part 1
That was the plan.
The plan was for everyone to die, everyone, that is, except for Timothy. Timothy was the mastermind behind the plan, and he wasn't even that smart. In fact, he's rather stupid. Yet he had come up with the procedure of ultimate destruction on his own... with the help of a used chemistry textbook that he didn't understand a word of, except the sentence that clearly stated oxygen is flammable. The sentence was "Oxygen is flammable." He did know how to read.
He was also very lucky. When he was a kid, he was always finding money on the ground. We're not talking chump change here, he was finding twenties and blank checks all over the place.
Timothy wasn't even very evil at all. He just didn't like people. People loved him. When he would tell them he hated human interaction, they would reply, "Yes, people are rather infuriating, aren't they? How very observant of you. You are so intriguing. You must tell me more of your thoughts over lunch some time." And they'd follow him around and ask inane questions like "How does the number of fingers on our hands affect the economy?" and "What is the relationship between bees and stomach growls?" and "Why are you walking away?" Timothy hated people. He especially hated their pride for being people. Humans were not things to be proud of.
One day, a couple weeks ago, his luck coincided with his disappointment in the human race. He was walking along in the woods, whistling happily. He wasn't happy because it was such a beautiful day and the birds were singing and the flowers perfumed the air. Never. He was happy because there wasn't another human in sight. In fact, he had no special love for nature. It was all right, he supposed, but it wasn't necessary. He didn't stop to consider the fact that he was a product of nature. He didn't have deep thoughts like that. Hunger and avoiding people were his only concerns.
Anyway, he was whistling. He wasn't very good at it, but then again he wasn't musically inclined in the least. So he didn't mind being a bad whistler. He didn't care if any of those idiot people condescended him for it.
...He was whistling! And then he passed a small metal door which apparently opened into a cavern under a mountain. The door had a sign on it. The sign went like this:
DO NOT OPEN THIS DOOR! INSIDE IS A LARGE AMOUNT OF PURE OXYGEN, AND IF YOU ARE DUMB ENOUGH TO OPEN THE DOOR AND LET THE OXYGEN OUT, THE ATMOSPHERE WILL BECOME SO FLAMMABLE THAT ONE MATCH COULD INCINERATE EVERYTHING ON THE SURFACE OF THE PLANET. SO DON'T OPEN THE FLIPPIN' DOOR!
-THE MANAGEMENT
Even Timothy could understand the implications of opening the door. But if you remember how the story went, he walked right by the door. He didn't even see it.
Luck, intuition, whatever it was, it made him turn around and go back to the door he didn't see. He was actually staring at the door for quite a while before he actually figured out what he was looking at was a door. And then he saw the sign, and almost didn't read it because it had obviously been made by humans. Stupid humans.
But he did read it, and understood it because it was quite clear. Then he completely disregarded it and kept walking. He passed another door. This door also had a sign on it. The sign went like this:
IN CASE OF THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE CATCHING FIRE, OPEN THIS DOOR, STEP INSIDE, AND SHUT IT QUICKLY. IN FACT, TRY TO DO THIS BEFORE THE AIR IS BURNING. YOU WILL BE QUITE ABLE TO SURVIVE HERE FOR MANY YEARS. THANK YOU.
-THE MANAGEMENT