Random Offensiveness
A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop.
"You can't wear white", reminds the sales woman, "You've been married three times already"
Of course I can, I'm a virgin!", says the bride.
" Impossible says the sales woman.
"Unfortunately not," the bride explained." My first husband was a psychologist.All he wanted to do was talk to it. My second husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector....God I miss him". ******************************************
A man was in a the toilets when an Irishman came in and stood next to him at the urinal. The first man just happens to look down and saw the man had an enormous penis. Knowing he would sound weird if he said anything, he tried to keep it in .But He finally couldn't stand it.
"I didn't want to say anything, but you have the biggest penis I've ever Seen!"
"Well, thank you. I give it to myself, I'm a leprechaun I will you three wishes if you like?"
"Sure!" said the first guy." First I'd like an enormous mansion"
"Done you'll wake up in it tomorrow"
Second I'd like a beautiful girlfriend"
"Sure,you'll wake up with her next to you in the morning"
"Third, I'd like a penis the size of yours"
"OK, but I have to screw you first."
Since the guy wants all this badly he say OK and drops his pants and bends over. The first guy looks up and says
"I can't believe I'm gonna have a penis the size of yours!"
And the guy answers, I can't believe you think I'm a leprechaun!"
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One Friday two women are sitting on the front porch The first woman Says," Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers. That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend!" The other woman asks," why, don't you buy a vase?"