Boredom.. and
it’s not from lack of things to do. I
got plenty of shit to do. I should do
some work or exercise or something useful.
Fuck that, life is short and I want fun.
But not really. There are plenty of fun things
all around me but I won’t do that either.
I’ll just keep checking my e-mail until I am sure no one loves me. I could call a friend, but I hate
people. Why don’t they visit me? I’m nice.
It seems that my neighbors are having sex again. I want that.
But the effort to get it just doesn’t seem worth it and love doesn’t
seem to be even an issue anymore. Love
is so far from my mind now. The desire
for love is constant, but the actualization and even concept of love elude
me. Why doesn’t sex stop by and
visit? I could watch porn on my
computer, but it just doesn’t interest me much these days. Shit, are they still at it? I could listen to the radio or watch TV but I
hate both of those things. Anyway, music
only makes me feel alone. Someone is
walking past my window.. smiling. I should close my window. Smiling makes me angry today. I need to shut out the happiness before I
consider destroying it. Rather than after, as I am prone to do. Just keep shutting out things.. Pain. Shut. Loneliness. Shut! Apathy. SHUT. Grief. SHUT! Hope.. Well I like
to leave it open a crack, so I can see what I’m missing. Dammit I’m
bored. I have millions of things to do,
but I am wasting my time doing nothing.
I have great novels in my head waiting to burst out..
but why bother?
I don’t even think of them myself, why would anyone else. I hate people. Why don’t they like me? Any e-mail?
Just ads.
Ads for porn.
Porn.
Virgin whores eh? Cumming for me? Doubtful on both counts.
My ass is falling asleep and my eyes hurt, I’ll sit on the floor. I should do a pushup but I’m lazy. Look at the gut. I’m too thin to be fat, but too fat to be
thin. Shall I drink alone? No, I prefer my depression in groups. Maybe I should kill myself. Nah.. I quit the basketball team after only 2
months I can’t imagine death would hold my interest long enough for it to pay
off. But I am bored. Why doesn’t death come to visit? Not stay but visit…
