A Shoulder To Cry On
Author: Gillian Silverlight
Disclaimer: I own nothing

“If I were you, I´d run. Run as fast as you can.” Xander told her.

With fear dawning in her eyes, Buffy turned and ran. She ran as fast as she could. She had to get there before he left. She couldn´t handle being left again.

So through the streets she ran…

Riley looked through the darkness of the night. Surely she would come, even just to say good-bye. He looked at his watch again for the umpteenth time in the last few seconds.

No Buffy.

The men were ready to leave. He had to face it, she wasn´t coming. He didn´t matter enough for her to even come to tell him goodbye, much less ask him to stay.

Riley turned and climbed into the ‘copter. As it rose from the ground, a blonde ran into the landing area. Fright in her eyes, she called out his name. Over and over she called him, but he couldn´t hear her over the sound around him.

He didn´t look back. Not even once! He didn´t see her!

She´d run as fast as possible and he didn´t even care enough about her to look back. Buffy´s heart felt as if it had fallen to the ground and shattered.  She watched the ‘copter until it was gone and then turned slowly away, walking back home. She felt so numb and lost and empty inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the darkness, a man stood watching from the shadows. He saw her walk away, so very slowly, as if her feet were made of lead. He felt the hurt in her heart. He hadn´t meant to hurt her with what he told her, but she had to know. She needed to know that her boyfriend was being a vampire whore´s snack lunch.

As she walked away, he stepped out of the shadows and shook his white blonde head.

Bloody hell! I didn´t want her hurt! She´s gonna hate me now! He thought to himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy walked on home and climbed the stairs to her room. She got ready for bed as one already asleep, crawled under the covers and cried herself to sleep, holding her pillow and Mr. Gordo.

Outside her window, the blonde vampire watched her. He was worried. What was she going to think of him now? Would she hate him? Would she be ok?

He watched her until almost dawn, telling himself he wanted to be sure she was alright, but knowing he was lying to himself again. What he really wanted was to just see her, to touch her, to hold her while she cried into his shoulder instead of a pillow. He wanted to take the pain away. Her pain and his own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy awoke the next morning and realized again that Riley was gone. How was she going to get through the day? Not to mention all the days to come?

I got through losing Angel. I can get through this. Buffy thought to herself in a determined-not-to-cry voice.

She sleepwalked through the day, going to Giles´s house. Xander and Willow were there with Giles when she walked in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Across town, Spike was listening to his radio. He wasn´t really paying attention to the songs, it was just noise to keep him company as he paced the floor worrying what Buffy would say to him the next time they saw each other. Then one song caught his attention.

‘ Hold on, hold on to yourself,
Cause this is gonna hurt like hell
Hold on, Hold on to yourself,
You know that only time will tell
What is it in me that refuses to believe
This isn´t easier than the real thing
And my love, you know that you´re my best friend
You know that I´d do anything for you
My love, let nothing come between us
My love for you is strong and true
Am I in heaven here or am I
at the crossroads I am standing
And now you´re sleeping peaceful,
I lie awake and pray
You´ll be strong tomorrow
And we´ll see another day
And we will praise it and
Love the life that brings a smile
Across your face
Oh, God, if you´re out there won´t you hear me
I know that we´ve never talked before
Oh God, the one I love is leaving, won´t you take them
When they come close to your door
Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
at the cross roads I am standing
And now you´re sleeping peaceful,
I lie awake and pray
You´ll be strong tomorrow
And we´ll see another day
And we will praise it and
Love the life that brings a smile
Around your sleeping peaceful face
Hold on, hold on to yourself,
Cause this is gonna hurt like hell´

As Spike listened to the words of the song, he thought of the Slayer who´d taken his heart. He remembered that his information had brought her pain.

Then the wanker had to leave her like that, bloody pillock! Now she´s gonna blame me! “I´ll never get bleedin´ close to her! He growled in his own head and he turned the radio off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Giles´s, Buffy was hearing the same song on the radio. Thoughts of Riley ran through her head. Determined not to let her friends see her cry, she turned to leave.

“Uh, forgot. Got errands to catch for Mom. She´s got to rest and all. Gotta run. Later.”

Giles looked at Xander and Willow. “ What was that about?”

“Guess she didn´t make it to the field last night before Riley left” Xander told them, then had to explain what had happened.

“Oh…I see. Well, we must be sure Buffy is all right.” Giles said in typical Giles-ness.

Willow and Xander looked at each other worried.

“Someone should patrol with her. She might be too distracted to watch her back.” Willow told both men.

“Good idea! Xander and I and Spike can alternate so she has a back up. Good idea, Willow” Giles told them.

“Can one of you let Spike know?”

Sighing heavily, Xander told them, “I´ll go tell him. He can take tonight. I didn´t get much sleep last night keeping an eye on Buffy and all.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘BAM, BAM, BAM´

“BLOODY HELL, SLAYER! CAN´T A BLOKE HAVE ANY PRIVACY?!” Spike yelled as he snatched the door open, expecting to see her there, knowing he could most likely get his ass kicked.

“Sorry, Spike. Just me. You were like, expecting company?” Xander sneered at the vampire.

“Yeah! Expecting the Slayer to kick my ass for being the messenger of bad news about her lap-dog boyfriend.”

“Gee, Spike. That would be such a shame….NOT!” Xander shot back

“Did you have a reason for beatin´ the bloody door down other than to insult me?”

“Yeah, Spike. Much as I hate to include you, even harmless as you are now,” Xander taunted back,” Buffy is pretty upset about Riley leaving last night so you and Giles and I get to patrol with her to watch her back. You get tonight.”

“And if I don´t want to patrol with the Slayer…?”

“You have that chip in your head now. I´ll come stake you myself if you let Buffy get hurt”

“You don´t have the bloody balls for it, boy! If I…”

Spike broke off his beginning tirade as Xander grabbed him by the shirt front, slamming him back against the door, “Try me and see, Dead-boy!” growled Xander.

Spike snarled back at him, “Turn. My. Bleedin´ shirt lose! I may not be able to kill you myself, but I´m sure I could find someone to scrag your worthless hide.”

Xander released his shirt and stepped back.

“Besides, I didn´t say I wouldn´t patrol with her.” Spike told him, as he smoothed the black tee shirt back down. “I´ll meet her tonight at her place. Does she know we´re baby-sittin´ her?”

“No, she stopped in at Giles´s, then left with a pretty lame excuse before we could say much of anything to her. She seemed real upset about Riley leaving, but maybe it won´t be as bad as when Angel left her.”

Spike lit up a cigarette and pulled the smoke into his non-breathing lungs. “The wanker didn´t wait for her long last night. Never looked back after he got in the ‘chopper. The Slayer got there as it was lifting off the ground. He couldn´t or wouldn´t hear her as she called to him”

“Damn! That´s why she was so upset.” Xander chewed on his lower lip in thought. “Just keep an eye on her tonight, Spike. Don´t you dare let her get hurt! Giles or I will cover her tomorrow night.”

With that, Xander walked away from Spike, deep in thought, as the vampire just stood there.

Spike slammed the door behind the receding Xander.

Bleedin´ sod, can´t even say goodbye. Spike thought to himself.

So they are worried about the Slayer, are they? Yeah, I´ll patrol with her, if she doesn´t stake me on sight. Maybe she´ll even talk to me about how she´s feeling.

He sighed.

Not bloody likely though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy spent most of the day just wandering dazed, thinking about Riley and last night. Actually thinking of the last few weeks and months, their argument of last night and the things Riley accused her of….

Was she really like that?

She knew she´d ignored him recently, but with her Mom being so sick, and Dawn and all this stuff with Glory, who wouldn´t be distracted?

Why did she feel like she had had to take care of Riley? Was it because he was human and that was her job as slayer?  She´d never had to take care of Angel. She did it because she loved him, not because he was weaker than her. Was that the difference? Did she need to find someone like Angel again, or like Riley had been before the doctor fixed what the Initiative had done to him? She just had no answers and her brain was starting to hurt from all this thinking.

I´ll go home and check on Mom and Dawn, maybe catch a nap before patrol tonight.

So with that thought in mind, Buffy headed home.

Later as Buffy was sleeping, Willow called Buffy´s house. Joyce answered the phone, “Summer´s residence.”

“Oh, hi, Mrs. Summers. This is Willow, are you feeling better?”

“I´m improving a little each day. Thank you for asking, Willow. Were you looking for Buffy? She´s in her room taking a nap before she goes out to patrol tonight.”

“Oh..Uh, ok, no don´t wake her. Just let her know that we, uh, kinda thought she might want some company on patrol, so Spike will meet her tonight to go with her.”

“Spike? What´s wrong, Willow? Is there something bad Buffy is going to have to handle?”

“No, no, nothing like that, Mrs. Summers. We were just kinda worried about Buffy because of Riley leaving last night and thought since she was upset, that she just might like some company.”

“You´re worried that she might be distracted and not be paying attention aren´t you?

“Uh, well, yeah, we did think about that. So Spike is gonna patrol with her tonight and Xander or Giles tomorrow night. The guys were gonna take turns keeping her company.” “But don´t tell her any of that, please! She´ll think we´re trying to baby-sit her..”

“Only because you are, Willow.” Joyce smiled into the phone, “I´m so glad my daughter has such good friends that watch out for her and care about her. I´ll just let her know that Spike will be by to keep her company on patrol.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Summers. You´re great!”

As she hung up the phone, Joyce looked up the stairs toward her daughter´s room and thought, No, Willow, you and all of Buffy´s friends are great.  

She sighed as she went back to her room to lie down. She was so tired after the illness and surgery. She was glad that Buffy has such good friends to care for her. Even that Spike, now that he was being so nice….

Later that evening, Buffy was ready to go out on patrol. She popped into her Mom´s room to check on her before she left.

“Mom, I need to go out. Patrol and all, you know.”

“It´s ok, I understand. Dawn and I will be ok. Just be careful, Honey.”

“I will Mom.” Buffy leaned over to kiss her mother on the forehead.

“Oh, Buffy, I almost forgot. Willow called earlier while you were sleeping and said that Spike would be meeting you to go on patrol with you.”

“Spike? Meeting me to go on patrol? Why is someone going on patrol with me? Why Spike?”

“Buffy, your friends are worried about you. I´m sure that Riley leaving last night has been on your mind. You have been preoccupied all day, dear. Someone with you won´t hurt.”

“Yeah. I have been kind of mind-less girl all day, but why Spike?”

“They must have decided to take turns, Buffy. Either Xander or Giles will go with you tomorrow night. Spike´s turn is tonight. Besides, he´s been so nice recently and it´s not like you have to watch out to keep him from getting hurt…”

“Yeah, you´re right Mom. He can always take care of himself. Ok, I´ll put up with him tonight. It IS nice that my friends care enough to do something like this.”

“See you later, Mom. Get some rest.”

“Rest is all I do, Dear,” Joyce said very wirily, as Buffy left the room.

Great! Now I have to put up with Spike all evening. He´s like the last person I want to see.

Buffy headed down the stairs and grabbed her coat, heading toward the front door.

“Dawn! I´m going out now. Keep an eye on Mom while I´m gone.” Buffy called back to her ‘sister´ as she went out the door.

Sure enough, leaning against the tree was Spike, smoking a cigarette as he waited on her.

“Hullo, luv. I´m to keep you company tonight.” Spike told her in that slow English drawl he often used around her.

“Fine, Spike. Since I´m stuck with you tonight, lets go. But if you annoy me tonight, chip or no chip, you´ll get a stake to go with it!”

Buffy started walking down the street, heading for the cemetery, with Spike trailing along side her.

“Great! Bad jokes and threats already. Is that any way to greet someone who´s watching your back tonight?”

“Maybe not, but it´s a great way to greet someone who told me about what Riley was doing,”

“What did you want me to do, Slayer? Wait ‘til he´d been drained and turned so you´d get to stake your boyfriend?”

Buffy stopped walking, turned and just looked at the vampire beside her. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

“No.. No.. I wouldn´t have wanted that at all.”

“Sorry, Spike. I shouldn´t take it out on the messenger. I´ve just been all mopey- girl all day.”

“´S why we´re watching your back, Pet.”

“Well, come on, lets go find something for me to kill so I´ll feel better.”

She headed off down the street at a rapid pace, looking forward to finding a few vamps to stake. Spike trailed along beside her, just watching her every few seconds. She was upset. And upset slayers were careless. It was a good thing he was with her tonight. She could get herself killed like this. He didn´t want that at all!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike and Buffy got to the cemetery just as a new vamp was crawling out of the ground.

Spike gave the vamp a flying kick and slammed him against the headstone behind him. Buffy, running toward the vamp at the same time, just staked him against the stone, watching as he crumbled to dust back into his grave.

“Thanks, Spike.”

“We make a good team, Slayer.”

Buffy glared at him.

“What? What did I say wrong now?”

“Just leave it, Spike.”

He sighed again to himself and kept walking beside her.

It wasn´t long before they heard a rustling of the bushes off to the side. Both motioned the other to keep quiet as they carefully stalked that way, only to find three older vamps emerging from the brush.

Buffy grabbed the first one by the arm and rolled backwards pulling the vamps arm. As he fell toward her, she kicked up, catching him in the stomach and tossing him over her to hit the ground with a hard thud. She was up on her feet and twisted around slamming the stake into the vamp before he could even rise.

She looked around for the other two and saw Spike fighting both of them.

Stepping into the fray, she grabbed the shoulder of one, pulling him around to face her and away from Spike.

“Uh-uh. Two against one isn´t fair, fang-boy.”

“Ah, the Slayer! We´d hoped you´d be alone tonight, but no matter. You´ll die anyway.”

She punched him in the face, “I hate for you guys to even bother talking to me! Just shut-up and die!”

He swung back at her, while Buffy ducked; coming around to kick the vamp in the back. He fell forward, catching himself, and swung back toward her, arm shooting out to hit her again. She moved to the side, grabbed his arm as it shot past her, slamming him again with a knee to the chest. This time the vamp did fall, but before she could be on him with the stake, he looked at her, “ You´re off tonight, Slayer. Your ‘boy-friend´ leaving you has made you slow, vulnerable. Good! You may kill me, but there will be more after you while you´re weak.”

“It was amusing to see the ‘mighty´ Slayer´s human toy willingly give himself to the ecstasy of being feed upon.”

“SHUT UP!” she screamed at him as she staked him, crumpling to the ground, eyes spilling over with tears. She couldn´t think, couldn´t see past the blinding liquid in her eyes. Buffy curled up with arms around her knees on the ground, just rocking back and forth, crying, sobbing louder with each breath.

She felt hands on her back and didn´t care, didn´t notice they were gentle.

Spike had finished off his own vamp and heard what the other had said to Buffy; saw her crumple to the ground, sobbing as her heart broke.

“Slayer, you can´t stay here like this. More of them will be coming tonight.”

“Leave me alone, Spike, I don´t care.”

“Slayer! Buffy!”

He got no response from her except the wracking sobs. He reached down and picked her up in his arms, heading toward his place.

“I care even if you don´t,” he muttered under his breath as he carried her.

Spike kicked open his door and laid Buffy on the bed. He turned around and locked the door. He dropped his coat on the chair, going to kneel down on the bed beside Buffy, pulling her into his arms while she cried.

He held her in his lap, rocking her gently, whispering soothing words to her and smoothing back the tumbled golden hair.

“Buffy, luv, it will be ok. I know it hurts right now, but it will get better. Don´t cry so, Luv, don´t cry.”

The blonde vampire held her and rocked her some more, as she cried herself out in his shoulder. How long they stayed that way, he had no idea, and he didn´t care. She was in his arms, Buffy!

For a little while he could pretend she was his Buffy. He´d wanted so badly to hold her, to have her here in his arms. He just wished it wasn´t for this reason.

Slowly Buffy stopped crying, giving way to sniffling, yet she made no move to leave where she was. Instead, she played with the shirt over Spike´s chest in a distracted way, while she stayed curled in his lap, her head nestled on his shoulder.

“Spike.”

“Yes, luv?”

“Thank you.”

“You´re welcome, luv. Better now?”

“A bit. You don´t want me to move do you?”

“No. It´s rather comfortable, and I think you still need to be held for a bit, if that´s ok with you.”

“Yeah. I do. I feel kinda safe right now”

“You are, luv, you are.”

“Spike, why did you say back in the cemetery when you picked me up that you cared?

“Oh. Y-you heard me?

“Yeah. What did you mean?

Oh, hell! How do I get out of this?

Spike thought to himself, quickly searching for an innocent answer.

“I´ve gotten fond of you, Slayer. I care what happens to you. Must be this bloody chip in my head.”

“Oh… Spike? Why is there blood on your shirt? Are you hurt or did I get wounded and can´t feel it?”

“No, Buffy, you´re not wounded, it´s my blood. It broke open while I was fighting that vamp, but it´s stopped again.”

“How did you get hurt?”

“Don´t ask, Slayer, Don´t ask. Please?”

Buffy struggled to pull back just enough to look up at Spike´s face. There had been something very odd in his voice just then. She caught a sad, pained expression fleeting across his face, but she didn´t think it had to do with the physical wound in his chest.

“Spike, what happened? Please tell me.” She asked him very quietly.

He took a deep breath that he didn´t need, and sighed. “Your boyfriend came over yesterday and staked me with a plastic stake.”

Still where she could look up at Spike´s face, but in his arms and against his chest, “Why did he do that Spike? Are you ok?”

“Are you going to make me tell you, Buffy?”

She noticed he was calling her by her real name a lot all of the sudden instead of ‘slayer´ as he usually did. Something was up.

“Yeah. I think I am. Tell me what happened.”

Reluctantly, Spike started to tell her, “ He came in all of the sudden. Grabbed me, slammed me against a post and staked me with a plastic stake. Then he told me to stay away from you or it would be for real next time.”

“What else?”

“Nothing, luv. We just talked for a bit. Man talk.”

“Spike, why did he tell you to stay away from me? Why did he think he had to threaten you like that? What kind of man talk? If he did that and warned you away from me, you didn´t just have normal-any-old-conversation-man talk afterwards."

“Buffy, don´t ask me to explain this. If I do, then it will change some things. I don´t know exactly what the changes might be, and I might not like them. So please don´t ask me this.”

Buffy sat up straighter and looked Spike in the eye, but stayed in his lap and his arms. Somewhere in the back of her head she accepted that it felt very good and safe to be where she was, but Spike was a soulless vampire, a demon, and Riley had just left her last night. This shouldn´t feel good. but it did. But right now, she wanted, needed to feel good.

“Spike, I want to know what happened and why. You´re going to tell me.”

He knew he had no defenses against her when she looked at him like that, especially with her in his arms, in his lap. The scent of her body all over him, the warmth of her next to him, separated only by two layers of cloth. He wanted her so badly, but if he told her. she might turn away from him completely. If he didn´t…. He knew she´d force the issue.

He groaned and gave in, as he knew he would to her.

“Ok, Buffy, I´ll tell you if you´ll make me a promise?´

“What promise?”

“Just stay here where you are and hear me out all the way through without interrupting me, OK? This isn´t bloody easy for me.”

“Ok, Spike, I promise.”

He looked at her in surprise, but started talking, telling her everything. “ He warned me away from you because he knows how I feel about you. Yeah, the man talk was about you.”

“Riley was jealous of your past relationship with Angel, especially once he knew my sire is a vampire. The soul part didn´t matter. When the government fixed whatever they had done to Riley, so he was normal again, he felt less of a man, not as strong as you. Not as strong as Angel or me. He knew you´d not un-invited me to you house, and you hadn´t killed me. So he was afraid you were looking for a replacement for Angel. Didn´t matter what you´d told him, luv. It was his own insecurity. And your own need. He knew you needed a man in your life that was closer to your equal. He couldn´t understand who and what you really are, like Angel did, or like I do.

“He asked me if I thought I had a chance with you. Not in a spiteful way, but asked in a serious way, like he wanted to see if you might be happy. I told him no, that I didn´t have a chance with you. ‘Cause I know I don´t. But I told him, a bloke had to try. He told me again that if I touched you, he´d kill me. Then he left.”

“Spike? What are you saying? HOW do you feel about me? I thought you hated me.” “You´ve tried to kill me enough times in the past. What do you mean you understand me like Angel? What do you both understand about me?”

Since she hadn´t moved from his lap or his arms, he knew he had to answer her. He´d agreed to do that.

“Buffy, I – I – I love you. Yeah, I tried to kill you, but from the first time I saw you, I´ve been attracted to you. And for the same reasons that Angel was and is attracted to you.” “You´re beautiful, strong, confident, so full of life and passion.

“I was attracted to you from the first, but I´m a soul-less demon, you said it yourself enough times. I knew you were a danger to me. Not just as the Slayer. You haunted my dreams. I knew eventually, I´d do just about anything to have you.

“Then the government went and put this bloody chip in my head. I couldn´t kill anyone so I had a lot of time to think. The chip calmed the demon. I´ve been able to love, which is unusual for a vampire, I can tell you. But it´s there and I can. Calming the demon made it stronger. I seek you out, because I love you, I want to be with you. Dru left me because she was angry at me for helping you against Angelus, but more because I couldn´t get you out of my head, and out of my heart.

“Dracula was right in a way, luv. What he and Angel and I understand about you is that like us, you are a predator. You hunt, you kill, you touch the darkness of that. But you do it for good, for proper reasons. You lift it up into the light. Each of us wants to touch that light in you. My sire has his soul to make that difference in him; I´ve just always been different. Dracula wanted to pull you down into his darkness.

“I just want to love you, to hold you like this, to touch you. Now you know. So now you hate me even more, don´t you?”

Buffy stared at him. Her thoughts were whirling in her head. She didn´t know what to think. Spike loved her? Was that why she kept finding him in her house? Lurking in the shadows waiting for her in such odd places? Following her around and acting so weird? Is that why he was calling her Buffy and not Slayer? She needed to think. She looked up at him. “ No. No, Spike I don´t hate you….”

He interrupted her very softly, “I don´t want any pity from you either, Slayer”

“Buffy. Call me Buffy, Spike, like you´ve been doing. I like that better than you calling me Slayer.” She told him very shyly, blushing.

“Buffy then. You´re blushing, Buffy. If you don´t hate me, how DO you feel about me?”

“Confused, Spike. I don´t know what to think, I didn´t realize….”

“I owe you an apology, Spike. When you told me about the other two slayers and how you were turned… Afterwards, you tried to kiss me. I see that now. I said something very cruel to you. You didn´t deserve that, and I´m sorry. I didn´t mean to hurt you.”

“Yeah, it hurt. Thanks for apologizing. Means a lot to me, Buffy.”

“I know you need to think about this. Want me to walk you home and let you think?”

But he didn´t want her to go, didn´t want her to move from where she was. He wanted to keep holding her.

“Yeah, Spike, I need to go home and think. But right now, what I need most is to be held. It helps chase away the hurt. Will you hold me, Spike?”

“I am holding you.” He whispered back with a voice suddenly rough with passion.

“But I won´t be a substitute for my sire or for farm-boy.”

“No, Spike, you´re not a substitute. You´re you. I know you´re holding me. Can you hold me some more?”

“With pleasure, Luv. With pleasure.”

Still looking up at his chiseled face, hard planes, so very different than Angel´s face or Riley´s face. She reached up with her hand to touch that face. Run her finger down the line of his jaw.

He reached out and captured her hand, bringing it to his lips gently kissed the fingertip.

Buffy inhaled softly, “Spike, I think you missed.”

“Missed? How did I miss, luv?”

She slid her hand back up his face, cupping his cheek, “Like this.”

She leaned forward slightly and brushed his lips with her own.

They both drew back a bit from each other and looked into the eyes facing them. Whatever the question was, they found the answer as they moved together to join their lips again. This time harder, deeper, sweeter. Buffy slid her tongue inside of Spike´s mouth, hot, darting, exploring the inner recesses. He was no less busy exploring her own mouth. He nibbled on her lower lip, pulling the tender flesh inside of his mouth to rub his tongue across it, sucking gently on it.

Spike moaned deep in his throat from the kiss, while Buffy whimpered and pulled him closer as if she was trying to crawl inside of his skin.

Breaking the kiss, she licked and nibbled her way down the line of his jaw to his neck, then over the soft, sweet spot where his neck joined his shoulder. She could hear him growl deep in his throat at what she was doing to him.

It was a superhuman effort for Spike to even think, with the turmoil her lips were creating in his mind and body, but somehow he managed to pull her jacket off. He started unfastening the buttons of her shirt; while gently biting along Buffy´s neck and jaw, behind her ear and anywhere else he could reach.

“Luv, why don´t we find a more comfortable position?” he whispered in her ear as he slid her off his lap and onto the bed, curling up next to her as they continued to kiss, and nibble and taste each other.

“Spike, you have on way too many clothes, they´re in my way. I want to see your body. “Please, Spike?”

He knew he couldn´t resist her when she asked him in that soft, husky whisper. Especially when it was pleading with him to do something he´d dreamed of so often.

He captured her mouth with his own again, whispering on her lips, “Only if you let me see your body too, Pet.”

They helped each other removed shirts and her bra, leaving them both naked from the waist up.

“You´re beautiful, Spike, so very beautiful. I had no idea you were hiding such a fantastic body under that shirt.”

Her voice trailed off as her mouth trailed over his neck and down his chest, making a stop at first one of his nipples and then the other, licking, sucking and gently biting them.

“Is this where you were hurt?” she asked him as she kissed the reddened area of his chest, touching it with fire through his skin. She turned her head enough to look at his beautiful blue eyes that were watching everything she did.

“Yes, luv, “ he whispered back to her, “that is where I was hurt.  Because I love you.”

Buffy looked at him with wonder in her eyes, “Do you really love me, Spike?”

“Yes, I do, luv. I´m want to show you how much.”

With those words he flipped her over on her back and slid over her, reaching down seeking her own breasts with his mouth. He took the soft flesh into his mouth, trying to avoid the nipple as much as possible, running his tongue around the darker skin and onto the pale flesh of the globe. He loved the moans of pleasure that brought from her and quickly slid to the nipple grasping it in his teeth gently, he tugged on it slightly, stretching it out from her body. Her moaning became almost one continuous sound as she sought his body blindly, her head tossed on the pillow with the passion of her release.

Spike moved his mouth over to the other breast, giving it the same attention before he dipped lower, trailing nipping kisses down the planes of her stomach.

She wanted him so badly, wanted to see all of his body, wanted to feel him inside of her. She pushed her shoes and socks off with the other foot as he unfastened her pants, sliding them down her body along with her panties. In seconds he had her naked before his eyes, feasting in every pore of himself with the sight of her body that he´d dreamed of for so long. She was here with him, caressing him, wanting him and he felt like a schoolboy, felt so unworthy to be with her. He wasn´t going to allow that to stop him now.. He started kissing her again where he´d left off, seeking further down her abdomen, smelling the scent of her flesh, her blood, her arousal at his touch.

He dipped his tongue into the scalding hot wetness of her center, tasting the musk of her, swirling his tongue around the most sensitive parts, sucking gently until she screamed again as she exploded for him. He looked up at her, and as she looked into his eyes, he reached down and dipped two fingers into her wetness. He watched her watch him, as he brought his fingers up to his own lips taking them into his mouth, licking the taste of her off of them.

Buffy gasped at seeing what he was doing. She´d never seen anything so incredibly sexy, as him tasting her on his own fingers.

“Did you enjoy that, luv?” He asked her softly.

“Oh, yes, Spike,” she whispered to him as she rose up toward him, “I´ve never seen anything as sexy as that before.”

He smiled wickedly at her answer. She wanted everything that smile promised

She urged him on the bed with her hands, sliding them over his chest, down his stomach to the waistband of his jeans. She unfastened them with wonder at how hard and large he was, straining against the material. Buffy slid the jeans down his body, dropping them to the floor and releasing his hardness to her sight.

“Ummmmmm,” she moaned, taking him into her hot wet mouth.

A Spike-cicle, how yummy! She thought as she ran her tongue around the head of his shaft, sliding as much of him into her mouth as she could, then dragging her teeth lightly back up him as she came back to the tip.

His hands dug into the covers of the bed, grasping them, hanging on for dear un-life, for all the control he could find. What he wanted to do was scream as she had previously done under his mouth.

As she continued to work on him, he finally reached down and grasped her hair, gently tugging to get her back up toward his mouth, “Luv. Buffy! Not yet, luv, not yet”

With a sly smile, she slid back up his body, rubbing her nipples up his skin, his hard shaft between her breasts.

“Buffy!” he cried out, as he reached down and grasped her arms to pull her up, rolling over her and taking her mouth. He could taste himself, the muskiness of her and the sweetness of her mouth all at once as he kissed her. They were drowning in each other´s mouth.

She felt his hardness against her stomach, “Spike, please, Spike! Now!”

“Please what, luv?” he growled back at her, “Tell me what you want!”

“I want you, Spike. I want to feel you inside of me. I want you to hold me and take me.”

“Whatever my Lady wishes.” He said as he entered her and recaptured her mouth with his own. She gasped, pulling the breath he didn´t need from his mouth, as he entered her.

He lay still with much effort, allowing her to get used to the feel of him inside of her, savoring the feel of her hotness encircling him completely. She twisted and moaned under him, reaching down his sides to grasp his firm butt, pulling him in closer to him

He started moving slowly, wanting this to last, but knowing it wasn´t going to. He´d thought of this for much too long to have the control he should. And she was hotter and sweeter than any of his dreams.

They moved together, finding the rhythm of each other´s body. He kissed, licked, and nibbled her neck on one side as she did the same on the other side of his neck.

He felt her inner muscles start to tighten as she raised her legs to grasp him around his hips, holding him closer and tighter inside of herself. He knew he was losing control rapidly. As she came around him, grasping and releasing him with the strong muscles inside her body, she bit down on his neck, on that soft skin, keeping the scream back in her throat. It was too much for him to take and he arched back to avoid her neck as he shuddered inside of her and spilled himself into her body.

Sated, he collapsed on her, slightly to one side to keep all his weight off of her. Although as the slayer, she could have handled his weight, he was more conscious of her as the woman he´d just made love to and cared about her comfort.

They lay entwined, arms and legs wrapped with the other for what seemed like forever and seconds only.

Spike rolled over, keeping her clasped to him and inside of her, so they lay on their sides facing each other. She snuggled her face into the curve of his neck with a contented sigh as he traced the line of her cheek to her jaw and down her neck.

“Now do you believe I love you, Buffy?”, he asked her hesitantly.

“Yes, I do believe you, Spike. I don´t understand why you love me, but I do believe you.” She told him in a soft whisper, still filled with passion. “I have never experienced anything like that in my life.´

“I´m glad I could please you, Luv. You were certainly worth waiting for.” He said to her with a small laugh.

“So what do we do now?” She asked him, with a shakiness to her voice.

“Do you mean right this minute, or after tonight?” he asked her, knowing what she meant, knowing what her fear was, hearing it in her question.

In a very small voice, filled with nervousness, she answered his question to her question.

“After tonight”

“Why luv, we do whatever you want. But I don´t want to let you go. I don´t mean tonight, I know you have to go home sooner or later. But for the future, I don´t want to let you go.” He rose onto one elbow and looked deep into her pain filled hazel eyes.

“I want to be with you, Buffy. I want you to be mine. I want to have the right to care for you and look out for you. To watch your back every night, to keep you safe, to make love to you as often as you´ll let me.”

He trailed his finger down her shoulder as he spoke, “I don´t have a bloody soul to lose, and I love you anyway, even without one. You would have staked me through the heart a year ago, now you hold my heart in your hands. I won´t leave you, Buffy, unless you tell me to go.”

Buffy looked deep into the eyes of the soul-less vampire beside her, weighing his words, feeling the touch of his fingers on her body and she believed him. By all the Powers that Be, she believed him.

“I want you to stay, Spike. I want you to stay with me. I can´t tell you right now that I love you. But I can say I care about you. That´s why you still have an open invite to my house, and why I´ve not staked you when I´ve had so many chances to do it. You told me the truth as my mortal enemy a year ago, so why would you lie to me as my lover?”

“Will you be patient with me and just keep loving me?”

“You know I will, luv. I can wait for you to love me. I´ll keep loving you, body and heart.” He answered huskily, overwhelmed with emotion that she´d have him.

“Good. Wanna start now?” She said teasingly

“It will be my pleasure, luv. And I´ll make sure it´s yours too.”

With that he rolled back over her, reaching over only to turn on the radio for them.

Oh boy! The gang and Giles are gonna LOVE this!   She thought as she pulled Spike´s lips back down to hers.

The radio played softly in the background.

I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here
I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me
I don't want to call my friends, they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me.

The End