|
AGUMBARU FESTIVAL
|
Relaxing after an (ALLEGED) excursion
to Egypt
|
Among us, unfortunately are people who live their life for the sole purpose of
showing
off to others. It is a pity that most of the time what is being shown off is not
actually worth showing off in the first place! Watu kama hawa I cannot stand! Na kuna wengi all over
the place and you are the gentlemen and ladies I cannot stand!! Usually I ignore you but
today I am afraid I will let slip the dogs of war. For instance take a lady who for the sake of
clarity and convenience we shall call Diva and
a gent who for convenience we shall call Olduvai Gorge (Discaliner:
Any relation to real or existing persons is accidental and
coincidental)
 If Diva (allegedly)
goes to say Egypt or Bahamas or Paris for holiday and upon your return
tell everyone, send mail to everyone, page everyone
and post that information on any message board close
at hand for all and sundry to see, WEWE NI MALKIA WA AGUMBARU!
Perhaps you were in Egypt because your sorry person was deported there!
If additionally Diva proceeds to belittle those who have never
had the privilege of leaving the country for holiday, YEYE NDIYE
THE EPITOMIZATION OF AGUMBARUHOOD
If Olduvai Gorge
has three cell phones, one for personal calls, one
for business calls and one for wrong numbers, yeye ni
AGUMBARU
If Olduvai Gorge
carries the above mentioned phones all clipped to the same
poor belt and proceed to tuck in his shirt and
coat so everyone sees them, thine is an exceptionall AGUMBARU
if you say anything
like "My phone/car/computer can do ... can yours?" BADO WEWE NI
AGUMBARU!
If Gorge drives
his father's/brother's/mother's/buddie's car pretending that it is
yours with the top down, five miles an hour, so everybody seez
ya basi huyo ni AGUMBARU!
Ukiishiwa sabuni and
you, Diva, rush to the kitchen for dishwashing fluid, guess
what -- you are an AGUMBARU
If Diva still has
pyjama parties where she sit around with her girls, eat queen
cakes and drink Quencher straight from the bottle and
gossip all night about people, she is STILL
AN AGUMBARU!
If you speak your
mother tongue, English, French, etc when there is at least one
person present amongst you who does not understand it and you
insist on doing this without good reason, WEWE, MWANAGU, NI AGUMBARU
Ikiwa you insist
on ending every sentence with "know wharram sayin'" and I know jolly
well that you grew up swinging from trees in Musa Gitau Primary School,
Mtoto wa Mungu bado wewe ni AGUMBARU!
If in your speech
after every word you feel you must insert a variety of three, four
and five letter words my guy you're AGUMBARU DAMU!
|
|
|
AGUMBARU THE SECOND: This Could Be You
|
[email protected] & Olduvai Gorge doing nothing as is programmed by nature
|
[email protected] & Olduvai Gorge Whoever the hey you are, I can assure you that the sea bed
is considerably higher than the level of esteem I hold you in! I cannot understand what makes a grown
adult obsessed of at least one brain cell to assume that we all share his or her interests! I object
strongly to receiving mail containing nothing but dubious pictures contain individuals of
even more dubious characters engaged in still more dubious activities! I say, YOU may be gutter
minded and you are perfectly entitled to admire that art in peace but not all of us would like to
participate in your celebration of nature! Especially if you send CRAP THAT WAS NOT
ASKED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE I refuse to entertain SPAM that I HAVE NOT AND DO NOT INTEND
TO ASK FOR
|
| Powered by Chapo & Beef Stew® |
|
