Through a hooded spokesman, the Moline Greens announced today the trade of Sam Militello, age 30, recently hired as minor-league pitching coach, to Kansas City for the Whirlwind's own pitching coach, Alabaster Alabama, age 28. The trade also includes a player to be named later from each team.

Militello rejoined the Greens only last month after many years away from the organization. Militello never spent long on the Moline roster, claimed off waivers in 1994 and released the following spring, when he came to camp out of shape and cynical in mind after a winter of dissipation with Steve Dalkowski in a seedy apartment. "We had some wild times," confessed Militello. But that was five years ago. Sam has cleaned up his act since then. The ex-prospect can see clearly now even if he still can't throw straight. And in the best pedagogical tradition, while Militello cannot pitch himself, he can teach others to harness their abilities. The Greens discovered Militello working as pitching coach for the Enid (Oklahoma) Campellites of the High Plains League. Over the course of the 1999 season Topeka Threshers player manager Brent Abernathy found himself admiring the performance of the Enid staff. "They didn't throw hard, but they sure knew how to pitch," explained Abernathy. When Abernathy found out that Militello had once been part of the Greens' organization, he relayed word to Moline about rehiring the one-time rising star.

"His Yankees system training serves him well," said director of scouting and player development Josh Logan. "He's a fine teacher. Certainly, we feel a bit foolish letting Sam go having just hired him, but Alabama has a proven track record in Kansas City. That was a legacy of major-league success we couldn't wisely ignore."

Alabama guided his K.C. pitching staff to a league record 76 wins in the 1999 SJL season and a 4.04 team ERA in the 2000 short season that was second only to the Greens' own. Given that Roger Clemens acts as pitching coach in Moline and given the renewed need in the minors with the trade of Militello, Alabama will take over minor-league pitching instruction for the organization. The Greens have traditionally drafted few raw, high ceiling pitchers, so Alabama will have his hands full trying to make silk pitchers out of sow ears. "Whatever good I do," said Alabama, "is simply harnessing the will of Allah. And if I must harness that will in the minor leagues with noodle-armed finese pitchers, then so be it."

There was no immediate word from either organization about the identify of the PTBNL. "What's in a name?" asked K.C. general manager Nils Samuels, rhetorically. But Greens' team ethicist Suzann Moertl expressed concern. "Soon, Jehovah will banish the evils that plague our world. But for the short term, can't we help these nameless people?" Moertl recommended a few "underused" names for consideration: Guni, Beno, Shagee, Dodo, Dumah, Nabal, and especially Abel, which Suzann pronounced a "strong, positive name for any athlete."