THE ROOKIE HATIN' CHARTER A.K.A. the charter previously known as THE ROOKIE CHARTER
Adopted 2001
All rookies are to abide to the rules of this charter. If they do not, they are to be demoted. But since Rookie is as low as you can be, that would be impossible. So they become more Rookie-ish. Somehow, that�s worse.
Article I- All Rookies are to be referred to by this title. They should refer to themselves in the third person, calling himself or herself �Rookie.� They are to respond to anyone who calls �Rookie,� or their original name. If someone refers to them by their original name, they must correct them, someway saying that they are a Rookie, not a pro or any rank higher.
Article II- All Rookies have the right to freedom of speech, opinion, and liberty.
Article III- Rookies may not speak unless spoken to by a higher rank. If they are spoken too by another Rookie, then neither Rookie may talk unless a higher rank comes over so as to supervise their conversation.
Article IV- Section 1. Rookies may not imitate anyone, whether they are of higher or equal rank without their permission. This permission must be granted via signed permission slip.
Section 2. Rookie permission slips don�t exist, but that�s too bad for Rookies.
Article V- All Rookies have the right to bear arms, but nothing more.
Article VI- All Rookies are banned the right to bear arms.
Article VII- Insubordination, the act of not being subordinate, will be promptly punished. Rookies are, fortunately, protected under the US constitution, but in turn, they must abide by its rules. The Constitution decrees that all Rookies must be subordinate at all times, and cannot get out of control. A reckless Rookie is to be quickly reprimanded.
Article VIII- Section 1. Rookies may not laugh, it�s disrespectful.
Section 2. Rookies may not talk under their breath, it�s disrespectful.
Section 3. Rookies may not whisper, it�s disrespectful.
Section 4. Rookies may not think about performing any of the above actions, it's disrespectful.
Section 5. Rookies may not be disrespectful, it�s disrespectful.
Article IX- Article II only applies for Rookies with a note.
Article X- Rookies mayn�t have notes.
Article XI- Rookies must have their ID cards at all times. To not own an ID card is to be disrespectful, and Rookies aren�t disrespectful. This provides an exception to Article V.
Article XII- Rookies may not go to IHOP, the International House of Pancakes.
Article XIII- Section 1. Rookies must be in by 7 in the post meridiem, according to their curfew.
Section 2. This does not apply to Rookies by the name of John, who must be in by 6.
Article XIV- Section 1. Rookies are to be punished and reprimanded as higher-ups see fit. There are numerous legal ways in which this can be done. These are section 2 of Article XIV. If a Rookie doesn�t accept their punishment, they are to be punished.
Section 2. The following Rookie punishments are legal
- Saying �no� and shaking ones head in a horizontal fashion towards the improper Rookie
- The Rookie is pointed at and laughed at
- Shaking Fist
- Kidney Shots
- All other punishments.
Article XV- Rookies do not need to know the reason behind Non-Rookies' reasoning.
Article 16- [Adopted 2001, Repealed 2002]
Group D Rookies are aces or higher, despite any contradicting claims.
Article 17- [Adopted 2001]
All Rookies are banned from watching "The Emperor's New Groove."
Article 18- [Adopted 2001]
High Ace's can violate this charter as they see fit with no repercussions. The Rookie charter, after all, applies specifically to Rookies.
Article 19- [Adopted 2001]
The ripping, tearing, spindling, folding, paper-plane making, mutilating, or intense reading of this treaty by any Rookie is strictly forbidden, and is considered disrespectful, as well as insubordinate (Refer to Articles VII and VIII). This obviously yields Rookie punishments. Not only this, but any Rookie who violates this will be a Rookie forever!
Article 20- [Adopted 2002]
The name GirlACE is not an Ace name. Not only that, but it is a Rookie name! Don't be fooled by those who want you to believe that they are Aces; meanwhile, they use names like GirlACE. Because this can happen, the name GirlACE automatically translates directly into Rookie. Like this... BAM. Rookie. Not Girl Rookie, not Rookie Ace, Rookie. Watch out, for someday even implying that GirlACE is an Ace name may lead to ones becoming a Rookie.
Article 21- [Adopted 2002]
Implying that GirlACE is an Ace name will lead to one�s becoming a Rookie.
Article 22- [Adopted 2002]
Anyone caught saluting or trying to imitate an Ace (we say try because a proper imitation of an Ace is impossible by anyone who is not an Ace) becomes a Rookie.
Article 23- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. Ninjas are not and cannot be Rookies.
Section 2. Rookies are not and cannot be Ninjas.
Article 24- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. Those horrid-names-that-we-know-what-they-are-and-are-only-implied-by-the-most-horrid-of-phrases must never be said by a Rookie in the presence of an Ace.
Section 2. Aces are omnipresent beings, so are always present, as they are connected to the Force and are Ninjas
Article 25- [Adopted 2002]
All Aces are Ninja Jedi, or Ninj�di.
Article 26- [Adopted 2002]
The Charter once known as the Rookie Charter will now be titled the Rookie HATIN' Charter, as it will lead to wide spread confusion and disarray.
Article 27- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. An Ace owns and is able to use any weapon he chooses at any point in time.
Section 2. Some suggestions are:
- Words
- Imaginary Lightsabers
- Real Lightsabers
- Nailguns
- Redeemers
- Staplers (both thrown and fired (fired includes firing staples or firing the stapler with a staplerifle))
Article 28- [Adopted 2002]
All High Aces are High Aces or higher, despite any contradicting claims.
Article 29- [Adopted 2002]
All Articles can have one and only one exception, except for Article 29, which can have many exceptions.
Article 30- [Adopted 2002]
All Rookies are subject to sunction by any Ace whenever deemed necessary. This is known as the policy of stare �ises. Anyone unaware of the definition of sunction is to be subject to complete and utter sunction.
Article 31- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. In times deemed necessary, High Aces have the right to practice, but not abuse, bi� jurisdiction. The practice of such calls for the support of two members, rather than the typical required majority required of the Committee of Aces, to pass the matter at hand.
Section 2. bi� jurisdiction may be used in matters of determining "L" factor; promoting Rookie- and Ace- -ness, amendments to the charter, and other matters that are randomly deemed necessary through bi� jurisdiction.
Article 32- [Adopted 2002]
The sixteenth Article of the Rookie Hatin' Charter is hereby repealed.
Article 33- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. Rookies may not wear smocks, so they paint on their clothes.
Section 2. Rookies may not enjoy hammocks.
Article 34- [Adopted 2002]
Rookies are no longer allowed to view numbers in scientific notation, or use powers of ten, as it proves hazardous to Aces.
Article 35- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. All Thursdays are hereby known as "ACE-Thursdays." During such days, Aces celebrate their proximity to Ace-ness by participating in that day�s event.
Section 2. Not participating in the events for an extended period of time can result in the suspension, but not expulsion, from the rank of Ace.
Article 36- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. All Aces can blink out the Rookie Hatin' Charter
Section 2. All non-Aces cannot blink out the Rookie Hatin' Charter
Section 3. If a Rookie tries to blink out the charter, he is to be reprimanded by every Ace present with their yelling "failure." If the Rookie tries again, he may be hit or punished in some other fashion that is like hitting.
Article 37- [Adopted 2002]
Section 1. Article XI of The Rookie Hatin' Charter is to be broken into two sections; the latter of the two to keep the requirement of ID cards, and in the place of the former it is to be known that Article 37, Section 2 has been declared.
Section 2. Aces- of both the Standard and High rank- Pros, Experts, Veterans, Adepts, Novices, and in extraordinary cases, even those of neutral rank are the official defenders of the Rookie Hatin� Charter, making sure every Rookie abides by all of its provisions.
Article 38- [Adopted 2003]
Section 1. While it is preferred that all ACE-Thursdays are celebrated by a specific event, it is accepted that not choosing an event for any particular ACE-Thursday is indeed choosing an event. Not declaring a specific event is the choice of Aces to represent that the day by being lazy, undercover, lethargic, indolent, sluggish, tired or wearing invisible hats. All of these events need not be declared, and are to be assumed under the following circumstances:
- No specific event was declared in advance,
- Safety precautions deemed necessary by Aces prohibit the announcing of an ACE-Thursday�s event, or
- Individually; if an Ace was not able to receive word of the day�s event due to slight glitch in the Ace�s communication network.
Section 2. Any person of neutral rank obsessively inquiring as to what a particular ACE-Thursday is being represented by is to subjected to sunction, as per Article 30, and made a Rookie providing there are no irregular circumstances.
Section 3. Any Rookie who dares to question what the event of a particular ACE-Thursday is, what ACE-Thursday is, or what the date is may be punched and/or drop-kicked in the elbow for every syllable in the question asked.
Article 39- [Adopted 2003]
Section 1. It is the duty any ranked person to carry out his or her own part in controlling and disciplining Rookies. Failing to do so will result in an unjust trial of peers during the course of which demotion or expulsion from ranks is a possibility. These duties are outlined in the remainder of this 39th amendment.
Section 2. Aces are the ultimate keepers of the peace, the lawmakers, keepers and reviewers of the great Rookie Hatin�. They have the power to bestow ranks upon others, and are to maintain order over Pros, Experts, Veterans, Adepts, Novices, and of course, Rookies.
Section 3. Pros are the penultimate keepers of the peace. They are to abet Aces and other Pros in there Rookie disciplining efforts. Those who may share a true passion for Rookie Hatin� yet do not want the recognition or duties that accompany the title of Ace serve the society just as well as there Ace brethren through there own ways. They are to maintain order over Experts, Veterans, Adepts, Novices, and of course, Rookies
Section 4. It is the duty of Experts, Veterans, and Adepts to aspire to move up the rank ladder and accomplish their goals through harming and chastising Rookies. They are to maintain order among themselves, Novices, and of course, Rookies.
Section 5. Novices have the important duty of keeping the standard for which the common Rookie aspires to reach well beyond their grasp. A faithful Novice is well on his or her way to becoming a full-fledged Ace. Their responsibilities do not entail maintaining order over Rookies through direct action.
Article 40- [Adopted 2003]
Any group that has hostile feelings towards The Rookie Hatin� Society as governed by this document can just as well call themselves �Group of Rookies. These groups are to be subject to utter sunction unless they willingly, with no coercion of any sort, make amends with Rookies Haters. Rookie Haters are, after all, very peaceful and do their best to avoid any type of conflict.
Article 41- [Adopted 2003]
Section 1. All Aces have the right to declare any song their individual driving song at anytime. There may be multiple driving songs per vehicle, and multiple vehicles per songs. Aces are encouraged to have mutual driving songs.
Section 2. In order to be eligible for driving song status, a song must be heard three times by Aces while driving, regardless vehicle, or two times by unintentional succession. The latter is grounds for instantaneous driving song status, assuming of course that this is the in accordance with the wishes of present Aces.
Section 3. When a driving song is played, the song must be played at sound levels superior to those that a normal song is played at. An Ace may roll down their windows too (weather permitting) to help show their incredible Ace-ness.
Section 4. Any Rookie caught enjoying a driving song may be hit in the ear with a pen or pencil, then subjected to other forms of sunction.
Article 42- [Adopted 2003]
In order for someone to be eligible for Ace status, they must first come up with their own Ace name without imploring for help from other people, namely Aces. An Ace may offer help, but the only actual duty one has set upon them in their becoming an Ace is to come up with an Ace name by themselves. It really isn�t too hard. Regardless, if one is nominated for Ace status, but fails to come up with a name in the proceeding fourteen days or two weeks, the later of the two, will have to be re-nominated if they still wish to become an Ace. It should be recognized by all Ace candidates that not coming up with a name that only has the requirement of including the word Ace in it might be viewed as a strike against that potential candidate.
Article 43- [Adopted 2004]
ACE Thursday�s are only official when they regard something tangible. Action days are unofficial due to the difficulty involved with carrying them out. Not only that, but actions do not spread Rookie Hatin� as much as something apparent to even the most casual observers, sans Rookies. Also, for the benefit of all Ace�s, ACE Thursday�s should be announced no later than Tuesday night, to allow a full day for the message to spread. Any ideas that are thought of after Tuesday night may not be initiated as ACE Thursday until the following week, unless word can be spread to all Ace�s of the upcoming event. It is the duty of every Ace to make sure all other Ace�s they know are aware of the pending day.
Article 44- [Adopted 2004]
Ace Parties should not occur less than annually, but may occur as often as infinite-annually, or infinnually.
Article 45- [Adopted 2004]
Section 1. The rank of High Ace is hereby eliminated as a power wielding position, and only is to be issued as an honorary title. This is to save former High Ace�s from being unknowing hubris-ed into less prominent positions. All Ace�s will henceforth wield equivalent power in decisions that were formally only in the hands of High Ace�s.
Section 2. If Section 1 leads to strife amongst Ace�s, founding Ace�s can declare emergency power for as long as it takes to restore order, as per the great planning of the French tyrant Charles DeGaul.
Article 46- [Adopted 2005]
Section 1. According to empirical data provided by Aces, the earlier one goes to bed, the later one will get up. For the few Aces for whom this isn�t the case, we request you condition your body to abide by the empirical data.
Section 2. Rookies my not sleep on Wednesdays, neither in the AM or the PM. If the Rookie bodies deny said request, they will be subject to utter sunction. For liabilities sake, blame will be placed on a randomly chosen Rookie, unless of course liability entails gloating.
Section 3. Sunction-gloating prompted by this infraction is NOT subject to the plight of hubris.
