Thang: stuff, junk, and complete idiocy.

d/c: I do not own any of these characters, no profit was made, and my fingers are cold and hurting. *pouts*
A/N: Gee, this is a pathetic attempt at humour. Now I remember why I don’t write humour without help. And this is the cartoon team. And they’re all out of character, I think. Heehee!

[It was a nice sunny day, and the X-Men were trapped on an island in the middle of nowhere (a.k.a. the Pacific Ocean). While flying around the world on a bad-guy-seeking trip, hte Blackbird ahd broken down and none of then could fix it, so they had gently crash-landed on aforementioned island.]

Wolverine: *@!!$^*!

Cyclops: Oh, shut the @*$& up.

(They <Cyclops, Phoenix, Wolverine, Storm, Gambit, Rogue, Beast, and Jubilee> all get off the Blckbird in a hurry. Don’t ask why.)

Jubilee: (blinking) Wow, it sure is pretty here.

Phoenix: (worried) Don’t you think we should tell the professor where we are?

Cyclops: Yeah, you go do that, Jean. I’ll help. The rest of you, uh, go have a look around or something.

(Cyclops and Phoenix go back inside the Blackbird, leaving everyone else looking at each other blankly.)

Jubilee: ’Kay. Now what?

Wolverine: (glares at Blackbird as though he can see through the metal) Have a look around.

Jubilee: (pointing at a big metal thing behind the Blackbird) Hey, Beast! Wuzzat?

Beast: (jumps over to the machine) Fascinating.

(Cyclops and Phoenix come out of the Blackbird.)

Beast: (continuing) It appears to be a (pressing buttons) molecular—

(The machine makes a loud groaning noise, cutting Beast’s explanation off. There is a blinding flash. After the light is gone, the X-Men are standing there, but they appear... younger. Except Jubilee; she’s older. Beast is no longer furry... and stuff. Strangely enough, everyone’s clothing has changed. The guys are wearing your basic jeans-and-a-T-shirt routine, Wolverine with a plaid overshirt and Gambit with a leather jacket. Phoenix is in a “cute” Gap-esque ensemble, Storm is in designer jeans and a white cashmere sweater-vest, Rogue is wearing short denim cutoffsand a button-down crop top knotted in front (as opposed to buttoned), and Jubilee’s decked out with shorts, a tight black T-shirt, a plaid overshirt, and black fishnets over bright pink tights.)

Rogue: (attempts to take off) Ah— Ah can’t fly!!

Storm: (clutches head) I can’t feel the weather. I can’t feel... anything. NO!

Phoenix: (with eyes closed, apparantly in deep concentration) Scott, did you hear that?

Cyclops: (blankly) Hear what?

Phoenix: My thought.

Wolverine: (flicks wrist, appempting to pop claws out) Hey— where’d they go?

Beast (idly scratches the back of his hand) It seems that this... machine has transformed us into... seventeen-year-olds, I’d say, and nullified our mutations and the direct results of those. (gestures to Gambit, who has normal-enough brown eyes, and Storm, whose hair is a rich dark choclatey colour.) Fascinating.

Jubilee: I’m seventeen? Cool!

Wolverine: I can’t remember how long ago I was seventeen... No, I really can’t.

Cyclops: So what you’re saying is that our powers are gone? (he removes his visor and blinks) Neato. It’s not all glowy and red anymore.

Wolverine: (snorts) Idiot.

Gambit: (to Rogue) So, chere, now that you can touch... (leans over and whispers in her ear. Rogue blushed and nods.)

Rogue: (to the rest of the X-Men) If ya’ll excuse us fir a minute... (is dragged away by Gambit)

Wolverine: They won’t be back for a while.

(Jubilee giggles and Beast tries to ignore them all as he studies the machine.)

Phoenix: Scott and I are going to go... look for food.

Cyclops: We are?

Phoenix: Yes.

(Phoenix walks away and Cyclops follows like a good little trained wombat.)

Storm: Well... uhh... Why don’t the rest of us all stay here and help Beast?

(Wolverine leaves while Storm is still talking, tracking Phoenix and Cyclops.)

Storm: Come, Jubilee. (grabs Jubilee’s wrist and goes to look over Beast’s shoulder.)

(Cut to: Phoenix and Cyclops ate about to start making out when Wolverine leaps out of a bust and tackles Cyclops.)

Wolverine: WRAAAARGH!!!

Cyclops: Gah! Owwww! (cue fistfight)

Phoenix: (stands watching with her hands on her hips) What a mood killer.

(Cut to: Rogue and Gambit. Actually, it’s a big black nothingness and we’re listening in on a carefully edited version of their conversation to maintain the PG rating. ...Yeah.)

Gambit: Rogue?

Rogue: Yeah?

Gambit: ...What’s your real name, chere?

Rogue: Whatevah you want it ta be, sugah.

Gambit: Non, I’m serious.

Rogue: So’m I. Ah haven’t used mah real name in so long, Ah don’t remember it.

...

Gambit: Oh. What you t’ink of Mrs. LeBeau?

Rogue: Ah— ahre you proposin’, Remy?

Gambit: Naah. Just wonderin’.

(loud SMACK! noise. Rogue has just slapped him. on the face. ow.)

Gambit: Merde! What was dat for?

Rogue: (flatly) Guess.

Gambit: Can’t you take a joke, Rogue? O’ course I was proposin’. (quieter; Rogue doesn’t hear this) ’Cept the ring was in the pocket of my trenchcoat...

Rogue: ... ’M sorry, Rem.

Gambit: You still haven’t answered, chere.

Rouge: Yes... but we hafta under wraps for a while, Cajun. Ya got me?

Gambit: Yah, I understand.... An’ don’ hit me again.

(silence)

Rogue: But really, do you have any suggestions for a name?

(Cut to: Storm, Jubilee, and Beast. Beast is prodding The Machine, Jubilee is building a “sand fortress”, as she insists on calling it, and Storm is looking a tthe trees trying to stay sane without her mutant attunement to nature.)

Beast: Ah-HAH!

(Storm and Jubilee rush over.)

Storm: What is it, Hank?

Beast: (proudly) I have figured out how to change us back into out old selves.

Storm: (excitedly) Really? Good!!

Jubilee: (pouts) Are you sure I can’t just stay like this? Even if I don’t have my powers?

Storm: (sighs wearily) No, Jubilee, you may not.

Beast: (tentatively) If I may interrupt, ladies, mightn’t it be good if we go find the others?

Jubilee: Uhh, wouldn’t it be safer if we let them come to us?

(silence)

Storm: True.

(Time lapse: 3 hrs.)

(Cyclops and Wolverine stagger back to the Blackbird, followed by a rather indignant Phoenix.)

Jubilee: (looks up from the now-quite-magnificent sand fortress) What happened to you?

Phoenix: I’ll tell you later, Jubes, like maybe in a few years.

(Jubilee sneers at Phoenix and returns to her sand fortress.)

Cyclops: Gambit and Rogue’re still gone?

Wolverine: Didja really expect them to be back this soon, bub? I give ’em ’til midnight at least.

Cyclops: (blankly) Well, why shouldn’t they be back?

Wolverine, Phoenix, and Jubilee: (under his or her breath (we’ve gotta be politically correct here!)) Idiot.

Phoenix: C’mon, Scott, let’s get you cleaned up a bit.

(Phoenix leads Cyclops into the Blackbird. Wolverine glares at Cyclops until they move out of his line of sight.)

(Time lapse: several hours. An in, it’s now slightly past midnight.)

(Rogue and Gambit try to enter the Blackbird without being notices. They are most unsuccessful, unintentionally catching the attention of Wolverine, who is awake and periodically glowering in Cyclops’ general direction.)

Wolverine: (quietly) You two have fun?

(Rogue begins to giggle uncontrollably and Gambit turns an interesting shade of red and pretends to ignore Wolverine.)

Wolverine: (sniggers) I’ll take that as a yes.

(Rogue tries to stifle her laughter, only marginally successful. Gambit takes her by the arm.)

Gambit: C’mon, chere...

(Gambit leads Rogue to an unoccupied corner of the jet, where they begin an... intense... conversation. Wolverine proceeds to ignore them and glares at Cyclops, wishing he had his healing power back, if only to get rid of the annoying bruise on his backside.)

(Time lapse: several more hours. Morning now. Everyone-- with the exceptopns of Rogue and Gambit-- are basically awake.)

Wolverine: What I wouldn’t give for some coffee right now, eh?

Jubilee: (perkily) Speaking of coffee, why does Rogue seem to drink so much of it?

Beast: (shrigs) Insomnia?

Cyclops: Insomnee-yuh? Wuzzat?

Beast: (shakes head) Now I understand how the good professor could blackmail you with your grades.

Storm: (laughs softly. No, not giggles; she’s far too dignified to giggle.) How did you hear about that?

Beast: (winks) I hear a lot of things, Ms. Munroe.

Phoenix: (suddenly suspicious) Like what, Mr. McCoy?

Beast: (defensively) What do you care, Jean?

Jubilee: Break it up, people. (gosh, ya know something’s wrong when I’m the voice of reason) And doesn’t someone else think we should go wake Rogue and Gambit sometime soon?

Storm: uhm, yeah! Why don’t you do that, Jean?

Phoenix: (snottily) Alright then. (sneers at Beast and flounces into Blackbird)

(Gambit is blinking sleepily and toying with Rogue’s hair, as she’s still sleeping, with her head on his chest. He doesn’t notice Phoenix, as he’s still mostly asleep. Phoenix ducks back out.)

Jubilee: Well?

Phoenix: I couldn’t bear to disturb them. It’s so cute and sweet, ande... well, it’s not everyday you get your powers mysteriously nullified. Someone else can do it. I’d hate myself if you made me.

Jubilee: Oh. Well, I guess I couldn’t, either.

Storm: Nor I. Henry?

Beast: I cannot, myself being the only one here who can operate the machine-thing. What about you, Logan?

Wolverine: (thinks) I can’t believe I’m gettin’ allmushy over Rogue an’ the Cajun... (aloud) Naw, Scottie-boy’s the “leader.” He can go tell them that it’s time to go back to real life. (quieter) And get pounded to a bloody pulp for his trouble.

Cyclops: I was just about to volunteer!

Wolverine, Jubilee, Phoenix: (under breath) Idiot.

(Cyclops enters the Blackbird. Gambit and Rogue, both fully awake noe, halt their conversation quickly.)

Rogue: (sits up and smiles cheerfully) Mornin’, Scott.

Cyclops: (is momentarily confused, then shakes it off.) Come on, you guys, Beast figured out how to turn us back.

Rogue: No! Ah— no....

Gambit: (hugs Rogue gently) Chere, it’s gon’ be alright. An’ you knew he’d figure it out sooner of later.

Rogue: (looks up at him pleadingly) Do Ah have to, Remy?

Gambit: (nods solemnly) Oui.

(Gambit stands. Rogue rises reluctantly and they exit the Blackbird, leaving Cyclops standing there, baffled. Slowly, he follows Rogue and Gambit out.)

Wolverine: (to Rogue and Gambit) Glad t’see you two could join the party.

(Rogue glares darkly at Wolverine.)

Gambit: (also glaring at Wolverine) Shaddap, Logan. You’re not makin’ dis any easier.

Wolverine: I’m not trying to, Gumbo.

Rogue: One more smart remark like that, Logan, an’ so help me, Ah’ll kill you.

Wolverine: Not without yer powers, darlin’. An’ even then, healing factor, Rogue. I’l like t’see you try.

Rogue: Ah will. Hank--

Beast: As good as done, milady. (presses a sequence of buttons and the groany flash comes back. All X-Men are returned to normal... if one can call it that...)

Rogue: (realizes what she’s just done) NO! *@$^ you to $#!!, Wolverine! (proceeds to beat the %#@% out of him. Gambit helps.)

Phoenix: Stop it, you’re behaving like children! (uses her telekinesis to keep Rogue and Gambit away from Wolverine)

Rogue: Let me AT him, *@$^&#!!! (struggles violently, but fruitlessly)

Gambit: (attempting to calm down) ’S gon’ be alright, chere. Jus’... calm down.

(Rogue looks at Gambit with tears in her eyes. Suddenly, without provocation of any sort, she flings herself into his arms, sobbing on his trenchcoat and getting it all wet.)

Wolverine: (snorts) Heh, see, it did work.

Gambit: (glares at Wolverine, then resumes stroking Rogue’s hair and back. He leans close to her ear, whispering) Shhhh, Angelique, it be alright.

Storm: (disapprovingly) That was not necessary, Logan.

Cyclops: (angrily) What’s wrong with you, Wolverine? That was completely out of line.

Wolverine: (shrugs) Hey, it worked.

Beast: (dryly) I don’t think your... unorthodox methods were much appreciated.

Jubilee: Yeah, Wolvie, I mean, you didn’t have to make her cry.

(Wolverine growl-sighs in frustration.)

Phoenix: I think hte professor will have to have a talk with you when we get back, Logan.

Cyclops: Come on, team, let’s head home.

(everyone troops back into the Blackbird. Except Rogue and Gambit.)

Gambit: You gon’ be okay, Angelique?

Rogue: (sniffles, wipes at tears, and nods) Yeah.

Cyclops: Come on, you two! We haven’t got all day!

(Rogue and Gambit enter the Blackbird. The jet takes off and soars away.)

fin

A/N: for those of you who didn’t get it, Angelique was the name Rogue decided to use.

Further note: (big boomy Voice) Censored for your approval.