oh yeah, ive been meaning to do my cigarette review for ages, i said it to the girls ages ago, and then one night i was out with pecker, he made me buy marlboro lights when i went havles with him. and thats a good 3 weeks ago now, so here it is pecker (and maura, who claims to be my loyalist fan, hi ya maura) (i told her it was butler doh, just in case he complains!) this is in order of my preference, going from least prefered to MMM,foxy - Dont mind if this kills me
9 SILK CUT ULTRA these are the silver ones, they are just like smoking rolled up cotton wool, i dont know who would buy these, i was trying to give em up at the time, that was the only reason why. as dave says that i say TRIPE. 0/10
8 SILK CUT BLUE well these are'nt much better. these actually do more damage cos you have to give them a blow job just to get a tiny bit of smoke out of them. you know how im allways going round witrh yellow fingers? well i believe that that comes from the dodgy butt ends that silk cuts do have. in my opionoin onion RATING 2/10
7 CARROLS this is going back a long time now. the fisrt cigareete i ever smoked was wen i was 12 or so, i absolutely hated it, and i thought id never go near em again. (people from borris will know where this is) i was in 6th class in borris, and there was a couple of us behind the P.E hall at the end of the school, there was me, and brian moore and christy kavanagh and maybe paul carroll was there too. but anyway brian( who is an element of the local skanger population in the village) pulled out a box, and i was trying to be really cool so i had one. agh, it was horrible. RATING 4/10 PURELY FOR NOSTALGIA.
6 CAMELS LIGHTS yes, i remember liking these i got one or 2 boxes when i was in first year of collage with conor noone. there really nice, and there alll white so you wont get yer fingers browqn and people will think you stick em up your arse crack. bit expensive though. RATING 5/10
5 ROLLIES the rollies in question being CUTTERS CHOICE, i used to get these in first year with conor, i used to have to get him to roll mine for me cos i cant roll em for love nor money. pluses are that they are cheap, but minuses are that they dont have filters so yer seriously fucking up your lungs, and their quite strong too. oh yeah, conor had a habit of sticking OXO cubes in mine, which was great fun when i started talking to tinky winky and la la. RATING 5/10
4 MARLBORO LIGHTS in a survey we done, nine out of ten peckers prefer these to all else. ive allready mentioned that he got me to buy them on an night out in mollys, i got some a cuple days later cos i had to. what do i think? im not too immpressed, if i was on slk cut purple at the time they would probobly have gone down a treat, but since i wasnt, they werre a bit weak. still, you can feel somthing so ill give em 6/10
3 SILK CUT PURPLE these got me through last year (2nd) of collage, but i have to curse them also. and denise that i was living with last year. i had been trying hard all summer to get off the fags, and just about done it, when i ended up living with this seriouly foxy girl. well she used to come into my room and cuddle up with me on the bed, and then go on and BITCH about everthing under the sun, but i didnt really give a toss cos she was such a vixen. but anyway she'd be like " mmm, john, id
really like a ciggarette of you" and id say no, but id give her money to go halves and soon enough i was hooked again RATRING 7/10
2 BENSONS these are currently being used to shorten my earthly existence. after trying in vain to stop smoking for about 2.5 years, i have finnally given up and accepted the fact. and ended up and bensons cos i allways fancied them anyway. their really nice in a saddam hussein kind of way, but they arnt the real love of my life RATING 8/10
1 MAYFAIR BLUES ya, ive been on thee since i found out they were only 5 euros for 20. which, have now risen to 5.10 in the mach shop. i take persoal responsibility for that one. there a tiny bit less sttrong than bensons, but the price says it all. and i feal really cool cos im the only one round that has em. maybe its cos im such a cheap wanker. i dont really give a toss. RATING 9/10
OTHERS
MR GANTLEYS MAJORS once upon a time, when brian j,p, pecker maura went out for edels birthday, the lads found themselves in edels sitting room. and mr gantley being the nice socialble man that he is offered j.p a cigarrete. no says i, im teototal, trying to give em up, no, no no noooo. but he gave me one anyway, so thanks mr gantley. ps mrs gantley makes a lovely sunday dinner, i never gave her credit for it on these pages. OH YA,and mauras mothers breakfast, that was as sweet as 9 racoons mr gantleys cigarette was quite nice, but strong. cute but wrong 7/10
WACKY TOBACCY i dont do this shit before i go any further, but a lad has to try things, so i did. i would have said its overated at first but then i ended up trying to sing MR TAMBORINE MAN at a house party in 1st year. only conor noone told me i was singing MR GREEN TAMBORINE insread. oh well. its one of only 2 or 3 times, havnt gone near the stuff sicne, dont intend to eder RATING ah give 6/10
TAMPONS long story. house party........drunk.........silly........olan hodnet, a lad from from cork......bag of tampons on table........lighter.....in mouth........he he he. i actully think theres fotos of us round limerick in debbie mcdonalds house. but i wont say where that is.TAMPON RATING a very wooly 4/10
CIGARS not a fan. tTRIPE 0/10
THINK THATS ABOUT IT. if i remember anything else, youl have to ask me. while im on the subject, lately ive been sensing a sort of link between the warning i get on the boxes and how life is in general. i was really upset with life there a few days ago, and all i was getting on the boxes wasYOUR GOING TO HAVE A LONG PAINFULL DEATH, or SMOKING IS FUCKING UP
YOUR SPERM MISTER, andYOUR KNOB WILL FALL OFF ANY DAY NOW, SIR. But now that im quite cheerfull again the warnings are taking it easy on me. their saying things like DONT WORRY, YOUR DOCTOR WILL HELP YOU GIVE UP
(thanks, a helping hand is allways nice) or DONT SMOKE NEAR CHIDREN thats ok i said to myself, i love kids. the one i bought today now says SMOKING KILL THE PEOPLE ROUND YOU. well thats no concen of mine i said, i dont rewally care about the lot of em at all. except brian mind, he gives me a free lift tro limerick