the distance ignoring me. "yyaa, its all good" I knew behind all this that it’s wasn't all "good", it was far from good, his distance glance couldn’t cover up the crushing pain I also felt. I had broken his heart and mine at the same time.

Joel’s POV

Touching her burning skin I couldn’t get enough, our kisses strong and passionate as I let my tongue wander in her mouth. I let our mouths swirl round each other as I ran my hands up her back and through her hair. I felt her sigh into my mouth, and contently I let out a small moan as she pulled away from me. I leant my head against hers and saw her look off at something, turning round I saw Benji standing their his mouth wide and eyes bright. My mouth following in similar suit, looking back at Nina I saw her mixed emotions spread eagerly across her face. I stood up leaving her alone on the bench. She tried to stop me but I just stared at her, hurt and confused and she walked over to Benji. Never looking back as she gracefully stepped back into his arms like she had never left them. Not wanting to spend another second in their presence I walked off only looking back to see them kiss and it was enough.

Twice in one day she had crushed my heart now. Left me beaten and wounded on the floor as she always clambered back to Benji. Forgetting that I even existed, forgetting the way I had held her the seconds before as she wept her bleeding heart to me. Forgot the tender words I had whispered into her ear. More than sweet nothings as I meant every word of them. I wanted to collapse where I was and let the cold take me. It had to be softer than the blows she dealt to my scarred emotions. I walked away, shaking. My tears I had choked back last night escaping as the harsh cruel blow she had struck was worse now when I thought I could ever claim her love. I knew that she would play back to Benji’s hands and I would be forgotten without me even saying the 3 words I had wanted to more than anything in this world. “I love you.” Simple but I wanted to scream them to her, proclaim them for the world.

Shaking as I tried to put my key in the lock, I barely managed to @#%$ it in. twisting it round I sobbed fiercely, not caring who saw me. You never know what you have till you lose it and you never know what you have to lose till you reach out and touch it. And what I had to lose was my heart and compassion. Falling through the door as the lock finally turned my head spun round. My whole body pulsing as I tried to make it to my room. I barely made it through the door before collapsing roughly on a sofa. The pain of the night ringing out through my sobs.

The noise of bangs rang through my head, as I was jolted from my restless sleep. Pulling my sore body up from the sofa I struggled to make it to the door, wishing to be left to mourn was losses. But on opening the door I saw fate had only come to mock me. Standing on my doorstep I looked down to see Nina being pulled in tight to Benji as she edgily looked at me. Her eyes full of longing but I knew that this wasn’t what she had come for. "Hey" Benji broke the silence, doing his silly snorting thing he only did when uncomfortable. I glared at him. "Joel, we came here to tell you that we're engaged" I looked swiftly to Nina who stares guilty as Benji holds up her hand with an unique ring, it’s diamond shining through it’s delicate web. Perfect, just as she was. I looked at her, my eyes begging her to tell me this wasn’t true. That it was me she cared for. It was me she wanted to wake every morning and see. That it was my arms she needed to hold her strong whenever she felt she couldn’t see it through another day. “Are you alright with it?" I took one glance at Nina and saw she wouldn’t say anything. Stand up for these tiny connections I kept feeling between us. Trying to muster up the energy to say anything I silently curse myself for being this dumb. Hating every minute my twin stood there, gloating over what could never be mine. "yaa, its all good" I let the words fall, cutting my mind off from what these words actually meant. My heart well and truly gone I stared off into the distance but knowing it couldn’t hide the truth. I went to shut the door, making the tiniest gesture with my hand as a token of goodbye. That’s when I heard the words ring out, bouncing across her tongue and lingering in the air. “Benji, I’ve made a mistake.”

Nina's POV

I knew he tried ignoring me and I hated that so much, the way his eyes looked at me but consciousness wasn’t there. He knew I felt the same way he felt about me, the way he just looked whenever he used to be in my presence, the gentle yet passionate kisses, the way being apart made my skin crawl but whenever he was near it would burn and fizzle. I looked at Benji then at Joel. Staring briefly at each of them but knowing already what my answer to this all should be. "Benji, I’ve made a mistake." This time I was here to tell him the truth, I couldn’t keep messing around like this. Not when I just wanted to let go after every break. I let go of his hand, the last time I’d hold his hand; I just let it fall from mine. I couldn't control myself. I felt the cold touch of swelling tears on the bottoms of my eyes. "I’m not being truthful to you, Joel or myself." Benji knew it was coming, the look on his face made me cry even more, gasping for air I looked at Joel, his eyes staring directly into mine. It was killing me, playing around with each of our hearts. Mine for changing my mind so easily, and for having to see each of the twin’s faces, furlough, every time I did this. "If I marry you I’ll never be with my true love" I looked back at Benji, unable to read his feelings. Just seeing the crushed, heart wrenching glance. "Nina. Is this what you really want?" I no longer could control the love I had for Joel in my body no more. Even if I could change this feeling I don’t think I would. My heart pounded as I gave him my heartrending, truthful answer, the one that would set me free "Yes." I whispered to the ground, looking away from the boy’s. He looked down at me and I felt him touch my arm, swirling I looked up and hugged him "I’ll always love you. I thank you for making me happy and I'll never forget you. You gave me moments of unbelievable joy but it’s wrong to stay like this." As he let go I knew this was right. He kissed me on my cheek. Briefly and finally "Yo Joel, take care of her." In saying that he walked off, never looking back, his feet dragging along the floor. Hearing his footsteps echoing into nothing I looked at Joel. "Will you forgive me?" he stared at me in disbelief. His eyes unsure and I couldn’t read any further. "I just can't..." I looked into his face, I knew I’d hurt him more then once but I couldn't stand what he had just said. I just thought that we could somehow work it all out. "Until you kiss me." he gave out a smile as he said this. The first one in a long time. Nodding slowly I felt his hand reach to touch mine, pulling me up onto the doorstep. Feeling the wind beat against our faces I tip-toed up to reach his mouth. Putting my hand round his head I dragged his lips to meet mine and let the kiss sweep my breath away. Parting my lips I let my tongue meet his and sucked on his bottom lip. We parted and as I looked up at him I gave out a little giggle. The way his face beaded out in shock. "I love you." I said as I leaned in for another kiss. Giggling into, still seeing his shocked look. "We’re finally together babe, you’re all mine" I knew he felt good about saying this and I loved it.

His hand fumbled behind him as he tried to push the door back open. I smiled at him and pulled away to push the door open for him. He looked back down with a grateful and knowing smile. His arms lifted me up and I hopped into them as he carried my through the door to his bedroom. I felt so light in his arms and their touch reassured me that this was right. I wanted to be with Joel. He laid me on the bed. His arms never letting go till I was safely placed down. Staring up at him I dragged him down to meet my lips. His soft, damp lips touched mine with a butterfly graze. Making me want him more. His touch sent a shiver running like electricity through my body. Speeding up my heart as I let my hands linger underneath his shirt. He shrugged off my jacket and I let it drop. I stood so I was face to face to him as he unbuttoned my shirt. Pushing my hands over his smooth chest I pushed his shirt upwards. Pulling it deftly over his head and he smiled as I let my hands, approving run over it. My shirt was now hanging loosely exposing my bra to the air and I felt him quickly lose the shirt. As my hands traced his back his did the same, fiddling with the clasp of my bra till it was set free, I kissed the side of his neck, my tongue licking gently and sucking as he removed the bra to chuck it somewhere behind me. His hands traced round to my front as they moved over the peaks of my breasts, circling round them refusing to touch the nipple. Moaning into his neck I just sucked harder and slowly letting my hands wander to his belt.

I took my time undoing its clasp. Making him wait for every touch. His pants hung loose round his hips once I had pulled the belt from its place. Letting my hands wander in the gap it left it was his time to moan as I inched over the line of his boxers. Tracing down the side of my body, cupping over every curve, he made to move his hands inside my back pockets, pulling me closer to him by resting on my ass. Undoing his pants he undid my buttons and I let his drop. Stepping out of them Joel knocked me onto the bed and pulled mine away with m knickers as his weight hovered over me. Left naked I let him dispose of his boxers and he hovered over me, his weight this time coming to rest against my curves. Nodding I silently let him know it was ok to continue and leaning in for a kiss he entered me making me moan in pleasure as my hands gripped his shoulders.

My first time waking up next to Joel, it wasn't even explainable. Just the knowing he was there, sleeping soundly, and the knowledge of the night before creeping onto my smile. I turned over and looked out the window, the sun was shining into the room, made it feel so warm, it’s beating heat spreading over our limbs and tingling my skin. I lay with Joel’s legs entangled in mine and our hearts beating in sync as the warm glow from, not only last night but also, the sun made my smile brighter. I got up to go to the bathroom, sighing that I had to leave him here. Without me there to watch his every move, his ever breath. I washed my face and grabbed a towel by the sink, water cascading everywhere as I hurried to get back to I knew he was. "Nina?" I heard from the bedroom. His voice floating through the door and breaking through the noise of the bathroom. His voice was tentative and worried and I felt a pang that I wasn’t there to see him wake. "Yeah, I’m still here." I walked out of the washroom, and slid back into bed, my feet swinging under the covers and tangling once more with his. I looked into his worried eyes and silently laughed "What? You think I'd leave you? Again? Unless you want to leave me." And I mockingly made to leave but his hand grabbed me. With the sun beating down on both of us, Joel reached over and placed my hair behind my ear then came in close, his touch sent shivers down my spine; something totally different then I had with Benji, but it lit fire to my body making me want to spend every second with Joel. With his lips so near to my ear he whispered "I love you and I never want to let you go" he placed his arm around my waist, sliding it so it rested just above me ass and he held me tight. He placed his lips against mine, gently as I aimed to bite his lip. His lip so tender so sweet as they mixed with mine. Making me melt at his touch. "I don't know how I tolerate you,” he said, his voice mixed with laughter. I smiled at him but his lips came crashing down on mine and all words were lost in the loving kiss that so passionately captured my heart.