THE DRESS- By far this is the most important thing to a girl in the prom months. Sorry guys. The dress shopping experience is one of the most wonderful times any girl ever has. Sorry again guys. But I think it is only this way for some girls like the ones who laugh after everything they say whether it's funny or not. And I know every school has at least 5 really extreme ones and they all hang around together and somehow manage to get into the same classes and sit in the back corner laughing the whole fucking time you're trying to do your English. But we love these girls and never want to whack them in the head or anything, so let's move on. Most girls, not just those 5 that can't keep their mouth shut, love to look for the perfect dress. They love to drive their little cars down to the mall with their little cheery friends and buy the $400 dress from Macy's. But they can only buy it after scouring the entire mall. So after they have thrashed the dress sections and the dressing rooms and frazzled the people that work there, the people like myself come in. We are the people that go into Sears and buy a $35 dollar dress that looks better than anything they could have spent their $500 allowance on. You wear the thing for one night, not the rest of your damn life... It doesn't make any sense because I don't think the guys really give a damn what the girls have on, they just want to take it off. They may say you look nice but they are really thinking, "She'd look better in my sheets."
THE TUXEDO- They go in, they get measured, they rent it, they go to prom, they wash it, they take it back. Not much more I can say there.
THE GETTING READY- This is another thing that gets the girls all in a frenzy. They have to do their hair, their make-up, get dressed, and on and on and on. But they can't do this all in the simplicity of their own home. About 50 of them all pack their 10 pound bag of stuff and head to a friend's house. This can get a bit crowded. You got about half the school in one house trying to get ready with dresses all over the place, make-up spilled everywhere, and those five damn girls that won't shut up. Not that everyone else is quiet, but these girls are about 15 decibels higher than the rest, put together. So since all the girls are together, this means that the dates, who got ready 15 minutes before, get to pick them up at one place. This can be good or bad depending on whether or not the parents are going to be there.
THE PICK-UP- I would say this is about the absolute worst thing about prom. When you have parents, you have pictures. And so MANY MANY of them. All the 80 parents of all the kids want pictures. And each family has about 3 different cameras. They need to be sure to get every combination of kids they can get. And not only do they need every combination, they like to take three or four of the same combo's at different spots. "Let's take it in front of the tree, that would be nice. Or how about the fireplace? That would be nice too. Well, I don't know, what do you think dear?" Then the husband replies, "Well, I don't know. I think both would be great. Let's do both!" Kids, hope your parents aren't the picture type. Another great photo op is the horrible corsage and boutonniere drill. It seems that the ladies can never get the damn thing on the guys and so all the mothers have to put down their cameras (oh no!) and put the thing on the guy. You can always tell that the guy is uncomfortable. I would be too if I had my date's mom touching me all over the place trying to pin a nice little eight dollar flower on my jacket. But oh well, that's the way it goes.
THE PROM- The last step of the night. The prom never seems to be as much fun as you think it's going to be. But hey, when you've wasted all your energy doing all the things before, what do you expect?
Thanks, folks, you were great.