Whatever you can do I can do better!
[The camera opens up upon a fence. There is garbage and other junk behind it. A sign is hanging on the fence, and it says WeWA. Standing in front of the fence is Dexter Toodle, an apprentice of the WeWA. Basically, his job is to interview all the hostile wrestlers and save the veteran interviewers the hospital bill. This guy looks like a real loser, with tight jeans and a skin tight white shirt. He has a pocket protector, and wears the thick black glasses. He has the screechy type of voice, and is basically the epitome of a true nerd.] [From a nearby stereo Falling Away From Me by KoRn starts playing.] Dexter Toodle: Thank you very much. I've been given quite a guest here today. Please welcome Alastor Stonewall! [Stonewall walks out and stands about 5 feet away from Dexter, so as to not have to smell his horrible stench. The stereo playing Falling Away From Me is turned off. Dexter points to his microphone, signaling that Stonewall will have to talk into it. Stonewall holds up his right hand, showing a microphone of his own. Dexter sighs, and begins to talk.] Dexter Toodle: (In a whisper) Whoa, your big. (Normal volume) Anyway, you are here today to answer a few of my questions, are you not? Stonewall: Jeez, I would hope so. I don't drive out to the middle of nowhere to chat with dicks like you... [The camera pans back and forth, to show that the rest of the place is nothing but a barren desert. There are two limos parked in the distance, but nothing else. Occasionally, a tumble weed blows by to spice up the atmosphere.] Dexter Toodle: Now be nice, this is gonna be aired to all the little WeWA fans out there! [Stonewall picks Dexter up by the scruff of the neck and gets face to face with him.] Stonewall: Look, its late! I don't wanna be here, I don't like you, and most of all, I don't wanna smell you! Take a bath once in a while you scumbag! Maybe then you'll actually get some attention once in a while! [Stonewall drops Dexter. Dexter collects himself and stands up. He sniffs his armpits, then shrugs and continues.] Dexter: Alright, alright. I get the picture. Anyway, what do you have to comment about Tito's latest words? Stonewall: Well, although he didn't say much about me, I've still got a few things to say about his sorry ass. Once again, I had to read a damn transcript because of his horrible speaking language. Thanks for the info about John's mothers death. I think I'll keep that idea fresh in my mind. You see, this little toy may just come in handy... [Stonewall holds up a chainsaw that was laying beside him. He then also grabs a stuffed moose and holds it up.] Stonewall: Tito, John, meet Harry. Harry the moose. In terms of physical looks, he could be John's twin. However, that is not the case. This thing was bought at a local dollar store, for about $5.00. What a ripoff I might add, a dollar store selling a stuffed moose for $5.00. Back to the main subject, see this chainsaw? It's the same one I would plan on bringing to our little matchup this Thursday. Now, before I do the envitable, let's see what Harry Moose has to say... [The camera zooms in and the sound reception device is turned up full blast.] Harry Moose: .............................................................................................................. Stonewall: What was that? Harry Moose: ........... help ..... me...... John...... Tito........ Stonewall's........ sick.......... and........ twisted........ Stonewall: Oh well, no sense in waiting for a stuffed moose to talk, because it can never happen. Now watch as I demonstrate the coming events of this Thursday! [Stonewall revs up the chainsaw, and the microphone's volume is turned down. Stonewall sets Harry Moose down on a prop stool, on his belly. Stonewall begins to slowly bring the chainsaw down.] Stonewall: Let's count down Tito and John! 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 0! [The chainsaw connects with the moose's head, and stuffing begins to fly everywhere. The head begins to detach as the chainsaw buzzes. Eventually, a clean cut is made. Stonewall shuts off the chainsaw, sets it down, and holds up the head in his right hand (along with the microphone), and the body in his left. Dexter Toodle looks on with wide eyes.] Stonewall: See the example I made of Harry? Just a preview, because John's turn will come soon enough! However, Tito, you will be first. Because, to get to John, I must get through you. There is no doubt in my mind the match will come down between us 1 on 1, so I know I must get through you. The task will not be grueling, not at all. After taking a look at your stats, I have realized that you weight the same as me, but are a full 3 inches shorter. So, expect to feel the full brunt of my vicious DDT's, piledrivers, and more. However, I will let you find out the rest first-hand on Thursday. And after I beat you and the rest of those lazy slobs, you already know the first thing I'll do with John. However, I plan on adding salt to the wound... [Stonewall puts the moose head and body down for a minute and takes out a lighter. He picks up the moose head, and ignites it, and then ignites the body. Stonewall then tosses them at Dexter Toodle, who quickly tosses the burning doll parts away. The camera pans to stare upon the burning balls of fluff for 15 seconds, and then turns back to Stonewall.] Stonewall: Hahaha. That's really funny, isn't it?! Man, I simply cannot WAIT to do that to John on Thursday! Dexter Toodle: Uh Stonewall... you've still barely touched upon the subject of Tito himself. You've been ranting and raving about some dumb stuffed moose. Stonewall: Who is the one being interviewed here!? Shut up or you'll end up like the moose! Anyway, I guess I should now say a few things about just Tito. So, what's your plan? You can make a lot of baby talk, but I've never seen you wrestle, once. So, you have not ONE shred of my respect. And you should feel great about that, because not many people even have that much. I may hold a tiny shred of respect for my former "business partner", but that's a different story. Dexter Toodle: I hope you don't mind me interrupting, but who in the hell is this former "business partner" you keep talking about? Stonewall: God dammit, how many times do I have to tell everyone, you all will know when the time is right! He knows who he is, and let's just say this, he is playing dumb. He has not referred to me once, maybe he forgot, maybe he is scared, but one thing's is for sure. He will remember before the month is out. Dexter Toodle: What do you mean, "He will remember before the month is out."? Stonewall: I mean exactly that. Anyway, back to Tito. Let's get one thing straight, I don't care what you think, you will be eliminated, not me. I am ready and able to take you out in a 1 on 1 match. And just like me, your not hardcore, and listen to my previous interviews to see my opinion on hardcore wrestlers, so that should make the match all the more interesting. However, the ending cannot be changed. You, me. My AVALANCHE (Inverted Death Valley Driver), you on cement, me covering. Ref counting 1... 2... 3! Me winner, you loser. Do you grasp that concept? I hope you have. Because once you come to grips that you will lose to me, you can prepare to lose. It's something all my opponents have prepared for anyway, because taking a Stonewall loss can be painful or painless. You can lay there and sob your eyes out, or you can pick yourself out, walk over to me, kiss my feet, say "Yes Stonewall, you are the better wrestler", and walk home to mommy and cry your eyes out. Dexter Toodle: Onto a different subject, Snake Eyes, the World Champion, commented for roughly twelve seconds about what you said about hardcore wrestlers. Care to respond? Stonewall: Alright, I was gonna touch on that anyway. Now, I'm no idiot. I know not to mess with the World Champion two days into a federation. I'll put it this way Snake Eyes, just like me, you don't give a s--- about the fans. Good for you. As for your wrestling style, once again, I've not seen you wrestle. If I see that your only pretty much using weapons when you have to, then maybe my consideration of hardcore wrestlers won't extend to you. I do not consider a high tolerance for pain hardcore, I just call it a high tolerance for pain. I have the same quality, I've been slammed into the concrete a few more times than I care to remember. However, I always get back up, and 9 times out of ten, I win that matchup. So Snake Eyes, I'll keep my eye on you, just as you'll probably keep yours on me. Someday however, we are bound to be in the same ring at opposite ends. That will be my time, so keep that in the back of your head, and remember it when the situation arises. Dexter Toodle: How about your other opponents for Thursday? What do you have to say about them? Stonewall: Let's see, I don't know. None of these guys have really said anything. I gotta agree with Tito on this one, going AWOL certainly doesn't help you with matchups. Then again, they've all seen the name Alastor Stonewall thrown into the equation, so I'm sure that has to be a factor into their absense. I mean, most people are plain terrified when they see my name at the other side of vs. I guess I can't blame them. However, if any of them actually still show up, I can say what will happen to them. They will be destroyed, bruised, beaten, battered, hardhit, injuired, f---ed up, and every other phrase you can think of. All because of me. All because of my power, my tenacity, and my drive. The hunger to cause pain, the delight I get when I raise my hand high above the rest, only to extend my questionable finger at the fans. Then, to get on the microphone and nail the final points in all their coffin as they are sent home humiliated, winless, and with another loss in their everygrowing tally. That Dexter, is what is going to happen to those 4 guys. Then of course, I'll grab John and... Dexter Toodle: Yes Stonewall, I'm sure we are all well aware of what you will do! Stonewall: Did you just yell at me? Did you just interrupt me? Dexter Toodle: Uh... no. Stonewall: The hell you didn't! [Alastor Stonewall drops his microphone and begins to walk towards Dexter Toodle. Dexter begins to back away. Stonewall quickens his pace, and Dexter begins to run. Stonewall gives chase and catches the out of shape nobody. Stonewall gives Dexter a punch in the gut.] Stonewall: That is what you get for yelling at me... [Stonewall then picks Dexter Toodle up in an inverted fireman's carry. He then performs his AVALANCHE (Inverted Death Valley Driver) and drives Dexter's face to the ground. A small trickle of blood flows out of Dexter's nose. Stonewall picks up a microphone.] Stonewall: Live Wire, Karl Davis, Sam Natas, and especially Tito, THAT is what all of you will look like after Thursday! I'm out for blood, I'm out for my career, but most of all, I'm out for myself! You must all prepare for the worst, because he has arrived, and that my friends, is none other than me!!!!! [Stonewall tosses the microphone down on the ground and walks to one of the limos in the middle of the desert. The limo takes off after Stonewall gets in. The camera pans back to Dexter Toodle, who is still lying there.] [The camera then fades to black.]
[The camera opens up upon a fence. There is garbage and other junk behind it. A sign is hanging on the fence, and it says WeWA. Standing in front of the fence is Dexter Toodle, an apprentice of the WeWA. Basically, his job is to interview all the hostile wrestlers and save the veteran interviewers the hospital bill. This guy looks like a real loser, with tight jeans and a skin tight white shirt. He has a pocket protector, and wears the thick black glasses. He has the screechy type of voice, and is basically the epitome of a true nerd.]
[From a nearby stereo Falling Away From Me by KoRn starts playing.]
Dexter Toodle: Thank you very much. I've been given quite a guest here today. Please welcome Alastor Stonewall!
[Stonewall walks out and stands about 5 feet away from Dexter, so as to not have to smell his horrible stench. The stereo playing Falling Away From Me is turned off. Dexter points to his microphone, signaling that Stonewall will have to talk into it. Stonewall holds up his right hand, showing a microphone of his own. Dexter sighs, and begins to talk.]
Dexter Toodle: (In a whisper) Whoa, your big. (Normal volume) Anyway, you are here today to answer a few of my questions, are you not?
Stonewall: Jeez, I would hope so. I don't drive out to the middle of nowhere to chat with dicks like you...
[The camera pans back and forth, to show that the rest of the place is nothing but a barren desert. There are two limos parked in the distance, but nothing else. Occasionally, a tumble weed blows by to spice up the atmosphere.]
Dexter Toodle: Now be nice, this is gonna be aired to all the little WeWA fans out there!
[Stonewall picks Dexter up by the scruff of the neck and gets face to face with him.]
Stonewall: Look, its late! I don't wanna be here, I don't like you, and most of all, I don't wanna smell you! Take a bath once in a while you scumbag! Maybe then you'll actually get some attention once in a while!
[Stonewall drops Dexter. Dexter collects himself and stands up. He sniffs his armpits, then shrugs and continues.]
Dexter: Alright, alright. I get the picture. Anyway, what do you have to comment about Tito's latest words?
Stonewall: Well, although he didn't say much about me, I've still got a few things to say about his sorry ass. Once again, I had to read a damn transcript because of his horrible speaking language. Thanks for the info about John's mothers death. I think I'll keep that idea fresh in my mind. You see, this little toy may just come in handy...
[Stonewall holds up a chainsaw that was laying beside him. He then also grabs a stuffed moose and holds it up.]
Stonewall: Tito, John, meet Harry. Harry the moose. In terms of physical looks, he could be John's twin. However, that is not the case. This thing was bought at a local dollar store, for about $5.00. What a ripoff I might add, a dollar store selling a stuffed moose for $5.00. Back to the main subject, see this chainsaw? It's the same one I would plan on bringing to our little matchup this Thursday. Now, before I do the envitable, let's see what Harry Moose has to say...
[The camera zooms in and the sound reception device is turned up full blast.]
Harry Moose: ..............................................................................................................
Stonewall: What was that?
Harry Moose: ........... help ..... me...... John...... Tito........ Stonewall's........ sick.......... and........ twisted........
Stonewall: Oh well, no sense in waiting for a stuffed moose to talk, because it can never happen. Now watch as I demonstrate the coming events of this Thursday!
[Stonewall revs up the chainsaw, and the microphone's volume is turned down. Stonewall sets Harry Moose down on a prop stool, on his belly. Stonewall begins to slowly bring the chainsaw down.]
Stonewall: Let's count down Tito and John! 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... 0!
[The chainsaw connects with the moose's head, and stuffing begins to fly everywhere. The head begins to detach as the chainsaw buzzes. Eventually, a clean cut is made. Stonewall shuts off the chainsaw, sets it down, and holds up the head in his right hand (along with the microphone), and the body in his left. Dexter Toodle looks on with wide eyes.]
Stonewall: See the example I made of Harry? Just a preview, because John's turn will come soon enough! However, Tito, you will be first. Because, to get to John, I must get through you. There is no doubt in my mind the match will come down between us 1 on 1, so I know I must get through you. The task will not be grueling, not at all. After taking a look at your stats, I have realized that you weight the same as me, but are a full 3 inches shorter. So, expect to feel the full brunt of my vicious DDT's, piledrivers, and more. However, I will let you find out the rest first-hand on Thursday. And after I beat you and the rest of those lazy slobs, you already know the first thing I'll do with John. However, I plan on adding salt to the wound...
[Stonewall puts the moose head and body down for a minute and takes out a lighter. He picks up the moose head, and ignites it, and then ignites the body. Stonewall then tosses them at Dexter Toodle, who quickly tosses the burning doll parts away. The camera pans to stare upon the burning balls of fluff for 15 seconds, and then turns back to Stonewall.]
Stonewall: Hahaha. That's really funny, isn't it?! Man, I simply cannot WAIT to do that to John on Thursday!
Dexter Toodle: Uh Stonewall... you've still barely touched upon the subject of Tito himself. You've been ranting and raving about some dumb stuffed moose.
Stonewall: Who is the one being interviewed here!? Shut up or you'll end up like the moose! Anyway, I guess I should now say a few things about just Tito. So, what's your plan? You can make a lot of baby talk, but I've never seen you wrestle, once. So, you have not ONE shred of my respect. And you should feel great about that, because not many people even have that much. I may hold a tiny shred of respect for my former "business partner", but that's a different story.
Dexter Toodle: I hope you don't mind me interrupting, but who in the hell is this former "business partner" you keep talking about?
Stonewall: God dammit, how many times do I have to tell everyone, you all will know when the time is right! He knows who he is, and let's just say this, he is playing dumb. He has not referred to me once, maybe he forgot, maybe he is scared, but one thing's is for sure. He will remember before the month is out.
Dexter Toodle: What do you mean, "He will remember before the month is out."?
Stonewall: I mean exactly that. Anyway, back to Tito. Let's get one thing straight, I don't care what you think, you will be eliminated, not me. I am ready and able to take you out in a 1 on 1 match. And just like me, your not hardcore, and listen to my previous interviews to see my opinion on hardcore wrestlers, so that should make the match all the more interesting. However, the ending cannot be changed. You, me. My AVALANCHE (Inverted Death Valley Driver), you on cement, me covering. Ref counting 1... 2... 3! Me winner, you loser. Do you grasp that concept? I hope you have. Because once you come to grips that you will lose to me, you can prepare to lose. It's something all my opponents have prepared for anyway, because taking a Stonewall loss can be painful or painless. You can lay there and sob your eyes out, or you can pick yourself out, walk over to me, kiss my feet, say "Yes Stonewall, you are the better wrestler", and walk home to mommy and cry your eyes out.
Dexter Toodle: Onto a different subject, Snake Eyes, the World Champion, commented for roughly twelve seconds about what you said about hardcore wrestlers. Care to respond?
Stonewall: Alright, I was gonna touch on that anyway. Now, I'm no idiot. I know not to mess with the World Champion two days into a federation. I'll put it this way Snake Eyes, just like me, you don't give a s--- about the fans. Good for you. As for your wrestling style, once again, I've not seen you wrestle. If I see that your only pretty much using weapons when you have to, then maybe my consideration of hardcore wrestlers won't extend to you. I do not consider a high tolerance for pain hardcore, I just call it a high tolerance for pain. I have the same quality, I've been slammed into the concrete a few more times than I care to remember. However, I always get back up, and 9 times out of ten, I win that matchup. So Snake Eyes, I'll keep my eye on you, just as you'll probably keep yours on me. Someday however, we are bound to be in the same ring at opposite ends. That will be my time, so keep that in the back of your head, and remember it when the situation arises.
Dexter Toodle: How about your other opponents for Thursday? What do you have to say about them?
Stonewall: Let's see, I don't know. None of these guys have really said anything. I gotta agree with Tito on this one, going AWOL certainly doesn't help you with matchups. Then again, they've all seen the name Alastor Stonewall thrown into the equation, so I'm sure that has to be a factor into their absense. I mean, most people are plain terrified when they see my name at the other side of vs. I guess I can't blame them. However, if any of them actually still show up, I can say what will happen to them. They will be destroyed, bruised, beaten, battered, hardhit, injuired, f---ed up, and every other phrase you can think of. All because of me. All because of my power, my tenacity, and my drive. The hunger to cause pain, the delight I get when I raise my hand high above the rest, only to extend my questionable finger at the fans. Then, to get on the microphone and nail the final points in all their coffin as they are sent home humiliated, winless, and with another loss in their everygrowing tally. That Dexter, is what is going to happen to those 4 guys. Then of course, I'll grab John and...
Dexter Toodle: Yes Stonewall, I'm sure we are all well aware of what you will do!
Stonewall: Did you just yell at me? Did you just interrupt me?
Dexter Toodle: Uh... no.
Stonewall: The hell you didn't!
[Alastor Stonewall drops his microphone and begins to walk towards Dexter Toodle. Dexter begins to back away. Stonewall quickens his pace, and Dexter begins to run. Stonewall gives chase and catches the out of shape nobody. Stonewall gives Dexter a punch in the gut.]
Stonewall: That is what you get for yelling at me...
[Stonewall then picks Dexter Toodle up in an inverted fireman's carry. He then performs his AVALANCHE (Inverted Death Valley Driver) and drives Dexter's face to the ground. A small trickle of blood flows out of Dexter's nose. Stonewall picks up a microphone.]
Stonewall: Live Wire, Karl Davis, Sam Natas, and especially Tito, THAT is what all of you will look like after Thursday! I'm out for blood, I'm out for my career, but most of all, I'm out for myself! You must all prepare for the worst, because he has arrived, and that my friends, is none other than me!!!!!
[Stonewall tosses the microphone down on the ground and walks to one of the limos in the middle of the desert. The limo takes off after Stonewall gets in. The camera pans back to Dexter Toodle, who is still lying there.] [The camera then fades to black.]