First appearing in the River City Gender Alliance Transformer , October 2000:

The following is a transcript of a conversation Patient # 5060757 was heard having with self, while undergoing treatment at the Regional Center. Patient was monitored while in solitary confinement.

Voice 1: I suppose we should make an apology to the group.

Voice 2: Why? Did you break wind at the last meeting?

Voice 1: Absolutely not! I just feel like we�re providing a double standard to other members. That�s all.

Voice 2: What double standard? What are you on about?

V1: It�s like this. We�re always encouraging other members to get out more, to get more active in the entire GLBT community. You know, to help themselves, and to help all of us. But when the end of the meeting comes, we�re the first one out the door to go to the club.

V2: Yeah? And�?

V1: Well, I think we need to be more proactive in helping some of the other members get out. You know, invite them along with us to the bars, or just drive around. Or failing that, staying and talking more with people. Some of those girls are awfully shy, and we�re not helping.

V2: I�m sorry. You lost me at the word �proactive�. What kind of BS is this? The bars are all public places. No-one�s telling them not to go.

V1: But some of them are too scared to leave the room!

V2: What?! They�re all adults. Do you need to hold their hands?

V1: You forget. When we were starting out, we were invited out.

V2: Yeah, and we wanted to go. Maybe some of the other members don�t want to go out. Ever think of that? Ever consider the possibility that not everyone wants to hang around in smoky, loud, crowded bars? Maybe that�s not their idea of fun. Everyone knows where we�re going. If they want to go there, they�ll go there. Stop treating other people like children.

V1: But what if they�re too afraid to go?

V2: Listen. If someone wants something bad enough, they�ll overcome their fears and get it. Now stop being a chowder-head, and help me finish this crossword puzzle.

V1: But by helping them to get out into a more mixed crowd, we�re helping them grow as a person. And once they�re grown, they�ll turn around and help other people. Like at the Pride Festival, or at National Coming Out Day.

V2: Ooooh, listen to Ms. High �n Mighty. �Helping others help themselves.� Well, isn�t that special.

V1: Yes, it is special, because that�s the way of the world. The strong help the weak. The old teach the young. It�s the basis of every civilized society. Other members of the group helped us when we were young, and it�s our duty to return that favor.

V2: I�m not getting through to you, am I? Not everyone is like us. We�re single. Other members are married. Ever think about that? Maybe that�s why they can�t go to the bar, because they�re already pushing their luck just sneaking out to a meeting!

V1: Yes, and by going out more, they�ll learn more about themselves, and perhaps be educated and confident enough to share their secret with the spouse.

V2: Yeah, and what happens when they start to believe that getting dressed and partying is all fun and games, and a much better life than what they have? Are we going to be around to pick up the pieces when Hubby comes home and announces he wants SRS because he had soooo much fun dancing the night before? Stop forcing your own development on other people and let folks grow up at their own pace.

V1: Well, I just think we need to be a little more supportive of other members.

V2: What�s a 7-letter word for �unwelcome guest�, that starts with a B?

V1: Ummmmmm�.

V2: I got it, �butinski�.