The Stones Of Kenya support group (SOK) yesterday served notice to the Government that it was it to court. "We are sick and tired of those fellers forever saying that 'no stone will be left unturned' whenever there are crimes or assassination or other such dubious activities in Kenya," said spokesman Njoki Mawe.
"It is insulting for the names of innocent stones to come up whenever there are such activities in Kenya. It is simply ludicrous", regional chairman (Nairobi), Austin Jiwe observed. "There is no possible justification for our members to be turned or otherwise disturbed whenever such developments occur. I shall resist it to my last pebble", a member who chose to introduce himself as "The Rock" said passionately.
An innovative new firm, MASAA (Ministerial Activity Support, Assistance and Aid) began business yesterday. The managing director, Grate B. Hind explains: "I realized that there was a niche opportunity in the making. My studies have revealed that on average a new minister is appointed every fifteen minutes, and there was need to train prospective ministers on what to expect once they are on the payroll of the government. For instance we issue Ministerial Appointment Kit, Code 091879BWH that is issued to a minister as soon as he is appointed. The kit includes a pocket radio with an automatic timer that switches it on automatically for the lunch time news, a stupid smile for use during press conferences (when not understanding a thing), a knowledgeable and intelligent look for use during meetings with dignitaries and a 1litre jar of petroleum jelly, to be used to -ha ha! - kiss behinds."
Upon inquiring on the clientele, Mr. Hind confessed "Business is booming. In addition to most of the current MPs serving, there are also some ambitious individuals who are hoping to be nominated into the parliament."
In a response to the changing needs of the modern world, there has come a need to introduce more vocabulary to allow for more effective communication. Among the new phrases was Kihika Kimani, which now means an extremely uncouth, backward, homo habilis cretin. This phrase was welcomed by Kenyans across the board.
"I have for a long time needed such a metaphor to express myself", a clergyman was heard to say. "It is very hard in particular for us men of God who are unable to say 'why that [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] jackass'. This makes things much easier for us and our flocks."
An english teacher yesterday admonished his students for using insensitive terms and foul language in their essays. "I can't understand how these ignorant hardheaded billy goats keep introducing such bloody language in their essays," the teacher, who wished to remain anonymous, said. "Perhaps the stupid gene is prevalent in their gene pool because in my day I certainly didn't use such bullshit terms in my vocabulary."
He was later heard to refer to the students as a bunch of "hairy backsides". The school for which the teacher works refused to comment.
Sign
Guestbook  RETURN
TO THINKER'S ROOM
View
Guestbook |
|---|