Ramon E. Duarte

10/18/2000

Creative Writing

 

 

 

Waiting for the meat

Inspired by "The Savage Mouth" by Sakyo Komatsu

 

                I'm sick of it all. Enough with morality and sanity! I've had it! I've fucking had it! It ends - no, it begins now.

                The surgical equipment and robotic parts I have purchased are all in place. Hell, I've even got an authentic A.I. medical consultant 'droid here. Where the hell did you think all of my hard-earned corporate cash was invested into? Oh, they'll think I'm crazy, a nut, a looney, but I don't care what they think anymore. I'm just giving in to my human nature, that's all. The nature of chaos and destruction, that's what the inner ways of us humans are geared to.

                I know your souls, you hypoctirical "man-pluses", and they are no brighter than mine!

                Enough talk. It begins now. Waiting for the meat...

 

                Inside my pre-fab, shitty apartment I lock the door with several bolts. I leave all of my lights on - those shabby, incandescent light bulbs - and then I enter the room where all of my equipment is stored. I flick on some more lights, flourescent ones this time. The table is there in the center of the room, and I lie on it among the surgical equipment.

                The little voice in my head talks to me again. It urges me to stop, to pull back. Don't do it, it says. It's idiotic! Come back to your life...

                "Your pathetic, laid-off-post-corporate existence?!" I yell. "No! I have made my decision!"

                And yet, though I am determined, I still fear what I am about to do...

 

                The numbing, clear antiseptic is injected into my arm. In less than a minute, I feel absolutely nothing in that limb. The medical android that I have bought off of the Black Market brings the power saw to the table where I lie.

                Here goes. No turning back now.

                The super-sharp, paper-thin metal blade slices through the skin of my right arm, cauterizing the flesh as it cuts through skin and muscle. Red meat, the tender muscle is revealed, painless and bloodless since the powerful numbing agent has been used. It looks just like beef when you buy it at the butcher's...

                The bone is cut using the diamond blade part of the power saw. The whole time this is happening I feel nothing, just straining to watch at my angle as my arm is cut off, and hear the whine of the diamond-bladed power saw as it cuts through bone, slicing as cleanly as one would cut paper with a percise instrument. In the middle, red, spongy marrow is shown, looking suprisingly nourishing and crunchy...

                With a thump, my arm is now gone, sheared off at the shoulder, a cauterized stump remaining. My android applies a small layer of fast-acting healing agent to the stump, which, true to its name, heals the cut flesh in seconds, rerouting blood vessels and nerves in order to adjust to the sudden change. Next, a mechanical arm, made of solid metal that weighs as light as aluminum, is brought to the table by my 'droid. He gently places the end of the metal limb to the stump of my shoulder, and holds it there while the process takes place. Thousands of little nano-machines do the job of connecting my new arm, adjusting the nerves and blood vessels again, and then it is done. The whole process took less than a minute.

                I test out my new arm. It works like a charm, and then some. The process worked! I pound on the surgical table in joy, the clank of my new arm reassuring. I see my old arm lying on the table, something I don't anymore. Except for one thing, that is...

                Draining the blood is the tedious part. It takes a while, plus I have to use my bare hands. But it isn't too long before I am finished. My arm looks more like the appendage of a frog now, all bloodless and hanging over the bags of collected blood. The blood I have no use for; it goes to various hospitals, sent by my android. Makes me feel a little benevolent, despite of what I have done to myself.

                With my strong metal hand and arm, I peel away the skin from the arm. It is then incinerated, it has no use anymore. Using several types of knives, I carve away at the tender, red meat of my previous arm. It is collected beside where the arm hangs, on a cooking table. I then cut them into little red chunks that are easily skewered on little wooden spits. I add a few fresh vegetables, and spice up the meat with a bit of garlic salt and oregano. Already I am very hungry. It will not be too long now.

                The fire is all ready, and the mechanism to turn the wooden spits is functioning properly. I set these human kabobs in place; they cook swiftly, the aroma of roasting flesh in the air. Very tempting. I add some special marinating sauce, the kind used for barbecueing chicken. Waiting for the time when they are all ready.

                Waiting for the meat.

               

                The meal was delicious. Already I am working on the second arm, now strengthened by two metal ones. This one I plan to make steaks out of, though they will be small. It is of no matter. I have quite a bit more where that came from. The rest of my body is free for my own exploitation!

                First, I enjoy my last excretory experience. Hah! I've eaten myself and its turned into shit! I find that humorous. Anyway, it was a great experience. Soon I'll never have to deal with it again.

                Along with my arm, I have now two fresh legs to carve up. A robotic abdomen is quite useful! My innards are ready for the pickings, too. I give the legs the same treatment as my arms, carving them up like meat for gyros. They make great steaks, while the rest of them is used for stuffing my large intestine to make sausages. My liver is fried along with fresh onions--a delicious meal indeed. My way, there is no loss of parts. Even the bones have some use, I'm donating them to what passes as Medical Science nowadays.

                The "sausages" are fried with some potatoes and spices, all there for me to partake of. I eat them all. For some reason, my appitite is ravenous; I can't get enough of myself! Even the steaks are gone after a few minutes. I finished off my liver in the same amount of time, too. I guess the mechanical parts of me are aiding the digestion and metabolism or something, as they are supposed to. But I also think that human flesh is the true nectar and ambrosia, as far as food goes. Humans have been killing animals as far as our species has existed. Sheep, those sad-eyes grass eaters; Cattle, the peaceful, large grazers of the plains; Fish, the wanderers of the sea. More strange and exotic animals follow in suit.

                It makes me sick to think that I gorged myself on their sentient flesh.

                It makes me sick to think that others did, too. But we, the human race, simply cannot eliminate the craving we all have for tender flesh... and I have found the perfect solution: ourselves! How many of us were killed in wars and battles, left to rot on the field or underground, or incinerated into ash? How many of the poorer of us have died of starvation, not knowing that the best and most satisfying food was right in front of us, and even us ourselves? The cannibals were right all along. Hah! And those "civilized" humans of the past and present say that it is wrong, it is "sacrilige", or immoral.

                Fuck morality! Fuck me! Fuck you!

                I will not slaughter sentient animals! They have every right to live! I am not even brave enough to slaughter other humans... at least not yet. Which is why I am doing it to myself. But who knows, someday the time might come where I will not be able to contain my rage or hunger any longer.

 

                Today I consulted my medical android on the next step I am about to take. I don't think it has been done yet, and I want to try it out.

                "Will I still live if I eat my own heart?" I asked.

                The robot turned its shining optic sensors my way and answered, "Yes. I can hook you up to a respirator/cardiovascular machine, and then transfer those functions from biological into mechanical."

                "Good, good..." I replied to my robot, who I am not sure listened. If not, then I talked to no one in particular.

                That night I ate my heart, fried in thin slices, a dish that the Aztec priests never dreamed of. Lungs are inedible, trust me. They would not make a tasty dish. So I donate them to the hospital, so another person might make use of them.

 

                Now I am almost completely mechanical. My head is the only part left, and it is mostly bone. I ate all the flesh off of it, sashimi style. Yup, raw. It was magnificient. Oh, let's not forget the eyes, they were good raw too. Juicy and nourishing, especially if you suck on them. However, I had to replace my jaw muscles with tight metal springs. This'll last until I get my mechanical head ready. There is only one part left for me to devour...

                Funny, since I began to eat myself, I've noticed that I am able to... to feel and percieve things more intensely, as if my body parts gave me extra senses. I don't know if this is normal, even my medical 'droid doesn't know. Very strange indeed...

                But enough of that. The last and most tempting part remains: my brain. I will be the first human--on my way to becoming beyond "man plus"--to have ever eaten his own grey matter. The prospect of it excites and frightens me at the same time. Right now, electrodes are connected to my brain, downloading everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, into a positronic one made of light metal and plastic. The two brains are connected to another machine which assures that I can still think and feel while the process is taking place. It's been going on for a while now.

                My medical droid stands beside me, ready to assist me if need be. I love robots. They're so much more dependable that humans for everything. With a spoon, I gingerly scoop away at my brain matter, not able to see up there, hoping that I get it properly. I bring the full spoon into my mouth, or what is left of it--a skull with a tongue still remaining. It... it's tasteless! Like tofu or gelatin with no flavoring! How strange... maybe it's because my essence is caught in a machine? Perhaps no one will ever be able to taste their own grey matter...

                Suddenly, the spoon is caught in my mouth. My 'droid says something about a power outage, and I hear that right before I black out, still incomplete, hoping that I will be successful, even though my mechanical body is shutting down.

 

* * * * *

 

                "What... what is this?" the rookie cop said fearfully, staring at the apparation before him and his superior. What was once a human, with a completely mechanical body except for the head, which was a skull with springs for jaw muscles and a swollen tongue still remaining. beside him was a table on which lay several pieces of cooked and raw meat, knives, and cooking materials.

                The older policeman sighed and shook his head, gesturing toward the mess. "Looks like some sick fucking experiment done on someone. We found no one else except for a medical android on the scene, whom we have interrogated and taken into custody."

                The younger one was trembling. "It scares me.. I've never seen anything like it before..."

                "Get used to it," the older one said. "It's becoming more commonplace nowadays. Perfectly normal people living out their useless lives, and then suddenly snap, they go fucking apeshit. No one knows why yet. I've encountered ones like... this guy here before. Some kid drenching himself in gasoline and setting himself on fire as he runs through the city streets; a middle-aged man perfectly and precisely seperating himself, piece by piece, into vats of fluid and donating himself to a hospital via a human accomplice; a young adult setting explosive charges into almost every part of his body and setting them off when he goes to a laundromat..." the cop paused, giving a chuckle.

                "But... I thought that since childhood, we--all of us humans--have all been subjected to psychotherapy in order to completely eliminate the desire to kill or harm others." said the rookie.

                The older cop laughed. "Hah! Of course, the scientists, along with funding and support from the fundamentalist Christian community, were able to map enough of the human genome to eliminate our "predatory" instinct, or so they thought. But there is a serious drawback. We, as humans, are a chaotic and violent race. Eliminating our predatory gene simply eliminated the desire to kill others. However, the instinct was not gone, it simply set itself to work for the person itself."

                "You mean... people deprived of their violent side against others now begin to be violent against themselves?" said the rookie, trembling. 

                "Humanity is truly contolled by madness, and not reason. We are keeping this investigation under wraps so no other people will follow this guy's example."

                The rookie gasped. "Would people actually do that, sir?"

                The older cop nodded his head, his expression grim. "You bet your fucking ass they would. I know..."

 

                Several hours later, the rookie cop goes back to the crime scene, moving around the yellow police tape marking the area off limits. With him is a robot--the medical android he and the other police had interrogated and taken into custody. No one knew that the robot was gone, much less the rookie cop...

                On the table beside where the self-cannibalistic man sits, is a piece of smoked meat turned into jerky. There is no doubt where that meat came from. The rookie goes to the table, while the android turns the lights of the apartment on, and fiddles with a few controls on the back of the mechanical man.

                The rookie remembers what his superior had said. He remembers how humanity, according to him, is controlled by chaos and madness. He remembers the fear he felt, and the excitement secretly tingling the back of his neck as he listened eagerly to his superior's comment...

                With the sounds of a ravenous animal, the young cop grasps at the human jerky, stuffing it into his mouth, chewing vigorously. To him, it tastes wonderful, divine, magnificient...

                The robot has completed his repairs on the man. He boots the brain machine back up, and watches silently as the young cop eats the jerky made from the flesh of his master.

 

* * * * *

 

                I know now that I am right.

                I can feel, see, and sense through this young person, nowe that he has partaken of me. I never knew that this was possible, but I know that in doing this, I was right all along.

                My robot tells me of what happened while I was "asleep". It seems that the people have thought that this was yet another sad successful attempt to use my violent instinct against myself. True, it was like that at first... but not anymore. I have almost transcended beyond human, beyond man-plus. I am almost at peace, with no flesh, no material for me to lust after anything with.

                Through this young man, I will work my wonders. Everyone must know how it is, all humanity must know that they themselves are the food of the gods. And when my mechanical body is complete, and I become beyond human or man-plus, I will join in the mission as well.

                For the whole of humanity must overcome their weak flesh, and rise up to evolve beyond themselves. To eliminate their flesh-craving forever by partaking of themselves, to eliminate the desire eternally by eating their grey matter. All it takes for me now is to wait, to wait...

                Waiting for the meat.

 

 

Fin