The Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Everybody felt shitty,
Even the mouse.
With mom at the whore house
And Dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled down
For a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece
To see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn,
I saw a big dick,
And I knew in a moment
That it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell,
And I knew right away
That the fat fucker fell.
He filled all our stockings
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick For my brother, the queer.
He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart;
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart!
He swore and he cursed,
As he rode out of sight,
He said "Piss on you all, have a hell of a night!"